Mike Domitrz | Teen, college, and military sexual assault, school healthy dating, intimacy, and bystander intervention resources brought to you by The Date Safe Project, Inc.

Time Alone for Talking with Your Teenage Son

When is the right time to talk with your teenage son or daughter about important issues?

This week, my wife is up North for the entire week with our 8th grade son at Boy Scout Camp. Yes, she is in living in a tent during a heat wave. Unfortunately, tents do not have air conditioning. The rest of us are hanging out together at home. We have 4 sons of which 3 are teenagers. Two of the boys are in high school and two are in middle school.

When I’m not on the road speaking, I’m often working out of my home office. This week, I am home after returning from speaking in the Northern most tip of Greenland last week (literally at the Polar Ice Cap). Two of my sons are at a friend’s house today. Thus, one of my sons and I are home with the house just to the two of us.

What do you do? Do you jump on this opportunity to have in-depth conversations? What do you think I did? Each chance I’ve had to take a break away from my work today, I’ve taken that moment to play my son in Ping Pong. Yes, 2 people hitting a little ball back and forth…with many a funny bounce along the way. We both enjoy the game and the competition. We always end up with at least a few laughs. Plus, we appreciate giving each other a hard time in the best of ways.

We will have many more days ahead for those “other” conversations (as we have in the past). The reality is the conversations we are having today by just hanging out and laughing are equally important. They too come from a foundation of love and caring for each other. Here is to taking 5 minute breaks for HAVING FUN with your son or daughter!

Written by Mike Domitrz on July 19, 2011

Download or Listen to Interview with Amanda Graybill

Get the recording of the LIVE INTERVIEW with Amanda Graybill from the Little Black Dress Society. The entire program is free for everyone who registers below.

***You must sign-up below to have access to the recording. Then you can listen to the entire interview at any time you choose.

Who: Amanda Graybill, Founder of The Little Black Dress Society (www.lbdsociety.com) and author of the book: “The Little Black Dress.”

Details: Listen in as Amanda Graybill is interviewed by Mike Domitrz from the The Date Safe Project. Amanda’s book “The Little Black Dress” is an inspirational fiction about a young woman who runs away from home looking for love in all the wrong places. Amanda will share how more people can get involved in reducing abuse and how to help those in abusive relationships. She is committed to getting more women involved in her mission and will share why doing so is important (and how to do so).

Cost: FREE (Register Below)

Written by Mike Domitrz on July 11, 2011

KIA Responds to Dangerous Ad with Promise!

Click on image for full size version.

To the right, you are going to see an “Award Winning” Advertisement from KIA involving a teacher and a student. Be warned the Ad is considered disturbing by many observers. Please help us tell KIA and advertising firms around the world that this approach to marketing and selling is unacceptable! To promote pedophilia to sell or market a product is both sad and disgusting.

What can you do? Write KIA through their website. Contact your local and national media (TV networks, Radio networks, newspapers) and let your outrage be known. Remind KIA to show corporate responsibility in every aspect of their company. In the COMMENTS section of this post, share your ideas for helping to get this Advertisement removed.

LATEST UPDATE: KIA Motors has responded at the following link on their website: http://www.kiaresponds.com/brazil-ad.html

While this apology is a good start, we wanted to Kia to be ensuring the advertisement will not appear anywhere in the world to advertise their products (not just in the USA or their corporate headquarters in Korea).

Kia has responded to our request by sending us the following personal tweet: ”And our parent company Kia Motors Corporation has guaranteed the ads have never and will never run globally.“

Thank you, Kia Motors, for removing any possibility of such an Ad ever be used. We look forward to you setting up standards and a system to ensure such marketing mistakes cannot happen again in the future.

Written by Mike Domitrz on June 24, 2011

Military’s Approach to Sexual Assault Gets RESULTS!

In the past 6 weeks, we have seen multiple military installations in the Army and Air Force take a well rounded approach to reducing sexual assault, increasing bystander intervention, and helping change the ways we people help support survivors of sexual assault.

April 18th – 21st, Fort Riley brought the “Can I Kiss You?” program in for 4 days. For the first two days, the “Can I Kiss You?” Briefing was presented to soldiers on Post. The last 2 days, the program was presented to students in local high schools off Post. The Family Advocacy Program and the SARC office worked together to create an essential approach to such an important topic – help EVERYONE!

