Go For It in College & In Life

Are you ever amazed how many people give college students advice like, “Don’t do anything stupid while you are in college!”  Are you kidding me?  What kind of life are you living if you never look stupid once in a while.

As my Godson goes off to college, I was thinking of what I learned along the journey.  Here is a little of what I shared with him (of course the rest is confidential):

College is an awesome time, especially when you truly go after your dreams (and not make the mistake many students make of going after a steady job).  In the movie “Up in the Air,” George Clooney’s character ask a guy, “How much did they pay you to give up on your dreams?”  He was referring to the guy settling for a “Good Job” over doing what he loved.  GREAT LINE!

In college and in life, use your education to put your passion into action! You will have newfound independence. You will make some mistakes – that never stops happening in life and so learn from them and then move on.  Live with your eyes forward so you can see where you are going (looking backyards sends you backwards). Be sure to find a way to have a laugh each day.  :-)

Oh yea.  When AMAZING opportunities present themselves to you, seize them.  Study abroad. Get involved.  Make a POSITIVE impact.  There is an old cliche:  As long as its legal, ethical, moral, and won’t hurt anyone (including yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or your health), go for it!!

What would YOU add?

Parents Just Don’t Understand (especially parents of teens going to parties)

Remember the old Will Smith song, “Parents Just Don’t Understand“?  Well I fell into that category last night (along with another Mom of a high school teenager hosting a party).  One of my sons was going to a party at a house where we did not know the family.  As we advise in our programs, we called ahead to talk with at least one of the parents – to find out their rules and policies for hosting a party.  Do they allow alcohol and what are their expectations for the students?

The Mom who talked with me was GREAT!  She said, “This is soo nice of you to call.  We had a party several months ago and about 30 kids showed up.  It amazed me how many parents of teenagers we did not know just dropped their teenagers off at our home.”  We had a similar experience a little over a month ago.  My son had some friends stay overnight.  A couple of the friends were boys we had not met and they were dropped off without any questions.  Neither myself or the Mom hosting last night’s party understand why parents wouldn’t call ahead or ask a few questions when they drop their teenager off at the party.

A few of you may be thinking, “Why would I call?  I trust my son or daughter.”  Is ‘TRUST” actually the concern?  Would you allow your son (or daughter) to have anyone he wants to sleep in his room with him tonight (including a potential intimate partner or someone who is already an adult)? 98% of you say would say, “NO WAY.  That is putting your child into a situation with too much temptation and/or risk before he is ready or mature enough to handle it.“  Exactly correct.  Teaching lessons to our teenagers does not mean giving them full control to all situations.  You take steps one at a time.

Before your teenager has learned to drive, you don’t throw him the keys and say, “Go learn and have fun figuring it out.“  Why?  Because driving is too dangerous.  The risks of inappropriate or unwanted sexual activity among teens at a high school party is equally dangerous (plus you can have valid fears of potential drug use, etc…).  Start with baby steps by insuring you are sending your teen to an appropriate atmosphere.

For those of you wondering what to say when you call, here is the dialogue:

Hi, Sue, this is Mike Domitrz.  My son, Mark, is planning on coming to your daughter’s party tonight and so we wanted to call ahead since we haven’t met before.  Do you have any rules for the teenagers at the party tonight our son should be aware of?  Do you allow alcohol at your parties?  We are not looking to report anyone – just want to know the expectations.  For instance, are parents or mature adults in the vicinity of the teenagers throughout the night?  If the teens are downstairs, does you or another mature adult go downstairs unannounced and check-in throughout the night?

The thoughtful conversations which result by asking a few simple questions often can lead to a new friendship.  You get to know some parents you didn’t know before – which is FANTASTIC for being able to have another sets of eyes and ears looking out for your child in future situations.

If you have had such a call with someone, share with us in the LEAVE A COMMENT section below.  If you have never made this call, share WHY in the LEAVE A COMMENT section below.  I will personally respond to each comment posted.

**UPDATE:  A great question has been posted in the COMMENTS which has lead to an in-depth discussion on handling calls to parents of other teens.

Reality Check for All of Us

Before revealing all the strategies for helping your child, we need to start with understanding the culture children are being exposed to at much earlier ages than we were.  Obviously, you are a good parent. By watching these videos, you are here trying to help your child handle a very serious and potentially dangerous topic (95% of parents fail to take this first step).

