College Students ARE Taking Action

How much fun is getting students to make positive statements about consent?  In the past 3 weeks of our Fall “Can I Kiss You?” Tour, we have had a record number of audiences choose to make videos for YouTube on Asking First.  NOTE: The university officials in attendance ALWAYS have the final say on what we film for representing their campus. Here is a quick examples:

In addition to spreading the word via video, students typically love fun t-shirts with messages they believe in.  As evidence, a record number of students are purchasing the NEW “Can I Kiss You?” and “Want Some Action?” T-shirts at the events.  The demand has been so high that shipments have had to been sent afterward to meet the demand.  Students are telling us they love the look AND the message.

Often students find opening up and sharing with others to be difficult and/or uncomfortable.  For this reason, we have been hearing that the “Action Pad” Post-It notes (the handout every student receives when entering the “Can I Kiss You?” program – anyone can purchase the Action Pads for their campus) have been a big hit.  They enable students to SHARE positive messages through a simple post-it note.  Southern Utah University reported that their Resident Assistants have been seeing the Action Pads being used throughout the hallways of their residence halls – to promote a more caring atmosphere for everyone.

Evaluate all of the above and what you realize is STUDENTS ARE TAKING ACTION in their own lives and to spread the message into the lives of others.  Provide students fun resources for creating change and they will be happy to help make a positive difference.

P.S. College students recently contacted me to share they’ve recorded a song about “Can I Kiss You?” and are going into a professional studio to record it!!  Once the song is available, we will let you know ASAP.

“Like” page on FaceBook – now we are making waves

You have to love FaceBook for the medium it provides everyone. Today, we discovered someone started a “Like” page against asking for a kiss (specifically the phrase “Can I Kiss You?“).  In fact, this person actually is using the BUTTONS we provide here on our website for their image on their FaceBook “Like” page (yes OUR button with our saying and our website).

A PR expert once told me the day websites and people are mocking you – is the day you’ll know when your mission is effecting people on a mainstream level.  For us, we simply find it encouraging to know people’s beliefs are being so challenged that they  are creating online mediums to discuss it!

By the way, did you know we have a “Friend” page on our FaceBook Fan Page (click here).

High school students address dating and asking first with intimacy

Students at Washburn High School in Washburn, WI did a GREAT job making the commitment to create positive change.  From middle school through the high school, they realized the importance of “Asking First,” “Being a Friend,” and “Opening a Door.”

Watch their videos below AND LEAVE A COMMENT ON THIS POST!  I will personally respond to each comment.

This high school student Asks First & Supports Sexual Assault Survivors

This Senior student at Bitburg Air Force Base High School makes a strong statement about asking first and supporting sexual assault survivors.  The last 2 weeks was filled with speaking to wonderful groups of high school students throughout Air Force Bases in Europe.

LEAVE A COMMENT to let him know what you think (he is excited to see your comments)!

Share your thoughts by LEAVING A COMMENT!

University of Alabama Rolls w/ Tide of Change by “Asking First”

Tonight, the sorority sisters at the University of Alabama made a commitment to Asking First, Being a Friend, and Opening a Door.  They were a passionate group of students who shared their viewpoints and made a verbal agreement to make a difference on their campus.  While we had 2 shows (one at 6pm and one at 8pm), each group agreed with the changes that need to occur.

The campus has a close relationship between Greek Life and the Women’s Resource Center (not a relationship you see at every campus).  The staff of the Women’s Resource Center was out in full support of the program tonight.  Getting to meet all of these passionate individuals and the head of the BACCHUS GAMMA group on campus (in addition to being the head of Peer Education) was greatly appreciated.

Watch their high energy and fun video below.

Update on John Petroski, writer of “Rape Only Hurts If You Fight It”

After communicating with John Petroski via e-mail over the past few days, I wish I could tell you the following happened:

1) He replied gracefully to each e-mail sent to him from the readers of this blog, especially to the survivors of sexual assault who opened up to him.

2) He e-mailed to tell us that he finished reading Voices of Courage: Inspiration from Survivors of Sexual Assault and then shared the insight he gained from the book.  **To help raise his awareness, we sent him the e-book during the first evening of e-mail communications with him.

Unfortunately, neither of those results occurred.  In fact, John Petroski did not respond to any of the e-mails forwarded to him by readers of this blog.  When we e-mailed him to see if he was going to respond, he told us he didn’t know what to say.  We recommended he thank each person for their words.  Instead, he simply hasn’t replied — until this morning.  This morning, we received the following e-mail exchange from John Petroski

First e-mail from John Petroski (he is referring to an e-mail forwarded to him from a reader of this blog):

"You know what?  There is absolutely nothing nice I can say about people who honestly feel my article ‘glorif[ied] rape.’  So I won’t.  CNN already pretty much laid it out for me, anyway."

Mike Domitrz’s response:
John:

Then I will share your response on the blog. Since you have not responded to any of the e-mails yet, I will also stop forwarding these e-mails to you.

John Petroski’s next e-mail response:
Please keep forwarding them.  I made a promise to read them all and I will.  I don’t believe I promised to reply to every last one, however.

Mike Domitrz’s next response:
John:

On my blog, I will let your e-mails speak for themselves. I will not summarize to take the risk of misquoting you. I will share your exact words.

I do think you are being unreasonable. If soooo many people read YOUR words and did not realize you were not being serious, than YOUR WORDS were poorly written by you. Accountability means you look in the mirror and see the results of your choices (both the intended results and the unintended results). You seem to be saying, "I can’t control how people react to my words." Yes, you can have great impact on your words. How? By the words you choose. If you did an article sharing the prevalence of sexual assault on college campuses, the reaction would have been completely different. You chose to write the piece you did — KNOWING it would cause controversy. You have said that your article proved the point you were TRYING to make.

If you are sorry for the hurt you caused, why are you "unable" to say something "nice" to the PEOPLE you hurt? Yes, some of their e-mails may sound harsh to you. They are hurt, John. Your words stirred that emotion and pain. Your words.

John Petroski’s next response:
This whole experience has taught me many important lessons about people, and they don’t all reflect poorly on me.

End of e-mails.

If you would like to forward an e-mail to John Petroski, you can still do so by e-mailing us at The Date Safe Project at info@thedatesafeproject.org.  We encourage you to post your comments here on the blog.  Why?  The words you share on this blog will not be wasted.  In fact, your words shared here may inspire more people to help create change in their communities.  The readers of this blog have shown a history of caring and possessing great passion for helping others.

Many people have asked me, "What suggestions are people sharing with him?  How much emotion are people sharing with him?"  Without their permission, we will not post any of the e-mails of our readers.  The e-mails have included both reasonable and helpful suggestions for John Petroski to increase his understanding of sexual assault. In addition, e-mails have shared hard-hitting emotions felt by the reader.

The educational process and creating positive change is always an ongoing effort.  Please take this opportunity to post any comments or suggestions you have for actions that can be taken for the future (such as the comments posted on this blog in Juliette Grimmett’s "Comment" which suggested to have campus newspaper staffs receive training on sexual violence, stalking, and relationship violence).  What else can each of us do in our communities?