Talking to your child about Seth McFarlane at the Oscars

oscars-seth-macfarlanejpg-6b1e82785bb8b46bImagine being a parent and watching your child be referred to as a sexual object in front of one billion people. How would you feel? What would you want to do? As a parent of 4 teenagers, I feel for Quvenzhane Wallis, the Oscar nominee, and her family. To avoid further hurting Quvenzhane, we will not print the inappropriate and cruel reference made during the Oscars by the host, Seth McFarlane (one of many by McFarlane).

Wouldn’t it have been powerful to see at least one actor in the audience stand up at that moment and say,

“Seth, ENOUGH. She is 9 years-old. You are referring to a child as a sexual object. Whether in front of an audience of one person or one billion people, that is inappropriate. Your attempt to intentionally sexualize anyone here in such a manner is sad. Please apologize to her, the male actor you referenced, and everyone here. Stop trying to shock people through racist and sexist comments and switch to using appropriate humor.“

Can you imagine what would have happened in the theatre and in homes around the world? I believe many in the audience would have supported the actor with the courage to speak out. The news and media outlets would have been talking about a moment when we witnessed a celebrity stand up to someone being cruel to others. We all would have had a great role modeling example to discuss with our children.

That moment never happened. In fact, more moments of sexist and racist comments continued throughout the broadcast (including trying to make a case of domestic violence into a funny one-liner). We all need to remember the Academy Awards CHOSE Seth McFarlane – knowing his reputation for this kind of attempt at satire. The Academy needs to be held accountable along with Seth McFarlane. You can call the Oscars at (310) 247-3000 or leave them an online message by clicking here.

For those who say, “That was satire,” how come the jokes never accomplished what satire is meant to show? Satire would result in the audience getting the message of older adults sexual preying on young adults is wrong. That didn’t happen. If it did, you might have seen celebrities speak up on behalf of the male actor referenced in the joke (who was unfairly targeted).

What CAN YOU DO? Talk with your family, friends, and colleagues about what Seth McFarlane did while hosting the Oscars. Sit down with your children and discuss this specific incident with the following questions:

  1. If you had a child, would you want to hear someone refer to your 9 year-old as a sexual object?
  2. Ask what kind of comments this situation could lead to the 9 year-old having to hear at school or on TV for the following days and weeks?
  3. What could someone in the audience have done?
  4. Be ready to share our example above of an audience member intervening and then say, “Do you think you would have stood up for the 9 year-old? What WOULD get you stand up for the 9 year-old?”
  5. Help give your child the tools to feel empowered and confident enough to stand up for someone in a public setting.

What tools do you think every parent should give their child to handle such a moment? What would you have said to Seth McFarlane? What would you say to the audience who failed to intervene? In addition to this example, what additional statements by Seth McFarlane during the Oscars should be addressed by parents?

Share in the COMMENTS section below.

Written by Mike Domitrz on February 26, 2013

  • Kinza

    THANK YOU Mike for calling out the Academy for their poor emcee choice for this year's awards. I actually did turn it off -- in disbelief at what the night had become. All those great people dressed in their best labels for their elegant evening of glorious recognition--what a dirty trick was played on them. And, they weren't laughing. I actually was waiting for someone TO DO speak out or do something! Someone told me they thought the Academy was trying to pull younger people into their viewing audience -- What kind of sick thinking is that! That would be MORE of a reason to provide a dazzling, uplifting night of appropriate and tasteful celebration. Leaders lead not by stooping lower, but by reaching higher. Shame on the Academy to jump in and wallow in the depths, rather than standing on it's own merit and glorifying it's tradition. BTW, thank you for the phone number. I did call.

  • The Bloom Lady

    Seth McFarlane lacks the skill to entertain with appropriate humor. Those who enjoy his style of crude and rude commentary are weak-minded fools easily entertained with any kind of garbage thrown at them. I turned the Oscars off and got a good nights sleep instead. We CHOOSE what we watch on TV. When it is not something you approve of - turn it off and let it go!!

  • Jezra Kaye

    Mike Domitrz, thanks for an excellent column. It's interesting that no one has responded to the substance of what you're asking (how to talk to your kids), but lots of people think you should just have ignored McFarlane. (Perhaps the people who are lining up to make that point should have just ignored YOU!)

    To get to your question, when my daughter, who's black and Jewish, was four, I spoke with her about racism by saying, "I know you're going to find this hard to believe, but some white people don't like black people just because those people are black. Isn't that silly?"

    This seemed to resonate for her. She already knew about racism, from looks she'd received and comments she'd overheard, and when you come right down to it, it IS pretty silly, so that made sense to her.

    I think a similar approach would work with McFarlane's comments. Though I no longer have a young child, I would probably have told her, "That man is mean, and he's saying mean things. Grownups can sure be mean sometimes."

    • http://www.DateSafeProject.org/ The DATE SAFE Project

      THANK YOU for sharing insight on specifically what we discussed in the blog, Jezra. A few people seemed to react to this blog without reading it - more defending Seth McFarlane being chosen as the host. As you noted, that was not what we discussed (whether he was the right person for this event or not). THANK you for also sharing insight of how you've talked to your daughter about what can be a difficult topic for many to discuss.

