High school students address dating and asking first with intimacy

Students at Washburn High School in Washburn, WI did a GREAT job making the commitment to create positive change.  From middle school through the high school, they realized the importance of “Asking First,” “Being a Friend,” and “Opening a Door.”

Watch their videos below AND LEAVE A COMMENT ON THIS POST!  I will personally respond to each comment.

This high school student Asks First & Supports Sexual Assault Survivors

This Senior student at Bitburg Air Force Base High School makes a strong statement about asking first and supporting sexual assault survivors.  The last 2 weeks was filled with speaking to wonderful groups of high school students throughout Air Force Bases in Europe.

LEAVE A COMMENT to let him know what you think (he is excited to see your comments)!

Share your thoughts by LEAVING A COMMENT!

Western CT State University Asks for a Kiss

Thanks to Sharon Guck and Walter Cramer for another great night at Western Connecticut State University. They do one of the most unique promotions. Every student attending specific events throughout the week have a chance to win 1/2 their tuition. Then, the winner is drawn at the end of the “Can I Kiss You?” program – thus drawing a large attendance after being highly promoted all week. If you want a chance at winning the 1/2 Tuition, then you MUST ATTEND the “Can I Kiss You?” program. If you’re not present, you can’t win.

Here is the video from tonight and the pictures:

“Can I Kiss You?” & Mike Domitrz at John Carroll University

First off, a special “THANKS” goes out to Ryan Knotts for bringing the “Can I Kiss You?” program to John Carroll University for the past 5 years.  Ryan is moving into a new position in a few months.  Ashley, we are excited to work with you in the coming years.  Ashley was brought in just a few months ago to run the VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) Grant JCU received.  Congrats on the grant!!

Today’s program addressed intimacy, consent, respect, choices, sexual assault, and supporting survivors of sexual assault.

Here is the video from the students at today’s “Can I Kiss You?” program:

Students & Their Teachers are CHEERING

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About	Watch the Video	“Train the Trainer”
Student Feedback	Reserve a Date	Downloads

Do you want a speaker, author, and expert who is going to have your students rolling in the aisles from laughter and then just minutes later have everyone completely mesmerized in silence as he shares the personal story of his sister’s rape?

As a leading authority on consent, healthy dating, and sexual assault awareness, Mike Domitrz understands that students want to be entertained and that schools want an expert who will make a positive and long lasting difference in the lives of their students. Everyone in a school assembly program wants a compelling and powerful presentation that each person can relate to in a meaningful manner. For this reason, Mike takes you and your students on a journey from hilarious laughter to hard-hitting questions. Then, he provides the answers every student will immediately want to use in his or her own life.

From 6th grade through Seniors in High School, males and females from all cultures, backgrounds, sexual orientations, and diverse populations appreciate Mike’s sincerity and honesty. While he presents one of the “cleanest” programs in schools today, he holds nothing back.

Through his role-playing with audience members and his portrayal of intriguing characters on stage, Mike turns what is often labeled as a “silent” issue into an engaging and thought-provoking event for you and your students. While most people simply “make their move” on a date, you’ll discover how and why “asking first” makes all the difference! Students are given the precise words and skills to insure both partner’s boundaries are respected at all times. Plus, you and your students discover how to appropriately intervene in potentially dangerous situations, including with their friends (alcohol, parties, etc…). In addition, everyone learns how to “Open the Door” to properly support all survivors of sexual assault. Through it all, each person gains a greater level of admiration and respect for survivors of sexual assault.

Throughout your event, Mike will reveal a new and fun approach towards respect that will change each student’s outlook on dating and intimacy. When your students leave the “Can I Kiss You?” program with Mike Domitrz, they will be telling their friends, “Wow! I never thought of that stuff before! I need to completely overhaul my approach to dating and respecting others.“

Call 800-329-9390 TODAY to get an available date!

Limited Dates are Available.  With his sons in school, Mike limits his travel dates.

**To learn more about Mike Domitrz, click here or scroll over the Mike Domitrz section in the top bar of this website.

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” Program to your community. Call now to receive a special 20 page informational magazine and to find the best remaining dates available. Toll Free 800-329-9390 or click here to email us.

