Central Washington University Students Drugged at Party AND the Reaction

A party was thrown about 30 miles from Central Washington University this past weekend in Roslyn, Washington. 9 students were rushed to a hospital due to what is suspected to be alcohol spiked with a drug (many suspect a “date rape” drug was involved).

Our hearts go out to the students effected and to the many wonderful people at Central Washington University who we have been blessed to work with.

One aspect which needs to be discussed is what is currently being reported by news mediums. Here are concerning factors which have been reported (we are summarizing based off multiple media sources):

1) Read the following report from the Yakima Herald:

A Kittitas County sheriff’s deputy reported seeing a man performing a sex act on his semi-conscious girlfriend. The man was not arrested, but the incident remains under investigation because of the woman’s possible inability to consent.

If she was semi-conscious, she would have NO ABILITY TO CONSENT (by the laws of almost every state in the USA).  Do police departments release a rapist they catch in the act of a sexual assault?  The typical answer is “NO” which leaves the impression that somehow the sexual assault in this case wasn’t as “serious” or criminal because he was a boyfriend.  Unacceptable.  The officers walked into the room and VISUALLY SAW what was occurring. That kind of police evidence rarely occurs. Do not get me wrong. Police officers across the country have my support because they do vital work in helping convict predators. In this case, the authorities need to take a much stronger stance (the correct stance).

2) Debates are abound on whether the students who were drugged will be charged with underage drinking.  Across the country on many campuses, they have a policy that if someone drugs you while you are drinking, you will NOT BE CHARGED with underage drinking when you seek help or receive medical aid.  The reason this policy is important is because you want to ENCOURAGE students to seek medical help (not deter them).  In the case of sexual assaults, you never want a sexual assault survivor to fear being charged with a crime and thus not come forward.

Keep an eye on this case and see if news outlets and/or media sources discuss this elements of the party.  Leave your comments below!

Written by Mike Domitrz on October 14, 2010

Date Rape, Rape, Sexual Assault, Prevention, Awareness – the words we use

The realities and misconceptions of Date Rape, Rape, Sexual Assault and the true meanings of Prevention and Awareness!

Date Rape, Rape, Sexual Assault, Prevention, Awareness – which are the right words to use? The average person often confuses these words and so this article provides you with simple and basic definitions. Using the wrong word can be extremely damaging to a survivor of sexual assault:

DATE RAPE
What most people think and/or visualize: a violent and forced sexual encounter during a date where the male physically forces the female to have sexual intercourse against her will.

Reality: “date rape” is a word that is used most often by the media and academia. Very few states have any laws that utilize the words “date rape”. The correct term for the actions that result in a date rape is a “non-stranger sexual assault” (in most states). Date rapes can vary from subtle mental manipulation to horrific violence against a dating partner.

Misconceptions: “Date rape” is a poor choice of words because often the situation is not a “date.” The two people could be at a club, a party, at a house, or a variety of different locations that would not be part of a date. The survivor can know the assailant very well, but not be dating. For this reason, “non-stranger sexual assault” is much more accurate.

Plus, many people can only imagine a “rape” to be committed by a big, ugly psycho (as described below in the next section of this article). When the assault is committed by an acquaintance, it is harder for the survivor to consider the assailant a rapist — because of that stereotypical image of a rapist.

RAPE
What most people think and/or visualize: a very violent crime in which a female has sexual intercourse forced upon her by a rapist. The rapists is usually pictured as a big, ugly, and scary looking stranger and rape is often assumed to happen in parks, alleys, and other “unsafe” locations.

Reality: Like “date rape, the word “rape” is a word used mainly by academia and the media. As mentioned earlier, “sexual assault” is the proper term for such crimes. Most sexual assaults occur between two people who KNOW each other (80% – 85% of the time both individuals know each other). Just like “date rape”, rapes can vary from subtle mental manipulation to horrific violence against another person.

