Mike Domitrz | Teen, college, and military sexual assault, school healthy dating, intimacy, and bystander intervention resources brought to you by The Date Safe Project, Inc.

Wristband VIDEO Contest

WIN SHIRTS, BOOKS, or POSTERS in our new Wristband CONTEST. Record video footage of yourself and/or friends having conversations while wearing the “ASK FIRST. RESPECT THE ANSWER.” wristbands (could be among friends, around campus, an intimate moment, and/or at parties). Keep it as simple as you want or be creative. Your choice.

To enter the contest, post your video on YouTube. Then simply post the link to your YouTube video on our FaceBook page at: http://www.FaceBook.com/datesafe

All 10 WINNERS of the best videos will get to choose one of the following prizes:
….A) Set of all 3 T-shirts or
….B) Both our books or
….C) A complete set of “Do You Ask?” posters.

Make your short video TODAY and get yourself a great opportunity at some FUN prizes!!

To ORDER wristbands, click here.

Written by Mike Domitrz on January 29, 2012

Sex Ed: For Parents or Students (preteens or teens)?

Who needs Sex Ed more? Parents or students (preteens or teens)? From Abstinence Only to Comprehensive Sex Ed, Sex Ed has various meanings and belief systems attached to the concept depending on your community, upbringing, school system, government, and many more variables.

While many towns and cities around the country debate how and if “Sex Ed” should be handled IN the school, WHO needs “Sex Ed” becomes an interesting question. This past summer in an article that didn’t capture the media’s attention, a college student stated he thought PARENTS need Sex Ed today.

As I travel the world speaking with parents, many Moms and Dads share real stories of how naive their fellow parents are when it comes to dating and sexual activity among their pre-teen and teenager sons and daughters. Parents constantly share how everyone wants to believe, “Not my child.”

For parents who do believe in discussing Sex Ed at home, some if not many often don’t know HOW to talk about the issue – besides trying to scare their child away from intimacy. When you share with parents about a sexual fad taking place among school age children, many Moms and Dads look at you with disbelief. Sometimes, you even hear someone say, “I’m 45 years old and have never tried that – and never would.” Their children are thinking and sometimes acting beyond their parent’s imagination.

What do you think? Do today’s parents need Sex Education? What do you think parents need to learn and/or discover? Since many people say, “That is a subject which should be taught at home,” is home the ONLY right place for teaching “Sex Ed”? Would teaching both AT HOME and AT SCHOOL be more effective or less? Do most parents at home have the right information for teaching the subject matter? If you think parents do need Sex Ed, how would you recommend providing the education and actually getting parents to attend?

Share your thoughts and ideas in the COMMENTS section below.

Written by Mike Domitrz on December 16, 2011

THANKS to those serving our country!

Just a few weeks ago, I returned from speaking on verbal consent, bystander intervention, and sexual assault with our Army Troops in South Korea. The honor to fly throughout the world sharing with our service men and women whom are thousands upon thousands of miles away from their families (in this case right before the holiday of Thanksgiving) is one I am greatly blessed to experience.

One of the most common questions people ask me on airplanes is, “What is it like speaking to the military? That must be a difficult audience, right?” My response is, “They are one of the greatest audiences you will ever speak with: respectful, engaged, fun, and passionate!” As a person who gets to share his knowledge, experience, and thoughts around the world, I have great appreciation for the fact our men and women in uniform fight every day for my right to do precisely what I do – speak my mind.

Lantern Festival in Seoul, South Korea (along a river in downtown Seoul).

Today’s post is a THANK YOU to all the men and women serving our country. During this holiday season, will you please take a moment to remember those who will not be with their family members? I flew back home the night before Thanksgiving. The final day was emotional. As you stand on stage looking out at nearly one thousand service members in the last presentation, you realize they will still be here tomorrow when I am with my family on Thanksgiving. As I thanked them, I got a little choked up at that very moment.

Please take one moment each day during the holiday season to say, “Thanks” to those who serve our country. Who knows – you may make it a habit well beyond the holidays!

