Boy Scouts Share Important Message

Are you ever asked, “How do you know you are making a difference? How do you know your audience (or students) actually remembers your message?”  Speakers in the education world and teachers particularly get this question a lot because so many people wonder if teens retain the messages being shared with them.  Yesterday, audience members surprised me.

For the past week, my son was in the Northern Woods camping with his Boy Scout Troop (6 hours from our home).  When he arrived home with his Troop, he began sharing all his great stories from the week (catching a 25″ Northern and getting the “Lumberjack” Award). In mid-sentence, he suddenly said, “Dad, try to guess what happened?“

“What?” I asked.

Son: “I got some free food and extra stuff from the store for free because they knew you.“

Me:  ”WHO knew me?“

Son:  ”The boys working in the store.“

Me:  ”Who were they?“

Son:  ”I don’t know.  They saw my name ‘Domitrz’ and asked if I was related to you. When I said, ‘Yes,’ they talked about your program and how awesome it was. Then they gave me some stuff and EXTRA FOOD!!“

Me:  ”Were the boys from around here and working all the way up there for the summer?“

Son: “No, but they knew you.“

Me:  ”How old were they?“

Son:  ”High school age guys.“

While I’ve been blessed to hear stories of people seeing students wearing my “Can I Kiss You?” and “Want Some Action?” shirts in fun locations (Disney World, etc…), this quick conversation was soo much cooler. To know high school students in the middle of the Northern woods at a Boy Scout camp (6 hours away) KNEW MY NAME was the surprise. Had my son been wearing one of my shirts and these boys thought of the connection to me, I would have still have been pleasantly honored to know my audience had such a positive memory.  To know they knew my LAST NAME was the shocker.  They simply saw “Domitrz” and started talking to my son.

Neither I nor my son are the focus of this story.  This small group of audience members get and deserve all the credit. Each of these young men made a CHOICE to open their minds and commit to change (not letting an important message be forgotten – even months after originally hear the concept).  Regardless of what friends said, the entertainment world displayed before them, and their peers who tried to influence them otherwise, these students stuck to  message they believed in!  Kudos to each of them.

I only wish I had way to say, “Thanks” to each of them personally.  Thanks for sharing with my son. Thanks for believing in a positive message.

Why do I share this quick story?  With the amazing talent you possess, I know you have peers and/or audience members you never knew you impacted – those same individuals who are excited to tell others they heard you and want to spread the message.  Here is to the blessings of being a speaker, educator, activist, and/or  caring individual making an impact.  Thank you for all you do to make this world a better place.

Parents Just Don’t Understand (especially parents of teens going to parties)

Remember the old Will Smith song, “Parents Just Don’t Understand“?  Well I fell into that category last night (along with another Mom of a high school teenager hosting a party).  One of my sons was going to a party at a house where we did not know the family.  As we advise in our programs, we called ahead to talk with at least one of the parents – to find out their rules and policies for hosting a party.  Do they allow alcohol and what are their expectations for the students?

The Mom who talked with me was GREAT!  She said, “This is soo nice of you to call.  We had a party several months ago and about 30 kids showed up.  It amazed me how many parents of teenagers we did not know just dropped their teenagers off at our home.”  We had a similar experience a little over a month ago.  My son had some friends stay overnight.  A couple of the friends were boys we had not met and they were dropped off without any questions.  Neither myself or the Mom hosting last night’s party understand why parents wouldn’t call ahead or ask a few questions when they drop their teenager off at the party.

A few of you may be thinking, “Why would I call?  I trust my son or daughter.”  Is ‘TRUST” actually the concern?  Would you allow your son (or daughter) to have anyone he wants to sleep in his room with him tonight (including a potential intimate partner or someone who is already an adult)? 98% of you say would say, “NO WAY.  That is putting your child into a situation with too much temptation and/or risk before he is ready or mature enough to handle it.“  Exactly correct.  Teaching lessons to our teenagers does not mean giving them full control to all situations.  You take steps one at a time.

