Timing IS everything

How often does the following happen to you? You’ve just got home from work. You’re exhausted from the day. Upon you entering your home, your partner is waiting to tell you ALL about his/her day and how rough it went (ALL the details). Do you listen? Yes. You want to support your partner. Is doing so difficult? Yes. You are tired. This is not an ideal time for you to be supportive. When would be ideal time? After you’ve had some down time and been able to gather yourself from the day.

WHEN do we often choose to talk with our teens about important issues? For many parents, the time is later in the evening when both parents are home and/or when your teen is finally done with all their homework and school activities (especially with practices, meetings, etc…).

The timing is awful. Your son or daughter is tired and their mind is over stimulated. Many teenagers are especially sensitive and emotionally when they are tired. The best time is after they’ve had a little time at home to relax and hang out, BUT not so late that they are getting tired. Dinner time is frequently a good time for many families.

Next time you have an urgent lesson you want to share with your teen, STOP yourself and ask, “Is this timing ideal?” If not, wait a day or two when your teen will ABSORB the lesson and use it throughout their life. Choose the wrong time and you lose a golden opportunity. Suddenly, you have to find the right time to make up for your bad timing (bringing up an issue AGAIN when it wasn’t handled well the first time is much more difficult than handling it right the first time).

You know the wonderful feeling you get when you make a connection with your teen. Know his/her TIME and you increase the chance to have the time of your life in a thought-provoking conversation with him or her!

SHARE your experiences with having important talks below in the LEAVE A COMMENT section. I will personally respond to each comment.

Smothering vs Connecting

As a parent of a teenager, do you ever feel like you are losing a bit of connection with your teenager?  Feels like your son or daughter prefers time alone?

This process for your son or daughter is completely normal.  Your teen is seeking out the independence sought in the pubescent years.  If your like many parents, this change can be tough at times. You want to be “in their world” to be a positive guidance.  Remember:  you ARE in their world.  You only need to work on fitting more into their schedule.

Instead of asking a million questions all the time, give them space. Join them at more casual times. Watch their favorite TV show with them. Play a video game with him/her.  Have dinner around the kitchen table together and have a “Question of the Night.”  As corny as this concept may sound, making it a tradition turns into a simple point of conversation you are guaranteed as a family every night.  Even if someone already ate, you all sit together for those few minutes.

Are you worried you can’t find a medium your teen wants to share with you?  Then ask.  Ask your son or daughter, “What do you enjoy the 2 of us doing together?  How do YOU enjoy us spending time together?”  Listen closely. Don’t disagree.  Don’t say why their answer doesn’t work for you.  Listen and then find a solution which WILL WORK!

Being able to connect with your teen is essential to helping your teen make better life choices.  As parents, we all get frustrated and sometimes disappointed with ourselves.  As the famous 80′s song said, “RELAX.”  The more stressed you are, the more your kids feel it and are even less likely to want to share with you.  Smiling and having fun can go a long way in a home.

Share your thoughts below in our COMMENTS section. I look forward to personally responding!

Summer Dating & Your Teens

Parents, are you ready for the Summer Days of Dating when your teenager has soo much free time?  Here are 4 quick tips:

1) While you may have a great trusting relationship with your teens, still create safety measures for your house (parental settings on cable boxes; have a lock on liquor cabinets; etc…).  While your teen may be responsible, their friends may take some risks in your home.

2) When can friends be over and where in the house are they allowed?  Decide and talk openly about these rules.  Some parents do not allow sons and daughter’s friends in their kids bedrooms to avoid a “private” setting where kissing, touching, or sexual practices could occur.  Other parents say, “Basement door is always left open.”  Clarify.

3) With everyone home from school, how much is texting, IMing, and other technology forms of communicating allowed.  Some students become addicted to “staying in touch with everyone elses life” – so much that they are not LIVING their own life.

4) TALK.  With everyone home more often in the summer and/or spending some vacation time together, TALK unobtrusively about intimacy, equality, and respect.  If a news story breaks about dating, hooking-up, teen pregnancy, or sexual assault, ask your teenager their thoughts and do so in a non-judgmental manner.

What tips do you want to add and share with others?  Use the “Leave a Reply” section below to do so . . .