College Students ARE Taking Action

How much fun is getting students to make positive statements about consent?  In the past 3 weeks of our Fall “Can I Kiss You?” Tour, we have had a record number of audiences choose to make videos for YouTube on Asking First.  NOTE: The university officials in attendance ALWAYS have the final say on what we film for representing their campus. Here is a quick examples:

In addition to spreading the word via video, students typically love fun t-shirts with messages they believe in.  As evidence, a record number of students are purchasing the NEW “Can I Kiss You?” and “Want Some Action?” T-shirts at the events.  The demand has been so high that shipments have had to been sent afterward to meet the demand.  Students are telling us they love the look AND the message.

Often students find opening up and sharing with others to be difficult and/or uncomfortable.  For this reason, we have been hearing that the “Action Pad” Post-It notes (the handout every student receives when entering the “Can I Kiss You?” program – anyone can purchase the Action Pads for their campus) have been a big hit.  They enable students to SHARE positive messages through a simple post-it note.  Southern Utah University reported that their Resident Assistants have been seeing the Action Pads being used throughout the hallways of their residence halls – to promote a more caring atmosphere for everyone.

Evaluate all of the above and what you realize is STUDENTS ARE TAKING ACTION in their own lives and to spread the message into the lives of others.  Provide students fun resources for creating change and they will be happy to help make a positive difference.

P.S. College students recently contacted me to share they’ve recorded a song about “Can I Kiss You?” and are going into a professional studio to record it!!  Once the song is available, we will let you know ASAP.

Written by Mike Domitrz on September 7, 2010

The “Slut Reputation” Discussion

“But if I ask for a kiss, my partner is going to assume I also want a lot more than a kiss.”

Over the years of discussing verbal consent with students around the country, this concern has been expressed numerous times, usually by females of various ages. The worry is that showing any verbal sexual communication will lead to her partner thinking she wants “everything” and/or is a “slut.”

If BEFORE you go on a date or meet up you already have a gut feeling your partner is going to disrespect you and/or make assumptions about what he/she can do with you sexually, find a new partner. You deserve to be respected at all times.

The next question is usually, “What about BEFORE I know the person well enough to make a judgement?”  TALK with your partner openly and honestly.  By both of you understanding “How” to discuss boundaries, wants, and expectations for sexual activity, you help teach each other a respecting partner is going to LISTEN.  Your partner will hopefully quickly realize he/she cannot jump to conclusions with what YOU WANT.

One example for you to use on a date:

“Often toward the end of a date, it can get a little awkward because the 2 people don’t know what is expected. To avoid the awkwardness (especially since we are having soo much fun tonight), how do you communicate what you expect and/or want from a partner? For instance, I believe in always ASKING FIRST. If you want to kiss me, ask me. I’ll let you know my answer. I’ll do the same for you. If I want to kiss you, I’ll ask you. If I ask for a kiss or say ‘Yes’ to a kiss, it is a kiss at that point and not more. Anyone who just ‘goes for it’ and tries to do more without asking me first, the date is over. I believe in both of us respecting each other at all times. Is that cool?”

If after this conversation your partner thinks you are a “slut” for having a mature, open discussion on boundaries, follow the approach mentioned earlier and get a new partner! Find someone with the maturity and emotional intelligence to respect you at all times. After all, you deserve respect!

P.S. The above example script provided can be used by all genders and sexual orientation.

- written by Mike Domitrz, Executive Director of The Date Safe Project and Producer of HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations. Each year, Mike speaks around the world in over 80 educational and military installations sharing the important messages of respect, consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors.
To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of this article, E-mail Mike here

Written by Mike Domitrz on July 26, 2010

Continuing the Impact Long Term

On this page, you will DISCOVER:

POSTERS

After you bring an educational program to your campus, do you wish you had more opportunities to continue the lessons learned in the expert’s presentation? Now you can! The “Do You Ask?” poster series is the most direct consent based educational poster series used throughout the world. Each poster is both eye-catching and educational. The “Do You Ask?” theme of this innovative poster campaign teaches everyone, “The only way you can absolutely know what your partner wants is by asking first!”  Plus, the poster series now includes new posters addressing bystander intervention toward dating violence and healthy relationships.

