Join us by sharing your comments in the LEAVE A COMMENT section below!

If you have been following the sexual assault case in Cleveland, Texas, you are aware of the outrageous and horrific statements and questions being aimed at a 11 year old.  Keli Goff wrote a great piece on the Huffington Post today (click here to read) titled “Of Course She Was Asking For It.”

Read the blog and then think of how often we’ve seen people do this to survivors of sexual assault.  You can name a long list of cases just involving celebrities.  Remember the Kobe Bryant case?  How about the Kennedy sexual assault trial case?  The Mike Tyson case?  Duke Lacrosse?  Ben Roethlisberger (the first time accused in Nevada)? I’ll stop there or this blog will go forever.

What do you say when you hear people make such comments?  Please leave your comments!

G3nerations.org is a powerful website helping reveal how many minors are being sexually assaulted in the UNITED STATES by being trafficked in the sex industry.  Please watch the video trailer at www.G3nerations.org by clicking here. You will realize this problem is not just an international issue – as often portrayed.  We need a plan in our country to protect these minors and get them OUT of the horrific system they are enslaved to.

Leave your COMMENTS below.  Share your thoughts and ideas for making a difference! Spread the word by telling others about this horrible problem!

WHAT TO DO.

1. Join the Change.org Petition which thousands are quickly signing by clicking here.

2. Go to Etsy.com and REPORT the card as inappropriate and dangerous.  Plus, email Etsy.com at community@etsy.com

3. If you are an Etsy Vendor, contact them letting them know you refuse to use their site until they have removed this vendor.  This approach was taken with Amazon.com in 2010 and was very effective in getting the “Pedophile’s Guide” removed.

Start 2011 by making a positive difference!

UPDATE as of 1/4/2012

Today, we received an email from Etsy saying they will look into the situation.  On a strange note, they asked for their email to be kept CONFIDENTIAL.  Anyone else find it odd Etsy wants “Confidentiality” in their response to allowing this item to be sold?  Are they trying to avoid being criticized?  If so, do the “right thing” and remove the offensive material.

The NFL’s reaction and/or the Denver Bronco’s reaction?  Watch the video below and then SHARE your comments.  I look forward to personally responding to each person’s thoughts!

Remember to leave your thoughts in our Comments section where I will respond to each comment!

The following blog post was written BEFORE the show aired on NBC.

Today’s Moment video discusses an upcoming NBC episode of “Law & Order: SVU” titled “Grey.”  The term “grey rape” results in misconceptions on the role of alcohol in a sexual assault.  In the episode on NBC with co-stars Christine Lahti and Mariska Hargitay, the case involves a college campus and students drinking.

WARNING:  I mistakenly refer to “SUV” when the show is “Law & Order: SVU.”

Watch “Today’s Moment” below and share YOUR THOUGHTS. I will personally respond to each comment.

P.S. Remember to share your thoughts by leaving a comment below. I look forward to responding to everyone’s comments!

The students in the back were as equally engaged as those in the front row! Great Job to Jen and everyone at Keuka who also raised money for their local crisis center through the sales of “Can I Kiss You?” shirts and books.

Watch the video below:

Did you see the show? What was your reaction? How do you think such imagery could impact viewers?

Date Rape, Rape, Sexual Assault, Prevention, Awareness – which are the right words to use? The average person often confuses these words and so this article provides you with simple and basic definitions. Using the wrong word can be extremely damaging to a survivor of sexual assault:

DATE RAPE
What most people think and/or visualize: a violent and forced sexual encounter during a date where the male physically forces the female to have sexual intercourse against her will.

Reality: “date rape” is a word that is used most often by the media and academia. Very few states have any laws that utilize the words “date rape”. The correct term for the actions that result in a date rape is a “non-stranger sexual assault” (in most states). Date rapes can vary from subtle mental manipulation to horrific violence against a dating partner.

Misconceptions: “Date rape” is a poor choice of words because often the situation is not a “date.” The two people could be at a club, a party, at a house, or a variety of different locations that would not be part of a date. The survivor can know the assailant very well, but not be dating. For this reason, “non-stranger sexual assault” is much more accurate.

Plus, many people can only imagine a “rape” to be committed by a big, ugly psycho (as described below in the next section of this article). When the assault is committed by an acquaintance, it is harder for the survivor to consider the assailant a rapist — because of that stereotypical image of a rapist.

