True Support for Your Students

Whether you are a parent or an educator, you know the importance of having support in your life. Imagine your boss tells you, “Go ahead and give it a shot” and then does everything possible to make your life difficult in accomplishing your goal. Your Boss’s actions did not match his/her words.

When we see schools and parents who provide genuine, strong support, the RESULTS are amazing. Last night, York University’s President spoke briefly before my presentation and then sat in the FRONT ROW with MANY of the Vice Presidents from the university (York is located in Toronto). The significance of the leadership staying for the show sent a strong message to the students of much York cares about this issue. Most Presidents of universities make a quick visit and then leave.

A school with a history of showing their support for this issue is where I am speaking this evening: Gustavus Adolphus College in St. Peter, Minnesota. Every year, we have a “Train the Trainer” session and then go to dinner with the leadership from the campus (heads of departments from various elements of the college – including the President) before presenting the “Can I Kiss You?” presentation. The week of the program, their professors and staff wear the “Can I Kiss You?” shirts for several days. The result is a line of students every year waiting outside the doors of the Ballroom 2 HOURS before the show starts. The campus’s support results in a ROCK CONCERT MENTALITY for addressing safer dating and sexual assault!

In both cases above, people made it a mission to get the top leadership heavily involved. They subtly and creatively engaged top leadership to the point that the leadership WANTED to be affiliated with the mission and the program. What are you doing to engage your leadership in a manner which makes them WANT to strongly support your mission?

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Written by Mike Domitrz on September 9, 2010

Working with Students – Are They Difficult?

Have Students changed since we grew up and are they more difficult to to work with now?

Recently, I was interviewed by a newspaper reporter from the Waco Tribune to talk about working with students in schools. Are teenagers more difficult today than 20 years ago? Are they less respectful of authority? … and many similar questions. My answer to each question was “NO!”

Don’t get me wrong. Students of today are different. They do not and will not accept “because I said so.” Students want you to explain “why” and they are right in making that request of educators, activists, politicians, parents, and others. If you want people to make the tough and correct choice when faced with difficult decisions, you must give them the proper foundation of decision-making. Each teenager must understand, at their deepest core, why doing the “right thing” is so vitally important to being a good person. When you understand the “why” of your decisions, going against peer pressure is much easier.

In addition to knowing the “why,” you must teach the TRUTH and be willing to hear the TRUTH yourself! Be open and honest with students. If you go to give a presentation on sexual assault, be prepared for all attitudes and answers that may come your way. Open yourself up to all challenges with a friendly face. If you become defensive towards a student’s comments during your program, you will turn many of the students “off” and thus, diminish your entire reason for speaking — to open their minds to a better approach and understanding. No matter how offensive the student’s comment may be, you must remain calm and address the negative comments with a positive approach. Time and time again, students tell us that our program is so successful because of the manner is which we relate to the students. The students love that we are willing to hear “their side of the story.”

For example, many people teach students that “No Always Means No.” However, in each crowd of 30 students, you will have AT LEAST one female who will believe that you are wrong in telling students that “No Always Means No.” In this one female’s mind, she will be thinking “that is not true. I have said ‘no’ as part of a game I play with the guys I’m with.” How do you address this issue? If you simply say “NO always means NO”, you are going to lose credibility after you leave the room. Why? At least one female student (if not more) will talk about how they personally break that rule which makes you wrong because you said, “Always.” Once a student can prove you wrong, the other student’s will believe their peer and not you. After you lose your credibility, all the lessons you were teaching will be lost by the majority of the students.

Then how do you address to students the issue that “No Always means No?” Change the wording in your presentation to “Always respect the word ‘No’ as meaning ‘No!’ Then, you are showing the utmost respect for your partner.” By changing this wording, no one individual student’s argument can prove you wrong because you didn’t say what they were thinking (which you can’t absolutely know). Instead of trying to prove what they were thinking, you showed all the students the “right way” to respect another person.