Misconceptions: By thinking of a rapist as a “big, ugly, and scary looking stranger”, the average person does not think a rape will occur to him/her. Why? The average person says, “I would never find myself in that type of a situation – especially with a person like that”. By creating this false and delusional thought process, people let their guard down in “safe” locations (places you are comfortable in such as your own home, apartment, and/or dorm room). People trust those individuals that they consider to be “safe” people (boyfriends, classmates, people they know). Now, a person’s guard is down and so he/she feels comfortable . Thus, this person does not notice the signs of trouble or danger. Most sexual assaults occur in a place you ARE comfortable in and with someone you know (as discussed previously).

The false concept that all rapists are “big and ugly” has enabled our society to say “he would never rape someone” about the average guy and/or popular person. Not only does our culture have a history of not blaming the male, we actually BLAME the survivor by saying “she must have asked for it because he would never do that”. This way of thinking has been one of most damaging components of sexual assaults in America. By blaming survivors, we make it more difficult for survivors to WANT to report the crime and/or speak out about the crime. Consequently, the crime of sexual assault goes tragically under-reported!

FYI: people of all types (genders, sexual orientations, races, socioeconomic categories, etc…) have sexually assaulted other people.

SEXUAL ASSAULT
What most people think and/or visualize: sexual contact against someone’s will.

Reality: Sexual contact WITHOUT CONSENT is the true definition of sexual assault in most states. “Consent” is the key word to understanding all the issues behind sexual assault. For a person to have “consent” to do anything in life, that person must have permission. To get permission or consent to take action, what must you do? You must ask! The legal words “without consent” forces the accused assailant to prove that he/she had consent before taking action against and/or with the survivor.

Sexual Assault is the correct word to use in all cases of sexual contact without consent (not rape or date rape). In various states, differing degrees of sexual assault exist such as 1st degree, 2nd degree, 3rd degree, and 4th degree sexual assault (just like the crime of homicide has multiple degrees).

Misconceptions: By thinking sexual assault is “sexual contact against someone’s will”, the issue of sexual assault is much more confusing because you would have to prove what the person’s “will” was in that situation. “Against someone’s will” can mistakenly place the burden on the survivor to prove he/she did not want it. How do you prove that? You have one person’s word against another. In most courtrooms, a defendant’s lawyer will try to push this concept “of against someone’s will” on the jury to help confuse the jury and to complicate both the issue and the case against their client.

Consent is very simple to understand. Asking for and gaining consent is an action that everyone takes throughout their daily lives…asking their parents to borrow the car, asking their boss to have a day off, and you can think of many more daily examples. To get consent, you ask. If you tell me, “I can’t ask. I would not be comfortable asking someone.” Do you know what I would say to you? Here is my answer, “you can’t ask her if she wants to have sex with you, but you are comfortable having sex with her? Isn’t something wrong with that picture? If I told you ‘hey, I want to do this certain thing, but I can’t talk about it. Do you think I am ready to do it?’, what would you tell me?” Use common sense: if you can’t talk about it, you’re not ready to do it!

While reading the below script, imagine you are in a courtroom as part of a jury:

Prosecutor: “Did you ask her if you could kiss her before you kissed her?”

Assailant: “No. No one asks. That is just stupid.”

Prosecutor: Well, then how did you know she wanted it?”

Assailant: “I could tell through her body language, the way she looked at me, etc…”

Prosecutor: “Oh, so you can read her mind. Without talking, you knew exactly what she wanted. Maybe you could read a few minds in the courtroom’s audience today. Would you be willing to do that for us?”

Assailant: “No. I never said I could read minds”

Prosecutor: “So how did you get consent?”

Assailant: “You just know when someone wants it? Everyone knows what I mean?”

Prosecutor: “In dating situations, do people ever guess incorrectly?”

Assailant: “Of course.”

Prosecutor: “So people can misread body language, etc..?

Assailant: “People can misread, but I didn’t.”

Prosecutor: “That is nice that YOU believe that. How did you get consent?”

Assailant: “She didn’t say ‘no’ and so that is how I knew she wanted it”

Prosecutor: “What didn’t she say ‘no’ to?

Assailant: “She didn’t say ‘no’ to me touching her?”

