Protecting your teen’s online reputation is more important now than ever. Right now,  everyone from credit lenders in charge of issuing credit cards to college admissions officers weighing which students to accept regularly uses information found on the Internet, particularly on social networking sites, to make decisions that could affect your teen’s life.

Wait, college admissions officers?! That’s right. According to a Kaplan study of 500 competitive colleges, 10% of admissions officers said they look at applicants’ social networking profiles to evaluate them. Out of the colleges that used this online information, 38% said that what they found “negatively affected” how they saw applicants.

So, if your teen has a bad reputation online, that means they now have a bad reputation “in real life,” too.

What can you, as a parent, do to protect your teen’s online reputation? Well, in terms of social networking sites, Facebook and Twitter are very popular among teens, so we will cover some basic privacy settings you can discuss with your child. Then, we will discuss how to protect your teen’s privacy on the Internet in general.

1. Help your teen tighten up their security settings on Facebook.

First of all, you should know that if your teen is under 18, Facebook already sets up stricter security settings for them.

For example, according to Facebook’s official Help Center, most of the information a teen shares can be seen only by “friends of friends,” while adults can choose to share anything they want with the “public.” That is, only the people who are friends with your teen’s friends can send them messages on Facebook, read their status updates, see their photos, and look at lots of other information that they share.

Now, some Facebook users accept every friend request they get, so they end up with hundreds or even thousands of “friends.” So, even though Facebook’s “friends of friends” security setting protects teens somewhat, you should still talk to your teen about what type of information they should share only with their own friends, or not at all.

After talking to your teen, you could try clicking through your child’s privacy settings together and talking about the advantages and disadvantages of sharing certain information with certain people.

Now, many parents ask themselves whether they should add their teen as a friend on their own Facebook account. Facebook recommends talking to your teen about why you want to add them as a friend first, so you can open up a dialogue.

According to Facebook, a parent who adds their teen as a friend should be a role model, resist the urge to post too often, never scold their teen publicly, and avoid adding their teen’s friends. Basically, the more your actions embarrass your teen, the less likely they are to follow your advice!

However, if your teen is OK with it and you can let them explore social networking on their own, adding your teen can be a great way to make sure they aren’t posting anything that would put their online reputation at risk.

2. Talk to your teen about protecting their tweets on Twitter.

Now, Facebook and Twitter both have a policy that users must be at least 13 to have an account. Unlike Facebook, however, Twitter doesn’t really take any steps to enforce this. You don’t even have to give your date of birth when you sign up for an account, so anyone can do it.

That said, there are really only 2 main things you can do if your teen already has a Twitter account: remind them about the kinds of things they shouldn’t tweet and talk to them about protecting their tweets.

The first is pretty obvious. Tweets are automatically open to everyone on the Internet, so your teen shouldn’t be posting any raunchy, offensive, or highly personal updates. They shouldn’t be doing that on any social networking site anyway.

The second is a feature that isn’t widely used on Twitter, so we’ll explain it a little. According to Twitter’s Help Center, protecting your Tweets lets users decide who can read them on a case-by-case basis.

So, for example, if someone wants to follow your teen’s Twitter account, your teen will have to approve the request before any of their tweets become visible to that person. Plus, protected Tweets won’t show up in Twitter searches, @replies your teen makes to people who aren’t following them won’t show up, and your teen will not be able to share permanent links with anyone except their approved followers.

Again, start a conversation with your teen about the advantages and disadvantages of protecting their tweets. As with Facebook, following their Twitter account can also be a good option.

3. Make sure your teen knows the dangers of sharing too much personal information anywhere online.

Your teen needs to understand the consequences of sharing information like their full name, phone number, and address online.

Remember that every piece of personal information your teen shares online will make it easier to find even more information about them. In fact, some people enjoy “doxing” others online, which means revealing their personally identifiable information publicly, as a kind of prank.

This can sometimes include sensitive details like information about family members or even credit card numbers. While this isn’t the most common form of “dropping dox” on someone, it could easily lead to identify theft, so it should be taken seriously.

Other than the obvious steps your teen can take, like never posting their phone number or address publicly, or ever sharing your credit card information without your permission, there are a few more steps they can take.

For example, on websites where your teen uses a screen name, it is better to use a different name on each website. This not only makes doxing your teen more difficult, but can also deter hacking attempts, since having the same screen name and password on every website means that losing control of one could compromise the rest.

This is especially important on websites where credit card or PayPal information has been saved. Of course, having a different password on each site is always ideal, too.

Your teen also needs to be careful with the pictures they share. Obviously, this means not posting party photos, but also keeping track of what they post where. Reverse image search engines like TinEye.com can find out if a picture has been posted on different sites, which can make it easier to track down your teen, along with any private or embarrassing information they posted along with that image.

You should regularly run a search for your teen on websites like pipl.com, a search engine that lets you find detailed information on people for free. You should look yourself up while you are at it!

If your teen understands how easy it can be to find people online, they may be less tempted to post more than they need to.

Daniela Baker from the credit card comparison website, CreditDonkey, says when it comes to protecting your teen’s online reputation, the most important thing you can do is talk to them about the many issues related to protecting their online privacy. Help them understand that what they post online could follow them for a lifetime.

As a start, why not show them this article and discuss it together?

WARNING: This article discusses sexual activity and a conversation with a survivor.  Please know the article is a Guest Writer and thus does not necessarily reflect the opinions and/or viewpoints of The Date Safe Project, Inc..  Please share your reactions in the “Speak Your Mind” Section of this post.

Releasing Survivor Self-Blame
Written by: Kristin E. Eisenhauer, Ph.D.

