Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect

Written by Guest Blogger, Sharon Fox.

Child abuse is more than broken bones and bruises. While physical abuse is shocking due to the scars it leaves, not all child abuse is as obvious. Ignoring children’s needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making a child feel worthless or stupid are also child abuse. Regardless of the type of child abuse, the result is serious emotional harm.

There are several myths about child abuse that need to be addressed. Here are a few of them.

Myths and facts about child abuse and neglect:

MYTH #1: It’s only abuse if it’s violent.

Fact: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, other people are less likely to intervene.

MYTH #2: Only bad people abuse their children.

Fact: While it’s easy to say that only “bad people” abuse their children, it’s not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don’t know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem.

MYTH #3: Child abuse doesn’t happen in “good” families.

Fact: Child abuse doesn’t only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors.

MYTH #4: Most child abusers are strangers.

Fact: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family.

MYTH #5: Abused children always grow up to be abusers.

Fact: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconsciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.

If you know of a child who is being abused or neglected, please contact your local Child Protective Services Department or Police. Every child deserves to live a happy and safe life.

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Sharon Fox
Protect Our Children Foundation

Sharon Fox is an author and child abuse activist. Being a survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse is what prompted her to fight so hard to protect the innocenc of children. To learn more about Sharon and protecting a child or children from abuse and neglect, visit www.goodcookin4u2.webs.com or www.protectourchildren.webs.com .

Protect Children from Sex Trafficking & Abuse

Today, we hosted a LIVE ONLINE INTERVIEW with Lori Regnier and Pastor Mike from the Starbright Foundation Inc of Arizona. They did a fantastic job sharing how to protect children from Sex Trafficking and Abusive Relationships.

BUMMER: Unfortunately, the recording had an error and so we do not have the recording available.  We greatly apologize.

Who: Starbright Foundation Inc Founders, Lori & Pastor Mike (http://www.starbrightfoundation.org).

Details: The Starbright Foundation shares how to protect children and young adults from Sex Trafficking and Abusive Relationships. Topics included in the teleseminar were: Internet safety in social media for children and adults (dating, chat rooms, etc.); Signs of abuse from sexual abuse, clergy abuse, cultic abuse, etc. and steps to intervene in house or in community; Local fundraising or involvement as volunteers.  Your host was Mike Domitrz from the The Date Safe Project.

Cost was FREE.

Download or Listen to Interview with Amanda Graybill

Get the recording of the LIVE INTERVIEW with Amanda Graybill from the Little Black Dress Society. The entire program is free for everyone who registers below.

***You must sign-up below to have access to the recording. Then you can listen to the entire interview at any time you choose.

Who: Amanda Graybill, Founder of The Little Black Dress Society (www.lbdsociety.com) and author of the book: “The Little Black Dress.”

Details: Listen in as Amanda Graybill is interviewed by Mike Domitrz from the The Date Safe Project.  Amanda’s book “The Little Black Dress” is an inspirational fiction about a young woman who runs away from home looking for love in all the wrong places. Amanda will share how more people can get involved in reducing abuse and how to help those in abusive relationships. She is committed to getting more women involved in her mission and will share why doing so is important (and how to do so).

Cost: FREE (Register Below)

The “Slut Reputation” Discussion

But if I ask for a kiss, my partner is going to assume I also want a lot more than a kiss.”

Over the years of discussing verbal consent with students around the country, this concern has been expressed numerous times, usually by females of various ages. The worry is that showing any verbal sexual communication will lead to her partner thinking she wants “everything” and/or is a “slut.”

If BEFORE you go on a date or meet up you already have a gut feeling your partner is going to disrespect you and/or make assumptions about what he/she can do with you sexually, find a new partner. You deserve to be respected at all times.

The next question is usually, “What about BEFORE I know the person well enough to make a judgement?”  TALK with your partner openly and honestly.  By both of you understanding “How” to discuss boundaries, wants, and expectations for sexual activity, you help teach each other a respecting partner is going to LISTEN.  Your partner will hopefully quickly realize he/she cannot jump to conclusions with what YOU WANT.

