Mike Domitrz talks with a student in Lake Forest, IL

• His Story & Mission
• Award-Winning Author & Publisher
• Educator, Ally, and Expert

His Story and Mission:

Why does Mike Domitrz, Founder of The Date Safe Project, have such an intense passion and drive to:

• Dramatically improve society’s approach to healthy dating;
• Create a better understanding of how “consent” is obtained in intimacy;
• Reveal the keys to effective bystander intervention with alcohol and sexual activity; and
• Teach how to properly support survivors of sexual assault?

In 1989, Mike received a phone call informing him his sister had been raped. As he held the phone tightly to his ears, he simply could not believe what he was hearing.  For two years, he struggled to deal with the rape and the effect it had on his life – both as the brother of a rape victim and as a male.  He transferred colleges – so he could be close to home and his sister during the trial.  Once back home with his family, Mike saw the pain, rage and sadness his parents, relatives, and family friends were also going through.  The sexual assault of his sister had changed many people’s lives.

As months went by, Mike and his sister became even closer than before.  While going to school during these challenging times, Mike noticed no one was addressing one of the most serious elements of sexual assault — a failure to obtain consent.   The average person was NOT relating to the importance of needing to have permission before engaging in an intimate act with another person. Most individuals did not realize their current dating practices were based on standards of disrespect.

When it came to talking about the rape of his sister, no one knew what to say to him, his sister, or his family.  Most people had never been given the skills needed to support a survivor of sexual assault or his/her family members.  For the majority of people, talking about sexual assault was taboo.

Mike decided to make a difference.  In 1990, Mike approached one of the few experts who spoke around the country on sexual assault.  The expert was surprised and impressed with how Mike was a college student passionate about making a real difference on the issues surrounding sexual assault.  The expert provided Mike with lots of information including myths, laws, stories, and interactive exercises.  As Mike continued to research the issue of sexual assault and dating, he constantly heard students complaining that most sexual assault seminars, speakers, and experts were boring and depressing. At the same time, parents were saying, “My child would never do that“, but their kids were doing “that” and worse. Almost no one was connecting to the issue.  Mike knew what needed to be done.

Students having fun learning during "Can I Kiss You?" show

He started a “one person show” using a powerful tool, humor, to open people’s minds. Once people were laughing, they were much more likely to listen. With everyone’s attention glued to the program, Mike would show the devastation and trauma caused by sexual assault. The name of Mike’s program became “Can I Kiss You?” and has gone onto to be presented in schools, universities, communities, military installations, and at conferences throughout the world. He has created a truly interactive and engaging program that inspires change in the lives of each audience member.

While Mike’s program is one of the most sought after educational presentations today, the journey for Mike took time.  Keep in mind he started this work during an era when schools were  not openly discussing sexual assault.   Mike had to know what he was talking about.

While originally designing and producing the “Can I Kiss You?” show as a college student in 1991, Mike compiled extensive research from a diverse group of resources to insure his message was accurate, honest, and delivering healthy lessons. At first, he started speaking at elementary schools, middle schools, and a few high schools. From 1992-1993, he spoke in over 40 school systems in his region.  Then, he began speaking on college campuses.  While educators were praising his approach, most schools were still too afraid to bring a program discussing intimacy and sexual assault to their students.  While society wasn’t ready, Mike was not going to give up.

Over the next decade, Mike worked as DJ and high school coach where he honed his skills in:

• Interactive education;


Mike roles play with a student from the audience in "Can I Kiss You?"

• Educating teenagers;
• Working with college students; and
• Performing in front of big and small audiences

He was determined to work in any capacity he could in order to be an at-home Dad working on the mission.  In 2002, a couple of educational experts saw Mike present his “Can I Kiss You?” program at a national conference and they were amazed he was not traveling the country full-time speaking.  They began to tell everyone about his work and soon he was being sought throughout the country by organizations, schools, parents, campuses and the US Military.

Mike’s desire was to leave an impact much longer lasting than any one speaker could create.
In 2003, he founded The Date Safe Project, Inc. – our organization dedicated to leaving a positive impact on the many issues surrounding sexual assault and healthy intimacy. Rita was the first professional to join Mike as part of the DSP team and is still the person who takes care of you when you call today.

“I especially want to say how easy it was to work with your office. Rita was very helpful and always so quick to respond to any questions that arose.“
Janet Zylstra, Director of Health Services, Cardinal Stritch University

Since 2003, The Date Safe Project, Inc. has grown to 5 team members – helping organizations and individuals throughout the world.  We are honored to be one of the leading organizations for creating educational materials on consent, respect, sexual assault, and supporting survivors.  Schools, parents, students, community organizations, crisis centers, and the military constantly tell us they turn to The Date Safe Project, Inc. for realistic solutions to tough conversations.

For Mike, his work is based on his greatest inspiration – his sister.  Her strength and courage inspired him to speak out at the age of 21 years old.  Today, her inspiration has helped change many people’s lives around the world.  His sister is the entire reason the book Voices of Courage was created (she is one of the survivors/contributing authors in the book).  Mike wanted everyone to see the amazing strength inside of each sexual assault survivor.  Nothing could accomplish that goal as powerfully as his sister and the other 11 survivors did when they agreed to share their stories in the book Voices of Courage.  From the start, ALL profits from the book and audio CDs have been donated to organizations addressing sexual assault.

Today, Mike is grateful to be the father of 4 boys and married to his wife of over 16 years – all who support and believe in his calling. While being dedicated to the mission of The Date Safe Project, Inc., Mike has always stressed the importance of  setting aside time for family – for both himself and the entire DSP team.  For all the recognitions and awards he has received, Mike has always said, “My greatest blessing in life is my family.  THEY are amazing.” For this reason, he limits how many events he speaks at each year.  However, he never stops trying to create new mediums and outlets for sharing the important messages in his programs.  His drive to share is what led Mike to writing and creating educational materials.

Award-Winning Author and Publisher

As Mike was speaking throughout the country, he was continually receiving requests from students, educators, and parents to create educational products which share the powerful lessons he reveals in his “Can I Kiss You?“ program.  People wanted a resource that was just like his presentations — interactive, humorous, challenging, emotionally honest, and filled with skill building activities.

Since that time, Mike has become one of the most respected and prolific writers/producers of materials addressing healthy dating, consent, sexual decision-making, bystander intervention, sexual assault awareness, and supporting sexual assault survivors.

Help! My Teen is Dating. Real Solutions to Tough Conversations is Mike’s latest resource for families and is hailed as a MUST HAVE for parents of all teenagers.  With the DVD, you get over 80 minutes of interactive, funny, engaging, and powerful DVD video footage filled with precise tools to help your children face the confusing and frustrating times of dating and relationships.  To learn more about this powerful educational DVD for Moms and Dads of teenagers who want to better prepare their sons and daughters for dating and the many decisions regarding intimacy they are bound to face, visit: www.helpmyteenisdating.com.

In 2003, Mike wrote his first book: May I Kiss You? . . . to rave reviews from 12 year olds to college students to parents to members of the military to book reviewers around the country.  Mike had written a direct and to the point “How To” book for dating.  Filled with exercises and challenges, the reader finds him/her self questioning the current dating system and discovering a much healthier and more romantic solution — Asking First!  To learn more, click here.