Prosecutor: “Oh, so you asked?

Assailant: “No, I didn’t ask”

Prosecutor: “How could she say ‘no’ to a question you never asked her?”

Through the above script, you can see that the assailant goes from trying to make the prosecutor’s argument look stupid TO the assailant sounding foolish and continuously talking himself into a corner. The assailant tried to argue “that she didn’t say no” – one of the most common and weakest defenses in courtrooms. The law is written in a way that demands consent! For her to say “no”, someone needs to ask her a question. You probably do not walk down the street and yell “no” to every stranger – just in case the stranger was thinking of mugging you. Yet, many people expect rape survivors to do this.

PREVENTION
The word “prevention” is one of the most widely misused words in educating people about sexual assault. The base word being “prevent” implies that you can prevent all sexual assaults from happening to you. You can’t! There is no 100% way to “prevent” sexual assault. By using the word “prevention”, many people will assume the survivor “could have prevented the assault if….” – thus, placing blame on the survivor for not being able to stop the assault from occurring. Awareness is the correct word to use.

AWARENESS
The base word being “aware” defines the concept of sexual assault awareness. By being more aware, each of us can help ourselves and those around us to see potentially dangerous situations. Awareness helps us to keep our eyes and ears out for trouble – without assuming we can always “prevent” an attack. Nevertheless, the more aware each of us is, the less likely an attack can occur. “Awareness” is a wonderful word for survivors and for everyone else.

- written by Mike Domitrz, Executive Director of The Date Safe Project and Producer of HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations. Each year, Mike speaks around the world in over 80 educational and military installations sharing the important messages of respect, consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors.
To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of this article, E-mail Mike here

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on February 9, 2010

Sexual Assault Survivors in College PRAISE program.

The most important person in the audience of a program discussing sexual assault is each SURVIVOR.  While many programs discuss the pain of sexual assault, you want to insure the presentation you bring to campus UPLIFTS and provides each survivor a positive outlook for the future.  Read below to see the difference the “Can I Kiss You?” program and Mike Domitrz’s approach is making with survivors!

“Your program was absolutely an amazing one to watch. I happen to be a victim of sexual assault and your program definitely helped me to realize that people do care. In my situation, i told only a few people, but no one believed me. When you mentioned how you should call up someone that you care about or even love to tell them that you’re there for them, it brought tears to my eyes. When i eventually told my story, so many people did not believe me, and it hurt. I felt like no one was there for me when i needed them most. It brought tears to my eyes also because my little sister has been forced against her will to perform sexual acts on an older boyfriend she once had, and she was not ready. It made me cry because i love her so much and i wish she never went threw that pain. I called her up tonight and told her exactly what you told us to tell someone we loved.

Now she had never told me this before, but she had mentioned it to my other sister who told me. But tonight she opened up and told me everything she could. And i was so glad i could be there to listen. Your program helped me to cope a little better with the feelings i have bottled up inside of me from the assault that i went threw. It helped me realize that people really do care. And i hope that everyone that attended tonight’s program at Westfield state college realizes the importance of asking. Its simple, just ask. Thank you.”

– A college student at Westfield State College in MA

“When I was 12 my grandfather sexually assaulted me. I confessed a year later, received counseling for a week, told the police my story, but nothing was done. My family wouldn’t push charges, ignored the incident, put a smile on, and pretended it never happened. They did not want to scar our family’s name, especially someone as important to the community as my grandfather…a doctor. Every family gathering, I had to share meals, give him presents, hug and kiss my assaulter goodbye, acting as if nothing happened. I thought no one cared, until I was 17. My grandfather passed away and my older brother called me, the first thing he told me was “I remember, and I’ll always be here.” That was the first time anyone in my family ever acknowledged the situation in five years.
Earlier today while I was watching you up on stage you made me feel loved and cared for. I am not a family’s shameful secret; I am a person, a survivor. Thank you.”
– A college student in Wisconsin