P.S. You may notice the picture to the right is not of our soldiers. Why? I was in an area of the world where our soldiers prepare to “fight every night” – thus honoring their privacy is essential. You are looking at a picture of the Lantern Festival in Seoul, South Korea which was happening while I was visiting. The picture was taken my first night in the country.

Written by Mike Domitrz on December 15, 2011

Bernie Fine, Jerry Sandusky and Herman Cain: Think FIRST before reacting publicly!

Bernie Fine at Syracuse with Jim Boeheim Recently, the Syracuse University Head Basketball Coach, Jim Boeheim, apologized for his initial reactions to the case involving his former assistant coach, Bernie Fine. At the time of Boeheim’s initial comments, Fine was still on his coach staff (click here to read the entire article). Boeheim’s apology was well stated, especially his reference to child abuse.

“I believe I misspoke very badly in my response to the allegations that have been made. I shouldn’t have questioned what the accusers expressed or their motives. I am really sorry that I did that, and I regret any harm that I caused,” he told reporters after his basketball game Friday night. “It was insensitive for the individuals involved and especially to the overall issue of child abuse.“
Jim Boeheim, Syracuse University Men’s Basketball Coach.

Coaches and leaders MUST do a better job of thinking BEFORE reacting publicly to sexual assault and sexual molestation cases. Look at how many “officials” have recently been quick to defend individuals accused of sexual assault, molestation and harassment. All the research from credible sources show such crimes have incredibly low percentages for “false reports,” yet continually people want to DEFEND the perpetrator FIRST.

Over the past 3 weeks, we have seen THREE cases in the national media where people came to defend leaders who did not take the proper actions or who have been accused of sexual misconduct and/or crimes: Herman Cain, Bernie Fine, Joe Paterno, and Jerry Sandusky. Notice we are not saying to decide innocence or guilty. Simply LEARN MORE before reacting.

A perpetrator can be ANYONE: your neighbor, your sibling, your work colleague, your community leader, a faith leader, etc… Stop and evaluate the ENTIRE situation before reacting. Imagine being a survivor in a case where thousands or millions of individuals DEFEND the person who sexually attacked you. Survivors deserve our respect and admiration – not the perpetrators.

MOVING FORWARD FROM PENN STATE: The night of the firing of Joe Paterno, the media ran nonstop coverage of hundreds of students protesting. The next night, THOUSANDS of students participated in a Candlelight Vigil for the survivors. While media sources showed some quick footage of the Candlelight Vigil, they did not give it near the coverage of the protests received the night before. Imagine an entire night of media coverage of the Candlelight Vigil. You could have had reporters with camera persons walking the entire Vigil and sharing with the world the comments made at the end. You have been honoring survivors worldwide AND shedding light on the crime of sexual assault and molestation.

May we all make a commitment to shift from “getting caught in the ratings contest” TO working tirelessly to reduce sexual violence.

Dakota Fanning Advertisement for Marc Jacobs

Seventeen year old Dakota Fanning was featured in an advertisement for Marc Jacob’s “Oh, Lola!” perfume. The perfume bottle in the Ad has a huge rose flower blossoming out of the bottle. The perfume bottle is placed between Dakota’s legs as she is wearing a thigh length dress. The image of the Ad is not being posted here because of the potential offensive nature of the Ad. If you want to judge for yourself, the link is provided here.

The Ad has been deemed inappropriate by the watchdog authority in Britain and thus has been pulled. Do you still protest Marc Jacob’s – the company? The company was going to run the Ad in magazines. Please share your thoughts and reactions in the COMMENTS section below.

Written by Mike Domitrz on November 11, 2011

Single Parent Dating 101 (special guest post)

Are you a single parent who is dating or is thinking of dating again?

After a divorce, dating eventually protrudes its pretty little head out of the bushes. Like most newly single parents, dating has become completely foreign after a long unhealthy marriage. With so many responsibilities on the shoulders of the single parent, loneliness can easily creep in along with depression. Loneliness and depression are not things that the children should see, so it is important to connect with an encouraging friend or family member after a divorce.

Do not think it strange that these emotions are erupting after a divorce. Regardless as to whether the marriage was good or bad, the reality of not having someone there can definitely take it’s toll on single people. The goal is to keep a stable mind and not allow your emotions to dictate your future. As prospective partners begin to pursue the single parent, there are many things to take into consideration while dating.