I once had a therapy client who couldn’t get past blaming herself for going to the room of the man who had sexually assaulted her.  She told me, “I went to his room knowing that we were going to hook up.  I wanted to hook up with him.  I just didn’t want to have sex.  But I went there . . . it is my fault that all this happened.”  I proceeded to use some Socratic questioning to help my client understand how she was not to blame.  Here is an approximate excerpt from our dialog.  Some details have been changed to protect the identity of this client:

Dr. E.: Does a woman have the right to go back to a guy’s room if she wants to?

Client: Yes.

Dr. E.: Does this happen all the time on college campuses?

Client: Yes.

Dr. E.: Does a woman have the right to hook up with a guy even though she does not know him well?

Client: Yes.

Dr. E.: Does this happen all the time on college campuses?

Client: Yes.

Dr. E.: Does a woman have the right to stop sexual activity whenever she wants, regardless of what sexual activities have already transpired in that situation?

Client: I guess so, but I don’t really know for sure.

Dr. E.: Okay.  Let’s look at some vivid examples to help clarify this principle.  Let’s think about a couple who has just engaged in consensual vaginal intercourse.   Now the male partner asks the female partner to try anal sex.  She says “no.”  Does a normal man go ahead and try it anyway?

Client: No!

Dr. E.: And let’s think of all the women in the world who do not like performing oral sex, although they happily engage in vaginal sex with their partners.  Does a normal man back off when his partner says that she doesn’t like to give oral sex?

Client: Of course!

Dr. E.: So let me ask the question again: Does a woman have the right to stop sexual activity whenever she wants, regardless of what sexual activities have already transpired in that situation?

Client: Yes!

Dr. E.: Okay, let’s recap:  It is normal to go back to a guy’s room.  It happens all the time.  It’s normal to hook up with a guy you barely know.  It happens all the time.  Everything you did was normal.  What is not normal is to disrespect someone’s wishes to refrain from certain sexual activities.

Client: Oh my God.  I get it.

I am sharing this exchange with you all because survivor self-blame is incredibly common.  In fact, it far exceeds the blame that society places on survivors of sexual assault.  I hope this exchange helps survivors to re-examine and release some of the self-blame that they may harbor.

=====================

Kristin E. Eisenhauer, Ph.D., is a Licensed Psychologist at Trinity University in San Antonio, Texas. Please share your thoughts and responses to this article with Kristin in the “Speak Your Mind” section below.

=====================

Would you like to be a GUEST WRITER and CONTRIBUTOR?  Click on the CONTACT US link (or right here) to send us your article and/or blog post.  The submission should be 200 – 600 words in length.  Please include a short biography of yourself and your credentials.

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Why? Talking about dating and sex can be uncomfortable for people of all ages.  Where do teenagers look for their answers? The internet and friends.  Of course those sources are full of serious and dangerous PROBLEMS!!

May I Kiss You? A Candid Look at Dating, Communication, Respect, & Sexual Assault Awareness is an in-depth look at the realities of intimacy and the dangers that exist in the current dating culture for teenagers and young adults. Written by Mike Domitrz, this candid advice, real-life scenarios, and interactive exercises is revolutionizing each student’s approach to dating & building respect–all while heightening awareness of sexual assault.

While most people simply “make their move” on a date, Domitrz reveals why asking first makes all the difference. Students, parents, educators and professionals are experiencing success with this innovative, respectful and fun approach to dating.

Throughout the book, Domitrz provokes conversations between males and females — each gender taking a close look at behaviors and stereotypes without taking sides. An approach to dating and sexual assault that no other book has ever taken.

Plus, a brand new “Instructor’s Guide” is being released in the next few weeks.  Every person who purchases the book today will receive a FREE COPY of the “Instructor’s Guide” e-book.

The Date Safe Project 30 DAY GUARANTEE & FREE SHIPPING
is included with ALL orders in the continental United States.

Inside May I Kiss You?

Concepts & Lessons Discussed:

Reviews of May I Kiss You?

In a cultural environment where all of us continually receive mixed and confusing messages about what a healthy, consenseual relationship might look like, Domitrz lights up the issue with welcomed rays of clarity and insight.

Pat McGann, Ph.D., Director of Outreach, Men Can Stop Rape, Washington, D.C.

Every student, whether male or female, needs to use this asking approach. Every parent who is concerned about their sons’ and daughters’ dating relationship (that’s most of us!) should give this book to their teenagers.

Charles Zastrow, Ph.D., Professor, Department of Social Work, University of Wisconsin – Whitewater

I’m not aware of a book like this. May I Kiss You? gives a healthy, straight-forward method for ensuring respectful dating behavior. It is a must read for parents and teens! Mike puts into words what we’ve known but haven’t explained very well.

- Patti Broomell, Counselor, Hamilton High School

May I Kiss You? is a must read for students in high school and college. It will get your thinking about your current dating practices. If you think you would never sexually assault someone, think again–you may already have!

Sharon Hansen, School Counselor, Berlin Middle School, Berlin Wisconsin

The most important issues facing our youth today have been addressed in this sensational book on dating and sexual assault awareness. The angles taken by Domitrz reach the inner most thoughts of all ages, giving the reader detailed solutions to the entire dating experience. A must read!

Sharlene Stewart, a Parent, Immaculata, PA

Click here to read more reviews

About the Author

Mike Domitrz has been traveling the country for two decades working with and teaching students, parents, educators and professionals about dating, communication, respect and sexual assault awareness. An internationally renown expert and award-winning speaker, Domitrz is known for his unique ability to inspire people of all ages to make powerful changes in their dating behaviors and their treatment of others!

30 DAY GUARANTEE & FREE SHIPPING is included with ALL orders in continental United States.

Get #1 Selling Book Today

and get the INSTRUCTOR’s GUIDE for FREE (due out by March 2nd)!!

Paperback book only $19.97..

E-book (pdf) for only $9.97 ..

