Below are statements provided to us by students for an upcoming addition to our current “Do You Ask?” educational poster series. This new addition of posters will be addressing texting, safer dating, and healthier relationships with a PROACTIVE APPROACH (as the “Do You Ask?” posters currently do with consent and sexual decision-making). You are voting on the FINAL 11 Choices.
In the VOTING section below, share your favorite statements (list the # of the statement – such as #21, #99, etc…) and include WHY! You are highly encouraged to ADD additional statements you would like to see on posters. Any words in GREEN FONT below are questions we here at The Date Safe Project Inc are asking YOU TO ANSWER.
Please remember we focus on positive solutions in our mission here at The Date Safe Project Inc.
FYI – all of the below statements came from students in DelRay Beach, Florida and in the Holland, Michigan region (Thanks, Jennifer and Lesley):
- “Just because I CAN contact my partner 24/7, doesn’t mean I have the RIGHT to or should!”
- “If you want to be with me, respect my boundaries. Independence is a priority for me in relationships.”
- “I talk before deciding to commit to a relationship. Knowing each other’s boundaries is FUN and the RIGHT thing to do.”
- “She said her friends & family are an important part of her life. I agree. Plus, having time apart is HEALTHY!”
- “I enjoy time spent with my partner AND with the other special people in my life.”
- Respect is Brave/Bravery (what imagery would you want with this?)
- Loving someone is not the same as having property. You DON’T OWN me!
- I’m not ready for a kid. If you are, find someone else.
- Pressure, control, uncomfortable = not love.
- 2B or not 2B brave enough to speak out against dating violence
- Control is not Love
Place your VOTES below:
I like “If you want to be with me, respect my boundaries. Independence is a priority for me in relationships.” along with “Pressure, control, uncomfortable = not love.”
Love shouldn’t hurt
#3, (the first part only) because it sends a clear message that a person has a right to set limits on relationship interacion
#12 because it separates love (respect) from control
#10 – Respect is Brave. Short, sweet, encompasses it all, is empowering and will speak to the youth of today. Gotta have something short and catchy or no one will read it!
I’m old (40+) and #7 is so true. Don’t think as a teen I realized that guys could be good friends and through the years the two people who call me the most are the 2 guys I realized were better friends than anything else…. they’ve been my friends for over 20 years. They also help me keep in check when dating men. Men seem to know men better, so I am grateful for their advice and suggestions in my relationships.
40+ is old? Uh oh! Thanks for the input. Loved the comment about 40+ being old.
I like:
#1 because it is clear, presents an important and timely message, and gets teens to think about what is appropriate behavior
#3 because it sets the foundation for what is healthy in a relationship
#14 because it is concise, memorable and impacting.
You have presented some great ideas. Keep up the good work.
I like 3, 1, and 4. I also like 12. Thanks. You made me think!
#6. I like the fact that it obliquely refers to the isolation which abusers use to control. And it is also a very big red flag when a guy tells his dating partner who she can or cannot see. Also there is nothing vague or hard to understand about this red flag as there can be with other behaviors. There is NO reason a guy should limit his partner’s friends.
As a Teen Advocate I like #1 and #3, but with a few changes…
Because I work in high schools on almost a daily basis to teach healthy relationships. I find that many of the guys feel that they are always being “bashed” or labeled as the “bad” one. I also realize that dating violence is more highly perpetrated by guys, but texting has become a way for girls to also attempt to control their partner. My suggestion would be to word #1 like this:
#1 – “Just because I CAN contact my partner 24/7, doesn’t mean I have the RIGHT to…or should!”
#3 – “If you want to be with me, respect my boundaries. Independence is a priority for me in relationships.”
I have several of your posters in my office already! What I like about them is that they ARE gender neutral. In my opinion, it makes it easier to relate to…no matter what your gender. It makes it clear that a relationship is only healthy when BOTH people are on board.
Good Luck!!
Great points, Cindy, and thanks for the kind words about our “Do You Ask?” poster series.
I think the point behind the gender portion was based off of Mike’s original campaing, the picture is of 2 people supposedly in a healthy relationship, so speaking to gender, the quote would be worded in a way that reflects the visual attached so if you had 2 men in the poster you could use the word “him” or 2 women you would use the word “Her” and the same with heterosexual couples depending on who in the picture was the “talker” you would use the correct language.
#6 – Not too long; positive message; addresses isolation which is one of the main tactics of abusers.
I really like #12 & #19
10. Respect is “hot”
13. I’m not ready for a kid. If you are, find someone else.
14. Pressure, control, uncomfortable = not love.
I really liked these three suggested the best, they resonated with me the most and my dating relationships. I liked number 10 because I think we really need to get the word out there that healthy relationships (having boundaries, respect, etc) is cool (and or hot) that those are qualities that should be desired not only in teen but in any relationship.
I liked 13. Because you’re putting it out there that you’re your own top priority. This is you what you want, your future, and your intentions and if he/she doesn’t fit into that equation then he/she should be with someone else, simple as that.
I really liked 14 because teens especially fall into the misconception that a boyfriend/girlfriend that is jealous or controlling or that says “that can’t live without you” is just them showing how much they care or love you- even romantic according to most teens. I think this points out that that is NOT the case, controlling, obsessing, pressuring, and stalking, does not equal love!
#3 – Direct, Assertive and will stay with the reader.
#16- Fun and creative while posing a question for readers to ponder. I use a lot of skits in the work that I do so I am really excited about this one.