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About	Watch the Video	“Train the Trainer”
Student Feedback	Reserve a Date	Downloads

Film, TV, & Music Reviews with a Twist

Every week, new films and songs are released around the globe.  Throughout the year, TV shows are launched.  24 hours, 7 days a week, you can turn to “Breaking News” on one of the many “news dedicated” cable channels.  With all of these mediums constantly changing, how can you stay up-to-date or know how to hold appropriate conversations with students and/or people in your community about the shows everyone is talking about?  Good news!  Now, you have a source to turn to for fun, thought-provoking, and helpful reviews.

Here, you will find reviews from parents, educators, experts, and teenagers (giving their perspective).  Each review will provide you with an unique perspective relating to how the media and/or entertainment outlet’s production effects society’s views of dating, sex, intimacy, relationships, violence, consent, and sexual assault.  Having these analytic reviews will provide you with great tools to engage the younger and older generations around you with a different outlook the next time they watch and/or listen to the medium you are reading about.

You know how often people of all ages “roll their eyes” when you try to challenge everyday views on a subject.  The reviews provided by DSP Critics (Date Safe Project Critics) will give you more useful and progmatic material to share with others.

Be a Reviewer.  You can be given full credit for your reviews here at The Date Safe Project, Inc. or your reviews can be kept anonymous.  You choose.  Either way, you can create your own following as a DSP Critic.  To send us a review of ANY medium, click on “Leave a Comment” on this page OR send an e-mail to Review@DateSafeProject.org.

College Students RAVE about “Can I Kiss You?” Show

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About	Watch the Video	“Train the Trainer”
Reviews from Students	College Tour Schedule	Huge Attendance
Continuing Impact	Reserve a Date	Downloads

“All I can say is WOW!!  I attended one of his sessions for the Peer-Ed people and his “Can I Kiss You?” program too and both were amazing. I truly enjoyed everything…and everything he had to say was so true. Guys and Girls all have a lot to learn about communication, and this is a great way to get people started talking. Along with this, I thought his approach to talking about sexual assault was very enlightening, and I have pledged to support survivors. The whole program really makes you think, about everything you’ve done or haven’t done in a relationship. So I just want to say THANK YOU MIKE!  For sharing your time with us, sharing your message, and hopefully opening the eyes of those around you.”
– Mary, a student from Hastings College

“I tried asking and it was amazingly easier to do.   I would definitely ask again because it was like a load was lifted off my shoulders — the guessing game of ‘Do you really like me?’ was gone.  I was asked the day after the presentation at my school. I actually told him I’d have to think about it, and the next day I said yes. I’ve been dating him for over a month now, and I’m amazed that he asks before everything. And I can’t be more appreciative.”
– Nicole, a student from Christopher Newport University

“I attended your seminar at Iowa State University in April. At the time, I was only in town for orientation, and the catchy title of your seminar got my attention. I went with my best friend who had been a victim of sexual assault, and afterward I was finally able to respond to her better, and she was able to express herself more clearly and realize it wasn’t her fault. The incident had happened over a year ago and now the healing can finally begin. Thank you for your passion and dedication – I know we weren’t the only ones who were affected.”
– Stephanie, a student from Iowa State University

“I know you won’t remember me. But I will never forget your words and your compassion!!”
– A student from a campus in NY

“I have used the ‘asking first‘ approach with my boyfriend and he has used it with me. It has really helped us to have great communication with each other, and we have a very healthy and happy relationship.  Asking helps to make the relationship more open and comfortable. If you ask first or are asked there is a lot more trust in the relationship and the trust is maintained far more easily.  I want to thank you so much. Your program has helped me to move forward past some issues I have had with men and relationships. I am now in a very happy relationship with my boyfriend who also attended your program. On our second date he used the ‘asking first” approach. It really does work, and it is so wonderful for our relationship. Again I want to thank you so much for your program ‘Can I Kiss You?‘.”
– A student from the University of Dayton in OH

“There was a guy on campus to ask me out and it was just after your talk so the words were fresh in my head (the poster hangs on my dorm door) so at the end of the date I asked him if I could kiss him. He seemed surprised that I would ask, but because of that we’ve become closer. We respect each other and that has become the bases for our relationship, not physical pleasure.   My mum was a victim of rape and has been very worried about the same thing happening to me. I never really got it until after I heard your talk. It really made me realize things that we take for granted. I hadn’t wanted to go when I heard the title of your talk, but I will never regret going to hear you speak. Your words changed my life and how I view myself and my mum. Thank you.”
– A student from Barton College in NC