PLUS MORE

When Mike Domitrz released his award-winning DVD for parents titled HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Real Solutions to Tough Conversations, educators everywhere started sharing how much the DVD was packed full of great strategies for them to use in the classroom with their students. Makes sense, right? If an approach would help parents teach their teens, why wouldn’t it help teachers in the classroom?

The 85 minute DVD set includes the May I Kiss You? book and the critically-acclaimed book Voices of Courage – all in one BOX set!

You get an 85 minute DVD and 2 books used throughout the world to help create a lifelong positive impact for each reader.  While typically a specialized DVD such as this one sells for around $175.  You get the entire DVD and book set for only $49.95 ($20 May I Kiss You? book + $16.95 Voices of Courage book are INCLUDED). Plus, you get shipping included!!

BONUS:  You also get the new “Instructor’s Guide” e-book sent to you by March 2nd.

Additional REVIEWS

Some books are just plain useful. And welcome.

If you have pre-teens or teenagers in your house or in your life, take a look at May I Kiss You?: A Candid Look at Dating, Communication, Respect & Sexual Assault Awareness by Michael J. Domitrz.
This is a fresh, practical and strong-willed book about mutual respect and understanding. It tells young people how to express their affections in respectful and clear ways. It teaches them how to avoid the assumptions that lead to conflict and problems and it explains what sexual assault is.
Dan Hays in Statesman Journal — appeared on June 15, 2003

May I Kiss You? by Michael J. Domitrz is a sexuality, and awareness guide focusing on the complex contemporary issues surrounding dating, intimacy, and above all, the importance of asking first. Stressing the importance of coming to a mutual understanding concerning the most private moments, and with a firm view of the problems of sexual assault and harassment, May I Kiss You? has the very highest recommendation for all — anyone of any age who seeks to pursue a romantic relationship — and should be readily available in every high-school, college, and community library in the country.
On the complex contemporary issues surrounding dating, September 15, 2003 Reviewer: Midwest Book Review from Oregon, WI USA

Of all the elements of consent, “asking for permission” is the most fundamental. This book provides young adults with both an explanation and practical advice.
Scott Hampton, Director, Ending the Violence, Dover, New Hampshire

Domitrz covers a sensitive topic in a unique manner…He makes you think about the very basic “kiss” and how even that act demands permission.
Catherine Lovecchio, Director of Health & Wellness Education, Villanova University

The book speaks to teens while informing parents and teachers. Domitrz speaks to both genders rather than focusing just on what girls need to do to not be victimized
Jennifer Hegge, Educational Resources Coordinator, Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault

A good common sense approach to creating respectful relationships and avoiding sexual assault, understanding its trauma, and helping a survivor. This book will be valuable for any young person who is thinking about what kind of relationship they want and how to insure that they are healthy.
- Alan Berkowitz, Independent Consultant for Sexual Assault Issues

Domitrz’s work is insightful, identifying the problems that can arise when men and women rely solely on body language, assumptions and interpretation to guide their actions.
- Youth Today (September Issue)

I really enjoy this book. I have recommended it to all of my friends. I would really like to help spread the importance of knowing dating, communication, respect, and Sexual Assault Awareness. I think this book will affect so many people in so many different ways. Everyone should read it!!!!!
- Brooke, A teenager from Milwaukee, WI

I LOVED the book, May I Kiss You? In fact, we teach a Healthy Relationship class in our local middle and high schools, and we have now added a whole presentation on consent. We had wanted to add that component which is why I found out about your book online. It was incredibly clear and helpful, taking my own understanding on quite a journey. Thank-you!!
- Meg Kuhner, Youth Coordinator, Battered Women’s Services & Shelter

Domitrz covers a sensitive topic in a unique manner… He makes you think about the very basic ‘kiss’ and how even that act demands permission.
- Catherine Lovecchio, Health & Wellness Director, Villanova University

Of all the elements of consent, ‘asking for permission’ is the most fundamental. This book provides young adults with both an explanation and practical advice.
- Scott Hampton, Director. Ending the Violence

May I Kiss You? is not only a must read for students but for every adult as well. The realities of dating and intimacy are something that everyone needs to be aware of. It is nice to have something that directs this issue at young men as well as young women. Many books direct this issue primarily at women because they are statistically at greater risk but the realization is that both genders are affected. Young men need to have this awareness too and to have a clearer concept of what dating should be. I like this book because it outlines many of the misconceptions that people have in dating practices. There are so many confusing aspects in dating relationships that people don’t even recognize that can lead to sexual misconduct. This book helps illustrate some of those aspects. May I Kiss You? can benefit all of us. As an educator in the community on sexual assault issues, I have found it to be a useful resource for myself both personally and professionally.
- Susan Kouns, Rape Victim Services, Pathways Inc.

Given the changing nature of dating relationships over the past several decades, Mike’s book provides a much-needed message for today’s society. Everyone who reads this book, from parents to students to administrators and others, will benefit from this refreshing look at the age old topic of relationships. I highly recommend this book, and I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of Mike’s next book!!
- David Dial, Residential Life, Louisiana State University

Domitrz simplifies the confusion of the dating process by urging readers to openly communicate their wants and needs. He empowers both males and females to transcend stereotypical gender roles and embrace a relationship that is free from sexual pressure and misunderstandings.”
- Theresa Asmus, Counselor, Rape Crisis Service of Planned Parenthood of the Rochester/Syracuse Region, New York

The book speaks to teens while informing parents and teachers. Domitrz speaks to both genders rather than focusing just on what girls need to do to not be victimized.
- Jennifer Hegge, Educational Resources Coordinator, Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault

The book is unique because it addresses an important issue in an honest, down to earth fashion. The tone is one of concern and reading the book feels like a conversation with Mike. This easy to read book presents a wealth of information to teens and adults alike. Its light approach to a serious subject is very comprehensive and much needed in the world of dating and exploring relationships.
- Suzanne Trummer, ATODA Coordinator, Watertown School District

The book focuses all of us to take a look at ourselves, our actions, and the ability that we all have to promote change!
- Laura Pennimpede, Rape Crisis Community Educator, Victim Assistance Services

Today, someone was giving away free copies of this book. Always interested in reading material, and always curious about relationship issues, I picked it up and read it…

A lot of the stuff I already knew and understood (or at least thought I did). Other parts were things I’d sorta thought about, but never really sat down and analyzed. Others I just didn’t think about, period.