You can watch news coverage from the Fort Riley visit by clicking on one of the following links or watching the below video:

Fort Riley Post titled: Speaker also talks with Junction City students

Fort Riley Post titled: Soldiers participate in sexual assault training

Just a few weeks later, I was brought to Europe by both the Army and the Air Force for a speaking tour through Turkey, Germany and England where the two branches effectively teamed up to receive a large scheduling discount to each branch (14 separate days of speaking throughout the tour). You can read the following article from Wiesbaden’s Army Post summarizing one day of the tour: Date Safe: ‘Can I kiss you?’.

Once again, BOTH the Army and the Air Force fully utilized our programming to reach as many people as possible of all ages. Briefings were given to Airmen, Soldiers, middle school students (6th – 8th grade), high school students, and the parents of teenagers (daytime and evening workshops).

To see an in-depth educational effort is inspiring. The well-rounded approach paid off. You would meet Moms and Dads telling you how much their sons and daughters shared with them after the presentation. Then Mom and Dad would attend the PARENT SESSION to keep the conversation going throughout the year. Plus, soldiers and Airmen would stop us and share what strategies they were using.

A highlight was while I was speaking at Ramstein High School in Germany. A week earlier, I had spoke at Incirlik High School in Turkey. The soccer team from Incirlik happened to be staying at Ramstein HS for a the EuroLeague High School Soccer Championships the day I was speaking at Ramstein High School. A group of the soccer players from Incirlik heard I was at the high school and came to talk with me after my program. One ran up and said, “IT WORKS!” I asked, “Since last week, you tried asking?” and he replied, “YES! IT WORKS!” with great enthusiasm and right infront of the rest of his teammates.

Getting to see a teenager realize how wonderful life is when you make the right choices is always thrilling!!

Imagine if more communities took such a well rounded approach to teaching consent, healthy relationships, bystander intervention, and supporting survivors!

Written by Mike Domitrz on May 26, 2011

2 Hours from Unrest!

As you read this article, I am only 2 hours from Unrest – a 2 hour drive in the dessert heat from Syria (a country who’s unrest is being observed by the world). What am I doing here? Preparing to talk with middle school students, high school students, and their parents tomorrow night in Southern Turkey. What does my location have to do with you? Good question. What unrest are you 2 hours from? What needed conversation with your child have you been avoiding or procrastinating with starting? Ask yourself, “What discussion with my child scares me?” The answer is the discussion you need to have today.

Why hurry? Because you can never be too early to a helpful and needed conversation with your child. When I’m across the world preparing to speak to middle school students, high school students, and their parents, I fully realize the NEED TO BE THERE because I am not able to physically be there for my own family. When you can’t physically be there (and you won’t always be able to physically be in the presence of your child), you appreciate how much you wish you COULD be there. Don’t wait for that moment of “could.” Create a MOMENT of NOW!

Not sure now is the right time? Here are common consequences of WAITING:

Wait til your child is out with friends late one night and you see a story on TV about “The Danger for Teens Today.” You suddenly begin to worry. Should you have talked to your child and given them the tools to handle those dangers? Yes. What about his or her first date? I don’t mean the one you know about. I’m talking about the time he or she meets someone at a friend’s house informally (BECAUSE they like each other). What decisions will your child make? If you have NOT been having healthy positive discussion before that time, their friends are liking feeding them unhealthy misperceptions on experimenting with intimacy. Or are you going to wait until your child tells you he or she is dating or start talking now?
What you don’t know CAN hurt you! Think about how foolish the old statement, “What you don’t know can’t hurt you” is as a parent. If being ignorant isn’t going to hurt you, it is going to hurt your child. Won’t that hurt you? Don’t be foolish. Educate with an upbeat and positive approach.

Yes, I’ve said “positive” more than once in this article. Being “positive” is one of the key factors to education sticking in a child’s mind. Scare tactics only make your child NOT want to talk with you in the future. If you spread fear, your child is likely to fear discussions with you. If you are “old school” and thinking “My child fearing me is healthy,” what decisions will your child make when he/she is no longer under your watch (becomes an adult)? A sudden urge of freedom from your fear may lead your child into very dangerous decision-making.

Tell your child today. Remember to add to the conversation how much you LOVE your child. Yes, I know many parents today tell their child, “I love you” on a daily basis (which is great). When you say it today, look your child in the eyes. Connect. Help the moment stick.

You don’t need to be 2 hours from unrest. You can choose to moments away from giving your child and you more peace and happiness!