“I have always been that girl who had a boyfriend, but I am currently in one of the most successful relationships I’ve ever had. We’ve been dating for a really long time and haven’t lost that spark—and we’re doing the long distance thing. One thing that my boyfriend does that no one else has done is ask to do things when we’re being intimate. Even after dating for several months (approaching a year) he still asks if, and how, he can please me. He *always* asks, adding that he wants to do exactly what I want. It makes it my choice. It’s so attractive and sexy that it’s impossible to say no, but I know that if I didn’t want to do something, I could tell him. Knowing that makes our relationship so much stronger. I just wanted to reiterate your point–asking can be really sexy, and doesn’t have to ruin the moment at all. In fact, it can make the moment more amazing than it already was! Thanks for coming to our school and letting everyone know how good asking can be! (and feel free to share this story with other people!)”
– Leslie, a student from Bucknell in Pennsylvania

“In the fall of 2003, you visited Luther College to give your presentation, which as a first year student I was strongly urged to attend. At the time, I thought the ‘Can I kiss you?’ idea made sense, but that it wasn’t necessarily practical. Either way, I wasn’t in a situation where a romantic relationship was a possibility, so I put it to the back of my mind and didn’t really think about it.

This summer, I met a guy who was interested in me. We decided to get together, and one night we were cuddling on a bench. I could tell that he wanted to kiss me, and I realized that I wasn’t ready for it, but I didn’t have the courage to flat-out refuse him. He wasn’t picking up on my nonverbal signals, and I was starting to get really uncomfortable. Finally, unable to think of anything else to do, I started telling him about your program. About how you’d shown us how nonverbal signals rarely work, and the importance of asking first. Wonder of wonders, he got it! He asked if he could kiss me, and I was able to tell him no (I was still nervous/embarrassed by it, but it was manageable).

That by itself is perhaps a small thing, but I think that it shaped the way the physical parts of our relationship went from that point on. He always asked before we did anything that might make me uncomfortable, and I was always comfortable with telling him to stop if I needed to. I really think that having seen your program and sharing that with him helped to make ours into a healthier relationship. So thank you, Mike, for everything you do. It really does make a difference!”
– Gretchen, a student from Luther College in Iowa

“I know several rape or sexual assault survivors. I don’t know why I know so many but knowing them makes my life a better life. I would never go back and say I wish I hadn’t met any of them. To support them when they are nervous or just need a reassurance is magical. It’s hard to get used to the fact that someone you truly love has been raped, you are angry and frustrated. However, being calm and just a listener is all a survivor needs most of the time, and the bond that has grown between some of my friends and I will never be broken. The things Mike said were useful to anyone. It’s true that all you have to say is “Thank you for telling me, That means a lot. I want you to know that if you need me for anything, I will always support you.” That may very well be one of the most influential statements that can be made. Thanks again, Mike!”
– Gary, a student from Bucknell in Pennsylvania

“My sister and I were both raped in the past year. She was assaulted on a Friday and by Monday, I had heard things about it around our high school. I also knew because I had acted the same way after being assaulted. I opened the door and told her that if something happened, she could tell me and I would listen. She told us what happened that night. At the police station they asked her if she said no. I agree that they should ask if he asked. It was great that Mike brought light to that situation (in the “Can I Kiss You?” program).  Society does seem to focus on what the survivor does and as a survivor, I know the difference. Thank you again!!!  IT (the ‘Can I Kiss You?’ program) WAS AMAZING!!”
– A student at St. Cloud State University in MN

“A couple weeks ago, you spoke here at Gettysburg College. Just 2 days later, I accompanied a female friend of mine to her former boyfriend’s (who had raped her) house where she confronted and said goodbye to him. She had been afraid to do so for 7 months, and she said that it was my simple supportive accompaniment that enabled her to at long last do it. So your presentation was absolutely correct, in that the thing a survivor of sexual assault needs most is just to know that people support her (or so it seems from my experience). Thus I desired to thank you for your presentation here, and I hope that other people can benefit also from it–whether they are the survivor, or the supportive friend as I was.”
– Joe, a student from Gettysburg College in PA