“You just came to my school a few short hours ago and I absolutely loved your presentation. I was really touched by your helpful information and just want to thank you, as a ‘survivor.’ I really wanted to meet you and tell you in person, but the crowd was too pushy and I was too close to the door before I had breathing room. I got your books and a t-shirt though, my roommate bought them for me. Because of your wonderful seminar, I called my mom as soon as I got to my dorm and told her everything about my encounter.
If I hadn’t gone to your seminar, I know for a fact that I would never have told my mother, and I know now that I shouldn’t have waited so long. I just want to thank you once again. My life looks much more brighter without that constant nagging feeling of doubt whether I should tell someone or not.”
– A college student in Missouri

“I will never forget the impact you have made on my heart and those around me. I am a victim of rape, and I have been sharing my story for about six months. Now, I took the challenge of letting those around me know I am there for them if they ever need to talk. Doors are opening, and someone shared with me within less than a minute of the words coming out of my mouth. God is working through you in so many ways, and I just pray that hearts continue to be open and willing to listen to what you have to say.”
– A student from Hastings College

“I was in your audience tonight. I am a freshman. I was in the front row in a black sweater, nervously devouring my fingernails.

The attached letter (not included here to protect confidentiality) is my Victim/Witness Impact statement that I read on August 25th, less then 2 months ago, to my best friends father before he was incarcerated.  I came forward what will be two years ago this February 13th, two days before my 20th birthday.

I have never felt anything close to what I felt as I walked out those doors tonight. And like every other high school/college student has, I have walked out the doors of quite a few of those programs.  As you said you receive dozens of emails, many of which, I’m sure share similar stories. That fact has always left me feeling no need to send in one more sob story, but tonight I felt different. It might be the fact that this was the first program I have been to since I’ve come forward and claimed my title as a ‘survivor’ or, maybe it was because I had a total stranger tell me how proud he was of me. A man who had never met me, who had never heard my story or seen me try and cope. I’ve heard my family, my friends, the police, the court officials and all of the people who have supported me through out this whole ordeal tell me how proud they are of me how strong they think I am and so on and so forth till I was blue in the face. But after so many times you start to not process it, or, like in my case you continue to not.

All of those people had heard my story. You hadn’t, like I said before. You didn’t even know I was there. Tonight was the first night I really heard someone tell me I was brave. And it hurt. In that room tonight I became a fighter and a survivor. I realized that everything that happened to me should have never happened. I have repeated that phrase ceaselessly for the past year and a half without them ever meaning anything to me. Thank you for bringing meaning to them. I have sat in therapy for an hour and half twice a week for the past year and half and have not felt the way I did tonight. The program tonight did touch so much on the type of abuse that was down to me as a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 7th grader and everything in between. However did about what happened to me as a freshman in high school and most recently as a senior. The August before becoming a freshman, I began a “courtship” with what would be a junior. I was in love. I had an upper classman, and not just any upper classman, but the captain of the basketball and golf teams. We started dating in November and by March he was threatening to break up with me if I didn’t sleep with him. In April I explained to him why I wouldn’t sleep with him. He was the first person told, but he was the second to tell me it wasn’t a big deal. I laid in his arms and told him how since the beginning of second grade, when I moved to Martha’s Vineyard, Steven had been sexually abusing me. I explained to him how Steve would call me out of bed at night, with his very own daughter in the next bed. How he would call my parents to arrange play dates, play dates that were kept only by him and not his daughter. When I had finished telling this all to my John (name has been changed for confidentiality reasons) he kissed me on the forehead and told me he was sorry, but that if we had sex he would never hurt me like that. Needless to say I forgot the whole thing ever happened because it was after all obviously not a big deal. If it was such a bad thing Steve would have never done it, and if John really loved me, and he didn’t think it was a big deal, then it must not have been. We broke up a year later. . .

Steve pled guilty (and confessed to) to sixteen counts of indecent assault and battery (he confessed also to several other charges that had not been brought up by me, but had been against me) on a child under the age of 14, but pled not guilty to the twelve counts of statutory rape.