One example for you to use on a date:

Often toward the end of a date, it can get a little awkward because the 2 people don’t know what is expected. To avoid the awkwardness (especially since we are having soo much fun tonight), how do you communicate what you expect and/or want from a partner? For instance, I believe in always ASKING FIRST. If you want to kiss me, ask me. I’ll let you know my answer. I’ll do the same for you. If I want to kiss you, I’ll ask you. If I ask for a kiss or say ‘Yes’ to a kiss, it is a kiss at that point and not more. Anyone who just ‘goes for it’ and tries to do more without asking me first, the date is over. I believe in both of us respecting each other at all times. Is that cool?

If after this conversation your partner thinks you are a “slut” for having a mature, open discussion on boundaries, follow the approach mentioned earlier and get a new partner! Find someone with the maturity and emotional intelligence to respect you at all times. After all, you deserve respect!

P.S. The above example script provided can be used by all genders and sexual orientation.

- written by Mike Domitrz, Executive Director of The Date Safe Project and Producer of HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations. Each year, Mike speaks around the world in over 80 educational and military installations sharing the important messages of respect, consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors.
To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of this article, E-mail Mike here

How Did YOUR State Rank during National Teen Violence Awareness Week?

The results are already in. Out of 50 States, only 3 received an "A" grade when it came to National Teen Violence Awareness week! Congrats to California, Oklahoma and New Hampshire.

What about the other 47 states?  Why is our country still sweeping this major societal crime under the carpet?  Why do parents and school systems believe it doesn’t happen in their communities (or at least not to their children)? 

Do you know one of the largest factors in under-reporting?  It’s the state laws. They aren’t in place for your children. The laws in many states make it difficult for children to come forward and get the protection they need. Does your state have these items in place in the domestic violence law?

  1. Are protective orders and restraining orders available to minors in your state?
  2. Are dating relationships not recognized as valid domestic relationships for obtaining restraining orders in your state?

Did you know that only the New Hampshire law specifically allows minors of any age to go to court by themselves to apply for a protective order?

We need to give minors the ability to be proactive in their lives. Many minors don’t report what is going on because the reporting needs to go through adults. The good news is more and more children are becoming comfortable talking to educators, crisis centers, and law enforcement about what is really going on in their lives.

See how your state did.  Visit www.breakthecycle.org today.

Parents, Cyber Bulling Among Teens is Growing IN HOMES!!

Do you know one of the fastest growing forms of teen violence is?  Cyber Bullying.  Bullies have moved from the hallways of schools directly into our childs’ lives at home.

While most people assume Cyber Bullying occurs only in social networking forums such as MySpace.com, the reality is bullying is taking place through chat rooms and instant messages. More children are harassed through this medium than any other. Check out the statistics:

Of the 1,600 kids between 10 and 15 years of age surveyed across the nation:

  1. 4% reported unwanted sexual solicitation
  2. 9% reported being harassed on social networking sites
  3. 59% more solicitations were received over instant messengers

Overall, kids were 96% more likely to be harassed in instant messages than on a social networking site.

The likelihood of a child being harassed in cyber space and offline is strikingly high. Make sure you know who your kids friends are both in the virtual world as well as the real world.

Click here to read more.

Online Child Abusers Are In Homes Everywhere, Parents.

The Internet brings a wide array of how children can be victimized. Abusers can instantly get what they want: child pornography, sexually explicit chats, and the opportunity to coerce a child into a meeting.

These abusers come right into your home and make contact with your children. The group most victimized by this behavior is girls between the ages of 12 and 14 years old.  Due to severe harassment and the realization of what has been going on, some teenagers have committed suicide. Today, many children know more about computers than their parents do. While they are smart about some aspects of technology, they are frequently naïve about the real dangers they face online.

Awareness of what is going on in your child’s life is key when it comes to their protection.  Keep an eye on their online world.  After all, the crime is happening right inside the home (a place every child should be safe).

The article in the Hickory Record (click here to read) inspired this posting.

Teenagers in North Texas Address Teen Dating Violence

As we find ourselves right in the middle of National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Week, I am encouraged to see teens and schools around the country participating in making a difference.

What we fail to realize is dating violence is often learned in schools from peers. Educating our teens about healthy relationships and raising awareness will greatly reduce the cycle of violence.

The Family Place and the Allstate foundation in the Dallas area in particular have done a wonderful job in creating awareness and providing tools for teens and families. The two teams joined forces to develop a 10 week teen dating violence awareness curriculum. The curriculum is being taught in 25 schools around the Dallas area and meets the requirements of the Texas mandate requiring all schools to develop a dating violence policy.