I would love to have T-shirts also
What would you like on T-shirts? If you click into our “Blog,” you’ll see we are about launch a new “Can I Kiss You?” T-shirt promoting verbal consent. You can VOTE on your favorite design.
I would love to have access to posters/pass along cards/billboards etc. with the following messages (they in order of the ones I like best):
3. “If you want to be with me, respect my boundaries. Independence is a priority for me in relationships.”
1. “Just because I CAN contact her 24/7, doesn’t mean I have the RIGHT to or should!”
4.“I talk before deciding to commit to a relationship. Knowing each other’s boundaries is FUN and the RIGHT thing to do.”
If using pictures of couples in the ads, it would be nice to have a mixture of same sex couples too. As far as usage goes, I like to plug some pdf files into powerpoint presentations when talking about different aspects of healthy/unhealthy relatioships to teens and adults. I’ve been in need of more posters (or even just jpegs) that don’t just delve into the red flags. So, thanks to anyone involved in taking on this project and for sharing the love:)
12 is great!
I really like 12 & 16 as it has a broad message that will resonate with many. I would like the eventual selection to be gender neutral as we see both male and female violence in dating relationships.
3, 5, 12, and 19. 3 and 5 because it talks about healthy relationships, the importance of independence and not making one person your whole life.
12 and 19 because it speaks of possession and jealousy- the ‘ownership’ of a person being unacceptable.
3 and 12
I like “Respect is Brave/Bravery.” Not sure on the imagery. It could be something as simple as a guy holding open a door for a girl whose arms are full of books.
I like numbers 1, 9, and 12.
Thank you for continuing to provide detailed feedback. All your ideas are being read and utilized!
Here is a list of my favorites
#1 “Just because I CAN contact her 24/7, doesn’t mean I have the RIGHT to or should!”
#2 Stalking is not Just Talking
#3 Loving someone is not the same as having property. You DON’T OWN me!
The following are my favorites:
#1 “Just because I CAN contact her 24/7, doesn’t mean I have the RIGHT to or should!” The message is very valuable, but it seems a little wordy at the end. (maybe saying something like “Just because I CAN contact her 24/7, doesn’t mean that I SHOULD.”)
#3 “If you want to be with me, respect my boundaries. Independence is a priority for me in relationships.” I really like the message of this one. It made me think of something catchy like “if you want to be with me, then don’t try to change me. Respect my boundaries.”
#4 “I talk before deciding to commit to a relationship. Knowing each other’s boundaries is FUN and the RIGHT thing to do.” This one gives off a positive message
#5 “She said her friends & family are an important part of her life. I agree. Plus, having time apart is HEALTHY!” Again, very positive message.
#19 “Control is not Love.” Simple and gets the point across.
I appreciate everyone spending time on this important project!
I really liked numbers, 3, 11, 12, 14, 16, and 19. Thank you so much for dedicating yourself and your resources to this work. This movement is always in need of advocates and allies. Thank you.
Sincerely,
JCD
Favorites: #1, #13, #14, #19. All of them could be matched with some powerful visual images, and most would apply to either gender, wide age range. Best are usually short, to the point, easy to read, clear to understand. Great ideas!
I would like to see #3, #4 and #5 combined to some degree. The key concepts are giving one another space; observing personal boundaries; communication; and relationships involve more than just two people – they include every person the partner loves and surrounds him/herself with… Have teens read these statements? It seems they might be the best judge of what message or messages appeal to them. For me, the messages make sense, but may be too complex or “preachy” for the intended audience. I would also like to see phrasing that is gender neutral.
It gives me hope that countless men and women continue to focus on violence prevention and dating safety; looking out for our vulnerable youth and responding to the needs of our communities. If only everyone realized how critical violence prevention education remains and how much ground we have yet to cover.
Miranda
Having teens read the statements is an excellent idea. How would you best recommend getting the most teens to evaluate the concepts, especially when school is out right now?
Miranda, your statement about “how much ground we have to cover yet” is 100% correct!
1,5,9, & 19 sound like messages to the potential perpetrator~ defines what love isn’t
3, 4, & 13 could be used with imagery aimed at young women~ these are empowering, assertive, and affirming of her values.
Thanks for the helpful detail in your feedback. Please encourage others to also share input on these options.
I agree with and like the ones Jen picked.
Thanks, Erin. How would you or your organization use the posters?
I like #’s 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8 and 12. I think these get to the healthy side of relationships and the flip side of coercive control that is at the root of abusive relationships.
Thanks for sharing the additional comments about what you want the posters to accomplish.
I like “control is not love” and appreciate that this message reinforces respect rather than domination and controlling behavior.
I like “stalking is not just talking” and have seen interesting video clips that have emphasized the controlling nature of constant text messaging, harassment, and stalking behavior. I think “That’s Not Cool” call out cards do a good job of addressing this, but a poster by Date Safe Project would be beneficial for promoting the behavior we do want to see – respecting boundaries and space. This seems to tie in with #1 and #3 above that address independence and healthy boundaries.
I really like #5 “She said her friends & family are an important part of her life. I agree. Plus, having time apart is HEALTHY!” This is a very positive message which I think most people would say they agree with.
I also like #6. I think #12 relates to this concept of having freedom to spend time with friends, and #12 could be reframed in more positive language such as: “I have the right to choose friendships and activities that I enjoy. I am my own person.”
Thanks for the detailed feedback. Yes, we work hard to focus on what CAN BE DONE to make a difference here at The Date Safe Project Inc and so your input is very helpful!