You get outstanding discounts when purchasing bulk quantities of the posters. With 50 or more posters, you save over 40% off EVERY poster AND you get 2 posters for the price of 1. (which means you are really saving 80% off each poster).  Check the popular posters out at www.doyouask.org!!

BOOKS

Voices of Courage

May I Kiss You? written by Mike Domitrz

In addition to the powerful line of posters, you can utilize both of Mike Domitrz’s books, May I Kiss You? and Voices of Courage, to continue the lessons and skills shared throughout the day with Mike on your campus. Get the books for a discounted bulk price in the 100 PACK special package. With the 100 PACK, you choose 100 books (any combination of the 2 books you want) and you get each book for only $8 (over 50% discount).  Mike will be happy to sign each book for you, your students, and staff. Plus, you can include the “Can I Kiss You?” T-shirts in the 100 PACK. Call 800-329-9390 to get the 100 Pack NOW!!!

PLEDGE for ACTION

Plus, the Pledge for ActionRM is an educational campaign to use throughout your campus, community and region. Pledge for ActionRM is a powerful agreement students, partners, families, educators, and individuals sign to pledge that they will do their best to help their family, friends and peers in potentially dangerous moments concerning alcohol, drugs, and sexual assault. After you have read the agreement and/or used it with students, please scroll down this page to share your comments.

How it works? Each individual signs one copy of the full agreement and signs one copy of the Hearts Page. You can download the entire agreement (full page and hearts page) when you scroll down this page. The signed copy of the full page is given to the individual to take home and the signed Hearts page is to be placed in specific locations around your school and/or community. By placing all the signed hearts throughout your school (and in the nearby communities), your students, their families and the entire community will realize how many people DO care about this issue and are committed to helping others!

PLEDGE FOR ACTIONRM

I, ____________________________________________, pledge to do my best to help my family, friends, and peers in potentially dangerous situations in which drugs, alcohol, a violent person, or other threats to their safety and well-being are present. I will do this by having the focus and self-control necessary to remain aware of my surroundings, the wisdom to identify dangerous situations, and the courage to take action in confronting my friends when their judgment is impaired.

I recognize that these dangerous situations may arise at times when people feel safe and comfortable, such as at bars, parties (especially when alcohol is influencing the situation and a person is trying to “hook up” with another individual), or in the context of a romantic relationship. I realize that it may not always be easy to help people from harm in these situations, but by remaining watchful and showing care and concern, I may help to prevent a sexual assault from occurring.

I understand that the ONLY person responsible for a sexual assault is the person who engages in sexual contact without the consent of the other person. Through my own positive words, actions, and beliefs, I am taking the responsibility of helping to end sexual assault. I will share with people the importance of consent and the need to obtain consent with your partner by Asking First. I will treat all survivors of sexual assault with my respect and admiration. I will inform all of my family, friends, and peers that “If anyone ever has or ever does sexually touch you without your consent, I will fully support you. I will always be here for you. Always (from simply listening to helping you seek the proper support from professionals)!” During the next 24 hours, I will start putting this pledge into action by saying these words to at least 3 people.

Sexual assault is a horrific and traumatic crime. My active commitment to this project will help reduce the violence in my community and create a safer atmosphere for everyone.

DOWNLOAD the 2 page PLEDGE FOR ACTIONRM to utilize in your community!

BEGIN the Impact Today.  Call 800-329-9390.
Ask About the Special Offfer.

