How often have you heard a teenager, student, and/or parents make statements such as, “All guys are jerks” and/or “All girls are trouble“? Often people use derogatory generalizations to scare younger individuals from dating and/or to help a friend “feel better” after being unhappy in a relationship. Watch this episode of DSP TV to see if such statements are helpful.
True Support for Your Students
Whether you are a parent or an educator, you know the importance of having support in your life. Imagine your boss tells you, “Go ahead and give it a shot” and then does everything possible to make your life difficult in accomplishing your goal. Your Boss’s actions did not match his/her words.
When we see schools and parents who provide genuine, strong support, the RESULTS are amazing. Last night, York University’s President spoke briefly before my presentation and then sat in the FRONT ROW with MANY of the Vice Presidents from the university (York is located in Toronto). The significance of the leadership staying for the show sent a strong message to the students of much York cares about this issue. Most Presidents of universities make a quick visit and then leave.
A school with a history of showing their support for this issue is where I am speaking this evening: Gustavus Adolphus College in St. Peter, Minnesota. Every year, we have a “Train the Trainer” session and then go to dinner with the leadership from the campus (heads of departments from various elements of the college – including the President) before presenting the “Can I Kiss You?” presentation. The week of the program, their professors and staff wear the “Can I Kiss You?” shirts for several days. The result is a line of students every year waiting outside the doors of the Ballroom 2 HOURS before the show starts. The campus’s support results in a ROCK CONCERT MENTALITY for addressing safer dating and sexual assault!
In both cases above, people made it a mission to get the top leadership heavily involved. They subtly and creatively engaged top leadership to the point that the leadership WANTED to be affiliated with the mission and the program. What are you doing to engage your leadership in a manner which makes them WANT to strongly support your mission?
SHARE in the “Leave a Comment” section below!
Timing IS everything
How often does the following happen to you? You’ve just got home from work. You’re exhausted from the day. Upon you entering your home, your partner is waiting to tell you ALL about his/her day and how rough it went (ALL the details). Do you listen? Yes. You want to support your partner. Is doing so difficult? Yes. You are tired. This is not an ideal time for you to be supportive. When would be ideal time? After you’ve had some down time and been able to gather yourself from the day.
WHEN do we often choose to talk with our teens about important issues? For many parents, the time is later in the evening when both parents are home and/or when your teen is finally done with all their homework and school activities (especially with practices, meetings, etc…).
The timing is awful. Your son or daughter is tired and their mind is over stimulated. Many teenagers are especially sensitive and emotionally when they are tired. The best time is after they’ve had a little time at home to relax and hang out, BUT not so late that they are getting tired. Dinner time is frequently a good time for many families.
Next time you have an urgent lesson you want to share with your teen, STOP yourself and ask, “Is this timing ideal?” If not, wait a day or two when your teen will ABSORB the lesson and use it throughout their life. Choose the wrong time and you lose a golden opportunity. Suddenly, you have to find the right time to make up for your bad timing (bringing up an issue AGAIN when it wasn’t handled well the first time is much more difficult than handling it right the first time).
You know the wonderful feeling you get when you make a connection with your teen. Know his/her TIME and you increase the chance to have the time of your life in a thought-provoking conversation with him or her!
SHARE your experiences with having important talks below in the LEAVE A COMMENT section. I will personally respond to each comment.
What Tools Do YOU have ready?
15 miles from Poughkeepsie, NY this past week and on my way to speak at Vassar College, the tire on my rental car blows out! I was in a remote area on a Restricted Roadway (tow trucks cannot service the area without a State Police request first). I like to give myself an extra hour leeway for driving time to be safe and I did in this case. However, the Emergency Service said they may need that entire time to get to me. What do I do? First, I called the school to give them the entire situation – to insure no one was surprised or taken off guard.
Next, I went into the trunk and started working on changing the tire myself. Everything was going well. I had the car jacked up and then suddenly realized the hubcap was not coming off. A few minutes later, a state highway vehicle pulls up and helps me get the tire changed. What could have easily have been 75-90 minutes turned into only 20 minutes and everything went smoothly. Why? The state emergency employee had a special tool for getting the hubcap off. I arrived at Vassar with PLENTY of time to spare (no pun intended) before conducting my sound check.
