Teenagers | Teen, college, and military sexual assault, school healthy dating, intimacy, and bystander intervention resources brought to you by The Date Safe Project, Inc.

Bullying MUST be addressed

This past week, much of our country learned about the Tyler Clementi suicide case (after fellow students humiliated him by posting a video of him in a private situation). How are you bringing this conversation about bullying and humiliating others into your home, your community, among your friends, colleagues, and family?

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. What are you doing to help make a difference? Have you talked to your children about bullying (both the act of bullying AND being bullied)? What have you shared with them?

Have you asked them about what if feels like when you see another person in pain? Have they ever noticed a student who others (whether 1 person or a large group) made fun of? Did your son/daughter notice the pain the student’s face who was being humiliated? No one deserves that treatment.

What if your child is being bullied? Did you tell them, “If anyone ever messes with you, fight back” and just leave it at that? What if your son/daughter doesn’t physically fight back? What other options are you providing him/her? Are you reminding the preteens and teens in your life how much you love them and how they can ALWAYS come to you for support. Let them know how much they DESERVE to have someone to talk with. If they don’t feel comfortable coming to you, provide them additional options (counseling, resource lines, etc…).

Therapists and counselors are great options for many people. You go to a lawyer for legal advice. You go to a medical doctor for your body. Why wouldn’t we teach our children to go to a doctor for their mind? After all, the mind is a very complex organ! The more options you provide, the better.

Here is a powerful video from Ellen Degeneres. Ellen and many other celebrities are speaking out right now. Their videos are great opportunities to engage the young adults in your life through celebrities they know. After the video, SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!!

Written by Mike Domitrz on October 4, 2010

Smothering vs Connecting

As a parent of a teenager, do you ever feel like you are losing a bit of connection with your teenager? Feels like your son or daughter prefers time alone?

This process for your son or daughter is completely normal. Your teen is seeking out the independence sought in the pubescent years. If your like many parents, this change can be tough at times. You want to be “in their world” to be a positive guidance. Remember: you ARE in their world. You only need to work on fitting more into their schedule.

Instead of asking a million questions all the time, give them space. Join them at more casual times. Watch their favorite TV show with them. Play a video game with him/her. Have dinner around the kitchen table together and have a “Question of the Night.” As corny as this concept may sound, making it a tradition turns into a simple point of conversation you are guaranteed as a family every night. Even if someone already ate, you all sit together for those few minutes.

Are you worried you can’t find a medium your teen wants to share with you? Then ask. Ask your son or daughter, “What do you enjoy the 2 of us doing together? How do YOU enjoy us spending time together?” Listen closely. Don’t disagree. Don’t say why their answer doesn’t work for you. Listen and then find a solution which WILL WORK!

Being able to connect with your teen is essential to helping your teen make better life choices. As parents, we all get frustrated and sometimes disappointed with ourselves. As the famous 80′s song said, “RELAX.” The more stressed you are, the more your kids feel it and are even less likely to want to share with you. Smiling and having fun can go a long way in a home.

Share your thoughts below in our COMMENTS section. I look forward to personally responding!

Written by Mike Domitrz on August 24, 2010

Using Technology to Spread a Message

Yesterday, we talked about teaching verbal skills to a generation who loves technology as their means of communication. How do take the benefits of technology to reach those students? Here is a simple concept:

Take a quick picture relating to the lesson you want to teach. Send the picture as a Text Message to your teenagers with a quick note saying, “What do you think?” (yes you can shorten it to “What do u thnk“). They might be text back, “???” (meaning “About What?“) which is perfect because it opens the door for the conversation to begin. Get started with a text message and finish the conversation in-person when they got home. The key to this working is keeping the conversation an open discussion and not full of judgement. If someone thinks you are trying to “make a point,” he/she is not going to look forward to seeing you in-person.

Picture messaging is also a great way to share NEWS and updates with people who support your mission. Be careful. More than once I’ve made the mistake of being SO EXCITED about a new resource we have that I ended sounding like I was sending a sales pitch (big NO NO). If you’ve ever received such a communication from me, I apologize. Sometimes you get so much excitement that you can’t control it.

Here are 2 examples:

BAD EXAMPLE of words to include in a text with the pictures from below:
have you seen the new shirts? Get one for only $15 (including shipping)

GOOD EXAMPLE of words to include in a text with the pictures from below:
the new shirts are in. Woo Hoo!

As you can see, the Good Example shares your enthusiasm without pushing an agenda. Yes, we all make the mistake of pushing an agenda at times (passion does that). Do your best to share your enthusiasm without the PUSH!

Have fun taking pictures and igniting conversations with the students in your life! Now SHARE by Leaving a Comment on this post of how YOU are going to use texting to spread a message. If you already have accomplished this goal, share what you did and how it worked out. I will personally respond to each comment.