Before your teenager has learned to drive, you don’t throw him the keys and say, “Go learn and have fun figuring it out.“  Why?  Because driving is too dangerous.  The risks of inappropriate or unwanted sexual activity among teens at a high school party is equally dangerous (plus you can have valid fears of potential drug use, etc…).  Start with baby steps by insuring you are sending your teen to an appropriate atmosphere.

For those of you wondering what to say when you call, here is the dialogue:

“Hi, Sue, this is Mike Domitrz.  My son, Mark, is planning on coming to your daughter’s party tonight and so we wanted to call ahead since we haven’t met before.  Do you have any rules for the teenagers at the party tonight our son should be aware of?  Do you allow alcohol at your parties?  We are not looking to report anyone – just want to know the expectations.  For instance, are parents or mature adults in the vicinity of the teenagers throughout the night?  If the teens are downstairs, does you or another mature adult go downstairs unannounced and check-in throughout the night?“

The thoughtful conversations which result by asking a few simple questions often can lead to a new friendship.  You get to know some parents you didn’t know before – which is FANTASTIC for being able to have another sets of eyes and ears looking out for your child in future situations.

If you have had such a call with someone, share with us in the LEAVE A COMMENT section below.  If you have never made this call, share WHY in the LEAVE A COMMENT section below.  I will personally respond to each comment posted.

**UPDATE:  A great question has been posted in the COMMENTS which has lead to an in-depth discussion on handling calls to parents of other teens.

University of Alabama Rolls w/ Tide of Change by “Asking First”

Tonight, the sorority sisters at the University of Alabama made a commitment to Asking First, Being a Friend, and Opening a Door.  They were a passionate group of students who shared their viewpoints and made a verbal agreement to make a difference on their campus.  While we had 2 shows (one at 6pm and one at 8pm), each group agreed with the changes that need to occur.

The campus has a close relationship between Greek Life and the Women’s Resource Center (not a relationship you see at every campus).  The staff of the Women’s Resource Center was out in full support of the program tonight.  Getting to meet all of these passionate individuals and the head of the BACCHUS GAMMA group on campus (in addition to being the head of Peer Education) was greatly appreciated.

Watch their high energy and fun video below.

“Can I Kiss You?” & Mike Domitrz at John Carroll University

First off, a special “THANKS” goes out to Ryan Knotts for bringing the “Can I Kiss You?” program to John Carroll University for the past 5 years.  Ryan is moving into a new position in a few months.  Ashley, we are excited to work with you in the coming years.  Ashley was brought in just a few months ago to run the VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) Grant JCU received.  Congrats on the grant!!

Today’s program addressed intimacy, consent, respect, choices, sexual assault, and supporting survivors of sexual assault.

Here is the video from the students at today’s “Can I Kiss You?” program:

College Students RAVE about “Can I Kiss You?” Show

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About	Watch the Video	“Train the Trainer”
Reviews from Students	College Tour Schedule	Huge Attendance
Continuing Impact	Reserve a Date	Downloads

“All I can say is WOW!!  I attended one of his sessions for the Peer-Ed people and his “Can I Kiss You?” program too and both were amazing. I truly enjoyed everything…and everything he had to say was so true. Guys and Girls all have a lot to learn about communication, and this is a great way to get people started talking. Along with this, I thought his approach to talking about sexual assault was very enlightening, and I have pledged to support survivors. The whole program really makes you think, about everything you’ve done or haven’t done in a relationship. So I just want to say THANK YOU MIKE!  For sharing your time with us, sharing your message, and hopefully opening the eyes of those around you.”
– Mary, a student from Hastings College

“I tried asking and it was amazingly easier to do.   I would definitely ask again because it was like a load was lifted off my shoulders — the guessing game of ‘Do you really like me?’ was gone.  I was asked the day after the presentation at my school. I actually told him I’d have to think about it, and the next day I said yes. I’ve been dating him for over a month now, and I’m amazed that he asks before everything. And I can’t be more appreciative.”
– Nicole, a student from Christopher Newport University