While writing his first book, he was already planning for his second.  From the inspiration of his own sister and the many survivors he had met over the years, Mike  wanted to give the world a book that would demonstrate the incredible strength and courage sexual assault survivors display on a daily basis.  In 2005, he brought twelve survivors of sexual assault together from around the country to share their personal journey to healing and recovery in the critically-acclaimed book Voices of Courage.  All profits from  Voices of Courage are donated to organizations addressing the many issues surrounding sexual assault.

In addition, Mike has contributed chapters and sections to many books available in stores and online.  You can learn much more about Mike’s books and all his educational products (CDs, T-shirts, buttons, and posters) in the “Educational Tools & Resources” section of this website.  Due to the impact his products and resources have had on society, educators, schools, the US military, and the media continually turns to Mike as one of the leading educators, allies, and experts for responding to current news stories.

Bring Mike to Your Community. Call now 800-329-9390 (or click here to email us) to receive a special 24 page informational magazine and to find the best remaining dates available.

Educator, Ally, Expert, and Media Source

With Mike, you get a passionate educator and a top authority who leads the way by challenging the norms and status quo.  You get a dedicated ally who commits to always respecting every aspect of a very sensitive topic AND working hard for every client to help create a positive impact (an advocate on your side).  You get an engaging and blunt professional who TV, radio, and print outlets say captivates their viewers, listeners, and readers.

Audience members quickly connect with Mike’s personal mission.  All genders know he is their ally.  At the conclusion of each presentation, Mike thoroughly enjoys spending time with every interested audience member.  When people from all walks of life approach Mike and share with him, he is honored.  The greatest moments are often the words shared by survivors!

“I will never forget the impact you have made on my heart and those around me. I am a victim of rape . . . God is working through you in so many ways, and I just pray that hearts continue to be open and willing to listen to what you have to say.” 
– A student from Hastings College

Each year, Mike works closely with school systems, university campuses, and community organizations (service groups and crisis centers) to help improve their ability to create long lasting change for teenagers and adults alike. Often when Mike is speaking in a middle school or high school, the local crisis center is the organization who brought him to the community.  Why? Because his work and approach is highly respected by those in the know.

Laura Bush, First Lady

“Thank you also for writing for children and providing a positive framework of behavior for our youth. With best wishes“

Click here to read entire letter.

When speaking on a college campus, the health center, counseling center, Women’s Center, Gender Studies, Residence Life, Athletics, Dean of Students, and Student Activities frequently TEAM UP to bring him to their students.  Why?  Because each department on campus knows Mike will bring a positive perspective and give their students what they need emotionally, intellectually, and for their overall life education.

“I thought he was wonderful – full of life, energy, and enthusiasm…he made you stop and think and appreciate the “being” in human. I look forward to seeing him again next year.”  Elizabeth Marcuse, President, LIM College

When military installations bring Mike to present, frequently he is first contacted by the SARC (Sexual Assault Response Coordinator). Once leadership attends the “Can I Kiss You?” briefing, they put the word out for everyone to attend!  Why?  Mike’s respect of the military’s perspective is apparent right from the start. Military Leaders appreciate his understanding of their challenges and realize how Mike can help them overcome obstacles with the men and women they lead.

As an educator, professionals continually seek out his special “Going All the Way with . . .” training workshops.  Teachers, professors, activists, community educators, and advocates love how open and sharing Mike is in each workshop.  He gives you the tools to do what he does back in your community.  Teachers have driven 5 hours to attend Mike’s one hour training programs to help them better connect with their students and audiences.

NBC, ABC, and CBS have all featured Mike’s work.  Over the years, he has appeared on over 40 shows (radio/TV).  His live interviews leave reporters and broadcasters talking about the lessons he shared well after he leaves their studio and/or offices.  Radio personalities love how Mike can engage listeners and keep an interview flying throughout.  Journalists and writers turn to Mike for captivating quotes and comments for their  next story.

Call 800-329-9390 Today to Bring Mike’s Impact to Your Community
Be Sure to Ask about the Special Offer.

• #1 for Single, Committed, & MARRIED individuals!
• The Program for Parents in the Military & Their Teens!
• Presentations for Your DoDEA Schools (and local schools)

#1 for Single, Committed, & MARRIED individuals!

As you know, finding an educational and engaging program for the men and women on your installation can be difficult because you have single individuals, people in committed relationships who are not married, and you have married couples.  One of the best aspects of the “Can I Kiss You?” program and Mike Domitrz’s approach is “Asking First“, “Opening a Door,” and “Being a Friend” works no matter what kind of a relationship you are in or are not in. Why?  Because INTIMACY can occur in each situation (single or married).

Mike’s upfront approach enables and encourages the men and women in the audience to ask more detailed questions.  Thus, giving individuals great opportunity to dig deep into their own situation and explore the exact application of respect, asking first, and supporting survivors in their specific lives. No other program addresses this unique diversity which exists in every audience.

Time and time again, military men and women say, “Thank You” to Mike for creating an open and honest atmosphere which included everyone (single or married).  Ironically, such appreciation is shown from both singles and married couples – both groups often feel other presentations tend to only speak to one of them and not the other.  “Can I Kiss You?” breaks that perception barrier and brings everyone into the conversation!

PARENTS, Their TEENS, and the Schools

Family life has one of the biggest influences on the men and women in our military.  Providing useful and insightful resources which can give our military members with teenagers real solutions to challenges in their home leads to more focused & well-rounded military members.

The HELP! My Teen Is Dating.  Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations seminar is changing the way parents and their teenagers are approaching, discussing, and handling decision-making regarding dating, intimacy, and parties.

In one hour, parents will discover several simple steps to effectively engaging their teenagers.  Best of all, the lessons are designed to be flexible to the personality of EACH TEENAGER in a family.  As you  are aware, no one solution exists for every teenager or for every parent.  Each child, parent, and family is different.  In this interactive program, you will laugh, learn, and be inspired to take immediate action upon getting home.  Mike Domitrz will even give you a few tips to help get the conversation rolling – without your son’s or daughter’s eyes rolling back at you.

**This workshop is based on Mike Domitrz’s award-winning DVD by the same title.

SCHOOLS (DoDEA and local schools)

Middle schools and high schools fully understand how important discussions on respect, boundaries, healthy dating, intervening with friends in difficult situations, and addressing sexual assault is for their students.  The “Can I Kiss You?” general assembly for middle schools and high schools is one of the most sought-after programs in the United States.

Hundreds of students engaged!

As you may be aware, DoDEA schools (and local schools) often struggle to find an age appropriate presentation they can bring to their students and families. One of the greatest benefits of bringing Mike Domitrz’s briefing to your installation is you can ALSO bring the “Can I Kiss You?” program to your schools during the same day.  ENTER HERE to discover all the information you will want on the K12 version of this interactive, skills based presentation for students and staff.