RAPE
What most people think and/or visualize: a very violent crime in which a female has sexual intercourse forced upon her by a rapist. The rapists is usually pictured as a big, ugly, and scary looking stranger and rape is often assumed to happen in parks, alleys, and other “unsafe” locations.

Reality: Like “date rape, the word “rape” is a word used mainly by academia and the media. As mentioned earlier, “sexual assault” is the proper term for such crimes. Most sexual assaults occur between two people who KNOW each other (80% – 85% of the time both individuals know each other). Just like “date rape”, rapes can vary from subtle mental manipulation to horrific violence against another person.

Misconceptions: By thinking of a rapist as a “big, ugly, and scary looking stranger”, the average person does not think a rape will occur to him/her. Why? The average person says, “I would never find myself in that type of a situation – especially with a person like that”. By creating this false and delusional thought process, people let their guard down in “safe” locations (places you are comfortable in such as your own home, apartment, and/or dorm room). People trust those individuals that they consider to be “safe” people (boyfriends, classmates, people they know). Now, a person’s guard is down and so he/she feels comfortable . Thus, this person does not notice the signs of trouble or danger. Most sexual assaults occur in a place you ARE comfortable in and with someone you know (as discussed previously).

The false concept that all rapists are “big and ugly” has enabled our society to say “he would never rape someone” about the average guy and/or popular person. Not only does our culture have a history of not blaming the male, we actually BLAME the survivor by saying “she must have asked for it because he would never do that”. This way of thinking has been one of most damaging components of sexual assaults in America. By blaming survivors, we make it more difficult for survivors to WANT to report the crime and/or speak out about the crime. Consequently, the crime of sexual assault goes tragically under-reported!

FYI: people of all types (genders, sexual orientations, races, socioeconomic categories, etc…) have sexually assaulted other people.

SEXUAL ASSAULT
What most people think and/or visualize: sexual contact against someone’s will.

Reality: Sexual contact WITHOUT CONSENT is the true definition of sexual assault in most states. “Consent” is the key word to understanding all the issues behind sexual assault. For a person to have “consent” to do anything in life, that person must have permission. To get permission or consent to take action, what must you do? You must ask! The legal words “without consent” forces the accused assailant to prove that he/she had consent before taking action against and/or with the survivor.

Sexual Assault is the correct word to use in all cases of sexual contact without consent (not rape or date rape). In various states, differing degrees of sexual assault exist such as 1st degree, 2nd degree, 3rd degree, and 4th degree sexual assault (just like the crime of homicide has multiple degrees).

Misconceptions: By thinking sexual assault is “sexual contact against someone’s will”, the issue of sexual assault is much more confusing because you would have to prove what the person’s “will” was in that situation. “Against someone’s will” can mistakenly place the burden on the survivor to prove he/she did not want it. How do you prove that? You have one person’s word against another. In most courtrooms, a defendant’s lawyer will try to push this concept “of against someone’s will” on the jury to help confuse the jury and to complicate both the issue and the case against their client.

Consent is very simple to understand. Asking for and gaining consent is an action that everyone takes throughout their daily lives…asking their parents to borrow the car, asking their boss to have a day off, and you can think of many more daily examples. To get consent, you ask. If you tell me, “I can’t ask. I would not be comfortable asking someone.” Do you know what I would say to you? Here is my answer, “you can’t ask her if she wants to have sex with you, but you are comfortable having sex with her? Isn’t something wrong with that picture? If I told you ‘hey, I want to do this certain thing, but I can’t talk about it. Do you think I am ready to do it?’, what would you tell me?” Use common sense: if you can’t talk about it, you’re not ready to do it!

While reading the below script, imagine you are in a courtroom as part of a jury:

Prosecutor: “Did you ask her if you could kiss her before you kissed her?”

Prosecutor: “How could she say ‘no’ to a question you never asked her?”

Through the above script, you can see that the assailant goes from trying to make the prosecutor’s argument look stupid TO the assailant sounding foolish and continuously talking himself into a corner. The assailant tried to argue “that she didn’t say no” – one of the most common and weakest defenses in courtrooms. The law is written in a way that demands consent! For her to say “no”, someone needs to ask her a question. You probably do not walk down the street and yell “no” to every stranger – just in case the stranger was thinking of mugging you. Yet, many people expect rape survivors to do this.

