Protecting your teen’s online reputation is more important now than ever. Right now,  everyone from credit lenders in charge of issuing credit cards to college admissions officers weighing which students to accept regularly uses information found on the Internet, particularly on social networking sites, to make decisions that could affect your teen’s life.

Wait, college admissions officers?! That’s right. According to a Kaplan study of 500 competitive colleges, 10% of admissions officers said they look at applicants’ social networking profiles to evaluate them. Out of the colleges that used this online information, 38% said that what they found “negatively affected” how they saw applicants.

So, if your teen has a bad reputation online, that means they now have a bad reputation “in real life,” too.

What can you, as a parent, do to protect your teen’s online reputation? Well, in terms of social networking sites, Facebook and Twitter are very popular among teens, so we will cover some basic privacy settings you can discuss with your child. Then, we will discuss how to protect your teen’s privacy on the Internet in general.

1. Help your teen tighten up their security settings on Facebook.

First of all, you should know that if your teen is under 18, Facebook already sets up stricter security settings for them.

For example, according to Facebook’s official Help Center, most of the information a teen shares can be seen only by “friends of friends,” while adults can choose to share anything they want with the “public.” That is, only the people who are friends with your teen’s friends can send them messages on Facebook, read their status updates, see their photos, and look at lots of other information that they share.

Now, some Facebook users accept every friend request they get, so they end up with hundreds or even thousands of “friends.” So, even though Facebook’s “friends of friends” security setting protects teens somewhat, you should still talk to your teen about what type of information they should share only with their own friends, or not at all.

After talking to your teen, you could try clicking through your child’s privacy settings together and talking about the advantages and disadvantages of sharing certain information with certain people.

Now, many parents ask themselves whether they should add their teen as a friend on their own Facebook account. Facebook recommends talking to your teen about why you want to add them as a friend first, so you can open up a dialogue.

According to Facebook, a parent who adds their teen as a friend should be a role model, resist the urge to post too often, never scold their teen publicly, and avoid adding their teen’s friends. Basically, the more your actions embarrass your teen, the less likely they are to follow your advice!

However, if your teen is OK with it and you can let them explore social networking on their own, adding your teen can be a great way to make sure they aren’t posting anything that would put their online reputation at risk.

2. Talk to your teen about protecting their tweets on Twitter.

Now, Facebook and Twitter both have a policy that users must be at least 13 to have an account. Unlike Facebook, however, Twitter doesn’t really take any steps to enforce this. You don’t even have to give your date of birth when you sign up for an account, so anyone can do it.

That said, there are really only 2 main things you can do if your teen already has a Twitter account: remind them about the kinds of things they shouldn’t tweet and talk to them about protecting their tweets.

The first is pretty obvious. Tweets are automatically open to everyone on the Internet, so your teen shouldn’t be posting any raunchy, offensive, or highly personal updates. They shouldn’t be doing that on any social networking site anyway.

The second is a feature that isn’t widely used on Twitter, so we’ll explain it a little. According to Twitter’s Help Center, protecting your Tweets lets users decide who can read them on a case-by-case basis.

So, for example, if someone wants to follow your teen’s Twitter account, your teen will have to approve the request before any of their tweets become visible to that person. Plus, protected Tweets won’t show up in Twitter searches, @replies your teen makes to people who aren’t following them won’t show up, and your teen will not be able to share permanent links with anyone except their approved followers.

Again, start a conversation with your teen about the advantages and disadvantages of protecting their tweets. As with Facebook, following their Twitter account can also be a good option.

3. Make sure your teen knows the dangers of sharing too much personal information anywhere online.

Your teen needs to understand the consequences of sharing information like their full name, phone number, and address online.

Remember that every piece of personal information your teen shares online will make it easier to find even more information about them. In fact, some people enjoy “doxing” others online, which means revealing their personally identifiable information publicly, as a kind of prank.

This can sometimes include sensitive details like information about family members or even credit card numbers. While this isn’t the most common form of “dropping dox” on someone, it could easily lead to identify theft, so it should be taken seriously.

Other than the obvious steps your teen can take, like never posting their phone number or address publicly, or ever sharing your credit card information without your permission, there are a few more steps they can take.

