Teens & Texting: What To Do?

Yes, texting is in the news again.  How do you oversee the use?  Lets compare to how teens use computers.  For safety and overseeing what is occurring on your home computers, I am a big advocate for a program called WebWatcher.

You don’t censor with WebWatcher. You watch what decisions are being made on your computers. The information you learn helps you have better conversations with your teens about “appropriate use of the internet.”  You are not spying because you can tell your teens you keep an eye on the computers in the house (after all, your home computer lets people in and out of your home at any hour someone is on that computer).

We need to understand texting can have an equal impact on your child and/or family.  When Texting first came out, many of us advised parents from having teens use Texting unless for an emergency situation. Now the use of texting is so widespread, all of us must learn to address the “appropriate and proper use” of texting.

How and When are your teens texting? According to a recent study by the creators of an app called textPlus, “43% of teenagers use their cell phones to text during class.” From educators I’ve spoke with, they believe 43% may be low. Here is a great example of improper use. How do you solve it? Share how having a phone or iTouch comes with responsibility.

Share with your teenager, “I believe you can handle the responsibility which is why you have a phone/iTouch.  If you can’t handle the responsibility, then we need to limit the use of your phone and/or iTouch. For instance, if we discover the phone/iTouch is being used during school, you will not be able to take the phone/iTouch to school.  We’re not going to yell out.  We will simply require you leave it at home when going to school.“

Yes, I am the parent of high school students.  I understand the pressure for parents to feel like “All the other parents let their kids do whatever they want with their phones.”  However, you hopefully wouldn’t let your teenager use that false logic for decision-making of “everyone else is doing it” and so remind yourself not to fall into the trap when parenting.

The classroom use of texting is just one example of the distraction texting can cause in one’s life. The dangers of texting are much worse.  We haven’t even mention sexting in today’s blog (because we’ve addressed sexting in the past and will do so again in the near future).

Share your thoughts, fears and/or concerns about texting in our COMMENTS section below. I will personally respond to each comment!

QUICK TIDBIT:
While there is no guarantees with parenting, the more involved and AWARE you are in your child’s life, the more you have an opportunity to create a positive impact!

Remember to leave a comment below. I look forward to personally responding to each comment!!!

Written by Mike Domitrz on February 26, 2011

Respectful Children & Sexual Decision-Making

My son is very respectful.
Why would I need to worry about him sexually assaulting someone?

or

My daughter is very sharp.
She wouldn’t let herself be with someone who mistreats her.

Lets start with the “respectful” question:
Most “respectful” and “sharp” males and females still learn about aspects of intimacy through their friends and what they see portrayed on television and in the movies. These sources of education promote disrespectful behavior by teaching males that if they are “smooth,” they can just make their moves and their partner will want them.

Did you know a child believing he or she is automatically respectful can lead to more problems. How?  They assume everything they do is respectful because they would never do anything wrong.

Example of a young person in a sexual situation: Kids tell themselves, “I would never do anything to hurt this person. Clearly, they want this sexual activity – because if they didn’t, the signs wouldn’t be this obvious that they do want me.”  Your child leans on their view of “respect” as an excuse for, “I wouldn’t do anything wrong” – instead of insuring they take the right precautions and QUESTION whether they are acting in the most respectful manner possible.

When someone just “make their moves,” he or she takes a tremendous risk of engaging in behavior that their partners do not want – thus leading to committing a sexual assault. Parents need to talk with their sons and daughters about truly respecting a partner by understanding how valuable and special each person is as a human being (including the body, the mind, sexuality, personality, and values). Sons and daughters need to learn that the only way you can be sure what your date wants is to “ask” your date first.  The key is knowing HOW to provide your teen the skills to “Asking First.”

Lets continue with the “sharp” question:
You know many intelligent people who make mistakes – sometimes bad mistakes.  Intelligence does not free anyone from poor choices. Plus, your child is not the only one who has an impact on the situation. What if your child makes all the right choices and someone else still forces him or her self onto your child, especially at a party or friend’s house?

To increase the chance for creating a safe environment, you want to give your daughter (or son) the SKILLS NEEDED to handle all different kinds of scenarios (good, bad, and sometimes worse).  Some parents mistakenly think, “I’ll teach my children self-defense or how to to fight.  That will stop anyone from messing with them.”  Wrong!  While self-defense maybe another tool your child could possess, it does not guarantee safety in intimate moments (especially when your child gets older and may consume alcohol).  Your child needs specific tools and skills.  You want to fill their toolbox of awareness with lots of options for them to utilize.

