Top 10 Songs, Blaming Girls, and More in Today’s News

In Today’s News, we discuss Usher, Eminem, Train, Katy Perry, the upcoming “Monster” music video, and why the media is focusing on “girls & sex” on TV. Watch, read the follow-up, and then SHARE!

Read the blog entry titled “Girls Are to Blame for Teen Sex (According to the PTC ).”  PTC stands for Parents Television Council.  What do you think of the blog’s viewpoint?

When it comes to the “Monster” by Kanye West music video (find the lyrics at lyrics.com), both the lyrics AND the video are concerning on many levels.  What can we do to combat the release of the video and/or to address the video when its launched in its entirety?

Discuss what you think of the “Start Strong” Project’s list of healthy and unhealthy relationship songs (“Start Strong” was created by the Boston Public Health Commission).  Often people forget to READ the lyrics of songs. Remember you can find the lyrics of all the following songs at lyrics.com (warning: some content may have “R” rating).

Top 10: Songs with UnHealthy Relationship Ingredients (2010)

1. Lil Freak by Usher

2. Hot Tottie by Usher

3. Love The Way You Lie by Eminem (ft. Rihanna)

4. Misery by Maroon 5

5. Only Girl by Rihanna

6. You Love Is My Drug by Kesha

7. F*** You by Cee lo

8. Deuces by Chris Brown (ft. Tyga)

9. Eenie Meenie by Justin Bieber (ft. Sean Kingston)

10. Give It Up To Me by Shakira (ft. Lil Wayne)

Top 10: Songs with Healthy Relationship Ingredients (2010)

1. If It’s Love by Train

2. Teenage Dream by Katy Perry

3. Everything To Me by Monica

4. Smile by Uncle Kracker

5. If We Ever Meet Again by Timbaland (ft. Katy Perry)

6. Naturally by Selena Gomez

7. When I Look At You by Miley Cyrus

8. Nothin On You by BoB (ft. Bruno Mars)

9. Mine by Taylor Swift

10. Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars

Written by Mike Domitrz on February 25, 2011

Respectful Children & Sexual Decision-Making

My son is very respectful.
Why would I need to worry about him sexually assaulting someone?

or

My daughter is very sharp.
She wouldn’t let herself be with someone who mistreats her.

Lets start with the “respectful” question:
Most “respectful” and “sharp” males and females still learn about aspects of intimacy through their friends and what they see portrayed on television and in the movies. These sources of education promote disrespectful behavior by teaching males that if they are “smooth,” they can just make their moves and their partner will want them.

Did you know a child believing he or she is automatically respectful can lead to more problems. How?  They assume everything they do is respectful because they would never do anything wrong.

Example of a young person in a sexual situation: Kids tell themselves, “I would never do anything to hurt this person. Clearly, they want this sexual activity – because if they didn’t, the signs wouldn’t be this obvious that they do want me.”  Your child leans on their view of “respect” as an excuse for, “I wouldn’t do anything wrong” – instead of insuring they take the right precautions and QUESTION whether they are acting in the most respectful manner possible.

When someone just “make their moves,” he or she takes a tremendous risk of engaging in behavior that their partners do not want – thus leading to committing a sexual assault. Parents need to talk with their sons and daughters about truly respecting a partner by understanding how valuable and special each person is as a human being (including the body, the mind, sexuality, personality, and values). Sons and daughters need to learn that the only way you can be sure what your date wants is to “ask” your date first.  The key is knowing HOW to provide your teen the skills to “Asking First.”

Lets continue with the “sharp” question:
You know many intelligent people who make mistakes – sometimes bad mistakes.  Intelligence does not free anyone from poor choices. Plus, your child is not the only one who has an impact on the situation. What if your child makes all the right choices and someone else still forces him or her self onto your child, especially at a party or friend’s house?

To increase the chance for creating a safe environment, you want to give your daughter (or son) the SKILLS NEEDED to handle all different kinds of scenarios (good, bad, and sometimes worse).  Some parents mistakenly think, “I’ll teach my children self-defense or how to to fight.  That will stop anyone from messing with them.”  Wrong!  While self-defense maybe another tool your child could possess, it does not guarantee safety in intimate moments (especially when your child gets older and may consume alcohol).  Your child needs specific tools and skills.  You want to fill their toolbox of awareness with lots of options for them to utilize.

- written by Mike Domitrz, Founder & Executive Director, The Date Safe Project, Inc.
To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions, E-mail Mike here

Have you heard about the award-winning DVD HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations? The award the DVD has received which means the most to many parents is the ”Best Parenting Book” award by RadicalParenting.com.

Why?  Teenagers chose the best books!!  Yes, the books were considered to be the most realistic and helpful for teenagers!!  How often can you find a resource for your teenagers that other teens recommend? Here is what they said when granting the recognition:

“Parents, teens, and tweens love the realistic and flexible solutions given to them in this interactive, entertaining, and useful resource. Regardless of your child’s personality, you will find various options for ways to connect with your son or daughter while helping him/her make better choices.“

DISCOVER MORE HERE.