PREVENTION
The word “prevention” is one of the most widely misused words in educating people about sexual assault. The base word being “prevent” implies that you can prevent all sexual assaults from happening to you. You can’t! There is no 100% way to “prevent” sexual assault. By using the word “prevention”, many people will assume the survivor “could have prevented the assault if….” – thus, placing blame on the survivor for not being able to stop the assault from occurring. Awareness is the correct word to use.

AWARENESS
The base word being “aware” defines the concept of sexual assault awareness. By being more aware, each of us can help ourselves and those around us to see potentially dangerous situations. Awareness helps us to keep our eyes and ears out for trouble – without assuming we can always “prevent” an attack. Nevertheless, the more aware each of us is, the less likely an attack can occur. “Awareness” is a wonderful word for survivors and for everyone else.

- written by Mike Domitrz, Executive Director of The Date Safe Project and Producer of HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations. Each year, Mike speaks around the world in over 80 educational and military installations sharing the important messages of respect, consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors.
To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of this article, E-mail Mike here

Articles Quoting Mike Domitrz & The Date Safe Project

Resources

National Organizations

State Coalitions Against Sexual Assault

Sites Run by Survivors of Sexual Assault

Articles Written by Mike Domitrz & The Date Safe Project

Below, you will find articles and press releases addressing various issues regarding healthy dating and sexual assault awareness. To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of the below articles written by Mike Domitrz, e-mail by clicking here.

The “Slut Reputation” Discussion ~Mike Domitrz
Abstinence & Consent — Do They Belong Together? ~Mike Domitrz
Tough Audiences Need You! ~Mike Domitrz
Working with Students – Are They Difficult? ~Mike Domitrz
Do Your Kids Ask? Parents Teaching Respect & Healthy Dating ~Mike Domitrz
Date Rape, Rape, Sexual Assault, Prevention, Awareness – the words we use ~Mike Domitrz
Going Beyond What Is Expected ~Mike Domitrz

Articles Quoting Mike Domitrz

First-Date Body Language — Decoded ~MSN Dating & Personals, Spring ’05
May I Kiss You? Talk To Your Teen About Date Rape ~teenagerstoday.com, April ’04
The Girly Guide ~preteenagerstoday.com, Nov ’04
Boy Basics 101 ~preteenagerstoday.com, Dec ’03
Kobe Case Serves as Lesson for Pro Athletes ~Houston Chronicle, Oct ’03
How Parents Can Help Their Teens Through the Dating Years ~Style Weekly, Sep ’03
Kobe Case Disturbs Survivors of Rape ~Grand Junction Sentinel, Aug ’03

*To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of these articles, E-mail Mike here

NATIONAL ORGANIZATIONS

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) is the nation’s largest anti-sexual assault organization. RAINN operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE. RAINN carries out programs to prevent sexual assault, help victims and ensure that rapists are brought to justice. RAINN uses its extensive entertainment industry and community-based connections to educate more than 120 million Americans each year about sexual assault.
Toll-Free: (800) 656-HOPE
Website: www.rainn.org

Help My Teen is an organization with over 20 years experience in counseling and connecting families with appropriate situations for their troubled teen. Through a network of associates and programs available we have been able to direct many besieged and divided families towards healing and unification to a common goal – that of appropriate and positive relationships with self and within the family and structure of society.
Toll-Free: (800) 247-1696
Website: http://helpmyteen.com

MaleSurvivor, the National Organization against Male Sexual Victimization, is committed to preventing, healing, and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through treatment, research, education, advocacy, and activism. The organization maintains a web site (www.malesurvivor.org) that includes a wealth of information for survivors and professionals about male sexual victimization as well as a Discussion Board and live Chat Room where survivors can network and support one another, anonymously if they wish. MaleSurvivor also publishes a newsletter and sponsors periodic conferences and healing retreats.
Website: www.malesurvivor.org

AdvocateWeb is the largest internet resource dealing with sexual misconduct, exploitation, and abuse of clients by mental health professionals, medical professionals, clergy, lawyers, educators, and law enforcement officials. AdvocateWeb offers extensvie free resources for victims, survivors, their families, friends, victim advocates, and professionals seeking to address this problem.
Website: www.advocateweb.org

The Awareness Center is the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault (JCASA). JCASA is dedicated to addressing sexual violence in the Jewish communities around the world.
Toll-Free: (443) 857-5560
Website: www.theawarenesscenter.org