  • Caron

    I find him really offensive.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jessica.nguyen15 Jessica Nguyen

    I think that he seemed so desperate to make people laugh he sunk to the Tosh.O level. It only got worse, too. He sang a song about the actress' he had seen naked, and most of the scenes he refers to are scenes of sexual violence.

    This kind of "humor" is what leads to sexual violence and victim blaming. If it's funny when a person is sexually violent toward someone, how seriously can a victim really be taken? A victim's biggest fear is that no one will believe them when they speak up, so this sort of thing doesn't calm their fears.

    Also, think of how many women were in that room (this is not even thinking about the women watching on television/internet). 1 in 3 women have experienced sexual violence. Did Seth not think about his audience?

  • Michael

    This is an issue I had with a lot of people who complained about Seth McFarlane's performance. There's enough stuff he does in cartoons and even now movies that you say that you shouldn't have had him as a host for the Oscars. He created and voice-acts for Family Guy, American Dad and Cleveland Show as well as voice-acts for Robot Chicken and was a part of the movie Ted last year. The issue is this, Seth's shows are no worse than the Oscars was and they have had similar jokes to the ones that people complain about. In the post-internet world, I hate how people complain about being offended by someone after the fact if you have the ability to know how bad he is. If anyone that complain about any of the jokes he made, actually watched those shows and movies before the award show and complained and/or didn't watch then I have no problem. The issue is many didn't complain until after when the watched it jumped the ratings from the last few years.

    • http://www.DateSafeProject.org/ The DATE SAFE Project

      Many people do not watch the Oscars based on who the host is. At the same time, you will notice our blog post does hold the Oscars accountable and even provides a phone number and weblink to contact them at. In the end, Seth McFarlane made the degrading comments involving a 9 year-old and so we are holding him accountable for the words he stated during the Oscars.

      • Michael

        I am not discounting that his jokes aren't offensive whether it is about minors or legal women and homosexuals. As a fan there are some jokes that even I don't like. For instance in the movie Ted, he makes a jokes about only homosexuals eat turkeyburgers which as someone who is straight and eats turkey-burgers because they are a healthier option, I find it as an offensive joke. Now does that mean that I do not find other jokes funny, no. it's just that some jokes even from a comedian I like can be offensive and wrong. Should they be held accountable, sure. However everyone has a chance to complain but to me, doing it after the fact especially when the person has a track record is wrong. If McFarlane never made those offensive comments in the past and just did it without warning then sure. But if anyone watched his shows and movies and thought they weren't right (like my parents) and did not complain until after, it just rubs me the wrong way.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1421825045 Kaycee Biermann

    Offensive jokes are offensive on purpose. They are not meant to be serious or hurtful, but to make fun of the people who would actual believe them. When Seth says a child is a sexual object, he doesn't mean it or else he would be a pedofile in prison, however he is poking fun at pedofiles who are in prison or should be in prison. The Oscars are an adult event and most of the movies being awarded are rated "R" anyway. Maybe you should get yelled at for letting your kids watch it.

    • http://www.DateSafeProject.org/ The DATE SAFE Project

      For parents who did watch the Oscars as a family, the show is promoted as a family show and is not given a TV14 rating or higher. You shared that offensive jokes are offensive on purpose and then went on to say that are not meant to be hurtful. To offend is to hurt someone in some manner. Thus to intentional offend is to intentionally do harm.

      • Michelle

        The show was given a TV14 rating, as have all the telecasts since the 77th Academy Awards in 2004. This does not mean McFarlane's jokes were not offensive, however viewers were warned of the potential inappropriate jokes by 1. McFarlane's reputation and 2. the rating displayed after each commercial break. The Oscars should not be held completely accountable for choosing a host that they believed would boost their ratings, even though he came with offensive jokes.

        • http://www.DateSafeProject.org/ The DATE SAFE Project

          Thank you for the correction about the TV14 rating. If the Oscars chose McFarlane to increase ratings, then they are accountable for their choice and their motivation. Please remember many people do not watch the Oscars for the specific host. Its not like the Oscars had a disclaimer "Tonight, you will be watching a show hosted by Seth McFarlane who has a track record of being offensive."

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1810283799 Jasmine Powers

    I hate that THIS wasn't discussed in light of The Onion's indecent comments. It's gross but it seems like we're in a culture where such off color humor is desired and facilitates attitudes that support paedophilia and rape.

    • gangsterrap

      nothing to discuss. if you don't like it then don't support it, and continue going about your business.

  • http://www.DateSafeProject.org/ The DATE SAFE Project

    What do you think parents need to discuss concerning the watching of the Oscars and comments Seth McFarlane made?

    • gangsterrap

      how bout this "ya see jimmy, your mother and i have what's called a sense of entitlement and we think the world should just purge itself of anything we find objectionable. we couid turn off the tv and find something else to do but NAHHH.. why be reasonable when instead we could get all riled up over something of no meaningful consequence, and demand other people adhere to our values and tastes?"

      • http://www.DateSafeProject.org/ The DATE SAFE Project

        How is not wanting a 9 year-old to be sexualized as a joke being entitled?

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