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Questions & Comments People Are Sharing with the Survivors

“I’m so pissed. Why me? He was my friend. We even dated and he just did that to me and let his friends take turns with me as i was passed out and then he went and told all his other friends at school and now i cant even show my face. What am I supposed to do? My boyfriend has been great through this whole thing — so has my family, but y me? What did i do to deserve this? I mean was it something i said? For months I didn’t tell anyone not even my boyfriend. then a teacher at school heard him telling a friend at school and told the school cop and now everyone at school knows. Why me? What do I do now?”
– Student in NY

Response from Shirley, a survivor featured in Voices of Courage
One of the hardest and most valuable lessons I learned after I was raped is that there is no good answer to Why did this happen to me? — even though we all ask it. It wasn’t about what you did or didn’t do – it was and is about what the person who chose to violate you did. I hope you seek out someone you trust – counselor, teacher, minister – and talk to that person about what you’re going through. It is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your future.

Response from Cheri, a survivor featured in Voices of Courage
I agree with Linda. We all asked ourselves that question. No one deserves to have this done to them. You did NOTHING wrong! Just remember that. Hold your head high. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your rapist is the sick one. All of my co-workers knew I was raped. It was on the radio, on t.v., and in the papers. In some ways, I think it helped me recover. It was uncomfortable, as all the graphic details were printed, in the newspapers, but I was not ashamed. I am happy to know that your teacher reported him. Hopefully, he will never do this to anyone again. I firmly believe that seeking professional help is important. You can learn coping skills and speak openly, without worrying about offending anyone. Recovery takes time. Just keep that in mind. Be patient with yourself. You are not alone!!

“For 6 years now, I can’t come to understand and also put this ordeal in it’s place. At the age of 10, my niece was violated by someone that I thought (in my mind) wouldn’t do something like that. It never crossed my mind at all — so I can’t get over the fact that it happened and it happened in my home. I hurt as if it happened to me and I didn’t protect her enough while she was in my care and protect her because she is my niece.”
– Roszina (PA)

Response from Shirley, a survivor featured in Voices of Courage
“Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I understand your pain all too well. Try and understand that offenders are experts at getting people to trust them and setting up situations so they can offend and not get caught. You are not responsible for what happened to your niece — the person who violated her is the person responsible. When a child is sexually assaulted, the entire family is effected. I experienced something similar many years ago and learned that the best way to that I could help my loved one was to release my guilt and be as healthy as I could be. The greatest gift we can give the children in our lives is to take care of ourselves. You can talk to a counselor at the local rape crisis center if you want to talk with someone who understands what you are going through.
What helped me the most was 1) Understanding that is wasn’t my fault 2) Focusing on positive action for all those effected, and 3) Finding gratitude — that the abuse was discovered — that my loved one is safe now, etc…
I know your heart is broken…allow yourself to heal…we send you encouragement and positive thoughts.”

“I hate it. You keep it all back until you cant hold it back anymore and you just burst.”
– Dakayla (GA)

Response from Cheri, a survivor in Voices of Courage
Don’t tear yourself up inside. Share your story with friends and family and a professional. Having a support system is incredibly important. Believe in yourself! It’s much easier to cope, once your share your thoughts (and, continue to share them). I am a firm believer in seeking professional help. They can offer coping skills and help you to understand your feelings. Plus, you don’t have to worry about hurting their feelings. The biggest thing to remember is that you are not to blame! No one has the right to hurt and abuse another person. The offender is the one with the problems, not you. Please talk to someone. I think it will be a great help! In Georgia, you can call the Georgia Network to End Sexual Assault at 1-866-354-3672 (Toll-Free).

Response from Karen, a survivor in Voices of Courage
Asking for help is the first and maybe the hardest step. Many of us keep things in until we feel like we are gong to burst! Find someone you trust that you can talk to. Your community may have a anonymous Rape Crisis Hotline that you call to have someone who is trained to listen and offer support (such as the number provided by Karen). You can also call RAINN at 1 800 656 HOPE.

Response from Shirley, a survivor in Voices of Courage
I too sometimes feel like I’m just going to burst. Even if you do have people to talk to, sometimes it’s just too difficult to bring up the topic. One thing that has greatly helped me is journaling. I write out all my frustrations and then read over them. Sometimes it helps me to feel better, just getting it all out on paper. Then, I can look back at the previous things I’ve written and see how far I’ve come. Also, sometimes I’ll read my journals to my friends and family in order to get out what I have to say. I sometimes find it easier to write things out before I talk about it.

Response from Adrienne, a survivor in Voices of Courage
I too sometimes feel like I’m just going to burst. Even if you do have people to talk to, sometimes it’s just too difficult to bring up the topic. One thing that has greatly helped me is journaling. I write out all my frustrations and then read over them. Sometimes it helps me to feel better, just getting it all out on paper. Then, I can look back at the previous things I’ve written and see how far I’ve come. Also, sometimes I’ll read my journals to my friends and family in order to get out what I have to say. I sometimes find it easier to write things out before I talk about it.