THE ULTIMATE DAY

More and more military installations are having The Date Safe Project, Inc and Mike Domitrz provide an educational package which is truly all inclusive.  The military gets fantastic training, teens of our military members get a whole new approach to decision-making, and their parents gain simple skills to reinforcing positive choices back in the home.  For installations who want to provide their men and women the ultimate experience and growth opportunity, they will often do at least the following:

1:30pm:  “Can I Kiss You?” Educational Show for K12 Schools.

3:00pm: “Can I Kiss You?” Briefing for Men and Women Serving in the Military

6:30pm: “HELP! My Teen Is Dating” Workshop for parents.

Of course, you don’t have to squeeze everything into one day.  Installations will frequently schedule Mike to speak on multiple days to insure enough briefings are available for all men and women to experience the training – while also providing time for the school programs and the evening workshops for parents. Help create lifelong change for your military community by bringing all 3 presentations to your installation!

Help Your Parents & Schools.  Call 800-329-9390.
Ask About the Special Offfer.

**You can click here to send us an email.

Mike’s upfront approach enables and encourages the men and women in the audience to ask more detailed questions.  Thus, giving individuals great opportunity to dig deep into their own situation and explore the exact application of respect, asking first, and supporting survivors in their specific lives. No other program addresses this unique diversity which exists in every audience.  Time and time again, military men and women say, “Thank You” to Mike for creating such an open and honest atmosphere which included them.  Ironically, such appreciation is shown from both singles and married couples – both groups often feel other presentations tend to only speak to one of them and not the other.  “Can I Kiss You?” breaks that perception barrier and brings everyone into the conversation!

ATTENTION: Due to the restrictive nature of military installations, The Date Safe Project Inc. is not able to utilize video footage from an actual briefing at a military location. The good news is that you can get a feeling for the program in the below footage with students. Click the PLAY button to begin watching the video.

Call Rita in our offices at 800-329-9390 TODAY!

**You can click here to send us an email.

INSURING A GREAT PROGRAM FOR YOUR INSTALLATION:

One of the biggest fears many installations have is “How can we know this speaker is going to capture our men’s and women’s attention AND do so appropriately while giving them needed tools for making a difference?”  The answer is:  You need an expert with a proven track record of excellence with military installations of all sizes, demographics, and cultures.  You require a quick thinking professional who is gifted at reacting specifically to your members reactions and comments.

“THANK YOU Mike for a wonderful two days. I think what you do is awesome and I think a great many of our soldiers “clicked” for the first time about the right thing to do. I will definitely spread the word!  I hope to have you back to Ft. Riley very soon!“
Melody McDowall, Sexual Assault Prevention & Response Coordinator (SARC), Fort Riley

For over 2 decades, Mike Domitrz has been inspiring audiences with the unique combination of his hilarious sense of humor along with his uncanny ability to draw hard-hitting emotion from attendees.  Bases and Posts constantly share what a lasting impact he has with people of all ages.

“I wanted to provide you feedback about the “Can I Kiss You?” training.  We have received exceptional positive feedback about the training from all levels. Our commander told me that many people commented to her about how wonderful and interactive the training was.  The Soldiers really enjoyed it.  Thank you again for coming to Fort Detrick!“
Cindy Harne, Fort Detrick

With Mike, you get a critically-acclaimed author and passionate educator on consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors who is leading the way by constantly changing and further improving each presentation he gives.  You get a professional presenter who studies exactly how each audience member reacts to different techniques and learning styles.  You get a dedicated advocate who commits to always respecting every aspect of a very sensitive topic.

“Mr. Domitrz was great to work with and is clearly passionate about his approach to open communication regarding sex and intimacy.  It is refreshing to see a preventative, respect-based program that provides actual skills that Marines and sailors can begin applying in their own relationships. It was great to hear Marines and sailors leaving the presentation saying that it was the best sexual assault prevention training that they have had in the military.“
Brenda Huntsinger, Program Manager, Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Office,
Marine Base of Hawaii

To be an effective and powerful educator, you need to always be learning new approaches and concepts of working with people (from teenagers to adults).  Yes, the educator needs to be a STUDENT.  The #1 source for teaching better speaking techniques and presentation skills is the National Speakers Association (NSA) – the professional trade organization for speakers around the world.

Mike Domitrz is an active and involved member of NSA.  In fact, he is one of the few Certified Speaker Professionals (CSP) across the globe specifically working to address sexual assault.  Each year, the National Speakers Association gives this earned recognition to those speakers who accomplish all of the following criteria:

• At least 50 speaking events each year for 5 consecutive years.
• A score of at least 7.5 on evaluations from clients over the past 5 years (on a 10 point scale).
• Minimum level of professional credits earned by attending NSA Educational Events (shows commitment to the craft of working with audiences and making a difference).

What does Mike being a Certified Speaking Professional mean to you?  You are getting a leading expert, author and ally who is also one of the top speaking professionals in the world.

“Mike understands not only his message but the interests and needs of the audiences he serves. He has a very energetic and entertaining style that engages all audiences. His message is powerful and the people in his audience naturally gravitate to him.”  Sam Silverstein, former President of the National Speakers Association.

Best of all, you are working with a devoted professional who CARES about you, your organization, and each person in the audience.  Individuals and organizations who have brought Mike to speak are continually telling us here at The Date Safe Project how wonderful he is to bring to their campus.

“On be half of the men and women of ‘Team Shaw’ that participated in your presentations, thank you for coming to Shaw and leaving behind such a positive message. The reviews have all been enthusiastically positive–everyone enjoyed your visit and thank you for sharing new insight into dating and relationships.I can assure you that we will share the great experience we’ve had here at Shaw with my fellow wing commanders. They would all benefit from the experience.”
Col Jim Post, 20 FW/CC, SHAW AFB.

SCHEDULING MIKE TO SPEAK. Due the long lasting impact Mike’s program has on communities, his available dates tend to quickly be taken each year.  How can you insure a date is held for you?

Call Rita in our offices at 800-329-9390 TODAY!

**You can click here to send us an email.

SPECIAL OFFER: By calling 800-329-9390 today, you will receive a complimentary copy of the critically-acclaimed book “May I Kiss You?” by Mike Domitrz.  Installations use this book as curriculum in the classroom and in briefings.

Professionally, how are you living life?  How are you “reaching out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences”?  When you face a challenge on your journey to making an impact, where do you look for new sources of inspiration? Do you look to authors, writers, books, and colleagues around the world to provoke thoughts you might not have on your own? For me, sharing with others and reading stirs new conceptual approaches within my mind. Those new approaches take me out of the norm and challenge me to rethink current practices we partake in.   This evaluation process helps me personally and us as an organization to continually improve the resources we provide others (“Can I Kiss You?” program, posters, books, DVDs, shirts, and much more).

Professionally, how do you “taste experience to the utmost”? Are you stepping out of your “silo” (office, comfort zone) every day and meeting new people? Are you reaching across the table to the people who may be considered your opponent  and then working to build a new alliance with those individuals?  Those are the kind of moments which provide you “tasteful experiences” you never forget on a professional level. Best of all, doing so makes you effective in reaching more people and thus results in long lasting impact!