The good news is you and your child will benefit from your taking the time to gather realistic strategies.  In the below video, you discover WHY we all need the right tools to truly help our children make safer and smarter choices.  The next video will begin to share proven strategies for making a positive impact.

When you finish the video, SHARE with us in the “Speak Your Mind ” section below. I promise to PERSONALLY respond.

~Mike Domitrz
Founder of The Date Safe Project, Inc.

PLAY EYE-OPENING VIDEO #1

IMPORTANT REMINDER: Each of the following videos refers to talking with “Teenagers.” Remember if you are a parent of a child younger than 13 years old, the videos give you a fantastic opportunity to prepare your child at an even younger age.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH NEXT VIDEO

Please post any comments or questions below in the “Speak Your Mind” section below the comments.
I will PERSONALLY respond to each comment you leave on this page!! Lets have fun taking this journey.

Talking to Daughter or Son about Dating & Sex (Video)

How do you share openly and honestly about sexual intimacy without giving your child too much information?  Understandably, parents fear giving too much information and thus creating a catalyst for your child to want to engage in sexual activity.

How do you find the right approach without making sex sound bad or too attractive?  Discover in the video below HOW to avoid the conversation going badly. In fact, you will learn an approach for making YOU THE EXPERT. You child will want to turn to you for questions (instead of their peers who can misguide them)!

When you finish the video below, SHARE with us in the “Speak Your Mind ” section below. I promise to PERSONALLY respond to each person.

~Mike Domitrz
Founder of The Date Safe Project, Inc.

ADVANCED STRATEGIES FOR TALKING WITH YOUR CHILD

IMPORTANT REMINDER: Each of the following videos refers to talking with “Teenagers.” Remember if you are a parent of a child younger than 13 years old, the videos give you a fantastic opportunity to prepare your child at an even younger age.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH NEXT VIDEO

Please post any comments or questions below in the “Speak Your Mind” section.
I will PERSONALLY respond to each comment you leave on this page!! Lets have fun taking this journey.

This high school student Asks First & Supports Sexual Assault Survivors

This Senior student at Bitburg Air Force Base High School makes a strong statement about asking first and supporting sexual assault survivors.  The last 2 weeks was filled with speaking to wonderful groups of high school students throughout Air Force Bases in Europe.

LEAVE A COMMENT to let him know what you think (he is excited to see your comments)!

Share your thoughts by LEAVING A COMMENT!

Working with Students – Are They Difficult?

Have Students changed since we grew up and are they more difficult to to work with now?

Recently, I was interviewed by a newspaper reporter from the Waco Tribune to talk about working with students in schools. Are teenagers more difficult today than 20 years ago? Are they less respectful of authority? … and many similar questions. My answer to each question was “NO!”

Don’t get me wrong. Students of today are different. They do not and will not accept “because I said so.” Students want you to explain “why” and they are right in making that request of educators, activists, politicians, parents, and others. If you want people to make the tough and correct choice when faced with difficult decisions, you must give them the proper foundation of decision-making. Each teenager must understand, at their deepest core, why doing the “right thing” is so vitally important to being a good person. When you understand the “why” of your decisions, going against peer pressure is much easier.

In addition to knowing the “why,” you must teach the TRUTH and be willing to hear the TRUTH yourself! Be open and honest with students. If you go to give a presentation on sexual assault, be prepared for all attitudes and answers that may come your way. Open yourself up to all challenges with a friendly face. If you become defensive towards a student’s comments during your program, you will turn many of the students “off” and thus, diminish your entire reason for speaking — to open their minds to a better approach and understanding. No matter how offensive the student’s comment may be, you must remain calm and address the negative comments with a positive approach. Time and time again, students tell us that our program is so successful because of the manner is which we relate to the students. The students love that we are willing to hear “their side of the story.”

For example, many people teach students that “No Always Means No.” However, in each crowd of 30 students, you will have AT LEAST one female who will believe that you are wrong in telling students that “No Always Means No.” In this one female’s mind, she will be thinking “that is not true. I have said ‘no’ as part of a game I play with the guys I’m with.” How do you address this issue? If you simply say “NO always means NO”, you are going to lose credibility after you leave the room. Why? At least one female student (if not more) will talk about how they personally break that rule which makes you wrong because you said, “Always.” Once a student can prove you wrong, the other student’s will believe their peer and not you. After you lose your credibility, all the lessons you were teaching will be lost by the majority of the students.

