“Can I Kiss You?” & Mike Domitrz at John Carroll University

First off, a special “THANKS” goes out to Ryan Knotts for bringing the “Can I Kiss You?” program to John Carroll University for the past 5 years.  Ryan is moving into a new position in a few months.  Ashley, we are excited to work with you in the coming years.  Ashley was brought in just a few months ago to run the VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) Grant JCU received.  Congrats on the grant!!

Today’s program addressed intimacy, consent, respect, choices, sexual assault, and supporting survivors of sexual assault.

Here is the video from the students at today’s “Can I Kiss You?” program:

Thanks & Pics from NW Missouri State University

A big thanks goes to Leslie Chandler and everyone at NW Missouri State University.  Their gift bag was very cool.  My sons are going to especially love the pizza cutter!!  Each year, you graciously present me with your incoming classes T-shirt and I am always happy to wear it!  Below are pictures from the night:

Tweens are dating while some parents and educators are often sleeping.

Many parents and educators make the mistake of thinking education on dating starts when a child turns 13 years of age.  The reality is many males and females are engaging in sexual conversations and acts during their tween years (some even younger).  What’s a tween?  Typically people consider children 11 and 12 years old to be tweens.  They are in middle school, but not teenagers yet.   

The tweens say they are dating.  When I am speaking in middle schools, students constantly share with me how they are dating and what "dating" means to them.  What they call "dating" is what most parents refer to as "hooking up" — getting together to hang out and be intimate in some form (from kissing to more advanced sexual activity).  Even going to the movies is frequently motivated by going "in the dark to make out."  Students are not shy about discussing this viewpoint.

What is the problem?  The tweens view dating as "hook-ups"; intimate moments; and/or sexual conquests.  They consider sexual activity and dating to be the same thing.  Some tweens believe oral sex and sexual intercourse are a must have for a relationship.  Who can blame them?  They have been exposed to such images over and over again through media, entertainment, and advertising. 

Worst of all, many parents and educators do nothing to reverse that belief process.  The good news is I know our readers do care.  You are working hard to make a positive impact.  Here my challenge for you this week:

Teach at least 3 tweens what dating really is. It’s not a license for sex.  The definition of dating is:- an appointment to meet at a specified time; especially: a social engagement between two persons. The purpose of a date is to get to know someone better, what their interests are, and what you have in common. Ask tweens if they know what dating really means.

Be open minded and sincere in your question.  If the tween sees you "trying to make point," they are likely to shut down or tell you what you want to hear.  Instead, open the conversation with, "Can you help me out, please?  It has been so long since I dated, what does that mean nowadays?  What does it mean when your friends say they are dating or what does dating mean to you?"  You may be surprised by the answer.  If you are, make a "date" with your child, get to know them a little better and help them understand the purpose of a date.

Sexual Assault Awareness Signs Being Torn Down at Princeton

SpeakOut is a simple posting found in bathroom stalls all over Princeton’s campus. SpeakOut is thought provoking and raises awareness about sexual harassment and assault. Unfortunately, their signs are disappearing. Why? The people who make up the SpeakOut group believe it is a form a protest.

The SpeakOut group was formed because it was recognized that 1 in 12 college men have conducted themselves in such a way that they have met the legal definition of rape. Additionally, the group disagrees with current slang found on campus that degrades women and makes light of sexual assault.

Click here to read more.

SpeakOut would like to see the issues of campus sexual assault and date rape recognized. Instead their message is being torn down – literally.  We encourage SpeakOut to stay determined – as many of us around the country support their efforts!!

Glamorizing Porn at Yale

"Sex week" is taking place at Yale.  If you know of my work, you know how strongly I believe in colleges and universities addressing healthy sexuality.  This particular "Sex Week" is not the kind of "healthy sexuality" we believe in promoting.

Next Saturday, as part of the student-run program "Sex Week" at Yale, pornographer Steve Hirsch (founder and owner of leading porn studio Vivid Productions) will be at Yale University to talk about how he has mainstreamed the porn industry.

One of the contests to take place during the week at Yale is – best "Vivid Productions Look Alike Girl."

As Gail Dines states in the article which has a link to it below, the atrocity is no counter-voice is being given the chance to be heard at Yale during this program.  This is not a panel.  There are no speakers scheduled afterward to follow-up on the dangers of pornography and the industry itself.  Thus, you have a Pornographer being glamorized at one of our country’s most prestigious schools.