- written by Mike Domitrz, Founder & Executive Director, The Date Safe Project, Inc.
To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions, E-mail Mike here

Have you heard about the award-winning DVD HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations? The award the DVD has received which means the most to many parents is the ”Best Parenting Book” award by RadicalParenting.com.

Why?  Teenagers chose the best books!!  Yes, the books were considered to be the most realistic and helpful for teenagers!!  How often can you find a resource for your teenagers that other teens recommend? Here is what they said when granting the recognition:

“Parents, teens, and tweens love the realistic and flexible solutions given to them in this interactive, entertaining, and useful resource. Regardless of your child’s personality, you will find various options for ways to connect with your son or daughter while helping him/her make better choices.“

DISCOVER MORE HERE.

 

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on February 22, 2011

Timing IS everything

How often does the following happen to you? You’ve just got home from work. You’re exhausted from the day. Upon you entering your home, your partner is waiting to tell you ALL about his/her day and how rough it went (ALL the details). Do you listen? Yes. You want to support your partner. Is doing so difficult? Yes. You are tired. This is not an ideal time for you to be supportive. When would be ideal time? After you’ve had some down time and been able to gather yourself from the day.

WHEN do we often choose to talk with our teens about important issues? For many parents, the time is later in the evening when both parents are home and/or when your teen is finally done with all their homework and school activities (especially with practices, meetings, etc…).

The timing is awful. Your son or daughter is tired and their mind is over stimulated. Many teenagers are especially sensitive and emotionally when they are tired. The best time is after they’ve had a little time at home to relax and hang out, BUT not so late that they are getting tired. Dinner time is frequently a good time for many families.

Next time you have an urgent lesson you want to share with your teen, STOP yourself and ask, “Is this timing ideal?” If not, wait a day or two when your teen will ABSORB the lesson and use it throughout their life. Choose the wrong time and you lose a golden opportunity. Suddenly, you have to find the right time to make up for your bad timing (bringing up an issue AGAIN when it wasn’t handled well the first time is much more difficult than handling it right the first time).

You know the wonderful feeling you get when you make a connection with your teen. Know his/her TIME and you increase the chance to have the time of your life in a thought-provoking conversation with him or her!

SHARE your experiences with having important talks below in the LEAVE A COMMENT section. I will personally respond to each comment.

Written by Mike Domitrz on September 1, 2010

“In a perfect world, what would you need and want?”

When working on a project for the National Speakers Association earlier today, Randy Gage (Prosperity Expert), asked me this question:

“In a perfect world, what would you need and want?”

Then he was able to provide us what we needed and wanted.  Thanks, Randy.

Now what about you?  For working to help students, young adults, educators, and/or parents to address dating, sexual decision-making, consent, and/or supporting survivors, what would your answers be to, “In a perfect world, what would you need and want?”

I look forward to personally responding to everyone’s comments.

Written by Mike Domitrz on August 19, 2010

 Click the PLAY button on the video to your left and begin watching over 600 students experiencing the “Can I Kiss You?” program at 8 in the morning!. You will notice they are engaged, thinking, opening their minds, and making decisions to change their actions.

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” program to your campus and witness your students talking nonstop about the positive changes they WANT to make. You’ll hear them saying how much the presentation “blew their mind” and “really has me thinking about how I need to change the way I date.“

SPECIAL OFFER: By calling 800-329-9390 today, you will receive a complimentary copy of the critically-acclaimed book “May I Kiss You?” by Mike Domitrz.  Campuses throughout the country use this book as curriculum in the classroom and for creating positive change with their students. Click here to send us an email.

INSURING A GREAT PROGRAM FOR YOUR SCHOOL:

One of the biggest fears many campuses have is “How can we know this speaker is going to capture our students attention AND do so appropriately while giving them needed tools for making a difference?”  The answer is:  You need an expert with a proven track record of excellence with schools of all sizes, demographics, and cultures.  You require a quick thinking professional who is gifted at reacting specifically to your students’ reactions and comments.

“I want to recognize your talent and gift for clearly shifting the attitudes of an audience in only 75 minutes.  Several staff members let me know they were in awe of your ability to affect change in a large group of students so profoundly and quickly.“
Marilyn Kile, LCSW, U.W.-Whitewater

1500 students at NW Missouri State University captivated

For over 2 decades, Mike Domitrz has been inspiring students, educators and staff with the unique combination of his hilarious sense of humor along with his uncanny ability to draw hard-hitting emotion from audiences.  Campuses constantly share what a lasting impact he has with people of all ages.