Then how do you address to students the issue that “No Always means No?” Change the wording in your presentation to “Always respect the word ‘No’ as meaning ‘No!’ Then, you are showing the utmost respect for your partner.” By changing this wording, no one individual student’s argument can prove you wrong because you didn’t say what they were thinking (which you can’t absolutely know). Instead of trying to prove what they were thinking, you showed all the students the “right way” to respect another person.

With any decisions you make on your approach with students, you must explain your approach in a way that you feel comfortable and believe in If I gave you my speech, it wouldn’t work for you. Why? I fully understand my approach and believe in it 100%. My personal passion is the catalyst to my presentations. Your passion will be unique to you. If you try to copy another person’s program, students will know. Teenagers have a gift of being able to detect a “fake” and can tell when you are NOT passionate about what you are saying.

When a student does make a rude or insensitive comment, is it easy to remain objective and calm? No, but you are the professional and your goal should be to make a difference. Therefore, you must learn how to use this skill of “not attacking.” If you have spoke to students in the past and never heard arguments against your point of view, you are probably not provoking the students enough to hear what they are really thinking. Provoking must be done in a fashion that makes the students comfortable with you. You CANNOT lecture teenagers and make them feel comfortable. They hate lectures. Talk WITH them and listen to them. Then teach each of them what is the “right thing to do.”

Students of today are an awesome group of individuals who love to be challenged. Challenge them and open doors of change that they never expected to experience. By doing so, you will make an amazing difference!

- written by Mike Domitrz, Executive Director of The Date Safe Project and Producer of HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations. Each year, Mike speaks around the world in over 80 educational and military installations sharing the important messages of respect, consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors.
To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of this article, E-mail Mike here

Watch School Assembly with over 600 Students at 8am!

In this video, you are watching over 600 students at 8am in a School Assembly of the “Can I Kiss You? program engaged, thinking, opening their minds, and making decisions to change their actions.

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” program to your community and witness your students talking nonstop about the positive changes they WANT to make. You’ll hear them saying how much the presentation “blew their mind” and “really has me thinking about how I need to change the way I date.

SPECIAL OFFER: By calling 800-329-9390 today, you will receive a complimentary copy of the critically-acclaimed book “May I Kiss You?” by Mike Domitrz.  Schools throughout the country use this book as curriculum in the classroom and for creating positive change with their students.  Click here to send us an email.

INSURING A GREAT ASSEMBLY FOR YOUR SCHOOL:

One of the biggest fears many middle schools and high schools have is “How can we know this speaker is going to capture our students attention AND do so appropriately while giving them needed tools for making a difference?”  The answer is:  You need an expert with a proven track record of excellence with schools of all sizes, demographics, and cultures.  You require a quick thinking professional who is gifted at reacting specifically to your students’ reactions and comments.

Your presentation to the two junior highs: 500 and 440 teens, were outstanding.  These teens were rowdy audiences, but you handled them expertly, got and held their attention and really made an impact.  Even the School Principals who are somewhat conservative were very impressed.
Anne Smith, RN, BSN, Yuma County Public Health Services District (AZ)

1500 students at NW Missouri State University captivated

For over 2 decades, Mike Domitrz has been inspiring students, educators and parents with the unique combination of his hilarious sense of humor along with his uncanny ability to draw hard-hitting emotion from audiences.  School districts constantly share what a lasting impact he has with people of all ages.

It has been 3 months since you presented your ‘Can I Kiss You?‘ Program to high school students, and separately to parents, in our communities of Lake Forest and Lake Bluff, Illinois.  To my surprise, and immense satisifaction, people are still talking about it!

…three students at a local coffee shop were overheard recently, two full months after your visit, discussing the idea of ‘asking’ that had been presented by ‘that dude we heard at school in the Fall.
Lydia Backer, Program Director, LEAD (IL)

With Mike, you get a critically-acclaimed author and passionate educator on healthy dating, consent, bystander intervention, and supporting survivors who is leading the way by constantly changing and further improving each presentation he gives.  You get a professional presenter who studies exactly how each audience member reacts to different techniques and learning styles.  You get a dedicated advocate who commits to always respecting every aspect of a very sensitive topic.