P.S. If you want more resources, check out our free “How To” videos for parents by clicking here (and the “HELP! My Teen Is Dating” DVD and book set).

Written by Mike Domitrz on May 9, 2011

Violence & Nudity. What does your child see and hear?

What does your child hear? What does your child see? What does your child absorb? When your child is at home, what images does he or she see on TV, the Internet, magazine covers, books, newspapers, iTouch, DS? What do you fear most? Your child seeing images of nudity or violence? What about at friends’ houses? How about the library?

Yesterday on FaceBook, I asked parents about censorship verses monitoring + discussion. A parent who works at a library said, “You wouldn’t believe what kids (and adults) are looking at while visiting their local library. Parents who think they can shield their children from what is out there are foolish. Sooner or later, your child will see it.” If she is correct, the question then becomes, “How does your child react to images of violence, nudity, and/or the combination of both?“

As parents today, we know our kids see video games involving violence. Even if not playing them at home, we know they will observe such games at friends’ houses (or at least hear about them at school). Kids definitely talk about their games at school (how far they advanced in the game, what characters they killed in the game, etc…). What about TV & movies? How much violence can be seen in a PG-13 movie? The answer is: A lot.

What about nudity? Significant nudity typically moves a movie into a “R” rating. Have your children seen images of nudity or heard peers talking about nudity (and/or pornography)?

Which issue are you more comfortable talking about with your children? Violence or nudity? HOW do you discuss both issues? Are you careful to separate positive imagery of nudity compared to the unhealthy view of pornography? Have you ever talked to your children about seeing violence and nudity together? Have you noticed how many movies show what they call “passionate sex scenes” which involve violence and nudity? Have you explained the danger of such imagery?

Share in the COMMENTS section below your approach to discussing violence and/or nudity. By sharing, you can help other parents gain greater skills to help their children.

Written by Mike Domitrz on April 27, 2011

Mother of Teen Survivor on Dr. Laura Berman

Dr. Laura Berman had Mike Domitrz as her guest.

This past Tuesday when Dr. Laura Berman from the Oprah Radio Network (OWN) had me on as her guest expert, the mother of a teenage survivor of sexual assault called into the show. The sexual assault occurred 2 years ago and now the daughter is a teenager. The Mom was asking how to help her daughter set appropriate boundaries as she approaches dating. The lessons shared on the show are true for all teenagers.

You will hear strategies you will not typically hear anywhere else.

Click here to watch and listen to the clip from the show at http://www.oprah.com/oprahradio/Help-Teens-Stay-Safe-While-Dating-Audio. Then, be sure to come back here and LEAVE A COMMENT below.

Written by Mike Domitrz on April 22, 2011

60 Minutes on Campus Sexual Assaults

Below is an important notice. Please watch 60 Minutes on CBS this Sunday:

Dear Friends,

Please tune into CBS 60 Minutes on Sunday, April 17th, 6 p.m. This Sunday, 60 Minutes will feature a story on Sexual Assaults on college campuses and includes an interview with the Women’s Center of San Joaquin, a rape crisis center in Northern California.

The Segment focuses on two rapes that took place at the University of the Pacific. The piece highlights the flaws in college campus sexual misconduct policies and the need for reform of these policies nationwide.

We have all been waiting with great anticipation for this segment to air and again want to stress our hope that this piece brings a heightened awareness to the serious and prevalent problem of sexual assaults on college campuses across the country and initiates effective change so that rape victims are encouraged to report and better supported during this traumatic experience.

We hope that you tune in this Sunday and continue to work with rape crisis advocates to end sexual violence in our country.

Sincerely,

Joelle Gomez

Executive Director
Women’s Center of San Joaquin County
620 N. San Joaquin Street
Stockton, CA 95202

Written by Mike Domitrz on April 15, 2011

Old Dominion University

Tonight, the “Can I Kiss You?” presentation was delivered at Old Dominion University where the Athletic Department’s support of the Women’s Centers efforts to be put the night together – SHOWED with a packed room. Thanks, everyone for all your hard work and for your passion for wanting to create change.

While the audio did not properly work, below is the video of the students saying, “Its TIME to end Sexual Assault.”

Written by Mike Domitrz on April 14, 2011

The Army says, “It’s Time”

Army soldiers at Redstone Arsenal make a commitment to say, “It’s Time . . .to end Sexual Assault” in the below video as part of Sexual Assault Awareness Month.