First of all, it is best to wait a while before dating again after a divorce. Reason being, although you are over your ex-relationship, your children may not be. Take their feelings into account before accepting that first dinner date. Although, children are not supposed to dictate the relationships of their parents, there is nothing wrong with being sensitive to what they are feeling. Not taking slow steps can set a precedent for hostility towards the new relationship.

Secondly, do not forget you are a parent. Divorce gives people a new sense of freedom that they have not tasted in a long time. For the newly divorced single parent, that new freedom has it’s share of limitations. For example, staying out overnight should not be done by the single parent. Especially if it is just some spontaneous decision. Even if the babysitter can stay overnight, keep in mind that the kids are not use to having their mother or father stay away from home in that sense. So save those pajama parties for the honeymoon.

Third, when introducing your child to the prospective partner, do no try to “sell” your child to him. When I say sell, I mean do not make your child feel as though they have to impress this new person as if the prospective partner is the prize. Although you may want this person in your life, do not force a relationship between him and the children. Keep in mind that your children are just as much as important to the relationship as he is.

Fourth, keep in mind that not only should this new guy be a potentially perfect match for you, but should also be a perfect match for your children. When you are a single parent, there is no point in dating someone that is not ready to be a parent.

Lastly, before the relationship goes too far it is encouraged that you do a background check on them or simply research their name on the internet. Check out all his social networking sites, see what pops up in the various search engines connected to his name. The goal is to simply make sure he is not wanted by the police.

On a more positive note, keep in mind that this new relationship comes with a lot of exciting and new adventures. Just try to include your children with all these new steps towards companionship

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BIO of GUEST BLOGGER:

Katha Blackwell is a mother, blogger, freelance writer and author of Not Another Victim: A Woman’s Guide to Avoiding A Bad Relationship. Katha Blackwell was raised in an abusive household throughout her childhood, which motivated her to help women obtain wisdom about relationships. Blackwell has provided counseling and direct service to women for 10 years. She currently holds a Masters in Social Work from The University of Chicago. For more information, please visit her website at www.kathablackwell.com.

Written by Mike Domitrz on September 26, 2011

Safe Talk with Children & Parents by Maryann Makekau

Safe means to protect from hurt and talk means to communicate. Therefore, safe talk means to protect from hurt by communicating! Parents are encouraged to talk with their children early on about peer pressure, alcohol, drugs and sex. There are billboards, commercials, seminars and books full of reminders to talk. How parents talk, however, is the key to whether or not they’re seen as approachable for safe talk. Words are powerful and the message they tell is absorbed early in life.

Words carry parents and children through whimsical conversations about how many stars light up the night sky; or talks about the amazing strength of flowers to emerge from underground, even though they feel so fragile to touch. Engaging a young child’s curiosity and imagination can be very entertaining when talking is natural, easy and safe.

Yet, what happens during an uncomfortable conversation? Body language and facial expressions have as much power as spoken words (and perhaps sometimes more). Any parent watching a teenager pout, roll their eyes or grunt in disgust can attest to that! Young children are susceptible to the power of unspoken messages too. When a parent is visibly uncomfortable with a conversation and shuts down, children shut down too. Communication breaks down and the topic becomes unapproachable. A precedent is set for which topics are safe to talk about and which ones are not.

During my workshops, adults illustrate the damage of unsafe talks, carrying needless pain from childhood: “When my mother was sick with cancer, no one talked about it…even though I was only eight they should’ve trusted me.” Trust is a valuable tool that anchors families. No matter how well intentioned, children are not protected in being sheltered; they are, in fact, denied the ability to make a viable difference. On the contrary, children are protected when parents talk about what’s comfortable and uncomfortable. Doing so helps everyone gain coping tools, acquire insight and establish trust in relationships. That is protection that lasts a lifetime.

Curiosity and imagination shouldn’t disappear in childhood…and neither should whimsical conversations. As children grow older, so will their hopes, dreams, curiosities and fears. Yet, they never outgrow the need for safe talks. Protect them by talking about peer pressure, alcohol, dating and sex—in age appropriate ways throughout their growing up years.