**You can click here to send us an email.

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on December 17, 2009

Continuing the Impact LONG after the program

After you bring an educational program to your community, do you wish you had more opportunities to continue the lessons learned in the expert’s presentation? Now you can! The “Do You Ask?” poster series is the most direct consent based educational poster series used throughout the world. Each poster is both eye-catching and educational. The “Do You Ask?” theme of this innovative poster campaign teaches everyone, “The only way you can absolutely know what your partner wants is by asking first!“

You get outstanding discounts when purchasing bulk quantities of the posters. With 50 or more posters, you save over 40% off EVERY poster AND you get 2 posters for the price of 1. (which means you are really saving 80% off each poster).  Check the popular posters out at www.doyouask.org!!

May I Kiss You? written by Mike DomitrzVoices of CourageIn addition to the powerful line of posters, you can utilize both of Mike Domitrz’s books, May I Kiss You? and Voices of Courage, to continue the lessons and skills shared throughout the day with Mike on your campus. Get the books for a discounted bulk price in the 100 PACK special package. With the 100 PACK, you choose 100 books (any combination of the 2 books you want) and you get each book for only $8 (over 50% discount). Plus, Mike will be happy to sign each book for you and your students. Click here to get the 100 PACK now!

Pledge for ActionRM

Plus, the Pledge for ActionRM is a fantastic campaign to use throughout your community and region. Pledge for ActionRM is a powerful agreement students, families, educators, and individuals sign to pledge that they will do their best to help their family, friends and peers in potentially dangerous moments concerning alcohol, drugs, and sexual assault. After you have read the agreement and/or used it with students, please scroll down this page to share your comments.

How it works? Each individual signs one copy of the full agreement and signs one copy of the Hearts Page. You can download the entire agreement (full page and hearts page) when you scroll down this page. The signed copy of the full page is given to the individual to take home and the signed Hearts page is to be placed in specific locations around your installation and/or community. By placing all the signed hearts throughout your installation (and in the nearby communities), your military members, their families and the entire community will realize how many people DO care about this issue and are committed to helping others!

PLEDGE FOR ACTIONRM

I, ____________________________________________, pledge to do my best to help my family, friends, and peers in potentially dangerous situations in which drugs, alcohol, a violent person, or other threats to their safety and well-being are present. I will do this by having the focus and self-control necessary to remain aware of my surroundings, the wisdom to identify dangerous situations, and the courage to take action in confronting my friends when their judgment is impaired.

I recognize that these dangerous situations may arise at times when people feel safe and comfortable, such as at bars, parties (especially when alcohol is influencing the situation and a person is trying to “hook up” with another individual), or in the context of a romantic relationship. I realize that it may not always be easy to help people from harm in these situations, but by remaining watchful and showing care and concern, I may help to prevent a sexual assault from occurring.

I understand that the ONLY person responsible for a sexual assault is the person who engages in sexual contact without the consent of the other person. Through my own positive words, actions, and beliefs, I am taking the responsibility of helping to end sexual assault. I will share with people the importance of consent and the need to obtain consent with your partner by Asking First. I will treat all survivors of sexual assault with my respect and admiration. I will inform all of my family, friends, and peers that “If anyone ever has or ever does sexually touch you without your consent, I will fully support you. I will always be here for you. Always (from simply listening to helping you seek the proper support from professionals)!” During the next 24 hours, I will start putting this pledge into action by saying these words to at least 3 people.

Sexual assault is a horrific and traumatic crime. My active commitment to this project will help reduce the violence in my community and create a safer atmosphere for everyone.

DOWNLOAD the 2 page PLEDGE FOR ACTIONRM to utilize in your community!