“Hi Mike, I am an athlete on our campus who attended your seminar on Wednesday.  I just wanted to let you know how much you put things into perspective.  It had never really occurred to me that the simple action of asking for permission could really be that powerful.  I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half, and we always used to joke about how me met and how the first time we ever kissed he asked me if he could.  I would always laugh and say how cute it was, and of course all of his buddies would make fun of him and call him feminine names.  But after listening to what you had to say, I realized that my boyfriend never really stopped asking me for my permission, even after being with me for so long.  He truly respects me and my body, and for the first time, I am recognizing it.  Nothing ever flagged my brain when he would say something that asked for my consent, so I never really noticed the fact that he wasn’t just doing things because HE felt like it.  He wanted to make sure it was something both of us wanted.  So basically, I just wanted to thank you for opening my eyes to what I have been oblivious to! I really hope your message touches everyone who hears you because I know there are good people out there who can make a difference.  Thank you so much for your stories! You truly have a good heart!”
– Student at CSU at Sacramento

“The day after seeing this program, I ran into a friend of mine who had also been at the presentation as well. Jokingly, I said to him, “Can I kiss you?” At this point, I should mention that Fred is INCREDIBLY gay, and that I am a female. And he said, “Okay!” So, completely randomly, Fred and I shared a kiss, right there, in the middle of the English department building. It was completely unexpected and beautiful and it’ll probably never happen again. . . it absolutely made my day.“
– Mariah, a student at Skidmore College

“My boyfriend asked me if he could kiss me on our first date, and I thought it was sweet, mature and above all, respectful. We’ve been together for 6 months, and I think there is a definite possibility that he is the man i might marry. And I will always remember our first kiss being perfect. I think asking is a great way to begin an open and honest relationship.”
– Jess, a student at University of Delaware

“My boyfriend and I are both Greeks on our campus.  The first time he went to kiss me, he pulled back. I was a little disappointed because I really wanted to kiss him too, but then he looked me straight in the eyes, and asked if he could kiss me. It melted my heart. When it’s truly sincere, that first kiss means so much more. So I just wanted to let all those disbelievers out there know, that it really does work.  If a guy were to ask me to kiss him, it would mean so much more and I would have so much more respect for that person, especially now that I’ve attended your seminar. I’ve never tried the asking first, because I was one of those girls who used to believe that ‘it’s the man’s job,’ but now I’ve realized that it’s my body.“
– Meredith at Eastern Washington University

SHARE YOUR COMMENTS by going to the top of this page and clicking on “Leave a Comment”

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” Program to your community. Call now to receive a special 20 page informational magazine and to find the best remaining dates available. Toll Free 800-329-9390 or click here to email us.

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About	Watch the Video	“Train the Trainer”
Reviews from Students	College Tour Schedule	Huge Attendance
Continuing Impact	Reserve a Date	Downloads

More with “Train the Trainers”

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About	Watch the Video	“Train the Trainer”
Reviews from Students	College Tour Schedule	Huge Attendance
Continuing Impact	Reserve a Date	Downloads

When you bring Mike Domitrz and the “Can I Kiss You?” program to your college or university, you get multiple presentations (time permitting).  Have Mike present a keynote speech or convocation for the entire campus AND have Mike conduct his customized “Train the Trainers” sessions and presentations for select audiences (Residence Life, Peer Educators, Athletes, Greek Life, Student Government, Staff & Administration, and others).

In Train the Trainers with Mike Domitrz, you will discover a refreshing and powerful format to teaching leaders how to facilitate thought-provoking conversations, programs, and presentations on peer education, healthy intimacy, and/or sexual assault. A welcoming and positive atmosphere is fostered where each trainee discovers how to take a simple approach to tough questions from college students.

Throughout this customized workshop, you will discover how to handle difficult situations with male and female students – including how to discuss “both sides” of students’ concerns. You will learn the secret to creating a balance of careful and effective use of humor verses hard-hitting questions. Attendees will be challenged as to “how far” you should go to intervene in the day-to-day situations that can occur.

Throughout the seminar, everyone is encouraged to ask questions and debate the concepts being discussed. At the end of this incredibly interactive 45 minute session, your leaders will leave excited and equipped with the tools to make a powerful impact on your campus and in your community.  Each person will be excited to speak out using their own new found approach to presenting difficult subject matter.

Which leaders on campus should you include for this special opportunity?  Everyone!  Staff, faculty, administrators, student leaders, peer educators, student government, Residence Life, and many more.  Remember you get up to 2 “Train the Trainer” sessions included.  Have one session for staff and faculty and then immediately follow with another session just for a specific group of student leaders.  You choose.

Plus, your campus can receive Mike Domitrz’s May I Kiss You? book for everyone at the session for the incredibly low price of only $7 per book (when 100 books or more are ordered). Students and leaders can utilize the over 20 interactive exercises found throughout this critically-acclaimed book. Mike Domitrz is the only expert who gives campuses such an amazing package of programs, expertise, and educational resources!!

