WRONG 3 words for sexual activity and getting permission
In today’s episode of DSP TV, discover the WRONG 3 words to rely on for obtaining consent in sexual activity. Many middle school, high school, and college students rely on these 3 words when engaging in sexual intimacy and/or hooking up. What 3 words are we referring to? Watch the show below AND share your thoughts in our COMMENTS section below. I will personally respond to each comment.
College Students ARE Taking Action
How much fun is getting students to make positive statements about consent? In the past 3 weeks of our Fall “Can I Kiss You?” Tour, we have had a record number of audiences choose to make videos for YouTube on Asking First. NOTE: The university officials in attendance ALWAYS have the final say on what we film for representing their campus. Here is a quick examples:
In addition to spreading the word via video, students typically love fun t-shirts with messages they believe in. As evidence, a record number of students are purchasing the NEW “Can I Kiss You?” and “Want Some Action?” T-shirts at the events. The demand has been so high that shipments have had to been sent afterward to meet the demand. Students are telling us they love the look AND the message.
Often students find opening up and sharing with others to be difficult and/or uncomfortable. For this reason, we have been hearing that the “Action Pad” Post-It notes (the handout every student receives when entering the “Can I Kiss You?” program – anyone can purchase the Action Pads for their campus) have been a big hit. They enable students to SHARE positive messages through a simple post-it note. Southern Utah University reported that their Resident Assistants have been seeing the Action Pads being used throughout the hallways of their residence halls – to promote a more caring atmosphere for everyone.
Evaluate all of the above and what you realize is STUDENTS ARE TAKING ACTION in their own lives and to spread the message into the lives of others. Provide students fun resources for creating change and they will be happy to help make a positive difference.
P.S. College students recently contacted me to share they’ve recorded a song about “Can I Kiss You?” and are going into a professional studio to record it!! Once the song is available, we will let you know ASAP.
Georgia College and State University Kicks it off
A big thanks goes out to GA College and State University tonight. They were fantastic in getting the Fall Tour off on a great start. Jennifer with the Women’s Resource Center was wonderful to work with as always!!
Here is their video from tonight’s students pledging to Ask First:
Be sure to enter the drawing at DoYouAsk.com
The “Slut Reputation” Discussion
“But if I ask for a kiss, my partner is going to assume I also want a lot more than a kiss.”
Over the years of discussing verbal consent with students around the country, this concern has been expressed numerous times, usually by females of various ages. The worry is that showing any verbal sexual communication will lead to her partner thinking she wants “everything” and/or is a “slut.”
If BEFORE you go on a date or meet up you already have a gut feeling your partner is going to disrespect you and/or make assumptions about what he/she can do with you sexually, find a new partner. You deserve to be respected at all times.
The next question is usually, “What about BEFORE I know the person well enough to make a judgement?” TALK with your partner openly and honestly. By both of you understanding “How” to discuss boundaries, wants, and expectations for sexual activity, you help teach each other a respecting partner is going to LISTEN. Your partner will hopefully quickly realize he/she cannot jump to conclusions with what YOU WANT.
One example for you to use on a date:
“Often toward the end of a date, it can get a little awkward because the 2 people don’t know what is expected. To avoid the awkwardness (especially since we are having soo much fun tonight), how do you communicate what you expect and/or want from a partner? For instance, I believe in always ASKING FIRST. If you want to kiss me, ask me. I’ll let you know my answer. I’ll do the same for you. If I want to kiss you, I’ll ask you. If I ask for a kiss or say ‘Yes’ to a kiss, it is a kiss at that point and not more. Anyone who just ‘goes for it’ and tries to do more without asking me first, the date is over. I believe in both of us respecting each other at all times. Is that cool?”
If after this conversation your partner thinks you are a “slut” for having a mature, open discussion on boundaries, follow the approach mentioned earlier and get a new partner! Find someone with the maturity and emotional intelligence to respect you at all times. After all, you deserve respect!
P.S. The above example script provided can be used by all genders and sexual orientation.
- written by Mike Domitrz, Executive Director of The Date Safe Project and Producer of HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations. Each year, Mike speaks around the world in over 80 educational and military installations sharing the important messages of respect, consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors.
To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of this article, E-mail Mike here
This high school student Asks First & Supports Sexual Assault Survivors
This Senior student at Bitburg Air Force Base High School makes a strong statement about asking first and supporting sexual assault survivors. The last 2 weeks was filled with speaking to wonderful groups of high school students throughout Air Force Bases in Europe.
LEAVE A COMMENT to let him know what you think (he is excited to see your comments)!
Share your thoughts by LEAVING A COMMENT!
Senior high school student in England speaks of ASKING FIRST
This Senior student at Lakenheath High School makes a strong statement about consent and asking first. LEAVE A COMMENT to let him know what you think (he is excited to see your comments)!
Share your thoughts by LEAVING A COMMENT!