In the 19 months leading up to the trial I never felt as brave as I did tonight, sitting in your audience. I wish I had heard your program sooner.  In all the other programs I had been to, none had asked the students to ‘open the door’ for someone else. Nor had the speaker experienced a first hand account of what rape can do to a person. When you asked us to close our eyes tonight, I saw Julie (name replaced for confidentiality). Julie is the daughter of Steve. What hurt me the most, before our friendship ended, was the day she told me she couldn’t remember her childhood. I was sad at first because that meant she couldn’t remember all the fun we had had and all the times we had made cookies with her now deceased mother. After I came forward I replayed the same conversation in my head and hurt all over again. When something traumatic happens, as I’m sure you know, you block it out. Sometimes, even a whole childhood. Julie has yet to come forward and we have not talked since her father was put away. Tonight however I opened the door for her. I created a MySpace account and wrote her a message telling her I loved her. I didn’t sign my name, but I did leave the link and phone number to a national help hotline.

I don’t know if she’ll come forward, or if for that matter anything ever happened to her, but I do know I opened the door, just like you had asked us to do.

It has taken me close to all night to write this letter, which I’m sure is filled with atrocious spelling and painfully obvious punctuations and grammar mistakes, but that is after all why I wrote it from my college dorm room.

I can’t explain to you what tonight meant to me. What happened to me was not necessarily what happened to me, but the way people can reach out and help is exactly the same. When you explained that it wasn’t funny, that a girl could rape a guy, and that survivors find nothing about rape amusing I looked around and realized I had been the only one in my row not laughing.  Before tonight I probably would have laughed, but after you told me how proud you were of me and how strong you thought I was, I couldn’t. I thought about the little boy that could easily been in my place and I couldn’t laugh.

Thank you so much for what you gave to me tonight. I am a survivor of acts for worse then an unwanted kiss, but from tonight on I will never have to put up with another unwanted kiss or touch because I know I can say no. More importantly however is that I will be damned if see a person I love go threw the pain I did because of something I could have prevented.  This revelation could very well have come at another time, but it came tonight and because of you.”
– A college student from NY

“Dear Mr. Mike Domitrz:
When you came to my campus, I spoke with you about me being a victim of sexual abuse when I was teenager. When I was in high school, I asked my girlfriend, at the time, if I could kiss her (we were dancing). She replied, ‘Yeah I guess, sure.’  I think I might have caught her off guard. Well, that was in 1999; now it is 2005, and I am a recently un-closeted, 23 year old male. I have never been asked, ‘Can I kiss you?” Guy’s mistakenly assume it is okay.
I wrote a speech for ‘Take Back The Night’ (this is my speech for tonight). Here it is:
‘Good Evening, My name is __________”. Last Semester, I spoke about being a victim of both physical abuse (at the ages of 6 to 12) as well as sexual abuse (at the age of 14). However, after attending the speech entitled: “Can I Kiss You?“, by Mr. Mike Domitrz, last Tuesday night, I have realized that I am not a victim of the abuses; but instead a SURVIVOR. Thank You, Mike.’”
– Damian (NY)

“I would like to thank you so much for your words and compassion. I have never considered myself a survivor or even a victim, but after last night I realize that I have been involved in nonconsensual physical contact and I have a renewed outlook on that experience after your presentation. Thank you for telling the stories, they are so important and I have an immense respect for you and the people you have worked with. A friend and I talked last night until 1:30 about your perspective and he was reduced to tears, we were both truly moved.  Thanks again!”
– Student in TX

“You made something that kids normally don’t want to hear about and turned it into something people will be talking about for a very long time. Thank you again for what you are doing.”
 – Student in WI

“Thank you so much for your talk. I am a survivor and it brought back a lot of the things and feelings that I went through. Everything you said was 100% accurate to what I went through and what my family went through. Ironically the kid that did this too me was in the room, and I can only hope that you touched him as much as you touched me. Thank you so much!”
– Student from PA