Written by Mike Domitrz on August 11, 2010

Boy Scouts Share Important Message

Are you ever asked, “How do you know you are making a difference? How do you know your audience (or students) actually remembers your message?” Speakers in the education world and teachers particularly get this question a lot because so many people wonder if teens retain the messages being shared with them. Yesterday, audience members surprised me.

For the past week, my son was in the Northern Woods camping with his Boy Scout Troop (6 hours from our home). When he arrived home with his Troop, he began sharing all his great stories from the week (catching a 25″ Northern and getting the “Lumberjack” Award). In mid-sentence, he suddenly said, “Dad, try to guess what happened?“

“What?” I asked.

Son: “I got some free food and extra stuff from the store for free because they knew you.“

Me: ”WHO knew me?“

Son: ”The boys working in the store.“

Me: ”Who were they?“

Son: ”I don’t know. They saw my name ‘Domitrz’ and asked if I was related to you. When I said, ‘Yes,’ they talked about your program and how awesome it was. Then they gave me some stuff and EXTRA FOOD!!“

Me: ”Were the boys from around here and working all the way up there for the summer?“

Son: “No, but they knew you.“

Me: ”How old were they?“

Son: ”High school age guys.“

While I’ve been blessed to hear stories of people seeing students wearing my “Can I Kiss You?” and “Want Some Action?” shirts in fun locations (Disney World, etc…), this quick conversation was soo much cooler. To know high school students in the middle of the Northern woods at a Boy Scout camp (6 hours away) KNEW MY NAME was the surprise. Had my son been wearing one of my shirts and these boys thought of the connection to me, I would have still have been pleasantly honored to know my audience had such a positive memory. To know they knew my LAST NAME was the shocker. They simply saw “Domitrz” and started talking to my son.

Neither I nor my son are the focus of this story. This small group of audience members get and deserve all the credit. Each of these young men made a CHOICE to open their minds and commit to change (not letting an important message be forgotten – even months after originally hear the concept). Regardless of what friends said, the entertainment world displayed before them, and their peers who tried to influence them otherwise, these students stuck to message they believed in! Kudos to each of them.

I only wish I had way to say, “Thanks” to each of them personally. Thanks for sharing with my son. Thanks for believing in a positive message.

Why do I share this quick story? With the amazing talent you possess, I know you have peers and/or audience members you never knew you impacted – those same individuals who are excited to tell others they heard you and want to spread the message. Here is to the blessings of being a speaker, educator, activist, and/or caring individual making an impact. Thank you for all you do to make this world a better place.

Written by Mike Domitrz on July 26, 2010

Parents Just Don’t Understand (especially parents of teens going to parties)

Remember the old Will Smith song, “Parents Just Don’t Understand“? Well I fell into that category last night (along with another Mom of a high school teenager hosting a party). One of my sons was going to a party at a house where we did not know the family. As we advise in our programs, we called ahead to talk with at least one of the parents – to find out their rules and policies for hosting a party. Do they allow alcohol and what are their expectations for the students?

The Mom who talked with me was GREAT! She said, “This is soo nice of you to call. We had a party several months ago and about 30 kids showed up. It amazed me how many parents of teenagers we did not know just dropped their teenagers off at our home.” We had a similar experience a little over a month ago. My son had some friends stay overnight. A couple of the friends were boys we had not met and they were dropped off without any questions. Neither myself or the Mom hosting last night’s party understand why parents wouldn’t call ahead or ask a few questions when they drop their teenager off at the party.

A few of you may be thinking, “Why would I call? I trust my son or daughter.” Is ‘TRUST” actually the concern? Would you allow your son (or daughter) to have anyone he wants to sleep in his room with him tonight (including a potential intimate partner or someone who is already an adult)? 98% of you say would say, “NO WAY. That is putting your child into a situation with too much temptation and/or risk before he is ready or mature enough to handle it.“ Exactly correct. Teaching lessons to our teenagers does not mean giving them full control to all situations. You take steps one at a time.

Before your teenager has learned to drive, you don’t throw him the keys and say, “Go learn and have fun figuring it out.“ Why? Because driving is too dangerous. The risks of inappropriate or unwanted sexual activity among teens at a high school party is equally dangerous (plus you can have valid fears of potential drug use, etc…). Start with baby steps by insuring you are sending your teen to an appropriate atmosphere.

For those of you wondering what to say when you call, here is the dialogue:

“Hi, Sue, this is Mike Domitrz. My son, Mark, is planning on coming to your daughter’s party tonight and so we wanted to call ahead since we haven’t met before. Do you have any rules for the teenagers at the party tonight our son should be aware of? Do you allow alcohol at your parties? We are not looking to report anyone – just want to know the expectations. For instance, are parents or mature adults in the vicinity of the teenagers throughout the night? If the teens are downstairs, does you or another mature adult go downstairs unannounced and check-in throughout the night?“

The thoughtful conversations which result by asking a few simple questions often can lead to a new friendship. You get to know some parents you didn’t know before – which is FANTASTIC for being able to have another sets of eyes and ears looking out for your child in future situations.