While reading the book I realized that I’d been treating my last would-be boyfriend badly. I never thought of it as assault, but there were still times when I acted in a relatively intimate manner… and had no idea whether he wanted it or not. I knew he was attracted to me. But I didn’t know if he was comfortable with what I wanted to do. And to be honest, I was so drunk with wanting to be intimate that I was quite willing to risk doing something he didn’t feel ready for. And besides, I was the girl. He could always turn me down, right?

I feel terrible for it now. Even before reading this book I felt badly about it, but now I know how to be aware of that ‘drunkenness’ when I feel it, and how to force it back and remind myself to be respectful of him. After all, it’s not his body that I’m really attracted to, it’s his own personness. His unique soul. How can I disrespect him by only worrying about what “I” want?

I’m glad that I didn’t go any further than I did. And I know there were times when he wanted to do things, but wasn’t comfortable enough to try them – or was worried about how I would feel about them, then or later, and kept himself from doing things he thought were disrespectful. I’m so glad for that. And now I think I can learn to be as strong as he has been.

This book has helped me a lot, even if it’s so simple in what it’s saying. I’m going to pass it around to people I know, even if I think they already know the lesson, just to help remind them what they believe and why. Sometimes reading a book like this can help strengthen your own values.

Anyway.. just wanted to say, thanks for writing this, Mr. Domitrz. And thanks, whoever it was who was giving away the books. At least one person has learned something from them.
- Robin, a college student in Texas

REMEMBER you get the “Instructor’s Guide” for FREE by ordering the book today!

The guide is expected to be completed by March 2nd.

Articles Quoting Mike Domitrz & The Date Safe Project

Resources

National Organizations

State Coalitions Against Sexual Assault

Sites Run by Survivors of Sexual Assault

Additional Articles for Survivors.

Articles Written by Mike Domitrz & The Date Safe Project

Below, you will find articles and press releases addressing various issues regarding healthy dating and sexual assault awareness. To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of the below articles written by Mike Domitrz, e-mail by clicking here.

The “Slut Reputation” Discussion ~Mike Domitrz
Abstinence & Consent — Do They Belong Together? ~Mike Domitrz
Tough Audiences Need You! ~Mike Domitrz
Working with Students – Are They Difficult? ~Mike Domitrz
Do Your Kids Ask? Parents Teaching Respect & Healthy Dating ~Mike Domitrz
Date Rape, Rape, Sexual Assault, Prevention, Awareness – the words we use ~Mike Domitrz
Going Beyond What Is Expected ~Mike Domitrz

Articles Quoting Mike Domitrz

First-Date Body Language — Decoded ~MSN Dating & Personals, Spring ’05
May I Kiss You? Talk To Your Teen About Date Rape ~teenagerstoday.com, April ’04
The Girly Guide ~preteenagerstoday.com, Nov ’04
Boy Basics 101 ~preteenagerstoday.com, Dec ’03
Kobe Case Serves as Lesson for Pro Athletes ~Houston Chronicle, Oct ’03
How Parents Can Help Their Teens Through the Dating Years ~Style Weekly, Sep ’03
Kobe Case Disturbs Survivors of Rape ~Grand Junction Sentinel, Aug ’03

*To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of these articles, E-mail Mike here

NATIONAL ORGANIZATIONS

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation’s largest anti-sexual assault organization. RAINN operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE. RAINN carries out programs to prevent sexual assault, help victims and ensure that rapists are brought to justice. RAINN uses its extensive entertainment industry and community-based connections to educate more than 120 million Americans each year about sexual assault.
Toll-Free: (800) 656-HOPE
Website: www.rainn.org

Help My Teen is an organization with over 20 years experience in counseling and connecting families with appropriate situations for their troubled teen. Through a network of associates and programs available we have been able to direct many besieged and divided families towards healing and unification to a common goal – that of appropriate and positive relationships with self and within the family and structure of society.
Toll-Free: (800) 247-1696
Website: http://helpmyteen.com

MaleSurvivor, the National Organization against Male Sexual Victimization, is committed to preventing, healing, and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through treatment, research, education, advocacy, and activism. The organization maintains a web site (www.malesurvivor.org) that includes a wealth of information for survivors and professionals about male sexual victimization as well as a Discussion Board and live Chat Room where survivors can network and support one another, anonymously if they wish. MaleSurvivor also publishes a newsletter and sponsors periodic conferences and healing retreats.
Website: www.malesurvivor.org

AdvocateWeb is the largest internet resource dealing with sexual misconduct, exploitation, and abuse of clients by mental health professionals, medical professionals, clergy, lawyers, educators, and law enforcement officials. AdvocateWeb offers extensvie free resources for victims, survivors, their families, friends, victim advocates, and professionals seeking to address this problem.
Website: www.advocateweb.org

The Awareness Center is the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault (JCASA). JCASA is dedicated to addressing sexual violence in the Jewish communities around the world.
Toll-Free: (443) 857-5560
Website: www.theawarenesscenter.org

The Arizona Department of Health Services: Sexual Violence Prevention & Education provides rape prevention education to students, professionals, and community members. These interventions have covered all racial and ethnic groups throughout Arizona – including Native American and Hispanic groups.
Toll-Free: (602) 542-7343
Website: www.azrapeprevention.org

The Date Safe Project is committed to being a national leader in the mission to teach youth and adults that “asking first” makes all the difference in creating safer intimacy and decreasing occurrences of sexual assault. By producing interactive presentations, educational resources, and other national initiatives, we teach how a better understanding of consent leads to healthier dating and to a greater awareness of the many issues surrounding human sexuality and sexual assault.
Toll-Free: (800) 329-9650
Website: www.datesafeproject.org

National Domestic Violence Registry is the first national database model for domestic violence convictions available to the public.  We have the opportunity to provide a major program that will vastly help in the prevention of domestic violence, guide citizens to making more informed decisions about those they date, exponentially raise awareness nationally for domestic violence incidences, and provide the opportunity to influence the history of crime prevention throughout the United States. Visit http://www.domesticviolencedatabase.org.