For example, on websites where your teen uses a screen name, it is better to use a different name on each website. This not only makes doxing your teen more difficult, but can also deter hacking attempts, since having the same screen name and password on every website means that losing control of one could compromise the rest.

This is especially important on websites where credit card or PayPal information has been saved. Of course, having a different password on each site is always ideal, too.

Your teen also needs to be careful with the pictures they share. Obviously, this means not posting party photos, but also keeping track of what they post where. Reverse image search engines like TinEye.com can find out if a picture has been posted on different sites, which can make it easier to track down your teen, along with any private or embarrassing information they posted along with that image.

You should regularly run a search for your teen on websites like pipl.com, a search engine that lets you find detailed information on people for free. You should look yourself up while you are at it!

If your teen understands how easy it can be to find people online, they may be less tempted to post more than they need to.

Daniela Baker from the credit card comparison website, CreditDonkey, says when it comes to protecting your teen’s online reputation, the most important thing you can do is talk to them about the many issues related to protecting their online privacy. Help them understand that what they post online could follow them for a lifetime.

As a start, why not show them this article and discuss it together?

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While many towns and cities around the country debate how and if “Sex Ed” should be handled IN the school, WHO needs “Sex Ed” becomes an interesting question. This past summer in an article that didn’t capture the media’s attention, a college student stated he thought PARENTS need Sex Ed today.

As I travel the world speaking with parents, many Moms and Dads share real stories of how naive their fellow parents are when it comes to dating and sexual activity among their pre-teen and teenager sons and daughters. Parents constantly share how everyone wants to believe, “Not my child.”

For parents who do believe in discussing Sex Ed at home, some if not many often don’t know HOW to talk about the issue – besides trying to scare their child away from intimacy. When you share with parents about a sexual fad taking place among school age children, many Moms and Dads look at you with disbelief. Sometimes, you even hear someone say, “I’m 45 years old and have never tried that – and never would.” Their children are thinking and sometimes acting beyond their parent’s imagination.

What do you think? Do today’s parents need Sex Education? What do you think parents need to learn and/or discover? Since many people say, “That is a subject which should be taught at home,” is home the ONLY right place for teaching “Sex Ed”?  Would teaching both AT HOME and AT SCHOOL be more effective or less? Do most parents at home have the right information for teaching the subject matter? If you think parents do need Sex Ed, how would you recommend providing the education and actually getting parents to attend?

Share your thoughts and ideas in the COMMENTS section below.

One of the most common questions people ask me on airplanes is, “What is it like speaking to the military? That must be a difficult audience, right?” My response is, “They are one of the greatest audiences you will ever speak with: respectful, engaged, fun, and passionate!” As a person who gets to share his knowledge, experience, and thoughts around the world, I have great appreciation for the fact our men and women in uniform fight every day for my right to do precisely what I do – speak my mind.

Lantern Festival in Seoul, South Korea (along a river in downtown Seoul).

Today’s post is a THANK YOU to all the men and women serving our country. During this holiday season, will you please take a moment to remember those who will not be with their family members? I flew back home the night before Thanksgiving. The final day was emotional.  As you stand on stage looking out at nearly one thousand service members in the last presentation, you realize they will still be here tomorrow when I am with my family on Thanksgiving. As I thanked them, I got a little choked up at that very moment.

Please take one moment each day during the holiday season to say, “Thanks” to those who serve our country. Who knows – you may make it a habit well beyond the holidays!

P.S. You may notice the picture to the right is not of our soldiers. Why?  I was in an area of the world where our soldiers prepare to “fight every night” – thus honoring their privacy is essential. You are looking at a picture of the Lantern Festival in Seoul, South Korea which was happening while I was visiting. The picture was taken my first night in the country.

“I believe I misspoke very badly in my response to the allegations that have been made. I shouldn’t have questioned what the accusers expressed or their motives. I am really sorry that I did that, and I regret any harm that I caused,” he told reporters after his basketball game Friday night. “It was insensitive for the individuals involved and especially to the overall issue of child abuse.“
Jim Boeheim, Syracuse University Men’s Basketball Coach. 