“I attended your seminar at Iowa State University in April. At the time, I was only in town for orientation, and the catchy title of your seminar got my attention. I went with my best friend who had been a victim of sexual assault, and afterward I was finally able to respond to her better, and she was able to express herself more clearly and realize it wasn’t her fault. The incident had happened over a year ago and now the healing can finally begin. Thank you for your passion and dedication – I know we weren’t the only ones who were affected.”
– Stephanie, a student from Iowa State University

“I know you won’t remember me. But I will never forget your words and your compassion!!”
– A student from a campus in NY

“I have used the ‘asking first‘ approach with my boyfriend and he has used it with me. It has really helped us to have great communication with each other, and we have a very healthy and happy relationship.  Asking helps to make the relationship more open and comfortable. If you ask first or are asked there is a lot more trust in the relationship and the trust is maintained far more easily.  I want to thank you so much. Your program has helped me to move forward past some issues I have had with men and relationships. I am now in a very happy relationship with my boyfriend who also attended your program. On our second date he used the ‘asking first” approach. It really does work, and it is so wonderful for our relationship. Again I want to thank you so much for your program ‘Can I Kiss You?‘.”
– A student from the University of Dayton in OH

“There was a guy on campus to ask me out and it was just after your talk so the words were fresh in my head (the poster hangs on my dorm door) so at the end of the date I asked him if I could kiss him. He seemed surprised that I would ask, but because of that we’ve become closer. We respect each other and that has become the bases for our relationship, not physical pleasure.   My mum was a victim of rape and has been very worried about the same thing happening to me. I never really got it until after I heard your talk. It really made me realize things that we take for granted. I hadn’t wanted to go when I heard the title of your talk, but I will never regret going to hear you speak. Your words changed my life and how I view myself and my mum. Thank you.”
– A student from Barton College in NC

“I have always been that girl who had a boyfriend, but I am currently in one of the most successful relationships I’ve ever had. We’ve been dating for a really long time and haven’t lost that spark—and we’re doing the long distance thing. One thing that my boyfriend does that no one else has done is ask to do things when we’re being intimate. Even after dating for several months (approaching a year) he still asks if, and how, he can please me. He *always* asks, adding that he wants to do exactly what I want. It makes it my choice. It’s so attractive and sexy that it’s impossible to say no, but I know that if I didn’t want to do something, I could tell him. Knowing that makes our relationship so much stronger. I just wanted to reiterate your point–asking can be really sexy, and doesn’t have to ruin the moment at all. In fact, it can make the moment more amazing than it already was! Thanks for coming to our school and letting everyone know how good asking can be! (and feel free to share this story with other people!)”
– Leslie, a student from Bucknell in Pennsylvania

“In the fall of 2003, you visited Luther College to give your presentation, which as a first year student I was strongly urged to attend. At the time, I thought the ‘Can I kiss you?’ idea made sense, but that it wasn’t necessarily practical. Either way, I wasn’t in a situation where a romantic relationship was a possibility, so I put it to the back of my mind and didn’t really think about it.

This summer, I met a guy who was interested in me. We decided to get together, and one night we were cuddling on a bench. I could tell that he wanted to kiss me, and I realized that I wasn’t ready for it, but I didn’t have the courage to flat-out refuse him. He wasn’t picking up on my nonverbal signals, and I was starting to get really uncomfortable. Finally, unable to think of anything else to do, I started telling him about your program. About how you’d shown us how nonverbal signals rarely work, and the importance of asking first. Wonder of wonders, he got it! He asked if he could kiss me, and I was able to tell him no (I was still nervous/embarrassed by it, but it was manageable).