When working on talking with teens and students on sexual decision-making, do you leave leeway for what could go wrong in your conversation? What could blow up your conversation? Someone’s temper, attitude, assumptions, judgement? How do you prepare for those possibilities? Do you practice the exact scenario? I’ve changed tires before. However, I had never run into a HubCap problem before (the Emergency Service had). Even though I had a little experience, I needed more tools to solve my problem. What tools could help you in creating a positive impact with teens and young adults decisions regarding sexual decision-making, supporting survivors, and bystander intervention?
Share below by LEAVING A COMMENT about what you do and/or have done to best prepare for all the “What If” scenarios when talking to teens and young adults.
Smothering vs Connecting
As a parent of a teenager, do you ever feel like you are losing a bit of connection with your teenager? Feels like your son or daughter prefers time alone?
This process for your son or daughter is completely normal. Your teen is seeking out the independence sought in the pubescent years. If your like many parents, this change can be tough at times. You want to be “in their world” to be a positive guidance. Remember: you ARE in their world. You only need to work on fitting more into their schedule.
Instead of asking a million questions all the time, give them space. Join them at more casual times. Watch their favorite TV show with them. Play a video game with him/her. Have dinner around the kitchen table together and have a “Question of the Night.” As corny as this concept may sound, making it a tradition turns into a simple point of conversation you are guaranteed as a family every night. Even if someone already ate, you all sit together for those few minutes.
Are you worried you can’t find a medium your teen wants to share with you? Then ask. Ask your son or daughter, “What do you enjoy the 2 of us doing together? How do YOU enjoy us spending time together?” Listen closely. Don’t disagree. Don’t say why their answer doesn’t work for you. Listen and then find a solution which WILL WORK!
Being able to connect with your teen is essential to helping your teen make better life choices. As parents, we all get frustrated and sometimes disappointed with ourselves. As the famous 80′s song said, “RELAX.” The more stressed you are, the more your kids feel it and are even less likely to want to share with you. Smiling and having fun can go a long way in a home.
Share your thoughts below in our COMMENTS section. I look forward to personally responding!
“In a perfect world, what would you need and want?”
When working on a project for the National Speakers Association earlier today, Randy Gage (Prosperity Expert), asked me this question:
“In a perfect world, what would you need and want?”
Then he was able to provide us what we needed and wanted. Thanks, Randy.
Now what about you? For working to help students, young adults, educators, and/or parents to address dating, sexual decision-making, consent, and/or supporting survivors, what would your answers be to, “In a perfect world, what would you need and want?”
I look forward to personally responding to everyone’s comments.
Parents Just Don’t Understand (especially parents of teens going to parties)
Remember the old Will Smith song, “Parents Just Don’t Understand“? Well I fell into that category last night (along with another Mom of a high school teenager hosting a party). One of my sons was going to a party at a house where we did not know the family. As we advise in our programs, we called ahead to talk with at least one of the parents – to find out their rules and policies for hosting a party. Do they allow alcohol and what are their expectations for the students?
The Mom who talked with me was GREAT! She said, “This is soo nice of you to call. We had a party several months ago and about 30 kids showed up. It amazed me how many parents of teenagers we did not know just dropped their teenagers off at our home.” We had a similar experience a little over a month ago. My son had some friends stay overnight. A couple of the friends were boys we had not met and they were dropped off without any questions. Neither myself or the Mom hosting last night’s party understand why parents wouldn’t call ahead or ask a few questions when they drop their teenager off at the party.
A few of you may be thinking, “Why would I call? I trust my son or daughter.” Is ‘TRUST” actually the concern? Would you allow your son (or daughter) to have anyone he wants to sleep in his room with him tonight (including a potential intimate partner or someone who is already an adult)? 98% of you say would say, “NO WAY. That is putting your child into a situation with too much temptation and/or risk before he is ready or mature enough to handle it.“ Exactly correct. Teaching lessons to our teenagers does not mean giving them full control to all situations. You take steps one at a time.
Before your teenager has learned to drive, you don’t throw him the keys and say, “Go learn and have fun figuring it out.“ Why? Because driving is too dangerous. The risks of inappropriate or unwanted sexual activity among teens at a high school party is equally dangerous (plus you can have valid fears of potential drug use, etc…). Start with baby steps by insuring you are sending your teen to an appropriate atmosphere.