Response from Barb, a survivor in Voices of Courage
Journaling is always good even if you are talking about it, but especially if you’re not. Something I learned about journaling and why it is so effective was in a workshop about trauma and the brain. When you talk about trauma you process that in one area of your brain and if you write or journal you are processing it in a different area. So, in effect when you journal you process the experience in an additional way. When it was first recommended to me, I thought it sounded too much like an English assignment and didn’t do it for a long time. Then in so much pain and “ready to explode,” I tried it. It was very frightening because soooooo much came flooding out, but it helped me immensely. Wage Peace.

“For the past few weeks, I’ve been dealing with my past, and talking to my friend about my Incest. 2 days ago I had a seizure, in which I haven’t had any in 3 years. I’m now starting to wonder if one has to do with the other???”
– Susan (NC)

Response from Karen, a survivor featured in Voices of Courage
Have you ever had a seizure in the past associated with being under stress? If so, this one may be related to your beginning to talk about your experience. While talking is good, having seizures may possibly be the indication of some other problem. Do you feel comfortable enough to talk to your doctor about what was going in with you when the seizure occurred? You may want to think about letting your MD know about your history and have a medical assessment to see if the 2 events are related. Good luck with your health and your discussions with your friend.

Response from Shirley a survivor featured in Voices of Courage
From my experience, stress can trigger a seizure. I have known people who have not had seizures in many years and the had a seizure shortly after the loss of a loved one or right after doing something which made them anxious. I believe that our bodies tell us when we need to pay attention to something in our life. Please consult with your doctor in case there has been a change in your condition or you need a change in your treatment. You might want to consider talking with a counselor at the rape crisis center about your incest. Recovery is not an easy journey but certainly worth the travel. Good lucK!

THEN SUSAN from NC REPLIED BACK TO US…
“I’m a 37 year old female, with more pain inside me than I know what to do with. I was molested by my brother for 18 years of my life, and for 5 of those years my father chimed in. I’m having repeated flashbacks day in and day out. I have a 5 year old who was also molested in school at the age of 3. this is when my molestation started. I moved out of NY to get away from all the pain, and have come to realize that unless I deal with all the pain I’ll never get away from it. do you know of a therapist that can help me with all this pain? I would greatly appreciate it.”

Response from Caroline, a survivor featured in Voices of Courage
First of all, thank you for being courageous and sharing your story. Therapy is a great tool to use when recovering and surviving. A great place to look for therapists is the website for RAINN Counseling Centers. You can search by State or by Zip Code. Once doing that, you can narrow the search by the type of services the center specializes in. The website is: http://rainn.org Best of luck.

I’m 18. i am a survivor or sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. I have found hope in Christ, and want badly to help other people who have gone through hell and back. Its been very hard for me, and I’m struggling with PTSD.and relationship problems. I have grown and I’m at a place now where i feel a spark of hope. I have supportive people around me, and a church family like none other. Yes I’ve been mad at God a lot but I’ve come to learn that God wants to love me, and care for me. when i feel scared and im hurting physically or emotionally (becuase through healing I’ve felt both). God wants to hold you and keep you safe whether you have been a survivor of an unthinkable crime or not. Yes I’ve been broken but i am still beautiful.
~Kim, a survivor

Comments from Family Members of the Survivors in the book

“I am very proud of the ‘voices’ for their individual courage and dedication. I was moved by the candidness of their testimonials. This book sends a message of strength and provides a service to the community by helping to raise awareness of sexual abuse. I believe it is a perfect tool to inspire others to break the silence and will contribute to educating and perhaps prevent future incidents from happening. I purchased the book because I am related to one of the contributors. My best regards to all of the survivors and good luck to all who are connected to this vitally important book and its message of hope. BRAVO!”
– Joni (FL)

“I’m so proud to be married to one of the survivors featured in this book. I’m confident the spirit of all of the contributors will inspire others to be more understanding. Understanding of ourselves both as survivors and as love ones of survivors. This book will help us all be better human beings. I love you Barb.”
– Husband of “Barb” in Voices of Courage

“I have read this excellent book and listened to the testimonials of the Victims. I suggest everyone have a copy! Karen is my Sister and I am so proud of her courage and strength!!! I love You, Sis!”
– Dennis (OK)

“I am Linda’s mother and I am so proud of the part she has played in getting this book out for all people who might be in need of the courage to face life again after an outrageous act of sexual assault. While reading this book, I came to understand that all the pain and anger and yes, hatred, can be used in a powerful way, to bring hope to others, and in doing so, bring some measure of peace to a once broken person. God bless all of you who had the voices of courage.”
– Linda’s Mom (NC)