That by itself is perhaps a small thing, but I think that it shaped the way the physical parts of our relationship went from that point on. He always asked before we did anything that might make me uncomfortable, and I was always comfortable with telling him to stop if I needed to. I really think that having seen your program and sharing that with him helped to make ours into a healthier relationship. So thank you, Mike, for everything you do. It really does make a difference!”
– Gretchen, a student from Luther College in Iowa

“I know several rape or sexual assault survivors. I don’t know why I know so many but knowing them makes my life a better life. I would never go back and say I wish I hadn’t met any of them. To support them when they are nervous or just need a reassurance is magical. It’s hard to get used to the fact that someone you truly love has been raped, you are angry and frustrated. However, being calm and just a listener is all a survivor needs most of the time, and the bond that has grown between some of my friends and I will never be broken. The things Mike said were useful to anyone. It’s true that all you have to say is “Thank you for telling me, That means a lot. I want you to know that if you need me for anything, I will always support you.” That may very well be one of the most influential statements that can be made. Thanks again, Mike!”
– Gary, a student from Bucknell in Pennsylvania

“My sister and I were both raped in the past year. She was assaulted on a Friday and by Monday, I had heard things about it around our high school. I also knew because I had acted the same way after being assaulted. I opened the door and told her that if something happened, she could tell me and I would listen. She told us what happened that night. At the police station they asked her if she said no. I agree that they should ask if he asked. It was great that Mike brought light to that situation (in the “Can I Kiss You?” program).  Society does seem to focus on what the survivor does and as a survivor, I know the difference. Thank you again!!!  IT (the ‘Can I Kiss You?’ program) WAS AMAZING!!”
– A student at St. Cloud State University in MN

“A couple weeks ago, you spoke here at Gettysburg College. Just 2 days later, I accompanied a female friend of mine to her former boyfriend’s (who had raped her) house where she confronted and said goodbye to him. She had been afraid to do so for 7 months, and she said that it was my simple supportive accompaniment that enabled her to at long last do it. So your presentation was absolutely correct, in that the thing a survivor of sexual assault needs most is just to know that people support her (or so it seems from my experience). Thus I desired to thank you for your presentation here, and I hope that other people can benefit also from it–whether they are the survivor, or the supportive friend as I was.”
– Joe, a student from Gettysburg College in PA

“Hi Mike, I am an athlete on our campus who attended your seminar on Wednesday.  I just wanted to let you know how much you put things into perspective.  It had never really occurred to me that the simple action of asking for permission could really be that powerful.  I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half, and we always used to joke about how me met and how the first time we ever kissed he asked me if he could.  I would always laugh and say how cute it was, and of course all of his buddies would make fun of him and call him feminine names.  But after listening to what you had to say, I realized that my boyfriend never really stopped asking me for my permission, even after being with me for so long.  He truly respects me and my body, and for the first time, I am recognizing it.  Nothing ever flagged my brain when he would say something that asked for my consent, so I never really noticed the fact that he wasn’t just doing things because HE felt like it.  He wanted to make sure it was something both of us wanted.  So basically, I just wanted to thank you for opening my eyes to what I have been oblivious to! I really hope your message touches everyone who hears you because I know there are good people out there who can make a difference.  Thank you so much for your stories! You truly have a good heart!”
– Student at CSU at Sacramento

“The day after seeing this program, I ran into a friend of mine who had also been at the presentation as well. Jokingly, I said to him, “Can I kiss you?” At this point, I should mention that Fred is INCREDIBLY gay, and that I am a female. And he said, “Okay!” So, completely randomly, Fred and I shared a kiss, right there, in the middle of the English department building. It was completely unexpected and beautiful and it’ll probably never happen again. . . it absolutely made my day.“
– Mariah, a student at Skidmore College

“My boyfriend asked me if he could kiss me on our first date, and I thought it was sweet, mature and above all, respectful. We’ve been together for 6 months, and I think there is a definite possibility that he is the man i might marry. And I will always remember our first kiss being perfect. I think asking is a great way to begin an open and honest relationship.”
– Jess, a student at University of Delaware

“My boyfriend and I are both Greeks on our campus.  The first time he went to kiss me, he pulled back. I was a little disappointed because I really wanted to kiss him too, but then he looked me straight in the eyes, and asked if he could kiss me. It melted my heart. When it’s truly sincere, that first kiss means so much more. So I just wanted to let all those disbelievers out there know, that it really does work.  If a guy were to ask me to kiss him, it would mean so much more and I would have so much more respect for that person, especially now that I’ve attended your seminar. I’ve never tried the asking first, because I was one of those girls who used to believe that ‘it’s the man’s job,’ but now I’ve realized that it’s my body.“
– Meredith at Eastern Washington University

SHARE YOUR COMMENTS by going to the top of this page and clicking on “Leave a Comment”

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” Program to your community. Call now to receive a special 20 page informational magazine and to find the best remaining dates available. Toll Free 800-329-9390 or click here to email us.