FaithTrust Institute is a national multifaith organization is working to end sexual and domestic violence. WE provide communities and advocates with the tools and knowledge they need to address religious and cultural issues related to abuse. Through training, consultation, and educational materials, we equip religious leaders sexual and domestic violence in their communities.
Website: www.faithtrustinstitute.org

National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) is a comprehensive collection and distribution center for information, statistics, and resources related to sexual violence. It serves as a resource for coalitions, rape crisis centers, allied organizations, and others working to eliminate sexual assault. The NSVRC does not provide direct services to sexual assault victims but rather supports those who do.
Toll-Free: (877) 739-3895
Website: http://www.nsvrc.org

SAKHI provides services for South Asian Women dealing with Domestic Violence.

Stop It Now! is a national non-profit working to prevent child sexual abuse using the tools of public health. Since 1992, our public policy, public education, and research programs have protected children by emphasizing adult and community responsibility.
Toll-Free: (888) PREVENT
Website: www.stopitnow.org

Security On Campus, Inc. is the only national non-profit organization devoted exclusively to providing services to the victims of violence on college campuses and to educate students. When SOC works with victims, university policies are changed for the better.
Toll-Free: (888) 251-7959
Website: www.securityoncampus.org

Men Can Stop Rape mobilizes male youth to prevent men’s violence against women. The organization builds young men’s capacity to challenge harmful aspects of traditional masculinity, to value alternative visions of male strength, and to embrace their vital role as allies with women and girls in fostering healthy relationships and gender equity.
Offices: (202) 265-6530
Website: www.mencanstoprape.org

Gift From Within A non-profit organization with educational materials for survivors of trauma, advocates and counselors.
Website: http://giftfromwithin.org/

SelfGrowth.com A complete guide to information about Self -Improvement, Personal Growth and Self Help on the Internet. It is designed to be an organized directory, with articles and references to thousands of other Web Sites on the World Wide Web.

Voices of Strength a new series of survivors sharing their words.

EbooksAndMoreForYou Offering ebooks on “Child Abuse Recovery.” Providing valuable information to people who were abused at any age and lists access to 1000s of recovery organizations in over 100 languages.

A Men’s Project (AMP) has links related to Men and Boys in North America.

STATE COALITIONS AGAINST SEXUAL ASSAULT

To find local rape crisis centers, click on the name of your state coalition against sexual assault and you will be forwarded to their website. If they do not have a working website, then call the number provided. They will be happy to help you the closest rape crisis center.

Alabama Coalition Against Rape
(334) 264-0123
acar.org

Alaska Network on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
(907) 586-3650
andvsa.org

Arizona Sexual Assault Network (AzSAN)
(480) 831-1986
azsan.org

Arkansas Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(866) 63-ACASA
acasa.ws

California Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(916) 446-2520
calcasa.org

Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CCASA)
(303) 861-7033
ccasa.org

Connecticut Sexual Assault Crisis Services, Inc. (CONNSACS)
(888) 999-5545
connsacs.org

Sexual Assault Network of Delaware (SAND) c/o CONTACT Delaware
Crisis Line in Delaware: (800) 262-9800
contactlifeline.org

District of Columbia Rape Crisis Center
202-232-0789
dcrcc.org

Florida Council Against Sexual Violence
(850) 297-2000
fcasv.org

Georgia Network to End Sexual Assault
(866) 354-3672
gnesa.org

Dekalb (Georgia) Rape Crisis Program
(404) 377-1429
dekalbrapecrisiscenter.org

Hawaii Coalition for the Prevention of Sexual Assault
(808) 733-9038

Idaho Coalition Against Sexual & Domestic Violence
(800) 669-3176
idvsa.org

Illinois Coalition Against Sexual Assault (ICASA)
(217) 753-4117
icasa.org

Indiana Coalition Against Sexual Assault, Inc. (INCASA)
(317) 423-0233
incasa.org

Iowa Coalition Against Sexual Assault (Iowa CASA)
(515) 244-7424
iowacasa.org

Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence
(785) 266-1874
kcsdv.org

Kentucky Association of Sexual Assault Programs, Inc.
(502) 226-2704
kyasap.net

Louisiana Foundation Against Sexual Assault (LaFASA)
(985) 345-5995
(888) 995-7273 (Toll-free number from Louisiana)
lafasa.org

Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(800) 871-7741
mecasa.org

Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(410) 974-4507
mcasa.org

Jane Doe Inc., The Massachusetts Coalition Against Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence
(877) 785-2020
janedoe.org

Michigan Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence
(517) 381-4663
mcadsv.org

Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(800) 964-8847
mncasa.org

Mississippi Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Department of Health – Mississippi State
(888) 987-9011
mscasa.org

Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
(573) 634-4161
mocadsv.org

Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault
(816) 931-4527
mocsa.org

Montana Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence
(406) 443-7794
mcadsv.com

Nebraska Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Coalition (NDVSAC)
(402) 476-6256
ndvsac.org

Nevada Coalition Against Sexual Violence
(702) 914-6878 not a hotline number
Crisis Hotline: (800) 656-HOPE
ncasv.org