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” Program to your community. Call now to receive a special 20 page informational magazine and to find the best remaining dates available. Toll Free 800-329-9390 or click here to email us.

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About	Watch the Video	“Train the Trainer”
Reviews from Students	College Tour Schedule	Huge Attendance
Continuing Impact	Reserve a Date	Downloads

High school students take action on intimacy & sexual assault!

Too often, the media and entertainment industry (TV news shows, gossip magazines, & online new sources) focuses so much attention on negative and/or dangerous choices male and female teenagers engage in – that they miss a lot of the positive choices high school students make concerning intimacy, dating, sexual activity, and supporting sexual assault survivors every day in our country.   We were honored to hear our “Can I Kiss You?” program inspired teenage students in Wisconsin at Lodi High School, Portage High School and Wisconsin Dells High School to continue the messages of “Asking First,” “Opening a Door,” and “Being a Friend” throughout their high school careers. They created an “AWARENESS DAY” at their schools and in their communities.  In addition, they are already working on creating ideas for next school year AND concepts to be practiced over this summer which encourage safer and healthier decisions for everyone.  They shared pictures with us of males and females taking active roles in making educational posters addressing consent, respect, boundaries, supporting sexual assault survivors ,and dealing with sexual intimacy in high schools. The posters were being put up around the schools AND in popular community places of business for students to see throughout the summer.  The teenagers told us the poster making was motivated by the “Do You Ask?” posters addressing consent at http://www.DoYouAsk.org

Regardless of where you are located geographically, send a note to their Principals and give them a big Kudos for being role models to others.  Here are the 3 e-mail addresses:

lovela@lodi.k12.wi.us
exok@portage.k12.wi.us
ckunau@sdwd.k12.wi.us

Share your thoughts and encourage more students to follow these ideas by leaving your comments in the “Leave a Reply” box below.

Signs of Dating Violence or Abuse in Teen Relationships and/or Dating

Over the past few  years, many of you do a really good job as educators and law enforcement identifying the signs of domestic abuse in children.  You know what to do when you suspect it is happening; who to call; and actions to take. When it comes to teens abusing teens, the knowledge just isn’t there for many educators and law enforcement.  The training has not been as readily available.

For some, it seems easier to come to the defense of a child when an adult is abusing them. You see the child as more of a victim, especially knowing the “power” component of children being taught to respect their elders, parents, relatives.  Many adults use that power to control children.

When it comes to teen violence, it’s trickier. The perpetrators are their peers.  People write off inappropriate comments by thinking, “That just part of being a teenager” or “Kids will be kids.”  Some adults are intimidated by their own ignorance. You may not know the current language teenagers are using and so you feel out of touch.  Instead of embarrassing yourself when intervening, you simply avoid the potential conflict.  You do nothing.

Plus, we think as teenagers, they would speak out if someone their own age was making them feel uncomfortable or was hurting them.  Reality is the direct opposite.  Approval and being “part of the crowd” puts extreme pressure on teenagers NOT to speak out, even when they know something is not right.  You don’t want to be the kid who ratted on someone.

What are the signs?  Here are some starting points for teenagers (and even pre-teens) to look out for:

1. Extreme jealousy
2. Controlling behavior
3. Quick involvement
4. Unpredictable mood swings
5. Alcohol and drug use
6. Explosive anger
7. Isolates you from friends and family
8. Uses force during an argument
9. Shows hypersensitivity
10. Believes in rigid sex roles
11. Blames others for his problems or feelings
12. Cruel to animals and children
13. Verbally abusive
14. Abused former partners
15. Threatens violence

The above 15 points are from Michelle Woods and her team at MayDay Inc.  Michelle also states that as an educator and law enforcement, you should be on the lookout for these signs:

1. Physical signs of injury
2. Truancy, dropping out of school
3. Failing grades
4. Indecision
5. Changes in mood or personality
6. Use of drugs or alcohol
7. Emotional outbursts
8. Isolation

Bottom line, we need to teach our teens to choose better relationships and partners. Re-enforce the qualities of a loving and fair partner. As educators, law enforcements and most of all parents, we are responsible for teaching teens the warning signs.

Here is a recent article where these tips were provided by Michelle Woods and MayDay Inc:
Baker City Herald – MayDay Helps Teens Avoid Violence

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