“Mike, I was just at your presentation and I found it to be very helpful. I am a freshmen and two weeks after coming up to school, I was sexually assaulted. I kept blaming myself for what happened — saying things like “if I hadn’t have had so much to drink, this wouldn’t have happened to me.” I am having a real hard time forgiving myself for letting this happen to myself. I was sitting in the second row tonight. Every word you said made me realize I should be thankful I am still here. That is a really scary time for someone to go though and no one really realizes it . . .You have inspired me to try to get past this and work hard to keep living my life. I thought this could never happen to me and it did. People don’t realize that this can happen to anyone at any time. Drunk, sober, at night or during the day. When you said the word survivor, that really hit home. Thanks for your advice and support.”
– Student from NC

“I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for speaking out about rape survivors. I saw your program two or three years ago and I just saw it again recently. Between the two programs, I was raped by my best guy friend (at the time). And when you spoke of survivors, I felt as if you were speaking directly to me, and it gave me the hope and strength to talk to my friends about what happened to me. It’s comforting to know that other people share the idea that it’s not the victims fault, and that we weren’t asking for it. Just thank you from the bottom of my heart. I think if more people had the courage to speak about rape it would be easier for survivors to recover. I like the word survivor. I never really thought of it like that before. It was always victim to me. The word victim is weak, and survivor gives me hope that I will indeed over come.”
– Student from CT

“I wanted to let you know how much that presentation has changed my life. I am a survivor of almost three years now, and everything you said touched home for me. I wish I had seen you sooner because it is such a serious and real topic. What I really wanted to tell you is that I brought my boyfriend with me to your presentation and it has brought a change in him I can barely recognize. He is a man’s man and has a certain attitude when it comes to male and female roles. But after watching your presentation, he has a new mannerism, so to speak, with me. I knew that he loved me, but now he shows it by respecting me. He said to me, ‘You know babe, even though we’re together, I never want you to feel that you don’t have a choice because you do. Always.’ For him to say that to me meant more than anything in the world. I just wanted to say thank you and what you are doing is amazing.”
– Student in WI

“First of all.. I want to thank you. Your presentation was one of the best I’ve ever seen, if not THE best. It especially hit home for me because when I was 14 years old, I was beaten and raped by a 33 year old man. . . Tonight when you came to Oswego and gave your presentation, it was amazing to me. You don’t know how much I appreciate someone like you and how you presented yourself and how you affected everyone in that room. I could go on for longer but all I really wanted to say was thank you so much. I mean that with all my heart. Thank you again.” — Student in NY

ARE YOU A SURVIVOR who attended the “Can I Kiss You?” program?

If you are  a survivor who attended the “Can I Kiss You?” program, share your comments in our new Audio Testimonial Program by clicking here.  Another option is to visit our online Forum for Sexual Assault Survivors by clicking here.  You choose!

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on August 24, 2009

An Interview with John Petroski (writer of “Rape Only Hurts If You Fight It”). What Now?

The recent article in The Recorder (student newspaper at Central Connecticut State University) titled, "Rape Only Hurts If You Fight It"’ has caused great pain to many people across the country.  As individuals share their reactions in e-mails, blogs, "Letters to the Editor", and many other mediums, we wanted to provide a direct outlet for both the conversation and the future.

In deciding what to post on our blog, I have chosen not to reprint the original article.  Why?  Because many survivors have shared the pain this article has caused and so we are giving each individual the choice to read the article through other online sources.  From what I have been told and could find, The Recorder has pulled the article.  By doing a search on the internet, you can find the article posted on blogs and various websites.  The apology the writer gave on his campus earlier this week is not available on many websites and so you can read it by clicking here.

The second reason we chose not to publish the original article is the possibility that the author could have written this article to get publicity.  Reprinting the article would only be bring further publicity — while potentially hurting more people who’s lives have been effected by the crime and tragedy of sexual assault (the apology does not include the shocking and painful wording found in the original article).

What we have done is gone directly to the source.  This evening, I shared an exchange of e-mails with John Petroski, the writer of the orginal article.  I contacted him to see how accountable he was being for the words he wrote.  At no time prior did John Petroski contact me.  I initiated the conversation.  I do believe the progression of events is important to those people who may argue, "If he contacted you, then he might just be using you for more publicity."