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About	Watch the Video	“Train the Trainer”
Reviews from Students	College Tour Schedule	Huge Attendance
Continuing Impact	Reserve a Date	Downloads

Huge Turnout on Campuses

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About	Watch the Video	“Train the Trainer”
Reviews from Students	College Tour Schedule	Huge Attendance
Continuing Impact	Reserve a Date	Downloads

The greatest way to help guarantee great attendance to an event is to work with a professional team who is fantastic at creating a “buzz” on your campus and in your community. From giving you fun posters to providing you with a detailed schedule for PR & Marketing Tips, The Date Safe Project, Inc. works closely with your campus to do everything possible to help raise your attendance numbers. Frequently, the “Can I Kiss You?” presentation is the highest attended program on campus for the entire school year (and sometimes…EVER on campus)!

How does The Date Safe Project, Inc. and the “Can I Kiss You?” program have such an incredible track record of drawing large audiences on college campuses?  Your team at The Date Safe Project, Inc. provides your school with an incredibly thorough Marketing Package which includes:

* 12 Pages of Marketing & PR Tips
* TableTent concepts and Ads
* Press Release for the Media
* Sponsorship Ideas
* Giveaway Concepts
* Headshot of Mike Domitrz
* 50 “Can I Kiss You?” Buttons
* 40 “Can I Kiss You?” Posters
* 100 Temp “Can I Kiss You?” Tattoos

In addition, you can get the popular “Can I Kiss You?” T-shirts for incredibly discounted prices through the special 100 PACK. Faculty, staff, and students love wearing these eye-catching shirts to help promote the program (plus, the shirts include a powerful educational message on the back).

Each idea and concept shared with you has a proven track record of helping increase student attendance. To insure you get the most up-to-date concepts, your team at The Date Safe Project, Inc. talks closely with schools to find out which ideas have been and continue to be the most successful so that you only get the BEST marketing and PR results!! Every campus which has closely followed each of the suggestions in the Marketing & PR Tips Report has had overwhelmingly successful attendance numbers.

The best part? Schools constantly remark about “How easy Mike and Rita are to work with.” Rita Hookstead, (your personal assistant at The Date Safe Project, Inc.) will be working with you for the months and/or weeks approaching the event. She loves making your job easier!  Plus, Mike truly will do everything he can to help you and your campus have an amazingly successful event. You get it all — 2 detailed professionals who love working with your campus to make the day a wonderful experience for you and everyone involved!!

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” program with Mike Domitrz to your campus and watch the the number of students who will be impacted.  Call 800-329-9390 TODAY! Rita is looking forward to talking with you.

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” Program to your community. Call now to receive a special 20 page informational magazine and to find the best remaining dates available. Toll Free 800-329-9390 or click here to email us.

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About	Watch the Video	“Train the Trainer”
Reviews from Students	College Tour Schedule	Huge Attendance
Continuing Impact	Reserve a Date	Downloads

High school students take action on intimacy & sexual assault!