“2 weeks later and students are still talking about your presentation and more students are approaching me to ask me how they can support their friends who are survivors.“
Som Mongtin, Women’s Center, Minnesota State University, Mankato

With Mike, you get a critically-acclaimed author and passionate educator on consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors who is leading the way by constantly changing and further improving each presentation he gives.  You get a professional presenter who studies exactly how each audience member reacts to different techniques and learning styles.  You get a dedicated advocate who commits to always respecting every aspect of a very sensitive topic.

“I am most impressed with the follow-up you provided to one of this year’s participants who disclosed she is a survivor of sexual assault. Your response was immediate, caring, and encouraging to both the survivor and her student counselors.  You demonstrated congruency in your message and your actions and it was a pleasure to work with a professional speaker who went above and beyond, even after the presentation was complete.“
Emily Lehning, Assistant Dean of Student Life, Kansas State University

To be an effective and powerful educator, you need to always be learning new approaches and concepts of working with people (from teenagers to adults).  Yes, the educator needs to be a STUDENT.  The #1 source for teaching better speaking techniques and presentation skills is the National Speakers Association (NSA) – the professional trade organization for speakers around the world.

Certified Speaking Professional with the National Speakers AssociationMike Domitrz is an active and involved member of NSA.  In fact, he is one of the few Certified Speaker Professionals (CSP) across the globe specifically working in Education.  Each year, the National Speakers Association gives this earned recognition to those speakers who accomplish all of the following criteria:

  • At least 50 speaking events each year for 5 consecutive years.
  • A score of at least 7.5 on evaluations from clients over the past 5 years (on a 10 point scale).
  • Minimum level of professional credits earned by attending NSA Educational Events (shows commitment to the craft of working with audiences and making a difference).

What does Mike being a Certified Speaking Professional mean to you?  You are getting a leading expert, author and ally who is also one of the top speaking professionals in the world.

“Mike understands not only his message but the interests and needs of the audiences he serves. He has a very energetic and entertaining style that engages all audiences. His message is powerful and the people in his audience naturally gravitate to him.”  Sam Silverstein, former President of the National Speakers Association.

Best of all, you are working with a devoted professional who CARES about you, your organization, and each person in the audience.  Individuals and organizations who have brought Mike to speak are continually telling us here at The Date Safe Project how wonderful he is to bring to their campus.

“Mike was simply a delight to work with. Prior to his keynote lecture to freshman, he met with student seminar instructors and peer mentors for a most helpful and informative workshop followed by dinner with our peer educators. He is a generous and gregarious individual whose commitment to his work is truly inspiring.“
Katherine Powell, Director of First Year Experience, Berry College (GA)

SCHEDULING MIKE TO SPEAK. Due the long lasting impact Mike’s program has on communities, his available dates tend to quickly be taken each year.  How can you insure a date is held for you?

Call Rita in our offices at 800-329-9390 TODAY!

**You can click here to send us an email.

SPECIAL OFFER: By calling 800-329-9390 today, you will receive a complimentary copy of the critically-acclaimed book “May I Kiss You?” by Mike Domitrz.  Schools throughout the country use this book as curriculum in the classroom and for creating positive change with their students.

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on December 17, 2009

High school students take action on intimacy & sexual assault!

Too often, the media and entertainment industry (TV news shows, gossip magazines, & online new sources) focuses so much attention on negative and/or dangerous choices male and female teenagers engage in – that they miss a lot of the positive choices high school students make concerning intimacy, dating, sexual activity, and supporting sexual assault survivors every day in our country.   We were honored to hear our “Can I Kiss You?” program inspired teenage students in Wisconsin at Lodi High School, Portage High School and Wisconsin Dells High School to continue the messages of “Asking First,” “Opening a Door,” and “Being a Friend” throughout their high school careers. They created an “AWARENESS DAY” at their schools and in their communities.  In addition, they are already working on creating ideas for next school year AND concepts to be practiced over this summer which encourage safer and healthier decisions for everyone.  They shared pictures with us of males and females taking active roles in making educational posters addressing consent, respect, boundaries, supporting sexual assault survivors ,and dealing with sexual intimacy in high schools. The posters were being put up around the schools AND in popular community places of business for students to see throughout the summer.  The teenagers told us the poster making was motivated by the “Do You Ask?” posters addressing consent at http://www.DoYouAsk.org

Regardless of where you are located geographically, send a note to their Principals and give them a big Kudos for being role models to others.  Here are the 3 e-mail addresses:

lovela@lodi.k12.wi.us
exok@portage.k12.wi.us
ckunau@sdwd.k12.wi.us

Share your thoughts and encourage more students to follow these ideas by leaving your comments in the “Leave a Reply” box below.

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on June 17, 2009

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