REAL Solutions to TOUGH Conversations for discussing dating, intimacy, bystander intervention, and sexual assault.
Keuka College has me speak to their incoming students each year in the Chapel which is a beautiful location. The seating goes far back and so last night Keuka provided a video screen upfront showing a closeup of the show. The results?
The students in the back were as equally engaged as those in the front row! Great Job to Jen and everyone at Keuka who also raised money for their local crisis center through the sales of “Can I Kiss You?” shirts and books.
Watch the video below:
Tonight, Lake Forest College made a commitment to asking first. In fact, they threw a challenge out to those who DO NOT ASK FIRST. Altogether, they chanted, “I Pity the Fool Who Doesn’t Ask First” (yes aka The “A” Team).
In the picture to your right is Barbie – a Resident Assistant at Lake Forest College. Before the main “Can I Kiss You?” presentation, the RAs and I met for a “Train the Trainer” session. The group was very open-minded to new ideas and you could clearly see their passion for wanting to be great leaders for their residents.
Patrick, thanks for making each aspect of today run smoothly!! ENJOY the video below of all the incoming students “pitying the fool.” LEAVE A COMMENT below and I will personally respond!
Remember to Leave a Comment Below!
Are you ever amazed how many people give college students advice like, “Don’t do anything stupid while you are in college!” Are you kidding me? What kind of life are you living if you never look stupid once in a while.
As my Godson goes off to college, I was thinking of what I learned along the journey. Here is a little of what I shared with him (of course the rest is confidential):
College is an awesome time, especially when you truly go after your dreams (and not make the mistake many students make of going after a steady job). In the movie “Up in the Air,” George Clooney’s character ask a guy, “How much did they pay you to give up on your dreams?” He was referring to the guy settling for a “Good Job” over doing what he loved. GREAT LINE!
In college and in life, use your education to put your passion into action! You will have newfound independence. You will make some mistakes – that never stops happening in life and so learn from them and then move on. Live with your eyes forward so you can see where you are going (looking backyards sends you backwards). Be sure to find a way to have a laugh each day. :-)
Oh yea. When AMAZING opportunities present themselves to you, seize them. Study abroad. Get involved. Make a POSITIVE impact. There is an old cliche: As long as its legal, ethical, moral, and won’t hurt anyone (including yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or your health), go for it!!
What would YOU add?
Have Students changed since we grew up and are they more difficult to to work with now?
Recently, I was interviewed by a newspaper reporter from the Waco Tribune to talk about working with students in schools. Are teenagers more difficult today than 20 years ago? Are they less respectful of authority? … and many similar questions. My answer to each question was “NO!”
Don’t get me wrong. Students of today are different. They do not and will not accept “because I said so.” Students want you to explain “why” and they are right in making that request of educators, activists, politicians, parents, and others. If you want people to make the tough and correct choice when faced with difficult decisions, you must give them the proper foundation of decision-making. Each teenager must understand, at their deepest core, why doing the “right thing” is so vitally important to being a good person. When you understand the “why” of your decisions, going against peer pressure is much easier.
In addition to knowing the “why,” you must teach the TRUTH and be willing to hear the TRUTH yourself! Be open and honest with students. If you go to give a presentation on sexual assault, be prepared for all attitudes and answers that may come your way. Open yourself up to all challenges with a friendly face. If you become defensive towards a student’s comments during your program, you will turn many of the students “off” and thus, diminish your entire reason for speaking — to open their minds to a better approach and understanding. No matter how offensive the student’s comment may be, you must remain calm and address the negative comments with a positive approach. Time and time again, students tell us that our program is so successful because of the manner is which we relate to the students. The students love that we are willing to hear “their side of the story.”
For example, many people teach students that “No Always Means No.” However, in each crowd of 30 students, you will have AT LEAST one female who will believe that you are wrong in telling students that “No Always Means No.” In this one female’s mind, she will be thinking “that is not true. I have said ‘no’ as part of a game I play with the guys I’m with.” How do you address this issue? If you simply say “NO always means NO”, you are going to lose credibility after you leave the room. Why? At least one female student (if not more) will talk about how they personally break that rule which makes you wrong because you said, “Always.” Once a student can prove you wrong, the other student’s will believe their peer and not you. After you lose your credibility, all the lessons you were teaching will be lost by the majority of the students.
Then how do you address to students the issue that “No Always means No?” Change the wording in your presentation to “Always respect the word ‘No’ as meaning ‘No!’ Then, you are showing the utmost respect for your partner.” By changing this wording, no one individual student’s argument can prove you wrong because you didn’t say what they were thinking (which you can’t absolutely know). Instead of trying to prove what they were thinking, you showed all the students the “right way” to respect another person.
With any decisions you make on your approach with students, you must explain your approach in a way that you feel comfortable and believe in If I gave you my speech, it wouldn’t work for you. Why? I fully understand my approach and believe in it 100%. My personal passion is the catalyst to my presentations. Your passion will be unique to you. If you try to copy another person’s program, students will know. Teenagers have a gift of being able to detect a “fake” and can tell when you are NOT passionate about what you are saying.
