A Change is Gonna Come

On my United Airlines flight last Thursday night to go speak at the University of Southern Utah, I was scrolling throught the various videos on my iPad.  The first video which caught my attention was Jon Bon Jovi and Bettye LaVette singing “A Change is Gonna Come” in front of the Lincoln Memorial as part of the Inauguration Celebration for President Obama.  Have you seen this video?

When I’ve discussed the video with people, I’m continually disappointed how anything related to a President (regardless of party affiliation) becomes an issue of politics, especially ironic if you watch and LISTEN to this video.  The only thing political about this music video is the theme of the song.  What do I mean?  If the message of the song was implemented, our political atmosphere would be much healthier for people of all political beliefs.  Enough of my little SoapBox statement.  Lets get back to the video.  Enjoy it below and then we will discuss.  For now, take it in!

What were your favorite moments of the video?  What lines in the song standout for you?  How did this overall video impact you and why?  Share this video with friends and family on FaceBook. Are you an Educator?  If so, ask students for their reactions.

Once a few people begin to comment, I will share my reactions to the video and why I find it so powerful for everyone working to make a positive difference!

LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS below now!

5 Fun Keys to Dating (plus 5 Bonuses)

Do you wish dating wasn’t so hard – or hurtful? Below is a list of ten helpful tips for having dates based upon mutual respect, fun and possibility. The title said, “5” fun keys. I like to surpass your expectations and so you get 10 (wouldn’t dating be more fun if dates surpassed expectations)?

No Dating Games

You constantly hear people talking about being in the “dating game,” yet they fail to realize games pit people against each other. Games aim to have a winner and a loser. Healthy dating requires a mutual success story. Therefore, eliminate all games, tactics and strategies. Simply go out and get to know your date better.

Plan Sunlight Dates

Go out during the day – something new and different! Go on a picnic. Go bowling. Pick an activity that will most likely encourage laughter. It’s much easier to be yourself in the day, than having to be this incredibly “romantic” individual in the evening. Afternoon dating also takes away the pressure of instant intimacy.

No Pity for You

Only date people you truly want to date and can trust. Accepting a date because you feel “sorry” for someone is disrespectful and uncaring. Why? You are being misleading another person and raising someone’s hopes. To turn down a date, say, “Thank you for asking. While I am very honored you asked, I don’t feel a connection between us.”

Stick to the Standards

Before you go on a date with someone new, write down your “dating standards.” For example, you might include on your list: I don’t want to be kissed unless I am asked. Unfortunately, many people make the mistake of lowering their standards in order to “win” over their date. If you are going to lose someone because you are determined to maintain high personal standards, then lose that person! You deserve to be with someone who respects you for being you. Whether the date is going badly or well, stick to your standards.

Only Listen to You

Friends love to tell friends what to do. Sometimes, they encourage risky and dangerous behaviors, or brag about things they really haven’t done in an effort to make themselves sound better. Above all, listen to your instincts.

Ask First and Answer Honestly

Before you even think about becoming intimate on a date, ask if your partner agrees. If your partner asks for intimacy, be honest. You never owe your partner anything you don’t want to share, especially something as precious and sacred as intimate acts of love and/or sexual activity. If you are asked and are not comfortable, say, “That is so cool that you asked. My answer is no because that is not what I want right now.” Be clear.

Remember it Takes Two to Tango

Dating is a partnership based upon mutual respect. Regardless of how different your date’s beliefs might be from yours, remember that he or she is a person. Avoid criticizing, interrupting and dismissing the other person. Hear them out. Talk about your differences. Learn from the exchange. You may just be misunderstanding each other. If you clearly understand your differences and still are not interested in the other person, make it a respectful last date!

Don’t Alter your Judgment

Avoid alcohol and drugs – especially on dates! Any substance that can impair your judgment and decision making can be extremely dangerous. If your partner is trying to pressure you into drinking, take notice! This pressure should be a warning sign of possible disrespect, carelessness, and trouble. You should end this date early!

Listen, Listen, Listen

Be careful about disclosing your entire life history, including previous relationship failures. Ask open ended questions designed to get to know the other person. For example, “Tell me about your greatest travel adventure,” and then listen attentively. Don’t interrupt or start sharing your greatest travel adventure! Everyone likes to be heard.

Talk, Talk, Talk

As you plan a date, involve your partner. Give a few of your ideas and then ask which is most appealing to him or her. By discussing how you will be spending your time together early on, you demonstrate the significance you place on equality in a relationship.

Dating should be fun and leave you feeling better about yourself – not worse. Start putting into practice one or all of the above ten tips for successful dating and you may find yourself meeting wonderful people and having great fun in your new relationships!

The “Slut Reputation” Discussion

“But if I ask for a kiss, my partner is going to assume I also want a lot more than a kiss.”

Over the years of discussing verbal consent with students around the country, this concern has been expressed numerous times, usually by females of various ages. The worry is that showing any verbal sexual communication will lead to her partner thinking she wants “everything” and/or is a “slut.”

If BEFORE you go on a date or meet up you already have a gut feeling your partner is going to disrespect you and/or make assumptions about what he/she can do with you sexually, find a new partner. You deserve to be respected at all times.

The next question is usually, “What about BEFORE I know the person well enough to make a judgement?”  TALK with your partner openly and honestly.  By both of you understanding “How” to discuss boundaries, wants, and expectations for sexual activity, you help teach each other a respecting partner is going to LISTEN.  Your partner will hopefully quickly realize he/she cannot jump to conclusions with what YOU WANT.

One example for you to use on a date:

“Often toward the end of a date, it can get a little awkward because the 2 people don’t know what is expected. To avoid the awkwardness (especially since we are having soo much fun tonight), how do you communicate what you expect and/or want from a partner? For instance, I believe in always ASKING FIRST. If you want to kiss me, ask me. I’ll let you know my answer. I’ll do the same for you. If I want to kiss you, I’ll ask you. If I ask for a kiss or say ‘Yes’ to a kiss, it is a kiss at that point and not more. Anyone who just ‘goes for it’ and tries to do more without asking me first, the date is over. I believe in both of us respecting each other at all times. Is that cool?”

If after this conversation your partner thinks you are a “slut” for having a mature, open discussion on boundaries, follow the approach mentioned earlier and get a new partner! Find someone with the maturity and emotional intelligence to respect you at all times. After all, you deserve respect!

P.S. The above example script provided can be used by all genders and sexual orientation.

Saying “No” to Teenage Resolutions for 2008!

Happy New Year, parents!  Welcome to 2008.  One of the silliest notions this time of the year is to make a New Year Resolution!  Why?  Shouldn’t you be working to improve yourself on a daily basis?  Instead of getting you or your teenager to make a resolution for the year, ask your child, "Why do you think people make resolutions for each New Year?  Why wouldn’t everyone work on improving themselves each and every day?" 

Share with your teenager the idea of setting aside a specific time slot each week to look ahead in their life.  During this 15 minutes each week, they can ask themselves:

1.  What do I NEED to work on?  How am I moving ahead to guarantee I work on that need?

2.  What do I WANT to accomplish?  What am I doing to make that goal happen?

3.  What systems of accountability will I use to help make all these priorities occur in a timely fashion?

For instance, what specific people will you share your goals with?  You have to select individuals who will hold you accountable – who will call you and say, "Hey, how is that going?"  When a time comes in which you haven’t achieved a goal (and that time will come – unless you always set too low of goals), you need the person who will hold you responsible by asking you, "What are you doing to get caught up?"

Make 2008 an amazing year by making each day and each week spectacular!!