The Arizona Department of Health Services: Sexual Violence Prevention & Education provides rape prevention education to students, professionals, and community members. These interventions have covered all racial and ethnic groups throughout Arizona – including Native American and Hispanic groups.
Toll-Free: (602) 542-7343
Website: www.azrapeprevention.org

The Date Safe Project is committed to being a national leader in the mission to teach youth and adults that “asking first” makes all the difference in creating safer intimacy and decreasing occurrences of sexual assault. By producing interactive presentations, educational resources, and other national initiatives, we teach how a better understanding of consent leads to healthier dating and to a greater awareness of the many issues surrounding human sexuality and sexual assault.
Toll-Free: (800) 329-9650
Website: www.datesafeproject.org

National Domestic Violence Registry is the first national database model for domestic violence convictions available to the public.  We have the opportunity to provide a major program that will vastly help in the prevention of domestic violence, guide citizens to making more informed decisions about those they date, exponentially raise awareness nationally for domestic violence incidences, and provide the opportunity to influence the history of crime prevention throughout the United States. Visit http://www.domesticviolencedatabase.org.

FaithTrust Institute is a national multifaith organization is working to end sexual and domestic violence. WE provide communities and advocates with the tools and knowledge they need to address religious and cultural issues related to abuse. Through training, consultation, and educational materials, we equip religious leaders sexual and domestic violence in their communities.
Website: www.faithtrustinstitute.org

National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) is a comprehensive collection and distribution center for information, statistics, and resources related to sexual violence. It serves as a resource for coalitions, rape crisis centers, allied organizations, and others working to eliminate sexual assault. The NSVRC does not provide direct services to sexual assault victims but rather supports those who do.
Toll-Free: (877) 739-3895
Website: http://www.nsvrc.org

SAKHI provides services for South Asian Women dealing with Domestic Violence.

Stop It Now! is a national non-profit working to prevent child sexual abuse using the tools of public health. Since 1992, our public policy, public education, and research programs have protected children by emphasizing adult and community responsibility.
Toll-Free: (888) PREVENT
Website: www.stopitnow.org

Security On Campus, Inc. is the only national non-profit organization devoted exclusively to providing services to the victims of violence on college campuses and to educate students. When SOC works with victims, university policies are changed for the better.
Toll-Free: (888) 251-7959
Website: www.securityoncampus.org

Men Can Stop Rape mobilizes male youth to prevent men’s violence against women. The organization builds young men’s capacity to challenge harmful aspects of traditional masculinity, to value alternative visions of male strength, and to embrace their vital role as allies with women and girls in fostering healthy relationships and gender equity.
Offices: (202) 265-6530
Website: www.mencanstoprape.org

Gift From Within A non-profit organization with educational materials for survivors of trauma, advocates and counselors.
Website: http://giftfromwithin.org/

SelfGrowth.com A complete guide to information about Self -Improvement, Personal Growth and Self Help on the Internet. It is designed to be an organized directory, with articles and references to thousands of other Web Sites on the World Wide Web.

Voices of Strength a new series of survivors sharing their words.

EbooksAndMoreForYou Offering ebooks on “Child Abuse Recovery.” Providing valuable information to people who were abused at any age and lists access to 1000s of recovery organizations in over 100 languages.

STATE COALITIONS AGAINST SEXUAL ASSAULT

To find local rape crisis centers, click on the name of your state coalition against sexual assault and you will be forwarded to their website. If they do not have a working website, then call the number provided. They will be happy to help you the closest rape crisis center.

Alabama Coalition Against Rape
(334) 264-0123
acar.org

Alaska Network on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
(907) 586-3650
andvsa.org

Arizona Sexual Assault Network (AzSAN)
(480) 831-1986
azsan.org

Arkansas Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(866) 63-ACASA
acasa.ws

California Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(916) 446-2520
calcasa.org

Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CCASA)
(303) 861-7033
ccasa.org

Connecticut Sexual Assault Crisis Services, Inc. (CONNSACS)
(888) 999-5545
connsacs.org

Sexual Assault Network of Delaware (SAND) c/o CONTACT Delaware
Crisis Line in Delaware: (800) 262-9800
contactlifeline.org