For those of you wondering what to say when you call, here is the dialogue:
“Hi, Sue, this is Mike Domitrz. My son, Mark, is planning on coming to your daughter’s party tonight and so we wanted to call ahead since we haven’t met before. Do you have any rules for the teenagers at the party tonight our son should be aware of? Do you allow alcohol at your parties? We are not looking to report anyone – just want to know the expectations. For instance, are parents or mature adults in the vicinity of the teenagers throughout the night? If the teens are downstairs, does you or another mature adult go downstairs unannounced and check-in throughout the night?“
The thoughtful conversations which result by asking a few simple questions often can lead to a new friendship. You get to know some parents you didn’t know before – which is FANTASTIC for being able to have another sets of eyes and ears looking out for your child in future situations.
If you have had such a call with someone, share with us in the LEAVE A COMMENT section below. If you have never made this call, share WHY in the LEAVE A COMMENT section below. I will personally respond to each comment posted.
**UPDATE: A great question has been posted in the COMMENTS which has lead to an in-depth discussion on handling calls to parents of other teens.
Reality Check for All of Us
Before revealing all the strategies for helping your child, we need to start with understanding the culture children are being exposed to at much earlier ages than we were. Obviously, you are a good parent. By watching these videos, you are here trying to help your child handle a very serious and potentially dangerous topic (95% of parents fail to take this first step).
The good news is you and your child will benefit from your taking the time to gather realistic strategies. In the below video, you discover WHY we all need the right tools to truly help our children make safer and smarter choices. The next video will begin to share proven strategies for making a positive impact.
When you finish the video, SHARE with us in the “Speak Your Mind ” section below. I promise to PERSONALLY respond.
~Mike Domitrz
Founder of The Date Safe Project, Inc.
PLAY EYE-OPENING VIDEO #1
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Each of the following videos refers to talking with “Teenagers.” Remember if you are a parent of a child younger than 13 years old, the videos give you a fantastic opportunity to prepare your child at an even younger age.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH NEXT VIDEO
Please post any comments or questions below in the “Speak Your Mind” section below the comments.
I will PERSONALLY respond to each comment you leave on this page!! Lets have fun taking this journey.
Talking to Daughter or Son about Dating & Sex (Video)
How do you share openly and honestly about sexual intimacy without giving your child too much information? Understandably, parents fear giving too much information and thus creating a catalyst for your child to want to engage in sexual activity.
How do you find the right approach without making sex sound bad or too attractive? Discover in the video below HOW to avoid the conversation going badly. In fact, you will learn an approach for making YOU THE EXPERT. You child will want to turn to you for questions (instead of their peers who can misguide them)!
When you finish the video below, SHARE with us in the “Speak Your Mind ” section below. I promise to PERSONALLY respond to each person.
~Mike Domitrz
Founder of The Date Safe Project, Inc.
ADVANCED STRATEGIES FOR TALKING WITH YOUR CHILD
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Each of the following videos refers to talking with “Teenagers.” Remember if you are a parent of a child younger than 13 years old, the videos give you a fantastic opportunity to prepare your child at an even younger age.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH NEXT VIDEO
Please post any comments or questions below in the “Speak Your Mind” section.
I will PERSONALLY respond to each comment you leave on this page!! Lets have fun taking this journey.
Talking Dating, Sex & More with Your Child (Video)
Would you like to help your sons and daughters make safer choices when dating (whether now and/or in the future)? As a parent, you know how overly sexualized your child’s world is today. They face pressures from their peers at much younger ages than we did. They are exposed to images and ideas on TV, in movies, and on the internet we simply did not see at the same frequency.
The good news is you will discover HOW to connect and talk with your child in the video below. You already have great knowledge which can be a huge help to your child. Now, realize how to get your son or daughter to WANT to listen and gain your knowledge. In the below video, you will find a simple strategy for how your child thinks – without making them feel like you are prying for information.
When you finish the video, SHARE with us in the “Speak Your Mind ” section below. I promise to PERSONALLY respond.
~Mike Domitrz
Founder of The Date Safe Project, Inc.
ADVANCED STRATEGIES FOR TALKING WITH YOUR CHILD
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Each of the following videos refers to talking with “Teenagers.” Remember if you are a parent of a child younger than 13 years old, the videos give you a fantastic opportunity to prepare your child at an even younger age.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH NEXT VIDEO
Please post any comments or questions below in the “Speak Your Mind” section.
I will PERSONALLY respond to each comment you leave on this page!! Lets have fun taking this journey.