Are you using our online Forums to create relationships with other professionals from around the country – getting you out of your “silo”?   The online forms here on our website have been created for you to nurture professional relationships which are centered around sharing and helping each other.   You will see they are brand new and so they are WIDE OPEN for you to fill with your questions and ideas.  You never know how one moment of sharing may change another professional’s life.   As an example of passionate people sharing, we will be posting an exciting story in the coming weeks of students coming together at a conference in 1991 and 18 years later seeing the difference those same individuals are making across the country today.

Share with us the books which have stirred your thoughts and provided you inspiration!

Charlotte was very forward thinking in bringing the “Can I Kiss You?” program to the students in the school district.  As true in every community, students appreciate having the opportunity to gain helpful decision-making skills on an issue facing them on a daily basis (if not themselves, they see it effecting their family and friends).  The staff  and faculty at the school were very kind in letting us know what a positive program this was for their male and female students.

Next, we conducted the “Train the Trainer” session in which professionals from area SARC offices on bases came to learn how to use the interactive approach of the “Can I Kiss You?” program in their own briefings.  We discussed handling difficult and/or challenging comments and individuals; how to engage in a creative manner; and how to stay focused and welcoming in a potentially confrontational moment.  Everyone was a lot of FUN.  You can see the clear passion each of these individuals has for wanting to connect with the men and women on their base!!

Thanks again, Charlotte, for a GREAT day!!

Throughout the country, some parents and educators are saying, “Our schools believe in discussing abstinence. Won’t teaching teenagers about consent lead to more sexual activity among those same teenagers?” Teaching consent stresses establishing personal standards, respecting boundaries, and always understanding the importance of having a choice.

Unequivocally, students participating in the “Can I Kiss You?” programs say “asking first” will greatly reduce the amount of sexual activity among their age group (thus increasing the level of students practicing abstinence). Teenagers share the following four main reasons for why



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]]> http://www.datesafeproject.org/2009/abstinence-consent-do-they-belong-together/feed/ 0 http://www.datesafeproject.org/2009/military-academies-speaker-information/ http://www.datesafeproject.org/2009/military-academies-speaker-information/#comments Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:28:10 +0000 The Date Safe Project Inc http://datesafeproject.org/?p=2486
Download 20 Page Informational Magazine on “Can I Kiss You?” Program

Download the in-depth 28 page informational magazine by clicking on the image to the left. In this special publication, you will get “How To” articles and in-depth information on the “Can I Kiss You?” Briefing along with much more (including hearing from professionals, survivors, & audience members from around the world). To have the packet mailed to you, CALL TOLL-FREE: (800) 329-9390.

Additional Details & Downloads for the “Can I Kiss You?” Program

• Download PR & Marketing Materials
• Latest Writings from The Date Safe Project Inc (newsletter)
• Professional Memberships
• Podcasts

Download PR & Marketing Materials

• Promotional Poster for “Can I Kiss You?” Program
• Headshots of Mike Domitrz
• Covers from Books & DVD
• Introduction for “Can I Kiss You?” Program
• Photos from the Program
• Press Releases are Available Upon Request (and provided in the Promo Packet)

Promotional Poster

DVD Cover and Book Covers:

Headshots & Full Pictures of Mike Domitrz, Founder & Executive Director

 

Photos from Programs & Presentations:

[Show as slideshow]

Latest Writings from The Date Safe Project Inc

Join students, educators, professionals, and parents who are staying up-to-date with The Date Safe Project Inc‘s latest writings. Sign-up today for our newsletter in the right column and continue to read our internet blog (online journal). The newsletter is completely free and is e-mailed to you on a periodic basis. Discover stories from around the country, lessons from schools, and much more. To get your first edition, sign-up today. Mike Domitrz is our main contributor and readers love his honesty and his engaging style of writing. Don’t miss out.

Professional Memberships

Mike Domitrz is proud to be a member of several state coalitions against sexual assault, ACUHO-I (Residence Life), an active attendee of BACCHUS & GAMMA, and an member of the National Speakers Association.

Podcasts hosted by Mike Domitrz

Available Now: Click here to listen

To Download: If you use iTunes, clicking the iTunes graphic on the right is the best way to download. By doing so, each future show will automatically be downloaded directly into iTunes (always providing you the most up-to-date broadcast). Download using iTunes

For: educators, professionals and experts who address the many issues surrounding sexual assault, consent and students.

Details: 30 minute bi-weekly show during the school year featuring interviews of top experts and professionals; success stories from schools; thoughts from listeners; and much more. Hosted by Mike Domitrz.

Latest Broadcast: Listen as Ben Atherton-Zeman opens up on how he uses the media and entertainment industry to create important educational lessons. In addition, hear how he got started. Find out how Leigh-Anne Royster has helped to create an incredible program at Elon University. Then, listen to a high school student from Oregon share her success. Learn more about the guests:

1) Ben Atherton-Zeman, Creator of “Voices of Men” at www.voicesofmen.org E-mail: benazeman@hotmail.com

2) Leigh-Anne Royster, Director for Personal Health Programs at Elon University at www.elon.edu E-mail: lroyster@elon.edu

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]]> http://www.datesafeproject.org/2009/military-academies-speaker-information/feed/ 0 http://www.datesafeproject.org/2009/reviews-from-military-professionals/ http://www.datesafeproject.org/2009/reviews-from-military-professionals/#comments Mon, 31 Aug 2009 05:11:32 +0000 The Date Safe Project Inc http://datesafeproject.org/?p=1524 On this page, DISCOVER:

• Feedback from Military Professionals (SARCs and Command)
• Military Media Coverage of the Program
• Words from Survivors in the Audience

MILITARY PROFESSIONALS & LEADERS

Read the following feedback from Military Professionals at various levels:

Hello Mike,

I just wanted to thank you again for offering an insightful, entertaining, and most importantly an extremely helpful presentation on dating, communication, and respect.  You made so many valid and affirming points, and my sense is that your message resonated with the audience.

As I expressed to you after the talk, I believe that by you opening the door, it will enable our Airmen to more often come forward and ask for help from our Mental Health Clinic, in addition to the SAPR office.

Keep up the good work. Your sincerity and commitmemnt to this cause are inspiring.  Please feel free to let me know if you have any suggestions as to how I may be more helpful to our troops in my role as a Clinical Psychologist working in the Nellis AFB Mental Health Clinic.

Valerie Galante
Nellis AFB Mental Health Clinic

Mr. Domitrz,

On be half of the men and women of ‘Team Shaw’ that participated in your presentations, thank you for coming to Shaw and leaving behind such a positive message.  The reviews have all been enthusiastically positive–everyone enjoyed your visit and thank you for sharing new insight into dating and relationships.

I can assure you that we will share the great experience we’ve had here at Shaw with my fellow wing commanders. They would all benefit from the experience.  And thank you for the feedback on the base. It is one of the nicest bases in our Air Force (bias of course).

Safe travels,
Col Jim Post
Shaw Air Force Base

**Also from SHAW:

It was such an honor and pleasure working with you.  Your presentation was a significant milestone for our program here at Shaw.  I look forward to working with you again in the future.  Please let me know if you should ever need anything.

Delaine Rogers
Shaw Air Force Base

From the Hawaii Marine:

Laughter filled the Base Chapel as Marines and sailors experienced a unique sexual assault prevention training April 30.  Mike Domitrz, executive director of The Date Safe Project, gave a presentation called “Can I Kiss You?” twice last week Friday, as an interactive form of sexual assault prevention training for service members.