With any decisions you make on your approach with students, you must explain your approach in a way that you feel comfortable and believe in If I gave you my speech, it wouldn’t work for you. Why? I fully understand my approach and believe in it 100%. My personal passion is the catalyst to my presentations. Your passion will be unique to you. If you try to copy another person’s program, students will know. Teenagers have a gift of being able to detect a “fake” and can tell when you are NOT passionate about what you are saying.

When a student does make a rude or insensitive comment, is it easy to remain objective and calm? No, but you are the professional and your goal should be to make a difference. Therefore, you must learn how to use this skill of “not attacking.” If you have spoke to students in the past and never heard arguments against your point of view, you are probably not provoking the students enough to hear what they are really thinking. Provoking must be done in a fashion that makes the students comfortable with you. You CANNOT lecture teenagers and make them feel comfortable. They hate lectures. Talk WITH them and listen to them. Then teach each of them what is the “right thing to do.”

Students of today are an awesome group of individuals who love to be challenged. Challenge them and open doors of change that they never expected to experience. By doing so, you will make an amazing difference!

- written by Mike Domitrz, Executive Director of The Date Safe Project and Producer of HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations. Each year, Mike speaks around the world in over 80 educational and military installations sharing the important messages of respect, consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors.
To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of this article, E-mail Mike here

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on February 4, 2010

Student Advisory Board

Imagine being on a team with students from around the country sharing their insights and feedback regarding decisions The Date Safe Project, Inc. makes throughout the year.  As a Date Safe Project (DSP) Student Advisory Board member, you are a part of  the strategic thinking for what content, educational resources, services, and products The Date Safe Project, Inc. chooses to provide to the following people:

  1. Website visitors,
  2. DSP Insiders (members),
  3. Educational institutions,
  4. Students,
  5. Families,
  6. Educators,
  7. Community organizations,
  8. Government (including the military) and
  9. Media/news outlets.

While sharing with student leaders from around the country, you will also communicate directly with Mike Domitrz and the entire team at The Date Safe Project, Inc..  Being on the DSP Student Advisory Board is a one-of-a-kind opportunity for students, especially for individuals who appreciate having a real voice in decision-making.  Each term lasts one month and can be extended based on the performance of that SAB member.

You will have the opportunity to write Entertainment Reviews, Op-Eds on Current News, updates from your own campus, and articles discussing important issues The Date Safe Project, Inc. addresses.

To APPLY for this opportunity to serve on  the DSP Student Advisory Board, e-mail nominate@DateSafeProject.org with the following information:

  1. Your Full Name
  2. E-mail and phone number (this will be kept confidential – we must confirm with each person).
  3. Your School Name and Full Address
  4. 3 References from YOUR School or a recent school you attended (include the reference’s e-mail address and phone number).
  5. WHY you want to serve on the DSP Student Advisory Board.
  6. Describe what you will bring to the role.
  7. Your past successes and involvements in life (school, activism, sports, etc…).

Since the 2010-2011 school year is getting started, APPLY NOW! Send everything requested above to nominate@DateSafeProject.org.

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on August 24, 2009

Parents, Cyber Bulling Among Teens is Growing IN HOMES!!

Do you know one of the fastest growing forms of teen violence is?  Cyber Bullying.  Bullies have moved from the hallways of schools directly into our childs’ lives at home.

While most people assume Cyber Bullying occurs only in social networking forums such as MySpace.com, the reality is bullying is taking place through chat rooms and instant messages. More children are harassed through this medium than any other. Check out the statistics:

Of the 1,600 kids between 10 and 15 years of age surveyed across the nation:

  1. 4% reported unwanted sexual solicitation
  2. 9% reported being harassed on social networking sites
  3. 59% more solicitations were received over instant messengers

Overall, kids were 96% more likely to be harassed in instant messages than on a social networking site.

The likelihood of a child being harassed in cyber space and offline is strikingly high. Make sure you know who your kids friends are both in the virtual world as well as the real world.

Click here to read more.

Written by Mike Domitrz on February 7, 2008

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