New Hampshire Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
Hotline: (800) 277-5570
nhcadsv.org

New Jersey Coalition Against Sexual Assault -NJCASA
(609) 631-4450
Hotline: (800) 601-7200
njcasa.org

New Mexico Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs, Inc.
(505) 883-8020
nmcsap.com

New York State Coalition Against Sexual Assault (NYSCASA, Inc.)
(518) 482-4222
nyscasa.org

North Carolina Coalition Against Sexual Assault (NCCASA)
(919) 871-1015
nccasa.org

North Dakota Council on Abused Women’s Services – Coalition Against Sexual Assault in ND
(888) 255-6240
(701) 255-6240
ndcaws.org

Ohio Coalition on Sexual Assault (OCOSA)
(888) 336-2672
goldbamboo.com

Oklahoma Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
(405) 524-0700
ocadvsa.org

Oregon Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence (OCADSV)
(503) 230-1951
ocadsv.com

Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape (PCAR)
(888) 772-PCAR
(717) 728-9740
pcar.org

Rhode Island Sexual Assault Coalition
(800) 494-8100
dayoneri.org

South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault
(803) 256-2900
(800) 260-9293
sccadvasa.org

South Dakota Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse
(605) 945-0869
southdakotacoalition.org

Tennessee Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
(615) 386-9406
(800) 356-6767 (Tennessee)
(800) 7997233 (National Domestic Violence Hotline)
tcadsv.org

Texas Association Against Sexual Assault (TAASA)
(512) 474-7190
taasa.org

Utah Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(801) 746-0404
(888) 421-1100
ucasa.org

Vermont Network Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
(802) 223-1302
(800) 489-7273
vtnetwork.org

Virginia Sexaul and Domestic Violence Action Alliance
(434) 979-9002
vadv.org

Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs
(800) 775-8013
wcsap.org

West Virginia Foundation for Rape Information & Services
(304) 366-9500
fris.org

Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault (WCASA)
Phone/TTY: (608) 257-1516
wcasa.org

Wyoming Coalition Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault
(800) 799-7233
wyomingdvsa.org

Sites run by Survivors of Sexual Assault

Powerful words of Nika
Rape Counsel
HOLLY’S FIGHT TO STOP VIOLENCE
Sadly Normal
Finding the Light in the Darkness
Survivors can Thrive!
Beautiful Dreamer – Journal
Angela Shelton’s Blog

**If you are a survivor of sexual assault who has an internet site or blog, please e-mail us at info@DateSafeProject.org with the link you want us to add to this section of our website. All we request is for you to first have a link to http://www.DateSafeProject.org.

Additional Articles for Survivors of Sexual Assault

Legal Tools for Survivors of Sexual Assault

Mike Domitrz talks with a student in Lake Forest, IL

• His Story & Mission
• Award-Winning Author & Publisher
• Educator, Ally, and Expert

His Story and Mission:

Why does Mike Domitrz, Founder of The Date Safe Project, have such an intense passion and drive to:

• Dramatically improve society’s approach to healthy dating;
• Create a better understanding of how “consent” is obtained in intimacy;
• Reveal the keys to effective bystander intervention with alcohol and sexual activity; and
• Teach how to properly support survivors of sexual assault?

In 1989, Mike received a phone call informing him his sister had been raped. As he held the phone tightly to his ears, he simply could not believe what he was hearing.  For two years, he struggled to deal with the rape and the effect it had on his life – both as the brother of a rape victim and as a male.  He transferred colleges – so he could be close to home and his sister during the trial.  Once back home with his family, Mike saw the pain, rage and sadness his parents, relatives, and family friends were also going through.  The sexual assault of his sister had changed many people’s lives.

As months went by, Mike and his sister became even closer than before.  While going to school during these challenging times, Mike noticed no one was addressing one of the most serious elements of sexual assault — a failure to obtain consent.   The average person was NOT relating to the importance of needing to have permission before engaging in an intimate act with another person. Most individuals did not realize their current dating practices were based on standards of disrespect.

When it came to talking about the rape of his sister, no one knew what to say to him, his sister, or his family.  Most people had never been given the skills needed to support a survivor of sexual assault or his/her family members.  For the majority of people, talking about sexual assault was taboo.

Mike decided to make a difference.  In 1990, Mike approached one of the few experts who spoke around the country on sexual assault.  The expert was surprised and impressed with how Mike was a college student passionate about making a real difference on the issues surrounding sexual assault.  The expert provided Mike with lots of information including myths, laws, stories, and interactive exercises.  As Mike continued to research the issue of sexual assault and dating, he constantly heard students complaining that most sexual assault seminars, speakers, and experts were boring and depressing. At the same time, parents were saying, “My child would never do that“, but their kids were doing “that” and worse. Almost no one was connecting to the issue.  Mike knew what needed to be done.

Students having fun learning during "Can I Kiss You?" show

He started a “one person show” using a powerful tool, humor, to open people’s minds. Once people were laughing, they were much more likely to listen. With everyone’s attention glued to the program, Mike would show the devastation and trauma caused by sexual assault. The name of Mike’s program became “Can I Kiss You?” and has gone onto to be presented in schools, universities, communities, military installations, and at conferences throughout the world. He has created a truly interactive and engaging program that inspires change in the lives of each audience member.

While Mike’s program is one of the most sought after educational presentations today, the journey for Mike took time.  Keep in mind he started this work during an era when schools were  not openly discussing sexual assault.   Mike had to know what he was talking about.

While originally designing and producing the “Can I Kiss You?” show as a college student in 1991, Mike compiled extensive research from a diverse group of resources to insure his message was accurate, honest, and delivering healthy lessons. At first, he started speaking at elementary schools, middle schools, and a few high schools. From 1992-1993, he spoke in over 40 school systems in his region.  Then, he began speaking on college campuses.  While educators were praising his approach, most schools were still too afraid to bring a program discussing intimacy and sexual assault to their students.  While society wasn’t ready, Mike was not going to give up.