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WRITTEN BY: Maryann Makekau, Author & Inspirational Speaker

Copyright 2011

www.becausehopematters.com

Written by Mike Domitrz on August 9, 2011

Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect

Written by Guest Blogger, Sharon Fox.

Child abuse is more than broken bones and bruises. While physical abuse is shocking due to the scars it leaves, not all child abuse is as obvious. Ignoring children’s needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making a child feel worthless or stupid are also child abuse. Regardless of the type of child abuse, the result is serious emotional harm.

There are several myths about child abuse that need to be addressed. Here are a few of them.

Myths and facts about child abuse and neglect:

MYTH #1: It’s only abuse if it’s violent.

Fact: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, other people are less likely to intervene.

MYTH #2: Only bad people abuse their children.

Fact: While it’s easy to say that only “bad people” abuse their children, it’s not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don’t know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem.

MYTH #3: Child abuse doesn’t happen in “good” families.

Fact: Child abuse doesn’t only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors.

MYTH #4: Most child abusers are strangers.

Fact: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family.

MYTH #5: Abused children always grow up to be abusers.

Fact: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconsciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.

If you know of a child who is being abused or neglected, please contact your local Child Protective Services Department or Police. Every child deserves to live a happy and safe life.

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Sharon Fox
Protect Our Children Foundation

Sharon Fox is an author and child abuse activist. Being a survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse is what prompted her to fight so hard to protect the innocenc of children. To learn more about Sharon and protecting a child or children from abuse and neglect, visit www.goodcookin4u2.webs.com or www.protectourchildren.webs.com .

Written by Mike Domitrz on August 4, 2011

Protect Children from Sex Trafficking & Abuse

Today, we hosted a LIVE ONLINE INTERVIEW with Lori Regnier and Pastor Mike from the Starbright Foundation Inc of Arizona. They did a fantastic job sharing how to protect children from Sex Trafficking and Abusive Relationships.

BUMMER: Unfortunately, the recording had an error and so we do not have the recording available. We greatly apologize.

Who: Starbright Foundation Inc Founders, Lori & Pastor Mike (http://www.starbrightfoundation.org).

Details: The Starbright Foundation shares how to protect children and young adults from Sex Trafficking and Abusive Relationships. Topics included in the teleseminar were: Internet safety in social media for children and adults (dating, chat rooms, etc.); Signs of abuse from sexual abuse, clergy abuse, cultic abuse, etc. and steps to intervene in house or in community; Local fundraising or involvement as volunteers. Your host was Mike Domitrz from the The Date Safe Project.

Cost was FREE.

Written by Mike Domitrz on July 26, 2011

Time Alone for Talking with Your Teenage Son

When is the right time to talk with your teenage son or daughter about important issues?

This week, my wife is up North for the entire week with our 8th grade son at Boy Scout Camp. Yes, she is in living in a tent during a heat wave. Unfortunately, tents do not have air conditioning. The rest of us are hanging out together at home. We have 4 sons of which 3 are teenagers. Two of the boys are in high school and two are in middle school.

When I’m not on the road speaking, I’m often working out of my home office. This week, I am home after returning from speaking in the Northern most tip of Greenland last week (literally at the Polar Ice Cap). Two of my sons are at a friend’s house today. Thus, one of my sons and I are home with the house just to the two of us.

What do you do? Do you jump on this opportunity to have in-depth conversations? What do you think I did? Each chance I’ve had to take a break away from my work today, I’ve taken that moment to play my son in Ping Pong. Yes, 2 people hitting a little ball back and forth…with many a funny bounce along the way. We both enjoy the game and the competition. We always end up with at least a few laughs. Plus, we appreciate giving each other a hard time in the best of ways.

We will have many more days ahead for those “other” conversations (as we have in the past). The reality is the conversations we are having today by just hanging out and laughing are equally important. They too come from a foundation of love and caring for each other. Here is to taking 5 minute breaks for HAVING FUN with your son or daughter!

Written by Mike Domitrz on July 19, 2011