Recruiting volunteers from the audience, Domitrz, of Milwaukee, discussed various issues related to sex and dating. The author of “May I Kiss You?: A Candid Look at Dating, Communication, Respect and Sexual Assault Awareness,” Domitrz has been speaking for about 20 years. The topic of sexual assault is very personal.  Continue here . . .

Hey Mike,

Thank you so much for coming to our base.  Everyone is saying how great your were!!!   Take care and we look forward to working with you again!!

Gloria Trimier
Pope Air Force Base

Mike,

Again, thank you for your wonderful presentation! They had pretty good coverage on the local news.

Staci Vileta, YA-02, Sexual Assault Response Coordinator (SARC)
Dyess Air Force Base

“Your program is exceptional!  The message you send is very appropriate for our cadets.  It fits very well into our curriculum.  As you recall, one of the groups you trained had been training all day and were exhausted.  You were able to get the group to not only pay attention, but to thoroughly engage in the program. We heard several positive comments about your presentation from the students.  The cadets seemed to be thoroughly entertained while receiving a valuable lesson.  We wish you the best of luck and look forward to having you return in the future!

Thank you!
Lisa Anderson, USAFA SARC Assistant
United States Air Force Academy

I’m still receiving excellent feedback from your briefing and it’s been a few months.  Hope all is well.

HEATHER J. VAN MILL, 62AW/CVK
McChord Air Force Base

Have you attended the “Can I Kiss You?” program on a military installation?  If so, share your feedback and thoughts by Leaving a Comment (click here).  Your feedback is greatly appreciated and may help other installations around the world.

Make a Difference.  Call 800-329-9390 Today!

**You can click here to send us an email.

MILITARY MEDIA Coverage

**Click on the TITLES below to read the full articles.**

“Program speaks out against sexual assault.” Inside Tinker Air Force Base.

“Sexual Assault Awareness Training in Germany . . .“
US Army Garrison Baden-Wurttemberg

“Soldiers Participate in ‘Can I Kiss You?‘” Baumholder Army Post.

“Hickam Airmen encouraged to ask before they act.” Inside 15AW.

“Soldiers Participate in Sexual Assault Training” Fort Riley Briefings for Soldiers.

“Speaker Also Talks with Junction City Students” Fort Riley Program for local High Schools.

“Everyone Shares Duty to Prevent Sexual Assault”  Redstone Arsenal (AL)

“Sexual assault training takes a twist: AIT Soldiers learn about dating, respect and how to prevent sexual assault.”
Fort Jackson.

SURVIVORS SHARE

The most important person in the audience of a program discussing sexual assault is each SURVIVOR. While many programs discuss the pain of sexual assault, you want to insure the presentation you bring to your military installation UPLIFTS and provides each survivor a positive outlook for the future. Read below to see the difference the “Can I Kiss You?” program and Mike Domitrz’s approach is making with survivors!

“Your program was absolutely an amazing one to watch. I happen to be a victim of sexual assault and your program definitely helped me to realize that people do care. In my situation, i told only a few people, but no one believed me. When you mentioned how you should call up someone that you care about or even love to tell them that you’re there for them, it brought tears to my eyes.

When i eventually told my story, so many people did not believe me, and it hurt. I felt like no one was there for me when i needed them most. It brought tears to my eyes also because my little sister has been forced against her will to perform sexual acts on an older boyfriend she once had, and she was not ready. It made me cry because i love her so much and i wish she never went threw that pain. I

called her up tonight and told her exactly what you told us to tell someone we loved. Now she had never told me this before, but she had mentioned it to my other sister who told me. But tonight she opened up and told me everything she could. And i was so glad i could be there to listen. Your program helped me to cope a little better with the feelings i have bottled up inside of me from the assault that i went threw. It helped me realize that people really do care. And i hope that everyone that attended tonight’s program at Westfield state college realizes the importance of asking. Its simple, just ask. Thank you.”
– From MA

“When I was 12 my grandfather sexually assaulted me. I confessed a year later, received counseling for a week, told the police my story, but nothing was done. My family wouldn’t push charges, ignored the incident, put a smile on, and pretended it never happened. They did not want to scar our family’s name, especially someone as important to the community as my grandfather…a doctor. Every family gathering, I had to share meals, give him presents, hug and kiss my assaulter goodbye, acting as if nothing happened. I thought no one cared, until I was 17. My grandfather passed away and my older brother called me, the first thing he told me was “I remember, and I’ll always be here.” That was the first time anyone in my family ever acknowledged the situation in five years.
Earlier today while I was watching you up on stage you made me feel loved and cared for. I am not a family’s shameful secret; I am a person, a survivor. Thank you.”
– From WI

“You just came to my school a few short hours ago and I absolutely loved your presentation. I was really touched by your helpful information and just want to thank you, as a ‘survivor.’ I really wanted to meet you and tell you in person, but the crowd was too pushy and I was too close to the door before I had breathing room. I got your books and a t-shirt though, my roommate bought them for me. Because of your wonderful seminar, I called my mom as soon as I got to my dorm and told her everything about my encounter.
If I hadn’t gone to your seminar, I know for a fact that I would never have told my mother, and I know now that I shouldn’t have waited so long. I just want to thank you once again. My life looks much more brighter without that constant nagging feeling of doubt whether I should tell someone or not.”
– From MO

“I will never forget the impact you have made on my heart and those around me. I am a victim of rape, and I have been sharing my story for about six months. Now, I took the challenge of letting those around me know I am there for them if they ever need to talk. Doors are opening, and someone shared with me within less than a minute of the words coming out of my mouth. God is working through you in so many ways, and I just pray that hearts continue to be open and willing to listen to what you have to say.”
– From NE

“I was in your audience tonight. I am a freshman. I was in the front row in a black sweater, nervously devouring my fingernails.

The attached letter (not included here to protect confidentiality) is my Victim/Witness Impact statement that I read on August 25th, less then 2 months ago, to my best friends father before he was incarcerated. I came forward what will be two years ago this February 13th, two days before my 20th birthday.

I have never felt anything close to what I felt as I walked out those doors tonight. And like every other high school/college student has, I have walked out the doors of quite a few of those programs. As you said you receive dozens of emails, many of which, I’m sure share similar stories. That fact has always left me feeling no need to send in one more sob story, but tonight I felt different. It might be the fact that this was the first program I have been to since I’ve come forward and claimed my title as a ‘survivor’ or, maybe it was because I had a total stranger tell me how proud he was of me. A man who had never met me, who had never heard my story or seen me try and cope. I’ve heard my family, my friends, the police, the court officials and all of the people who have supported me through out this whole ordeal tell me how proud they are of me how strong they think I am and so on and so forth till I was blue in the face. But after so many times you start to not process it, or, like in my case you continue to not.

