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Thank you for sharing your strength and courage with all of us and for your kind words about the "Can I Kiss You?" Program.

One of my friends opened a door for me after the program and I did the same for her, but I didn't know that I would need it later on.  My boyfriend didn't listen when I said no and nobody was there to be a friend. She and my best friend are the only people I told, and when I did, my best friend had a similar story. They have both been wonderful in helping me to process and deal with what happened. Thank you, Mike, for encouraging us to open doors for each other and other people. It's made such a difference because I don't feel so alone. I am learning with every day that survivors, including myself, are truly strong. I'll be coming back to the program to hear it all over again, too, and thank you both for being brave enough to share your stories of recovery. People like you inspire people like me to live wonderful lives in spite of what happened.

Four years ago I attended the “Can I kiss you?” program at my school.  It was required for all freshmen.  That night I left the program in tears and wandered around campus until my roommate found me.   I attended the program again last night, this time as a senior.  When I left, there were tears in my eyes, but they were completely different from the tears that I cried four years ago.  The last four years had been an incredible journey of healing and restoration.

Four years ago, when my roommate found me she opened the door for me.  That is, she let me know that I could talk to her if anyone ever hurt me, or if anyone ever had.  That night, for the first time in my life, I told someone what had happened.   I had been sexually abused and raped as an 8 year old by a close family friend.   That night my story came out, bit by bit, along with a lot of tears.  As much as it hurt, it felt good to finally tell someone.  The next four years were full of healing, of counseling (which really wasn’t my thing), of talking to friends, of praying, of crying, of laughing.  

I returned to the program last night because I wanted to be there.  I wanted to hear the program as it would sound to a survivor.  More importantly I wanted to thank Mike.  If it hadn’t been for his program, I don’t know if I would have told anyone.  During his program, Mike encourages everyone to open the door for 3 people in the next couple of hours.   I’ll admit that I didn’t have the guts to do it then, but it meant the world to me that someone did it for me.  And I did do it later, for two girls who mean the world to me, and I was honored to hear their stories.

Not only does Mike encourage audiences to open the door for friends and relatives, he also teaches them how to respond when a loved one shares a story of assault.  I cannot count the number of times in the past for years that I have shared my story with someone and they have responded with “I’m sorry” to which I am almost forced (by societal norms) to respond “It’s okay”.  Which is really a lie.  What happened to me is not okay, sexual assault is never okay.  Every time someone tells me they’re sorry it makes me the victim all over again.  I’m done being the victim.  That was 14 years ago.  I am a survivor.  That doesn’t mean I don’t want or need support.  There are times that I still need people to just be there for me, but I need them to know that I am strong, that I am a survivor.

If a friend opens up to you, resist the urge to tell them that you are sorry.  Instead, agree with them that what happened to them really sucks, thank them for having the courage to share with you, let them know that you are going to be there for them, and let them take the lead.  Everyone will need and want a different kind of support.  

Thank you Mike, for your program.

I am a survivor.