Mike Domitrz brought his powerful presentation to Mahnomen, Wauban and Circle of Life Schoos on the White Earth Ojibwe Nation and to an Alternative Learning Center near the reservation reaching 870 students…His method of not putting words into their mouths but instead using their words and language was absolutely incredible

It is important to recognize that never before has there been a National Speaker who has ever promised our youth that he would respond to their emails within 24 hours. His commitment to make effective changes in the lives of our youth is to be commended.”
Lisa Brunner, Executive Director, Community Resource Alliance Tribal Alliance (MN)

To be an effective and powerful educator, you need to always be learning new approaches and concepts of working with people of all ages (students, staff, and parents).  Yes, the educator needs to be a STUDENT.  The #1 source for teaching better speaking techniques and presentation skills is the National Speakers Association (NSA) – the professional trade organization for speakers around the world.

Certified Speaking Professional with the National Speakers AssociationMike Domitrz is an active and involved member of NSA.  In fact, he is one of the few Certified Speaker Professionals (CSP) across the globe specifically working in Education.  Each year, the National Speakers Association gives this earned recognition to those speakers who accomplish all of the following criteria:

  • At least 50 speaking events each year for 5 consecutive years.
  • A score of at least 7.5 on evaluations from clients over the past 5 years (on a 10 point scale).
  • Minimum level of professional credits earned by attending NSA Educational Events (shows commitment to the craft of working with audiences and making a difference).

What does Mike being a Certified Speaking Professional mean to you?  You are getting a leading authority, author and ally who is also one of the top speaking professionals in the world.

Mike understands not only his message but the interests and needs of the audiences he serves. He has a very energetic and entertaining style that engages all audiences. His message is powerful and the people in his audience naturally gravitate to him.”  Sam Silverstein, former President of the National Speakers Association.

Best of all, you are working with a devoted professional who CARES about you, your organization, your community, and each person in the audience.  Individuals and organizations who have brought Mike to speak are continually telling us here at The Date Safe Project how wonderful he is to bring to their schools.

He made my job very easy. He answered my numerous inquiries promptly, respected and honored our requests regarding his presentations and took the time to get know our audience before he arrived.”
Jayne Giroux, Making Good Choices Council, Bradenton (FL)

SCHEDULING MIKE TO SPEAK. Due the long lasting impact Mike’s program has on communities, his available dates tend to quickly be taken each year.  How can you insure a date is held for you?

Call Rita in our offices at 800-329-9390 TODAY!

**You can click here to send us an email.

SPECIAL OFFER: By calling 800-329-9390 today, you will receive a complimentary copy of the critically-acclaimed book “May I Kiss You?” by Mike Domitrz.  Schools throughout the country use this book as curriculum in the classroom and for creating positive change with their students.

Students & Their Teachers are CHEERING

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About Watch the Video “Train the Trainer”
Student Feedback Reserve a Date Downloads

Do you want a speaker, author, and expert who is going to have your students rolling in the aisles from laughter and then just minutes later have everyone completely mesmerized in silence as he shares the personal story of his sister’s rape?

As a leading authority on consent, healthy dating, and sexual assault awareness, Mike Domitrz understands that students want to be entertained and that schools want an expert who will make a positive and long lasting difference in the lives of their students. Everyone in a school assembly program wants a compelling and powerful presentation that each person can relate to in a meaningful manner. For this reason, Mike takes you and your students on a journey from hilarious laughter to hard-hitting questions. Then, he provides the answers every student will immediately want to use in his or her own life.

From 6th grade through Seniors in High School, males and females from all cultures, backgrounds, sexual orientations, and diverse populations appreciate Mike’s sincerity and honesty. While he presents one of the “cleanest” programs in schools today, he holds nothing back.

Through his role-playing with audience members and his portrayal of intriguing characters on stage, Mike turns what is often labeled as a “silent” issue into an engaging and thought-provoking event for you and your students. While most people simply “make their move” on a date, you’ll discover how and why “asking first” makes all the difference! Students are given the precise words and skills to insure both partner’s boundaries are respected at all times. Plus, you and your students discover how to appropriately intervene in potentially dangerous situations, including with their friends (alcohol, parties, etc…). In addition, everyone learns how to “Open the Door” to properly support all survivors of sexual assault. Through it all, each person gains a greater level of admiration and respect for survivors of sexual assault.

Throughout your event, Mike will reveal a new and fun approach towards respect that will change each student’s outlook on dating and intimacy. When your students leave the “Can I Kiss You?” program with Mike Domitrz, they will be telling their friends, “Wow! I never thought of that stuff before! I need to completely overhaul my approach to dating and respecting others.

Call 800-329-9390 TODAY to get an available date!

Limited Dates are Available.  With his sons in school, Mike limits his travel dates.