All of those people had heard my story. You hadn’t, like I said before. You didn’t even know I was there. Tonight was the first night I really heard someone tell me I was brave. And it hurt. In that room tonight I became a fighter and a survivor. I realized that everything that happened to me should have never happened. I have repeated that phrase ceaselessly for the past year and a half without them ever meaning anything to me. Thank you for bringing meaning to them. I have sat in therapy for an hour and half twice a week for the past year and half and have not felt the way I did tonight. The program tonight did touch so much on the type of abuse that was down to me as a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 7th grader and everything in between. However did about what happened to me as a freshman in high school and most recently as a senior. The August before becoming a freshman, I began a “courtship” with what would be a junior. I was in love. I had an upper classman, and not just any upper classman, but the captain of the basketball and golf teams. We started dating in November and by March he was threatening to break up with me if I didn’t sleep with him. In April I explained to him why I wouldn’t sleep with him. He was the first person told, but he was the second to tell me it wasn’t a big deal. I laid in his arms and told him how since the beginning of second grade, when I moved to Martha’s Vineyard, Steven had been sexually abusing me. I explained to him how Steve would call me out of bed at night, with his very own daughter in the next bed. How he would call my parents to arrange play dates, play dates that were kept only by him and not his daughter. When I had finished telling this all to my John (name has been changed for confidentiality reasons) he kissed me on the forehead and told me he was sorry, but that if we had sex he would never hurt me like that. Needless to say I forgot the whole thing ever happened because it was after all obviously not a big deal. If it was such a bad thing Steve would have never done it, and if John really loved me, and he didn’t think it was a big deal, then it must not have been. We broke up a year later. . .

Steve pled guilty (and confessed to) to sixteen counts of indecent assault and battery (he confessed also to several other charges that had not been brought up by me, but had been against me) on a child under the age of 14, but pled not guilty to the twelve counts of statutory rape.

In the 19 months leading up to the trial I never felt as brave as I did tonight, sitting in your audience. I wish I had heard your program sooner. In all the other programs I had been to, none had asked the students to ‘open the door’ for someone else. Nor had the speaker experienced a first hand account of what rape can do to a person. When you asked us to close our eyes tonight, I saw Julie (name replaced for confidentiality). Julie is the daughter of Steve. What hurt me the most, before our friendship ended, was the day she told me she couldn’t remember her childhood. I was sad at first because that meant she couldn’t remember all the fun we had had and all the times we had made cookies with her now deceased mother. After I came forward I replayed the same conversation in my head and hurt all over again. When something traumatic happens, as I’m sure you know, you block it out. Sometimes, even a whole childhood. Julie has yet to come forward and we have not talked since her father was put away. Tonight however I opened the door for her. I created a MySpace account and wrote her a message telling her I loved her. I didn’t sign my name, but I did leave the link and phone number to a national help hotline.

I don’t know if she’ll come forward, or if for that matter anything ever happened to her, but I do know I opened the door, just like you had asked us to do.

It has taken me close to all night to write this letter, which I’m sure is filled with atrocious spelling and painfully obvious punctuations and grammar mistakes, but that is after all why I wrote it from my college dorm room.

I can’t explain to you what tonight meant to me. What happened to me was not necessarily what happened to me, but the way people can reach out and help is exactly the same. When you explained that it wasn’t funny, that a girl could rape a guy, and that survivors find nothing about rape amusing I looked around and realized I had been the only one in my row not laughing. Before tonight I probably would have laughed, but after you told me how proud you were of me and how strong you thought I was, I couldn’t. I thought about the little boy that could easily been in my place and I couldn’t laugh.

Thank you so much for what you gave to me tonight. I am a survivor of acts for worse then an unwanted kiss, but from tonight on I will never have to put up with another unwanted kiss or touch because I know I can say no. More importantly however is that I will be damned if see a person I love go threw the pain I did because of something I could have prevented. This revelation could very well have come at another time, but it came tonight and because of you.”
– From NY

“Dear Mr. Mike Domitrz:
When you came to my campus, I spoke with you about me being a victim of sexual abuse when I was teenager. When I was in high school, I asked my girlfriend, at the time, if I could kiss her (we were dancing). She replied, ‘Yeah I guess, sure.’ I think I might have caught her off guard. Well, that was in 1999; now it is 2005, and I am a recently un-closeted, 23 year old male. I have never been asked, ‘Can I kiss you?” Guy’s mistakenly assume it is okay.
I wrote a speech for ‘Take Back The Night’ (this is my speech for tonight). Here it is:
‘Good Evening, My name is __________”. Last Semester, I spoke about being a victim of both physical abuse (at the ages of 6 to 12) as well as sexual abuse (at the age of 14). However, after attending the speech entitled: “Can I Kiss You?“, by Mr. Mike Domitrz, last Tuesday night, I have realized that I am not a victim of the abuses; but instead a SURVIVOR. Thank You, Mike.’”
– Damian (NY)

“I would like to thank you so much for your words and compassion. I have never considered myself a survivor or even a victim, but after last night I realize that I have been involved in nonconsensual physical contact and I have a renewed outlook on that experience after your presentation. Thank you for telling the stories, they are so important and I have an immense respect for you and the people you have worked with. A friend and I talked last night until 1:30 about your perspective and he was reduced to tears, we were both truly moved. Thanks again!”
– From TX

“You made something that kids normally don’t want to hear about and turned it into something people will be talking about for a very long time. Thank you again for what you are doing.”
– From WI

“Thank you so much for your talk. I am a survivor and it brought back a lot of the things and feelings that I went through. Everything you said was 100% accurate to what I went through and what my family went through. Ironically the kid that did this too me was in the room, and I can only hope that you touched him as much as you touched me. Thank you so much!”
– From PA

“Mike, I was just at your presentation and I found it to be very helpful. I am a freshmen and two weeks after coming up to school, I was sexually assaulted. I kept blaming myself for what happened — saying things like “if I hadn’t have had so much to drink, this wouldn’t have happened to me.” I am having a real hard time forgiving myself for letting this happen to myself. I was sitting in the second row tonight. Every word you said made me realize I should be thankful I am still here. That is a really scary time for someone to go though and no one really realizes it . . .You have inspired me to try to get past this and work hard to keep living my life. I thought this could never happen to me and it did. People don’t realize that this can happen to anyone at any time. Drunk, sober, at night or during the day. When you said the word survivor, that really hit home. Thanks for your advice and support.”
– From NC

“I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for speaking out about rape survivors. I saw your program two or three years ago and I just saw it again recently. Between the two programs, I was raped by my best guy friend (at the time). And when you spoke of survivors, I felt as if you were speaking directly to me, and it gave me the hope and strength to talk to my friends about what happened to me. It’s comforting to know that other people share the idea that it’s not the victims fault, and that we weren’t asking for it. Just thank you from the bottom of my heart. I think if more people had the courage to speak about rape it would be easier for survivors to recover. I like the word survivor. I never really thought of it like that before. It was always victim to me. The word victim is weak, and survivor gives me hope that I will indeed over come.”
– From CT

“I wanted to let you know how much that presentation has changed my life. I am a survivor of almost three years now, and everything you said touched home for me. I wish I had seen you sooner because it is such a serious and real topic. What I really wanted to tell you is that I brought my boyfriend with me to your presentation and it has brought a change in him I can barely recognize. He is a man’s man and has a certain attitude when it comes to male and female roles. But after watching your presentation, he has a new mannerism, so to speak, with me. I knew that he loved me, but now he shows it by respecting me. He said to me, ‘You know babe, even though we’re together, I never want you to feel that you don’t have a choice because you do. Always.’ For him to say that to me meant more than anything in the world. I just wanted to say thank you and what you are doing is amazing.”
– From WI

“First of all.. I want to thank you. Your presentation was one of the best I’ve ever seen, if not THE best. It especially hit home for me because when I was 14 years old, I was beaten and raped by a 33 year old man. . . Tonight when you came to Oswego and gave your presentation, it was amazing to me. You don’t know how much I appreciate someone like you and how you presented yourself and how you affected everyone in that room. I could go on for longer but all I really wanted to say was thank you so much. I mean that with all my heart. Thank you again.”
– From NY

ARE YOU A SURVIVOR who attended the “Can I Kiss You?” program?