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on August 24, 2009

Continuing the Impact LONG After the Program

On this page, you will DISCOVER:

POSTERS

After you bring an educational program to your installation, do you wish you had more opportunities to continue the lessons learned in the expert’s presentation? Now you can! The “Do You Ask?” poster series is the most direct consent based educational poster series used throughout the world. Each poster is both eye-catching and educational. The “Do You Ask?” theme of this innovative poster campaign teaches everyone, “The only way you can absolutely know what your partner wants is by asking first!“

“We’re in the process of matting, framing and adding our plaque to your posters’ for our base dormitories! I think it’s great outreach prevention efforts for our Airmen. Also, I’m still receiving excellent feedback from your briefing and it’s been a few months. Hope all is well.“
Heather Van Mill, McChord AFB

You get outstanding discounts when purchasing bulk quantities of the posters. With 50 or more posters, you save over 40% off EVERY poster AND you get 2 posters for the price of 1. (which means you are really saving 80% off each poster).  Check the popular posters out at www.doyouask.org!!

BOOKS

Voices of Courage

May I Kiss You? written by Mike Domitrz

In addition to the powerful line of posters, you can utilize both of Mike Domitrz’s books, May I Kiss You? and Voices of Courage, to continue the lessons and skills shared throughout the day with Mike on your campus. Get the books for a discounted bulk price in the 100 PACK special package. With the 100 PACK, you choose 100 books (any combination of the 2 books you want) and you get each book for only $8 (over 50% discount).  Mike will be happy to sign each book for you and your military members.  Plus, you can include the “Can I Kiss You?” T-shirts as part of the 100 PACK.  Call 800-329-9390 to get the 100 PACK now!

PLEDGE for ACTION

Plus, the Pledge for ActionRM is an educational campaign to use throughout your installation, community and region. Pledge for ActionRM is a powerful agreement students, families, military members, educators, and individuals sign to pledge that they will do their best to help their family, friends and peers in potentially dangerous moments concerning alcohol, drugs, and sexual assault. After you have read the agreement and/or used it with your military members, please scroll down this page to share your comments.

How it works? Each individual signs one copy of the full agreement and signs one copy of the Hearts Page. You can download the entire agreement (full page and hearts page) when you scroll down this page. The signed copy of the full page is given to the individual to take home and the signed Hearts page is to be placed in specific locations around your installation and/or community. By placing all the signed hearts throughout your installation (and in the nearby communities), your military members, their families and the entire community will realize how many people DO care about this issue and are committed to helping others!

PLEDGE FOR ACTIONRM

I, ____________________________________________, pledge to do my best to help my family, friends, and peers in potentially dangerous situations in which drugs, alcohol, a violent person, or other threats to their safety and well-being are present. I will do this by having the focus and self-control necessary to remain aware of my surroundings, the wisdom to identify dangerous situations, and the courage to take action in confronting my friends when their judgment is impaired.

I recognize that these dangerous situations may arise at times when people feel safe and comfortable, such as at bars, parties (especially when alcohol is influencing the situation and a person is trying to “hook up” with another individual), or in the context of a romantic relationship. I realize that it may not always be easy to help people from harm in these situations, but by remaining watchful and showing care and concern, I may help to prevent a sexual assault from occurring.

I understand that the ONLY person responsible for a sexual assault is the person who engages in sexual contact without the consent of the other person. Through my own positive words, actions, and beliefs, I am taking the responsibility of helping to end sexual assault. I will share with people the importance of consent and the need to obtain consent with your partner by Asking First. I will treat all survivors of sexual assault with my respect and admiration. I will inform all of my family, friends, and peers that “If anyone ever has or ever does sexually touch you without your consent, I will fully support you. I will always be here for you. Always (from simply listening to helping you seek the proper support from professionals)!” During the next 24 hours, I will start putting this pledge into action by saying these words to at least 3 people.

Sexual assault is a horrific and traumatic crime. My active commitment to this project will help reduce the violence in my community and create a safer atmosphere for everyone.

DOWNLOAD the 2 page PLEDGE FOR ACTIONRM to utilize in your community!

BEGIN the Impact Today.  Call 800-329-9390.
Ask About the Special Offfer.

**You can click here to send us an email.

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on August 17, 2009

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