Over the next decade, Mike worked as DJ and high school coach where he honed his skills in:

• Interactive education;


Mike roles play with a student from the audience in "Can I Kiss You?"

• Educating teenagers;
• Working with college students; and
• Performing in front of big and small audiences

He was determined to work in any capacity he could in order to be an at-home Dad working on the mission.  In 2002, a couple of educational experts saw Mike present his “Can I Kiss You?” program at a national conference and they were amazed he was not traveling the country full-time speaking.  They began to tell everyone about his work and soon he was being sought throughout the country by organizations, schools, parents, campuses and the US Military.

Mike’s desire was to leave an impact much longer lasting than any one speaker could create.
In 2003, he founded The Date Safe Project, Inc. – our organization dedicated to leaving a positive impact on the many issues surrounding sexual assault and healthy intimacy. Rita was the first professional to join Mike as part of the DSP team and is still the person who takes care of you when you call today.

“I especially want to say how easy it was to work with your office. Rita was very helpful and always so quick to respond to any questions that arose.“
Janet Zylstra, Director of Health Services, Cardinal Stritch University

Since 2003, The Date Safe Project, Inc. has grown to 5 team members – helping organizations and individuals throughout the world.  We are honored to be one of the leading organizations for creating educational materials on consent, respect, sexual assault, and supporting survivors.  Schools, parents, students, community organizations, crisis centers, and the military constantly tell us they turn to The Date Safe Project, Inc. for realistic solutions to tough conversations.

For Mike, his work is based on his greatest inspiration – his sister.  Her strength and courage inspired him to speak out at the age of 21 years old.  Today, her inspiration has helped change many people’s lives around the world.  His sister is the entire reason the book Voices of Courage was created (she is one of the survivors/contributing authors in the book).  Mike wanted everyone to see the amazing strength inside of each sexual assault survivor.  Nothing could accomplish that goal as powerfully as his sister and the other 11 survivors did when they agreed to share their stories in the book Voices of Courage.  From the start, ALL profits from the book and audio CDs have been donated to organizations addressing sexual assault.

Today, Mike is grateful to be the father of 4 boys and married to his wife of over 16 years – all who support and believe in his calling. While being dedicated to the mission of The Date Safe Project, Inc., Mike has always stressed the importance of  setting aside time for family – for both himself and the entire DSP team.  For all the recognitions and awards he has received, Mike has always said, “My greatest blessing in life is my family.  THEY are amazing.” For this reason, he limits how many events he speaks at each year.  However, he never stops trying to create new mediums and outlets for sharing the important messages in his programs.  His drive to share is what led Mike to writing and creating educational materials.

Award-Winning Author and Publisher

As Mike was speaking throughout the country, he was continually receiving requests from students, educators, and parents to create educational products which share the powerful lessons he reveals in his “Can I Kiss You?“ program.  People wanted a resource that was just like his presentations — interactive, humorous, challenging, emotionally honest, and filled with skill building activities.

Since that time, Mike has become one of the most respected and prolific writers/producers of materials addressing healthy dating, consent, sexual decision-making, bystander intervention, sexual assault awareness, and supporting sexual assault survivors.

Help! My Teen is Dating. Real Solutions to Tough Conversations is Mike’s latest resource for families and is hailed as a MUST HAVE for parents of all teenagers.  With the DVD, you get over 80 minutes of interactive, funny, engaging, and powerful DVD video footage filled with precise tools to help your children face the confusing and frustrating times of dating and relationships.  To learn more about this powerful educational DVD for Moms and Dads of teenagers who want to better prepare their sons and daughters for dating and the many decisions regarding intimacy they are bound to face, visit: www.helpmyteenisdating.com.

In 2003, Mike wrote his first book: May I Kiss You? . . . to rave reviews from 12 year olds to college students to parents to members of the military to book reviewers around the country.  Mike had written a direct and to the point “How To” book for dating.  Filled with exercises and challenges, the reader finds him/her self questioning the current dating system and discovering a much healthier and more romantic solution — Asking First!  To learn more, click here.

While writing his first book, he was already planning for his second.  From the inspiration of his own sister and the many survivors he had met over the years, Mike  wanted to give the world a book that would demonstrate the incredible strength and courage sexual assault survivors display on a daily basis.  In 2005, he brought twelve survivors of sexual assault together from around the country to share their personal journey to healing and recovery in the critically-acclaimed book Voices of Courage.  All profits from  Voices of Courage are donated to organizations addressing the many issues surrounding sexual assault.

In addition, Mike has contributed chapters and sections to many books available in stores and online.  You can learn much more about Mike’s books and all his educational products (CDs, T-shirts, buttons, and posters) in the “Educational Tools & Resources” section of this website.  Due to the impact his products and resources have had on society, educators, schools, the US military, and the media continually turns to Mike as one of the leading educators, allies, and experts for responding to current news stories.

Bring Mike to Your Community. Call now 800-329-9390 (or click here to email us) to receive a special 24 page informational magazine and to find the best remaining dates available.

Educator, Ally, Expert, and Media Source

With Mike, you get a passionate educator and a top authority who leads the way by challenging the norms and status quo.  You get a dedicated ally who commits to always respecting every aspect of a very sensitive topic AND working hard for every client to help create a positive impact (an advocate on your side).  You get an engaging and blunt professional who TV, radio, and print outlets say captivates their viewers, listeners, and readers.

Audience members quickly connect with Mike’s personal mission.  All genders know he is their ally.  At the conclusion of each presentation, Mike thoroughly enjoys spending time with every interested audience member.  When people from all walks of life approach Mike and share with him, he is honored.  The greatest moments are often the words shared by survivors!