Too often, the media and entertainment industry (TV news shows, gossip magazines, & online new sources) focuses so much attention on negative and/or dangerous choices male and female teenagers engage in – that they miss a lot of the positive choices high school students make concerning intimacy, dating, sexual activity, and supporting sexual assault survivors every day in our country.   We were honored to hear our “Can I Kiss You?” program inspired teenage students in Wisconsin at Lodi High School, Portage High School and Wisconsin Dells High School to continue the messages of “Asking First,” “Opening a Door,” and “Being a Friend” throughout their high school careers. They created an “AWARENESS DAY” at their schools and in their communities.  In addition, they are already working on creating ideas for next school year AND concepts to be practiced over this summer which encourage safer and healthier decisions for everyone.  They shared pictures with us of males and females taking active roles in making educational posters addressing consent, respect, boundaries, supporting sexual assault survivors ,and dealing with sexual intimacy in high schools. The posters were being put up around the schools AND in popular community places of business for students to see throughout the summer.  The teenagers told us the poster making was motivated by the “Do You Ask?” posters addressing consent at http://www.DoYouAsk.org

Regardless of where you are located geographically, send a note to their Principals and give them a big Kudos for being role models to others.  Here are the 3 e-mail addresses:

lovela@lodi.k12.wi.us
exok@portage.k12.wi.us
ckunau@sdwd.k12.wi.us

Share your thoughts and encourage more students to follow these ideas by leaving your comments in the “Leave a Reply” box below.

Teach consent to family, friends, and colleagues

Learn how to teach everyone around you about consent through casual conversation at work, at home with your family, at sporting events, and hanging out with friends.  The Date Safe Project and Mike Domitrz reveal this simple tip for engaging people in a fun learning moment.  Find out how your colleagues, employers, friends, sons, daughters, partners, boyfriend, girlfriends, teenagers, and others react and then SHARE their reaction with us in the “Leave a reply” box below.

Talking about and practicing today’s challenge will help people realize how important and VALUED consent is in all aspects of life.  As we make consent the standard for treating people with respect, males and females are more likely to be comfortable discussing sexual consent with each other before engaging in sexual activity – thus creating much safer intimacy and helping reduce sexual assault.

To receive the “Challenge of the Day” every Monday – Friday, subscribe to our blog in the upper right-hand column of The Date Safe Project blog.

REMEMBER to share what you experience in the “Leave a Reply” box below!!

Welcome to 2009 Blog

Welcome to our 2009 Blog.  As you can see, we have included posts from our previous blogs from 2007 – 2008 before we took a break to remodel our online community which is now launching in the summer of 2009.

The Date Safe Project blog is a CONVERSATION and so please engage and SHARE with everyone here by utilizing the “Comments” after each post.  You will find posts for parents, educators, students, and caring individuals & organizations addressing dating, intimacy, decision-making, and sexual assault.  While having fun sharing your thoughts with us, please keep comments positive in tone.  THANKS!

Lets make a difference together,
Mike Domitrz

Person of the WEEK

The Date Safe Project’s first PERSON of the WEEK is Cheri, a strong and courageous sexual assault survivor who inspired me to begin speaking out against sexual assault / rape and would go on to inspire the founding of The Date Safe Project, Inc. at http://www.DateSafeProject.org and now The Date Safe Foundation (the new non-profit organization being established).  Cheri’s strength, determination, will, and love for her family are a few of the reasons she has been a special role model to all us here at The Date Safe Project, Inc..

As I travel the country speaking in schools, on college campuses, and on military bases, audience members are continually moved by Cheri’s story.  Many individuals come up to me to share how amazing Cheri is and how much her story has helped them personally.  In 2005, Cheri chose to share her journey in the book Voices of Courage:  Inspiration from Survivors of Sexual Assault (at http://www.VoicesOfCourage.com).  Her sharing has positively touched thousands of people around the world.

To many people, they refer to Cheri as their “Coach,” I am blessed to call her my sister.  Cheri, I love you and thanks for all you have done and continue to do!

WHO IS YOUR “Person of the Week”? Share your nomination for a future “Person of the Week” by typing your recommendation in the “Leave a Reply” box below.  Each week, a new group of individuals will be considered and one will be announced.  Get your nomination in today!

P.S.  To follow each week’s “Person of the Week” and our daily “Challenge of the Day,” subscribe to our YouTube page at http://www.YouTube.com/DateSafeProject.org and follow us on Twitter at http://www.Twitter.com/DateSafeProject

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