**To learn more about Mike Domitrz, click here or scroll over the Mike Domitrz section in the top bar of this website.

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” Program to your community. Call now to receive a special 20 page informational magazine and to find the best remaining dates available. Toll Free 800-329-9390 or click here to email us.

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About Watch the Video “Train the Trainer”
Student Feedback Reserve a Date Downloads

High school students take action on intimacy & sexual assault!

Too often, the media and entertainment industry (TV news shows, gossip magazines, & online new sources) focuses so much attention on negative and/or dangerous choices male and female teenagers engage in – that they miss a lot of the positive choices high school students make concerning intimacy, dating, sexual activity, and supporting sexual assault survivors every day in our country.   We were honored to hear our “Can I Kiss You?” program inspired teenage students in Wisconsin at Lodi High School, Portage High School and Wisconsin Dells High School to continue the messages of “Asking First,” “Opening a Door,” and “Being a Friend” throughout their high school careers. They created an “AWARENESS DAY” at their schools and in their communities.  In addition, they are already working on creating ideas for next school year AND concepts to be practiced over this summer which encourage safer and healthier decisions for everyone.  They shared pictures with us of males and females taking active roles in making educational posters addressing consent, respect, boundaries, supporting sexual assault survivors ,and dealing with sexual intimacy in high schools. The posters were being put up around the schools AND in popular community places of business for students to see throughout the summer.  The teenagers told us the poster making was motivated by the “Do You Ask?” posters addressing consent at http://www.DoYouAsk.org

Regardless of where you are located geographically, send a note to their Principals and give them a big Kudos for being role models to others.  Here are the 3 e-mail addresses:

lovela@lodi.k12.wi.us
exok@portage.k12.wi.us
ckunau@sdwd.k12.wi.us

Share your thoughts and encourage more students to follow these ideas by leaving your comments in the “Leave a Reply” box below.

Signs of Dating Violence or Abuse in Teen Relationships and/or Dating

Over the past few  years, many of you do a really good job as educators and law enforcement identifying the signs of domestic abuse in children.  You know what to do when you suspect it is happening; who to call; and actions to take. When it comes to teens abusing teens, the knowledge just isn’t there for many educators and law enforcement.  The training has not been as readily available.

For some, it seems easier to come to the defense of a child when an adult is abusing them. You see the child as more of a victim, especially knowing the “power” component of children being taught to respect their elders, parents, relatives.  Many adults use that power to control children.

When it comes to teen violence, it’s trickier. The perpetrators are their peers.  People write off inappropriate comments by thinking, “That just part of being a teenager” or “Kids will be kids.”  Some adults are intimidated by their own ignorance. You may not know the current language teenagers are using and so you feel out of touch.  Instead of embarrassing yourself when intervening, you simply avoid the potential conflict.  You do nothing.

Plus, we think as teenagers, they would speak out if someone their own age was making them feel uncomfortable or was hurting them.  Reality is the direct opposite.  Approval and being “part of the crowd” puts extreme pressure on teenagers NOT to speak out, even when they know something is not right.  You don’t want to be the kid who ratted on someone.

What are the signs?  Here are some starting points for teenagers (and even pre-teens) to look out for:

  1. Extreme jealousy
  2. Controlling behavior
  3. Quick involvement
  4. Unpredictable mood swings
  5. Alcohol and drug use
  6. Explosive anger
  7. Isolates you from friends and family
  8. Uses force during an argument
  9. Shows hypersensitivity
  10. Believes in rigid sex roles
  11. Blames others for his problems or feelings
  12. Cruel to animals and children
  13. Verbally abusive
  14. Abused former partners
  15. Threatens violence

The above 15 points are from Michelle Woods and her team at MayDay Inc.  Michelle also states that as an educator and law enforcement, you should be on the lookout for these signs:

  1. Physical signs of injury
  2. Truancy, dropping out of school
  3. Failing grades
  4. Indecision
  5. Changes in mood or personality
  6. Use of drugs or alcohol
  7. Emotional outbursts
  8. Isolation

Bottom line, we need to teach our teens to choose better relationships and partners. Re-enforce the qualities of a loving and fair partner. As educators, law enforcements and most of all parents, we are responsible for teaching teens the warning signs.

Here is a recent article where these tips were provided by Michelle Woods and MayDay Inc:
Baker City Herald MayDay Helps Teens Avoid Violence

Our Networks
Linkedinfollow me