Coaches and leaders MUST do a better job of thinking BEFORE reacting publicly to sexual assault and sexual molestation cases.  Look at how many “officials” have recently been quick to defend individuals accused of sexual assault, molestation and harassment. All the research from credible sources show such crimes have incredibly low percentages for “false reports,” yet continually people want to DEFEND the perpetrator FIRST.

Over the past 3 weeks, we have seen THREE cases in the national media where people came to defend leaders who did not take the proper actions or who have been accused of sexual misconduct and/or crimes: Herman Cain, Bernie Fine, Joe Paterno, and Jerry Sandusky. Notice we are not saying to decide innocence or guilty. Simply LEARN MORE before reacting.

A perpetrator can be ANYONE: your neighbor, your sibling, your work colleague, your community leader, a faith leader, etc…  Stop and evaluate the ENTIRE situation before reacting. Imagine being a survivor in a case where thousands or millions of individuals DEFEND the person who sexually attacked you. Survivors deserve our respect and admiration – not the perpetrators.

MOVING FORWARD FROM PENN STATE: The night of the firing of Joe Paterno, the media ran nonstop coverage of hundreds of students protesting. The next night, THOUSANDS of students participated in a Candlelight Vigil for the survivors. While media sources showed some quick footage of the Candlelight Vigil, they did not give it near the coverage of the protests received the night before. Imagine an entire night of media coverage of the Candlelight Vigil. You could have had reporters with camera persons walking the entire Vigil and sharing with the world the comments made at the end. You have been honoring survivors worldwide AND shedding light on the crime of sexual assault and molestation.

May we all make a commitment to shift from “getting caught in the ratings contest” TO working tirelessly to reduce sexual violence.

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The Ad has been deemed inappropriate by the watchdog authority in Britain and thus has been pulled. Do you still protest Marc Jacob’s – the company? The company was going to run the Ad in magazines. Please share your thoughts and reactions in the COMMENTS section below.

Are you a single parent who is dating or is thinking of dating again?

After a divorce, dating eventually protrudes its pretty little head out of the bushes. Like most newly single parents, dating has become completely foreign after a long unhealthy marriage. With so many responsibilities on the shoulders of the single parent, loneliness can easily creep in along with depression. Loneliness and depression are not things that the children should see, so it is important to connect with an encouraging friend or family member after a divorce.

Do not think it strange that these emotions are erupting after a divorce. Regardless as to whether the marriage was good or bad, the reality of not having someone there can definitely take it’s toll on single people. The goal is to keep a stable mind and not allow your emotions to dictate your future. As prospective partners begin to pursue the single parent, there are many things to take into consideration while dating.

First of all, it is best to wait a while before dating again after a divorce. Reason being, although you are over your ex-relationship, your children may not be. Take their feelings into account before accepting that first dinner date. Although, children are not supposed to dictate the relationships of their parents, there is nothing wrong with being sensitive to what they are feeling. Not taking slow steps can set a precedent for hostility towards the new relationship.

Secondly, do not forget you are a parent. Divorce gives people a new sense of freedom that they have not tasted in a long time. For the newly divorced single parent, that new freedom has it’s share of limitations. For example, staying out overnight should not be done by the single parent. Especially if it is just some spontaneous decision. Even if the babysitter can stay overnight, keep in mind that the kids are not use to having their mother or father stay away from home in that sense. So save those pajama parties for the honeymoon.

Third, when introducing your child to the prospective partner, do no try to “sell” your child to him. When I say sell, I mean do not make your child feel as though they have to impress this new person as if the prospective partner is the prize. Although you may want this person in your life, do not force a relationship between him and the children. Keep in mind that your children are just as much as important to the relationship as he is.

Fourth, keep in mind that not only should this new guy be a potentially perfect match for you, but should also be a perfect match for your children. When you are a single parent, there is no point in dating someone that is not ready to be a parent.

Lastly, before the relationship goes too far it is encouraged that you do a background check on them or simply research their name on the internet. Check out all his social networking sites, see what pops up in the various search engines connected to his name. The goal is to simply make sure he is not wanted by the police.