If you are a survivor who attended the “Can I Kiss You?” program, you are invited to share your comments in our online Forum for Sexual Assault Survivors by clicking here.

Make a Difference.  Call 800-329-9390 Today!
Ask About the Special Offfer.

**You can click here to send us an email.

]]> http://www.datesafeproject.org/2009/reviews-from-military-professionals/feed/ 0 http://www.datesafeproject.org/2009/sexual-assault-survivors-respond-to-can-i-kiss-you/ http://www.datesafeproject.org/2009/sexual-assault-survivors-respond-to-can-i-kiss-you/#comments Sun, 30 Aug 2009 22:31:40 +0000 The Date Safe Project Inc http://datesafeproject.org/?p=3375 The most important person in the audience of a program discussing sexual assault is each SURVIVOR. While many programs discuss the pain of sexual assault, you want to insure the presentation you bring to your military installation UPLIFTS and provides each survivor a positive outlook for the future. Read below to see the difference the “Can I Kiss You?” program and Mike Domitrz’s approach is making with survivors!

“Your program was absolutely an amazing one to watch. I happen to be a victim of sexual assault and your program definitely helped me to realize that people do care. In my situation, i told only a few people, but no one believed me. When you mentioned how you should call up someone that you care about or even love to tell them that you’re there for them, it brought tears to my eyes.

When i eventually told my story, so many people did not believe me, and it hurt. I felt like no one was there for me when i needed them most. It brought tears to my eyes also because my little sister has been forced against her will to perform sexual acts on an older boyfriend she once had, and she was not ready. It made me cry because i love her so much and i wish she never went threw that pain. I

called her up tonight and told her exactly what you told us to tell someone we loved. Now she had never told me this before, but she had mentioned it to my other sister who told me. But tonight she opened up and told me everything she could. And i was so glad i could be there to listen. Your program helped me to cope a little better with the feelings i have bottled up inside of me from the assault that i went threw. It helped me realize that people really do care. And i hope that everyone that attended tonight’s program at Westfield state college realizes the importance of asking. Its simple, just ask. Thank you.”
– From MA

“When I was 12 my grandfather sexually assaulted me. I confessed a year later, received counseling for a week, told the police my story, but nothing was done. My family wouldn’t push charges, ignored the incident, put a smile on, and pretended it never happened. They did not want to scar our family’s name, especially someone as important to the community as my grandfather…a doctor. Every family gathering, I had to share meals, give him presents, hug and kiss my assaulter goodbye, acting as if nothing happened. I thought no one cared, until I was 17. My grandfather passed away and my older brother called me, the first thing he told me was “I remember, and I’ll always be here.” That was the first time anyone in my family ever acknowledged the situation in five years.
Earlier today while I was watching you up on stage you made me feel loved and cared for. I am not a family’s shameful secret; I am a person, a survivor. Thank you.”
– From WI

“You just came to my school a few short hours ago and I absolutely loved your presentation. I was really touched by your helpful information and just want to thank you, as a ‘survivor.’ I really wanted to meet you and tell you in person, but the crowd was too pushy and I was too close to the door before I had breathing room. I got your books and a t-shirt though, my roommate bought them for me. Because of your wonderful seminar, I called my mom as soon as I got to my dorm and told her everything about my encounter.
If I hadn’t gone to your seminar, I know for a fact that I would never have told my mother, and I know now that I shouldn’t have waited so long. I just want to thank you once again. My life looks much more brighter without that constant nagging feeling of doubt whether I should tell someone or not.”
– From MO

“I will never forget the impact you have made on my heart and those around me. I am a victim of rape, and I have been sharing my story for about six months. Now, I took the challenge of letting those around me know I am there for them if they ever need to talk. Doors are opening, and someone shared with me within less than a minute of the words coming out of my mouth. God is working through you in so many ways, and I just pray that hearts continue to be open and willing to listen to what you have to say.”
– From NE

“I was in your audience tonight. I am a freshman. I was in the front row in a black sweater, nervously devouring my fingernails.

The attached letter (not included here to protect confidentiality) is my Victim/Witness Impact statement that I read on August 25th, less then 2 months ago, to my best friends father before he was incarcerated. I came forward what will be two years ago this February 13th, two days before my 20th birthday.

I have never felt anything close to what I felt as I walked out those doors tonight. And like every other high school/college student has, I have walked out the doors of quite a few of those programs. As you said you receive dozens of emails, many of which, I’m sure share similar stories. That fact has always left me feeling no need to send in one more sob story, but tonight I felt different. It might be the fact that this was the first program I have been to since I’ve come forward and claimed my title as a ‘survivor’ or, maybe it was because I had a total stranger tell me how proud he was of me. A man who had never met me, who had never heard my story or seen me try and cope. I’ve heard my family, my friends, the police, the court officials and all of the people who have supported me through out this whole ordeal tell me how proud they are of me how strong they think I am and so on and so forth till I was blue in the face. But after so many times you start to not process it, or, like in my case you continue to not.

All of those people had heard my story. You hadn’t, like I said before. You didn’t even know I was there. Tonight was the first night I really heard someone tell me I was brave. And it hurt. In that room tonight I became a fighter and a survivor. I realized that everything that happened to me should have never happened. I have repeated that phrase ceaselessly for the past year and a half without them ever meaning anything to me. Thank you for bringing meaning to them. I have sat in therapy for an hour and half twice a week for the past year and half and have not felt the way I did tonight. The program tonight did touch so much on the type of abuse that was down to me as a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 7th grader and everything in between. However did about what happened to me as a freshman in high school and most recently as a senior. The August before becoming a freshman, I began a “courtship” with what would be a junior. I was in love. I had an upper classman, and not just any upper classman, but the captain of the basketball and golf teams. We started dating in November and by March he was threatening to break up with me if I didn’t sleep with him. In April I explained to him why I wouldn’t sleep with him. He was the first person told, but he was the second to tell me it wasn’t a big deal. I laid in his arms and told him how since the beginning of second grade, when I moved to Martha’s Vineyard, Steven had been sexually abusing me. I explained to him how Steve would call me out of bed at night, with his very own daughter in the next bed. How he would call my parents to arrange play dates, play dates that were kept only by him and not his daughter. When I had finished telling this all to my John (name has been changed for confidentiality reasons) he kissed me on the forehead and told me he was sorry, but that if we had sex he would never hurt me like that. Needless to say I forgot the whole thing ever happened because it was after all obviously not a big deal. If it was such a bad thing Steve would have never done it, and if John really loved me, and he didn’t think it was a big deal, then it must not have been. We broke up a year later. . .