When a student does make a rude or insensitive comment, is it easy to remain objective and calm? No, but you are the professional and your goal should be to make a difference. Therefore, you must learn how to use this skill of “not attacking.” If you have spoke to students in the past and never heard arguments against your point of view, you are probably not provoking the students enough to hear what they are really thinking. Provoking must be done in a fashion that makes the students comfortable with you. You CANNOT lecture teenagers and make them feel comfortable. They hate lectures. Talk WITH them and listen to them. Then teach each of them what is the “right thing to do.”
Students of today are an awesome group of individuals who love to be challenged. Challenge them and open doors of change that they never expected to experience. By doing so, you will make an amazing difference!
- written by Mike Domitrz, Executive Director of The Date Safe Project and Producer of HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations. Each year, Mike speaks around the world in over 80 educational and military installations sharing the important messages of respect, consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors.
To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of this article, E-mail Mike here
| Click the PLAY button on the video to your left and begin watching over 600 students experiencing the “Can I Kiss You?” program at 8 in the morning!. You will notice they are engaged, thinking, opening their minds, and making decisions to change their actions.
Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” program to your campus and witness your students talking nonstop about the positive changes they WANT to make. You’ll hear them saying how much the presentation “blew their mind” and “really has me thinking about how I need to change the way I date.“ |
SPECIAL OFFER: By calling 800-329-9390 today, you will receive a complimentary copy of the critically-acclaimed book “May I Kiss You?” by Mike Domitrz. Campuses throughout the country use this book as curriculum in the classroom and for creating positive change with their students. Click here to send us an email.
One of the biggest fears many campuses have is “How can we know this speaker is going to capture our students attention AND do so appropriately while giving them needed tools for making a difference?” The answer is: You need an expert with a proven track record of excellence with schools of all sizes, demographics, and cultures. You require a quick thinking professional who is gifted at reacting specifically to your students’ reactions and comments.
“I want to recognize your talent and gift for clearly shifting the attitudes of an audience in only 75 minutes. Several staff members let me know they were in awe of your ability to affect change in a large group of students so profoundly and quickly.“
Marilyn Kile, LCSW, U.W.-Whitewater
For over 2 decades, Mike Domitrz has been inspiring students, educators and staff with the unique combination of his hilarious sense of humor along with his uncanny ability to draw hard-hitting emotion from audiences. Campuses constantly share what a lasting impact he has with people of all ages.
“2 weeks later and students are still talking about your presentation and more students are approaching me to ask me how they can support their friends who are survivors.“
Som Mongtin, Women’s Center, Minnesota State University, Mankato
With Mike, you get a critically-acclaimed author and passionate educator on consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors who is leading the way by constantly changing and further improving each presentation he gives. You get a professional presenter who studies exactly how each audience member reacts to different techniques and learning styles. You get a dedicated advocate who commits to always respecting every aspect of a very sensitive topic.
“I am most impressed with the follow-up you provided to one of this year’s participants who disclosed she is a survivor of sexual assault. Your response was immediate, caring, and encouraging to both the survivor and her student counselors. You demonstrated congruency in your message and your actions and it was a pleasure to work with a professional speaker who went above and beyond, even after the presentation was complete.“
Emily Lehning, Assistant Dean of Student Life, Kansas State University
To be an effective and powerful educator, you need to always be learning new approaches and concepts of working with people (from teenagers to adults). Yes, the educator needs to be a STUDENT. The #1 source for teaching better speaking techniques and presentation skills is the National Speakers Association (NSA) – the professional trade organization for speakers around the world.
Mike Domitrz is an active and involved member of NSA. In fact, he is one of the few Certified Speaker Professionals (CSP) across the globe specifically working in Education. Each year, the National Speakers Association gives this earned recognition to those speakers who accomplish all of the following criteria:
What does Mike being a Certified Speaking Professional mean to you? You are getting a leading expert, author and ally who is also one of the top speaking professionals in the world.
“Mike understands not only his message but the interests and needs of the audiences he serves. He has a very energetic and entertaining style that engages all audiences. His message is powerful and the people in his audience naturally gravitate to him.” Sam Silverstein, former President of the National Speakers Association.
Best of all, you are working with a devoted professional who CARES about you, your organization, and each person in the audience. Individuals and organizations who have brought Mike to speak are continually telling us here at The Date Safe Project how wonderful he is to bring to their campus.
“Mike was simply a delight to work with. Prior to his keynote lecture to freshman, he met with student seminar instructors and peer mentors for a most helpful and informative workshop followed by dinner with our peer educators. He is a generous and gregarious individual whose commitment to his work is truly inspiring.“
Katherine Powell, Director of First Year Experience, Berry College (GA)
SCHEDULING MIKE TO SPEAK. Due the long lasting impact Mike’s program has on communities, his available dates tend to quickly be taken each year. How can you insure a date is held for you?
**You can click here to send us an email.
SPECIAL OFFER: By calling 800-329-9390 today, you will receive a complimentary copy of the critically-acclaimed book “May I Kiss You?” by Mike Domitrz. Schools throughout the country use this book as curriculum in the classroom and for creating positive change with their students.
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