On a more positive note, keep in mind that this new relationship comes with a lot of exciting and new adventures. Just try to include your children with all these new steps towards companionship

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BIO of GUEST BLOGGER:

Katha Blackwell is a mother, blogger, freelance writer and author of Not Another Victim: A Woman’s Guide to Avoiding A Bad Relationship. Katha Blackwell was raised in an abusive household throughout her childhood, which motivated her to help women obtain wisdom about relationships. Blackwell has provided counseling and direct service to women for 10 years. She currently holds a Masters in Social Work from The University of Chicago. For more information, please visit her website at www.kathablackwell.com.

Safe

Words carry parents and children through whimsical conversations about how many stars light up the night sky; or talks about the amazing strength of flowers to emerge from underground, even though they feel so fragile to touch. Engaging a young child’s curiosity and imagination can be very entertaining when talking is natural, easy and safe.

Yet, what happens during an uncomfortable conversation? Body language and facial expressions have as much power as spoken words (and perhaps sometimes more). Any parent watching a teenager pout, roll their eyes or grunt in disgust can attest to that! Young children are susceptible to the power of unspoken messages too. When a parent is visibly uncomfortable with a conversation and shuts down, children shut down too. Communication breaks down and the topic becomes unapproachable. A precedent is set for which topics are safe to talk about and which ones are not.

During my workshops, adults illustrate the damage of unsafe talks, carrying needless pain from childhood: “When my mother was sick with cancer, no one talked about it…even though I was only eight they should’ve trusted me.” Trust is a valuable tool that anchors families. No matter how well intentioned, children are not protected in being sheltered; they are, in fact, denied the ability to make a viable difference. On the contrary, children are protected when parents talk about what’s comfortable and uncomfortable. Doing so helps everyone gain coping tools, acquire insight and establish trust in relationships. That is protection that lasts a lifetime.

Curiosity and imagination shouldn’t disappear in childhood…and neither should whimsical conversations. As children grow older, so will their hopes, dreams, curiosities and fears. Yet, they never outgrow the need for safe talks. Protect them by talking about peer pressure, alcohol, dating and sex—in age appropriate ways throughout their growing up years.

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WRITTEN BY: Maryann Makekau, Author & Inspirational Speaker

Copyright 2011

www.becausehopematters.com

Written by Guest Blogger, Sharon Fox.

Child abuse is more than broken bones and bruises. While physical abuse is shocking due to the scars it leaves, not all child abuse is as obvious. Ignoring children’s needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making a child feel worthless or stupid are also child abuse. Regardless of the type of child abuse, the result is serious emotional harm.

There are several myths about child abuse that need to be addressed. Here are a few of them.

Myths and facts about child abuse and neglect:

MYTH #1: It’s only abuse if it’s violent.

Fact: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, other people are less likely to intervene.

MYTH #2: Only bad people abuse their children.

Fact: While it’s easy to say that only “bad people” abuse their children, it’s not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don’t know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem.

MYTH #3: Child abuse doesn’t happen in “good” families.

Fact: Child abuse doesn’t only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors.

MYTH #4: Most child abusers are strangers.

Fact: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family.

MYTH #5: Abused children always grow up to be abusers.

Fact: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconsciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.

If you know of a child who is being abused or neglected, please contact your local Child Protective Services Department or Police. Every child deserves to live a happy and safe life.

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Sharon Fox
Protect Our Children Foundation

Sharon Fox is an author and child abuse activist. Being a survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse is what prompted her to fight so hard to protect the innocenc of children. To learn more about Sharon and protecting a child or children from abuse and neglect, visit www.goodcookin4u2.webs.com or www.protectourchildren.webs.com .

BUMMER: Unfortunately, the recording had an error and so we do not have the recording available.  We greatly apologize.

Who: Starbright Foundation Inc Founders, Lori & Pastor Mike (http://www.starbrightfoundation.org).

Details: The Starbright Foundation shares how to protect children and young adults from Sex Trafficking and Abusive Relationships. Topics included in the teleseminar were: Internet safety in social media for children and adults (dating, chat rooms, etc.); Signs of abuse from sexual abuse, clergy abuse, cultic abuse, etc. and steps to intervene in house or in community; Local fundraising or involvement as volunteers.  Your host was Mike Domitrz from the The Date Safe Project.

Cost was FREE.