I look forward to the day that all schools offer this type of violence and awareness training. 

Read more at: http://www.sunherald.com/447/story/348843.html 

Wichita Teen Speaks Out Against Dating Violence

With this week being dedicated nationally to addressing Teen Dating Violence, we are working hard to provide you insightful tips, stories, and inspirations throughout this week.  Today’s focus?  How do teens recover from violence?  What outlets can we give them to express themselves?

Brian Latta, a Digital Productions teacher at Northwest High School in Wichita, Kansas assigned his class a project. He challenged his students to create a public service announcement about teen dating abuse. The public service announcement they were creating could only be one minute in length.

Not a lot of time to send an entire message. Not until one of his students took the challenge head on!

Ashley Hoyle experienced teen dating violence first hand. She is a survivor.

She wanted to express to teens, adults, law enforcement, and educators just how serious the problem is and how hard it is to recognize the signs. Ashley was able to tell others through her video what she wasn’t able to verbalize about her experience. Her message was so strong that she was selected to be the National Spokeswoman for National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week which started yesterday (on Sunday).

Not only was she given the opportunity to warn and help others but she also has found a way to experience healing for herself.  As I travel the country, I continually meet incredible survivors who share how writing, performance, or some form of expressing themselvs is what really sped up the healing and recovery process for them as survivors.  Many of the surivors in the book "Voices of Courage" have talked about how powerful writing their chapter for the book was for their own personal journeys.  Then to hear from other survivors who have praised the book — has simply made the journey that much more meaningful for them.

Being part of an abusive relationship eats away at self esteem. The abuser uses control and manipulation to slowly or quickly eliminate a victim’s self esteem.  Providing the ability for a survivor to do something constructive with his/her experience re-builds the self-esteem.

When working with abused teens, explore what re-builds their self-esteem.  What projects and contests can you sponsor or create in your schools and communities?  Who will you team up with?  Local TV, local cable access networks, print media, retailers, etc…

Self-esteem can also grow through finding ways to experience success in other venues:  a sport, hobby or interest. Help survivors recognize how special they are to the world.  Remind them of their many talents that make them remarkable.  More than anything, help them realize how incredible they are for THEMSELVES.

This posting was inspired by the following article:
"Wichita teen a national speaker on abuse" by JILLIAN COHAN with Wichita Eagle.  Click here to read full article.

Parents need to take notice of signs for dating violence and abuse of teenagers

When it comes to teen violence, many families struggle to notice it, even with their own children. Some people write off inappropriate comments by thinking, "That just part of being a teenager" or "Kids will be kids."  Other adults are intimidated by their own ignorance. You may not know the current language teenagers are using and so you feel out of touch.  Instead of embarrassing yourself when intervening, you simply avoid the potential conflict.  You do nothing.

Plus, we think as teenagers, they would speak out if someone their own age was making them feel uncomfortable or was hurting them.  Reality is the direct opposite.  Approval and being "part of the crowd" puts extreme pressure on teenagers NOT to speak out, even when they know something is not right.  You don’t want to be the kid who ratted on someone.

What are the signs?  Here are some starting points for teenagers (and even pre-teens) to look out for:

  1. Extreme jealousy
  2. Controlling behavior
  3. Quick involvement
  4. Unpredictable mood swings
  5. Alcohol and drug use
  6. Explosive anger
  7. Isolates you from friends and family
  8. Uses force during an argument
  9. Shows hypersensitivity
  10. Believes in rigid sex roles
  11. Blames others for his problems or feelings
  12. Cruel to animals and children
  13. Verbally abusive
  14. Abused former partners
  15. Threatens violence

The above 15 points are from Michelle Woods and her team at MayDay Inc.  Michelle also states that as an educator and law enforcement, you should be on the lookout for these signs:

  1. Physical signs of injury
  2. Truancy, dropping out of school
  3. Failing grades
  4. Indecision
  5. Changes in mood or personality
  6. Use of drugs or alcohol
  7. Emotional outbursts
  8. Isolation

Bottom line, we need to teach our teens to choose better relationships and partners. Re-enforce the qualities of a loving and fair partner. As parents, we are responsible for teaching teens the warning signs.

Here is a recent article where these tips were provided by Michelle Woods and MayDay Inc:
Baker City Herald MayDay Helps Teens Avoid Violence

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