“I will never forget the impact you have made on my heart and those around me. I am a victim of rape . . . God is working through you in so many ways, and I just pray that hearts continue to be open and willing to listen to what you have to say.” 
– A student from Hastings College

Each year, Mike works closely with school systems, university campuses, and community organizations (service groups and crisis centers) to help improve their ability to create long lasting change for teenagers and adults alike. Often when Mike is speaking in a middle school or high school, the local crisis center is the organization who brought him to the community.  Why? Because his work and approach is highly respected by those in the know.

Laura Bush, First Lady

“Thank you also for writing for children and providing a positive framework of behavior for our youth. With best wishes“

Click here to read entire letter.

When speaking on a college campus, the health center, counseling center, Women’s Center, Gender Studies, Residence Life, Athletics, Dean of Students, and Student Activities frequently TEAM UP to bring him to their students.  Why?  Because each department on campus knows Mike will bring a positive perspective and give their students what they need emotionally, intellectually, and for their overall life education.

“I thought he was wonderful – full of life, energy, and enthusiasm…he made you stop and think and appreciate the “being” in human. I look forward to seeing him again next year.”  Elizabeth Marcuse, President, LIM College

When military installations bring Mike to present, frequently he is first contacted by the SARC (Sexual Assault Response Coordinator). Once leadership attends the “Can I Kiss You?” briefing, they put the word out for everyone to attend!  Why?  Mike’s respect of the military’s perspective is apparent right from the start. Military Leaders appreciate his understanding of their challenges and realize how Mike can help them overcome obstacles with the men and women they lead.

As an educator, professionals continually seek out his special “Going All the Way with . . .” training workshops.  Teachers, professors, activists, community educators, and advocates love how open and sharing Mike is in each workshop.  He gives you the tools to do what he does back in your community.  Teachers have driven 5 hours to attend Mike’s one hour training programs to help them better connect with their students and audiences.

NBC, ABC, and CBS have all featured Mike’s work.  Over the years, he has appeared on over 40 shows (radio/TV).  His live interviews leave reporters and broadcasters talking about the lessons he shared well after he leaves their studio and/or offices.  Radio personalities love how Mike can engage listeners and keep an interview flying throughout.  Journalists and writers turn to Mike for captivating quotes and comments for their  next story.

Call 800-329-9390 Today to Bring Mike’s Impact to Your Community
Be Sure to Ask about the Special Offer.

A representative from the Nickelodeon Network called us last night looking for a 15yr old to 19yr old female student activist working to end sexual violence. They are working on a new show sharing positive examples of teenagers making a difference in their community. They need to find the right person for this story by tomorrow morning (October 13th).

If you have someone in mind to receive this recognition, please email me the following information or have the student email to info@datesafeproject.org (if a minor, please have their parents email the information). I will forward the emails onto Nickelodeon.

** Name of student activist

** Age

** How the student has gone above and beyond to make an impact.

** How the student has displayed leadership skills.

** How the student got involved?

** What is the student working on now?

** Brief Bio.

** City where the student lives.

** Phone Number of student (if student is a minor, please provide Parent’s names for them to seek permission of the parents).

We look forward to your responses.,
The Date Safe Project

LOTS of input is what we are looking for – from both MALES and FEMALES, especially between the ages of 17 years old and 23  years old.  Invite family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors to VOTE and get their chance to WIN!!  Use FaceBook, email, and Twitter to invite people. Here is the website to send them to:  http://www.datesafeproject.org/2010/vote-for-favorite-want-some-action-shirts/

For the “Can I Kiss You?” shirt, we needed more votes from males and so please encourage males to participate.  As a reward for helping, we are going to give out a bunch of free shirts by drawing the names of participants!

Here are the 3 quick steps to the voting process:

1. Pick the #1 Shirt below you would be FIRST TO PURCHASE.  PLEASE LOOK AT THE LARGER VERSION OF EACH SHIRT BEFORE VOTING.  To see larger versions of the shirts, click on the images below. Toward the bottom of the image, you’ll notice arrows to enable you to move back and forth through the images. When you are done looking at the images, click on the middle of the picture again (the pictures will disappear and you’ll be back on this page).

The key wording is you have to like the shirt sooo much you want to buy it for yourself and wear it!   Remember you are not buying anything. You are simply sharing your opinion. The key feedback is what shirt do you like soo much that you would pay to get it more than the other shirts.

**Please know all the designs are copyright protected and owned by The Date Project Inc.

2. Fill out the below survey questions located BELOW the pictures of the shirts and then hit SUBMIT.

3. Click on the SUBMIT button below the survey!

5 T-SHIRT DESIGNS to CHOOSE FROM (these will ALL BE LONG-SLEEVE SHIRTS):

BEFORE VOTING, CLICK ON SMALLER IMAGES FOR LARGER VIEW &

THEN CLICK AGAIN TO COME BACK TO THIS PAGE!!

[Show as slideshow]

……Design #1…………….Design #2…………..Design #3…………Design #4…………….Design #5

VOTE BELOW NOW – ALL INFORMATION IS KEPT CONFIDENTIAL

SPECIAL REWARD: For participating in the survey below, you will be put in the drawing to win the new shirts AND will receive a special code to get a discount off  the shirts when they are ready to be delivered to you.

Once the final choices go to production, names will be drawn to give you the chance to win FREE posters.  Plus, you will receive an email with a special code giving you a special discount off the posters during the first week they are available online!

Did you know you can now download the critically-acclaimed book Voices of Courage for FREE?  Download the ebook, audio book (including 26 audio tracks), or BOTH!!  You choose.

Your time on our website is greatly appreciated.  Please take the opportunity to look around, watch video clips, read articles, and participate in our online forums.  Be sure to look at the NEW “Can I Kiss You?  Do You Ask?” T-shirts (click here).  ENJOY!