District of Columbia Rape Crisis Center
202-232-0789
dcrcc.org

Florida Council Against Sexual Violence
(850) 297-2000
fcasv.org

Georgia Network to End Sexual Assault
(866) 354-3672
gnesa.org

Dekalb (Georgia) Rape Crisis Program
(404) 377-1429
dekalbrapecrisiscenter.org

Hawaii Coalition for the Prevention of Sexual Assault
(808) 733-9038

Idaho Coalition Against Sexual & Domestic Violence
(800) 669-3176
idvsa.org

Illinois Coalition Against Sexual Assault (ICASA)
(217) 753-4117
icasa.org

Indiana Coalition Against Sexual Assault, Inc. (INCASA)
(317) 423-0233
incasa.org

Iowa Coalition Against Sexual Assault (Iowa CASA)
(515) 244-7424
iowacasa.org

Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence
(785) 266-1874
kcsdv.org

Kentucky Association of Sexual Assault Programs, Inc.
(502) 226-2704
kyasap.net

Louisiana Foundation Against Sexual Assault (LaFASA)
(985) 345-5995
(888) 995-7273 (Toll-free number from Louisiana)
lafasa.org

Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(800) 871-7741
mecasa.org

Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(410) 974-4507
mcasa.org

Jane Doe Inc., The Massachusetts Coalition Against Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence
(877) 785-2020
janedoe.org

Michigan Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence
(517) 381-4663
mcadsv.org

Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(800) 964-8847
mncasa.org

Mississippi Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Department of Health – Mississippi State
(888) 987-9011
mscasa.org

Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
(573) 634-4161
mocadsv.org

Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault
(816) 931-4527
mocsa.org

Montana Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence
(406) 443-7794
mcadsv.com

Nebraska Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Coalition (NDVSAC)
(402) 476-6256
ndvsac.org

Nevada Coalition Against Sexual Violence
(702) 914-6878 not a hotline number
Crisis Hotline: (800) 656-HOPE
ncasv.org

New Hampshire Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
Hotline: (800) 277-5570
nhcadsv.org

New Jersey Coalition Against Sexual Assault -NJCASA
(609) 631-4450
Hotline: (800) 601-7200
njcasa.org

New Mexico Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs, Inc.
(505) 883-8020
nmcsap.com

New York State Coalition Against Sexual Assault (NYSCASA, Inc.)
(518) 482-4222
nyscasa.org

North Carolina Coalition Against Sexual Assault (NCCASA)
(919) 871-1015
nccasa.org

North Dakota Council on Abused Women’s Services – Coalition Against Sexual Assault in ND
(888) 255-6240
(701) 255-6240
ndcaws.org

Ohio Coalition on Sexual Assault (OCOSA)
(888) 336-2672
goldbamboo.com

Oklahoma Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
(405) 524-0700
ocadvsa.org

Oregon Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence (OCADSV)
(503) 230-1951
ocadsv.com

Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape (PCAR)
(888) 772-PCAR
(717) 728-9740
pcar.org

Rhode Island Sexual Assault Coalition
(800) 494-8100
dayoneri.org

South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault
(803) 256-2900
(800) 260-9293
sccadvasa.org

South Dakota Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse
(605) 945-0869
southdakotacoalition.org

Tennessee Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
(615) 386-9406
(800) 356-6767 (Tennessee)
(800) 7997233 (National Domestic Violence Hotline)
tcadsv.org

Texas Association Against Sexual Assault (TAASA)
(512) 474-7190
taasa.org

Utah Coalition Against Sexual Assault
(801) 746-0404
(888) 421-1100
ucasa.org

Vermont Network Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
(802) 223-1302
(800) 489-7273
vtnetwork.org

Virginia Sexaul and Domestic Violence Action Alliance
(434) 979-9002
vadv.org

Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs
(800) 775-8013
wcsap.org

West Virginia Foundation for Rape Information & Services
(304) 366-9500
fris.org

Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault (WCASA)
Phone/TTY: (608) 257-1516
wcasa.org

Wyoming Coalition Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault
(800) 799-7233
wyomingdvsa.org

Sites run by Survivors of Sexual Assault

Powerful words of Nika
Rape Counsel
HOLLY’S FIGHT TO STOP VIOLENCE
Sadly Normal
Finding the Light in the Darkness
Survivors can Thrive!
Beautiful Dreamer – Journal
Angela Shelton’s Blog

**If you are a survivor of sexual assault who has an internet site or blog, please e-mail us at info@DateSafeProject.org with the link you want us to add to this section of our website. All we request is for you to first have a link to http://www.DateSafeProject.org.