What I do want to provide is an opportunity for EVERYONE to share their reactions with him directly!!  While this writer has had the opportunity to be heard, many others do not have a large platform to share their thoughts.  I wanted to insure that every voice would have the chance to be heard by the actual author of the original article.  To do so, I needed to discover whether he would listen or read anyone’s comments.  Therefore, the following is the precise exchange of 2 e-mails shared tonight (afterward, I asked for John Petroski’s permission to share the e-mails and he gave full permission).  Below are the exact words.  After the progression of e-mails, my comments follow:

E-mail from Mike Domitrz to John Petroski:

To help all those whose pain you’ve caused, I will share your e-mail on my blog at www.askingfirst.com.  With your apology, I’m sure you accept responsibility to respond to the people you hurt throughout this country.  Now that your voice has been heard, many of them want you to hear theirs.

Response from John Petroski to Mike Domitrz:

I would appreciate that, Mr. Domitrz.  I would also appreciate any advice or suggestions from you as to how to help people who I have hurt.  I understand that there were some women at CCSU who spoke of feeling suicidal and I do not want any more harm to come from my article than already has.

I was thinking of perhaps speaking at events for raising awareness.  Obviously, not now.  Not until I have become much, much more educated on the subject.  But I do think that I have learned some important lessons here.  I would like to share them with people who would like to learn them in an easier fashion.

Forgive me for being curt earlier.  I can never tell who is a news station or who is interested in helping people.  I have a copy of the apology.  I will attach it for you.  Please note that the last part (below the dashes) is a non-verbatim account of a few words I felt moved to say before reading my prepared statement.  I do not have a record of the exact words I said, but I felt the very last paragraph is especially important and wanted to include it.

In that sense, I would invite you to give my school email out to absolutely anyone who wishes for me to hear their story.  I promise that I will read every one.  They all are forwarded through to this private account.

I apologize for the harm this has caused everyone,
John P. Petroski

end of e-mails.

What is your reaction?  What are your thoughts?  What do you recommend for John Petroski?  You can comment on this blog or e-mail us at The Date Safe Project at info@thedatesafeproject.org. I gave him 3 suggestions and told him I would invite my colleagues around the country, survivors, professionals, educators, and others to share their ideas with him.  Too often, media and people in power can make statements that harm others without ever having to hear directly from the people they hurt.  Not this time — assuming this writer will read your e-mails (as he stated). 

If you use the e-mail address provided above, all e-mails will be forwarded to John Petroski from a general e-mail account (he will not see your e-mail address). The reason we are not including his personal e-mail address is to protect survivors and individuals.  Since the writer has acknowledged his need for more education and understanding of the issue, we want to avoid having him respond directly with comments which could further cause harm (whether intentional or accidental).

You have a college student asking for advice.  When I work with college students around the country, sometimes a student comes up and says, "I’ve made some very poor choices in the past that I now realize were wrong.  My choices hurt other people. I don’t ever want to do that again.  In fact, I want to make sure others do not make my mistakes."

Many of us who work in education and especially with addressing issues surrounding sexual assault have had students share such words with us.  How do you respond?  How do we utilize this moment to make a positive difference for the future?  Here is one example of an idea for the author:

EXAMPLE
Have John Petroski work with his student newspaper to print a lengthy series of articles on the many issues surrounding sexual assault on college campuses (a feature article in each edition for the next 4-6 weeks).  Have John Petroski involved with the research (to help him learn).  Before going to print, have each article approved by professionals from local rape crisis centers to insure they are written well and address the subject matter in an appropriately sensitive manner.  Upon each article being edited and approved by local agencies, then release the articles to run nationally (for those papers that will pick up the story).  The writer of each article should be noted as "Those Who Care" to insure no one is writing the article to gain publicity.

Some people have called for John Petroski to be completely removed from the student newspaper staff.  What would you do?  What would you write to John Petroski?  Comment here or e-mail info@thedatesafeproject.org.  

Holding people accountable is one of the greatest ways to create positive change!!

Written by Mike Domitrz on February 14, 2007

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