 

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on February 22, 2011

Cleveland High school students talk consent & dating

A big THANKS goes out to ALL the students yesterday in Cleveland high schools who made Valentine’s Day special for all the right reasons (respect and caring for all people).

Watch the video below and LEAVE YOUR FEEDBACK in the Comments Section!!

P.S.  Remember to LEAVE YOUR FEEDBACK in the Comments Section!!

Written by Mike Domitrz on February 15, 2011

Parents talking with their sons and daughters about dating, intimacy, consent, intervening, and supporting survivors

Written by Mike Domitrz on January 26, 2011

Schools, Campuses, and Communities addressing healthy dating, consent, bystander intervention, and supporting survivors

Written by Mike Domitrz on January 26, 2011

MTV “Skins” Show Controversy on DSP TV

The controversy surrounding the show “Skins” on MTV is being discussed on TV, blogs, and in print around the country. Parents and parenting organizations are protesting and boycotting due to teenagers being portrayed engaging in sexual activity and using illegal drugs.  One major advertiser has already pulled Ads from being aired during the show.  In this episode of DSP TV, we discuss a component of the show most are not talking about. After watching the video below, SHARE your thoughts in the COMMENTS section.

Remember to share your feedback in the COMMENTS section below.  I will personally respond to each person’s reaction.

Written by Mike Domitrz on January 24, 2011

WRONG 3 words for sexual activity and getting permission

In today’s episode of DSP TV, discover the WRONG 3 words to rely on for obtaining consent in sexual activity.  Many middle school, high school, and college students rely on these 3 words when engaging in sexual intimacy and/or hooking up.  What 3 words are we referring to? Watch the show below AND share your thoughts in our COMMENTS section below.  I will personally respond to each comment.

P.S.  Remember to share your thoughts in our COMMENTS section below and I will promise to respond to each person’s comment.

Written by Mike Domitrz on November 16, 2010

Timing IS everything

How often does the following happen to you? You’ve just got home from work. You’re exhausted from the day. Upon you entering your home, your partner is waiting to tell you ALL about his/her day and how rough it went (ALL the details). Do you listen? Yes. You want to support your partner. Is doing so difficult? Yes. You are tired. This is not an ideal time for you to be supportive. When would be ideal time? After you’ve had some down time and been able to gather yourself from the day.

WHEN do we often choose to talk with our teens about important issues? For many parents, the time is later in the evening when both parents are home and/or when your teen is finally done with all their homework and school activities (especially with practices, meetings, etc…).

The timing is awful. Your son or daughter is tired and their mind is over stimulated. Many teenagers are especially sensitive and emotionally when they are tired. The best time is after they’ve had a little time at home to relax and hang out, BUT not so late that they are getting tired. Dinner time is frequently a good time for many families.

Next time you have an urgent lesson you want to share with your teen, STOP yourself and ask, “Is this timing ideal?” If not, wait a day or two when your teen will ABSORB the lesson and use it throughout their life. Choose the wrong time and you lose a golden opportunity. Suddenly, you have to find the right time to make up for your bad timing (bringing up an issue AGAIN when it wasn’t handled well the first time is much more difficult than handling it right the first time).

You know the wonderful feeling you get when you make a connection with your teen. Know his/her TIME and you increase the chance to have the time of your life in a thought-provoking conversation with him or her!

SHARE your experiences with having important talks below in the LEAVE A COMMENT section. I will personally respond to each comment.

Written by Mike Domitrz on September 1, 2010

St. Lawrence raises MONEY at “Can I Kiss You?” Show.

Last night, St. Lawrence University in Canton, NY had 2 great turnouts.  Due to the size of their incoming class, they have me present the “Can I Kiss You?” program at 2 different times of 7pm and 9pm.  The attendance at each session was wonderful and the interaction and reactions afterward were fantastic.

Chris Morrin runs one of the best student Advocate programs in the WORLD at St. Lawrence. Their numbers of students who are trained as Advocates (referred to as “Sex Positive Violence Prevention”) is amazing, especially for a smaller size campus.

RAISING MONEY!

In addition to the students downloading “Voices of Courage” from our website (as a Gift to give those they care about), they raised a record amount of money from our show.  We give 10% of all T-shirt and book SALES at our events to a non-profit organization the individual campus chooses.  At the current rate of results, this semester is going to be a record high in donations raised by students purchasing books and shirts.  The new shirts are being sought after so much by students that we are frequently running out sizes at the events.

THANKS, ST. LAWRENCE!!

Written by Mike Domitrz on August 25, 2010

True Blood has horrific violent sex scene

On the June 27th episode of HBO’s “True Blood” TV series, the ending sexual scene was extremely violent. The vampire character “Bill” twists the vampire character “Lorena’s” head and neck around as he is forcibly penetrating her. Making the scene equally concerning for many people was the fact the Lorena was smiling throughout the intense scene – while Bill’s character was clearly acting out in VENGEANCE against her.

Did you see the show? What was your reaction? How do you think such imagery could impact viewers?

Written by Mike Domitrz on June 30, 2010

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