Steve pled guilty (and confessed to) to sixteen counts of indecent assault and battery (he confessed also to several other charges that had not been brought up by me, but had been against me) on a child under the age of 14, but pled not guilty to the twelve counts of statutory rape.

In the 19 months leading up to the trial I never felt as brave as I did tonight, sitting in your audience. I wish I had heard your program sooner. In all the other programs I had been to, none had asked the students to ‘open the door’ for someone else. Nor had the speaker experienced a first hand account of what rape can do to a person. When you asked us to close our eyes tonight, I saw Julie (name replaced for confidentiality). Julie is the daughter of Steve. What hurt me the most, before our friendship ended, was the day she told me she couldn’t remember her childhood. I was sad at first because that meant she couldn’t remember all the fun we had had and all the times we had made cookies with her now deceased mother. After I came forward I replayed the same conversation in my head and hurt all over again. When something traumatic happens, as I’m sure you know, you block it out. Sometimes, even a whole childhood. Julie has yet to come forward and we have not talked since her father was put away. Tonight however I opened the door for her. I created a MySpace account and wrote her a message telling her I loved her. I didn’t sign my name, but I did leave the link and phone number to a national help hotline.

I don’t know if she’ll come forward, or if for that matter anything ever happened to her, but I do know I opened the door, just like you had asked us to do.

It has taken me close to all night to write this letter, which I’m sure is filled with atrocious spelling and painfully obvious punctuations and grammar mistakes, but that is after all why I wrote it from my college dorm room.

I can’t explain to you what tonight meant to me. What happened to me was not necessarily what happened to me, but the way people can reach out and help is exactly the same. When you explained that it wasn’t funny, that a girl could rape a guy, and that survivors find nothing about rape amusing I looked around and realized I had been the only one in my row not laughing. Before tonight I probably would have laughed, but after you told me how proud you were of me and how strong you thought I was, I couldn’t. I thought about the little boy that could easily been in my place and I couldn’t laugh.

Thank you so much for what you gave to me tonight. I am a survivor of acts for worse then an unwanted kiss, but from tonight on I will never have to put up with another unwanted kiss or touch because I know I can say no. More importantly however is that I will be damned if see a person I love go threw the pain I did because of something I could have prevented. This revelation could very well have come at another time, but it came tonight and because of you.”
– From NY

“Dear Mr. Mike Domitrz:
When you came to my campus, I spoke with you about me being a victim of sexual abuse when I was teenager. When I was in high school, I asked my girlfriend, at the time, if I could kiss her (we were dancing). She replied, ‘Yeah I guess, sure.’ I think I might have caught her off guard. Well, that was in 1999; now it is 2005, and I am a recently un-closeted, 23 year old male. I have never been asked, ‘Can I kiss you?” Guy’s mistakenly assume it is okay.
I wrote a speech for ‘Take Back The Night’ (this is my speech for tonight). Here it is:
‘Good Evening, My name is __________”. Last Semester, I spoke about being a victim of both physical abuse (at the ages of 6 to 12) as well as sexual abuse (at the age of 14). However, after attending the speech entitled: “Can I Kiss You?“, by Mr. Mike Domitrz, last Tuesday night, I have realized that I am not a victim of the abuses; but instead a SURVIVOR. Thank You, Mike.’”
– Damian (NY)

“I would like to thank you so much for your words and compassion. I have never considered myself a survivor or even a victim, but after last night I realize that I have been involved in nonconsensual physical contact and I have a renewed outlook on that experience after your presentation. Thank you for telling the stories, they are so important and I have an immense respect for you and the people you have worked with. A friend and I talked last night until 1:30 about your perspective and he was reduced to tears, we were both truly moved. Thanks again!”
– From TX

“You made something that kids normally don’t want to hear about and turned it into something people will be talking about for a very long time. Thank you again for what you are doing.”
– From WI

“Thank you so much for your talk. I am a survivor and it brought back a lot of the things and feelings that I went through. Everything you said was 100% accurate to what I went through and what my family went through. Ironically the kid that did this too me was in the room, and I can only hope that you touched him as much as you touched me. Thank you so much!”
– From PA

“Mike, I was just at your presentation and I found it to be very helpful. I am a freshmen and two weeks after coming up to school, I was sexually assaulted. I kept blaming myself for what happened — saying things like “if I hadn’t have had so much to drink, this wouldn’t have happened to me.” I am having a real hard time forgiving myself for letting this happen to myself. I was sitting in the second row tonight. Every word you said made me realize I should be thankful I am still here. That is a really scary time for someone to go though and no one really realizes it . . .You have inspired me to try to get past this and work hard to keep living my life. I thought this could never happen to me and it did. People don’t realize that this can happen to anyone at any time. Drunk, sober, at night or during the day. When you said the word survivor, that really hit home. Thanks for your advice and support.”
– From NC

“I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for speaking out about rape survivors. I saw your program two or three years ago and I just saw it again recently. Between the two programs, I was raped by my best guy friend (at the time). And when you spoke of survivors, I felt as if you were speaking directly to me, and it gave me the hope and strength to talk to my friends about what happened to me. It’s comforting to know that other people share the idea that it’s not the victims fault, and that we weren’t asking for it. Just thank you from the bottom of my heart. I think if more people had the courage to speak about rape it would be easier for survivors to recover. I like the word survivor. I never really thought of it like that before. It was always victim to me. The word victim is weak, and survivor gives me hope that I will indeed over come.”
– From CT

“I wanted to let you know how much that presentation has changed my life. I am a survivor of almost three years now, and everything you said touched home for me. I wish I had seen you sooner because it is such a serious and real topic. What I really wanted to tell you is that I brought my boyfriend with me to your presentation and it has brought a change in him I can barely recognize. He is a man’s man and has a certain attitude when it comes to male and female roles. But after watching your presentation, he has a new mannerism, so to speak, with me. I knew that he loved me, but now he shows it by respecting me. He said to me, ‘You know babe, even though we’re together, I never want you to feel that you don’t have a choice because you do. Always.’ For him to say that to me meant more than anything in the world. I just wanted to say thank you and what you are doing is amazing.”
– From WI

“First of all.. I want to thank you. Your presentation was one of the best I’ve ever seen, if not THE best. It especially hit home for me because when I was 14 years old, I was beaten and raped by a 33 year old man. . . Tonight when you came to Oswego and gave your presentation, it was amazing to me. You don’t know how much I appreciate someone like you and how you presented yourself and how you affected everyone in that room. I could go on for longer but all I really wanted to say was thank you so much. I mean that with all my heart. Thank you again.”
– From NY

ARE YOU A SURVIVOR who attended the “Can I Kiss You?” program?

If you are a survivor who attended the “Can I Kiss You?” program, share your comments in our new Audio Testimonial Program by clicking here. Another option is to visit our online Forum for Sexual Assault Survivors by clicking here. You choose!

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