Read Gail Dines’ insightful comments at:
http://www.courant.com/news/opinion/op_ed/hc-dines0211.artfeb11,0,7749566.story

Knowing Yale University has some outstanding women on their campus who work hard against these very dangerouse messages, I am saddended to see their voices are not even being given a chance to be expressed on their own campus.  This event is not a knock on Yale University.  This program simply proves how violent, unhealthy, and dangerous sexuality has become accepted through pornography.

“Not One More Child” Campaign Against Sexual Predators

2 activist groups; Surviving Parents Coalition (SPC) & National Association to Protect Children (PROTECT) joined forces to launch their "Not One More Child Campaign."  Click here to read details.

Did you know there are thousands of sexual predators roaming the street of America – freely and without care? Did you know that law enforcement has enough evidence to locate, arrest and prosecute these predators? Only about 2% of the sexual predator population is investigated. Why? Lack of resources and personnel. The group hopes to spread the word of "Not One More Child!" across the nation – saving our children from predators.

Girl Scouts, Cookies, Violence, and Empowerment

When people think of the Girl Scouts, most get the image of a pig tailed little girl hawking yummy confections that only come out once a year. That’s when most of America seems to take notice of the Girl Scouts.

The Girl Scouts is an organization whose main goal is empowering young females. Nothing proved that more than the event that took place in Westminster, Colorado. The Girl Scouts teamed up with the American Bar Association to work side by side with lawyers and other legal professionals to learn about the law as it applies to violence and to learn safety and prevention tips.

The Girl Scouts and The American Bar Association have created a partnership to introduce a national pilot plan called "Take Charge! Violence Prevention, Conflict Resolution and Law."  To read more, click here.

Now that’s empowerment!

How Did YOUR State Rank during National Teen Violence Awareness Week?

The results are already in. Out of 50 States, only 3 received an "A" grade when it came to National Teen Violence Awareness week! Congrats to California, Oklahoma and New Hampshire.

What about the other 47 states?  Why is our country still sweeping this major societal crime under the carpet?  Why do parents and school systems believe it doesn’t happen in their communities (or at least not to their children)? 

Do you know one of the largest factors in under-reporting?  It’s the state laws. They aren’t in place for your children. The laws in many states make it difficult for children to come forward and get the protection they need. Does your state have these items in place in the domestic violence law?

1. Are protective orders and restraining orders available to minors in your state?
2. Are dating relationships not recognized as valid domestic relationships for obtaining restraining orders in your state?

Did you know that only the New Hampshire law specifically allows minors of any age to go to court by themselves to apply for a protective order?

We need to give minors the ability to be proactive in their lives. Many minors don’t report what is going on because the reporting needs to go through adults. The good news is more and more children are becoming comfortable talking to educators, crisis centers, and law enforcement about what is really going on in their lives.

See how your state did.  Visit www.breakthecycle.org today.

Connecticut Students let silence speak out against violence

Sometimes silence is stronger than words. Students in Stamford, Connecticut participated in National Teen Violence Awareness week by holding signs stating, "Love is NOT abuse" and "Love is NOT a shove." The silent protests were heard around the nation.  With Connecticut ranked number two in the nation for domestic violence, the teens in Connecticut are taking this week very seriously. 

Students are actively boosting awareness in their schools and communities.  A group of students from a coalition called The Peace Project stated they would testify against the state Judiciary Committee and hold silent protests in Hartford, Connecticut to show their position on the subject.

The students are making headway. They received recognition from State Senator Judith Freedman.  The best news?  The students are dedicated to awareness, not just for this week – but for every day of the year!

Teenagers in North Texas Address Teen Dating Violence

As we find ourselves right in the middle of National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Week, I am encouraged to see teens and schools around the country participating in making a difference.

What we fail to realize is dating violence is often learned in schools from peers. Educating our teens about healthy relationships and raising awareness will greatly reduce the cycle of violence.

The Family Place and the Allstate foundation in the Dallas area in particular have done a wonderful job in creating awareness and providing tools for teens and families. The two teams joined forces to develop a 10 week teen dating violence awareness curriculum. The curriculum is being taught in 25 schools around the Dallas area and meets the requirements of the Texas mandate requiring all schools to develop a dating violence policy.

I look forward to the day that all schools offer this type of violence and awareness training. 

Read more at: http://www.sunherald.com/447/story/348843.html 

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