If you have had such a call with someone, share with us in the LEAVE A COMMENT section below. If you have never made this call, share WHY in the LEAVE A COMMENT section below. I will personally respond to each comment posted.

**UPDATE: A great question has been posted in the COMMENTS which has lead to an in-depth discussion on handling calls to parents of other teens.

Written by Mike Domitrz on June 11, 2010

This high school student Asks First & Supports Sexual Assault Survivors

This Senior student at Bitburg Air Force Base High School makes a strong statement about asking first and supporting sexual assault survivors. The last 2 weeks was filled with speaking to wonderful groups of high school students throughout Air Force Bases in Europe.

LEAVE A COMMENT to let him know what you think (he is excited to see your comments)!

Share your thoughts by LEAVING A COMMENT!

Written by Mike Domitrz on April 5, 2010

High School students & drunk “hook-up”s (sexual assault)

Within 5 minutes of the “Can I Kiss You?” presentation concluding at Alconbury Air Force Base High School in Alconbury, England, these 5 Seniors created the below role playing skit addressing alcohol and sexual assault. The students show you a creative way to address bystander intention (and did this all in 5 minutes).

Be sure to LEAVE A COMMENT about the work these students did on the video (they will be watching for your feedback)!!

Each day, we will publishing one new video from the speaking tour of high schools on Air Force Bases throughout Europe.

Written by Mike Domitrz on April 1, 2010

The General Assembly Parents LOVE to bring to their schools!

When it comes to middle schools and high schools teaching teenagers vital skills for decision-making regarding teen dating, intimacy, a comprehensive safety approach to sex and/or abstinence, MANY school systems do very little because they are afraid of how parents will react. Thus, students learn from each other and we all know teens teaching teens about sex is extremely dangerous.

In fact, today you are hearing more new stories from school systems and communities across the country involving teenage sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Plus, research is showing sexual activity is occurring at much younger ages.

As a parent, how can YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE? Work with your local school administrators to bring an interactive and educational program with long-lasting impact for your students. Bring in a program which does more than “Raise Awareness” – find a presentation which gives students precise skills they can immediately use in their lives. When leaders and educators see parents taking an active role in wanting a specific program for their students, many educators and administrators feel more comfortable moving forward and taking the needed action to bring the program to the school.

One of the most sought after experts in the country for providing these necessary skills to teenagers is Mike Domitrz, the Executive Director of The Date Safe Project Inc. and the author of HELP! My Teen Is Dating. His one-person show for students titled “Can I Kiss You?” is praised by parents, educators, administrators, and TEENAGERS! Unlike many experts who lecture students toward one specific agenda, Domitrz opens students’ minds to making better choices for themselves, their friends, and any potential future dating partners. Because of this unique approach, the “Can I Kiss You?” program is supported by parents on both sides of the heated debate between “Abstinence-Only Education” vs “Comprehensive Sex Ed” taking place in many communities.

Bring this one-of-a-kind General Assembly to your school, students, and community.
Click here for more information.

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on February 18, 2010

Most In-Depth and “How To” Curriculum Available

Receive the Instructor’s Guide and the 30 books for the classroom
when you bring the “Can I Kiss You?” presentation to your schools!

Imagine your students immediately implementing the lessons they discovered in your classroom into their own dating lives and for helping their friends in unhealthy relationships. You will be sharing a curriculum that inspires students to take the proper actions to best protect themselves and peers at parties and in relationships.

You and your students will enjoy the powerful exercises included in each chapter and find quizzes which reinforce the learning of material (verses simply checking on memorization). The curriculum often leads to students becoming more socially active in the community!

Powerful Curriculum & Instructor’s Guide

		Instructor’s Guide = $297 (Regular Price: $397) Get the Instructor’s Guide for utilizing with the students in your classrooms. Through interactive exercises and an easy-to-read book, everyone is challenged to improve their understanding of healthy relationships and sexual decision-making.

Include 30 Books for the Classroom at less than $7 per book.

		COMPLETE May I Kiss You? K12 Curriculum 30 “May I Kiss You?” Books + Instructor’s Guide = $497 ($747 Value) Get the Instructor’s Guide plus 30 copies of the “May I Kiss You?” Paperback Book for utilizing with the students in your classrooms. Now you’ll have EVERYTHING you need to put the curriculum into action!

The Ultimate Teacher’s Pack = Save Over $300

[Show as slideshow]

Click on image for larger version.

BUY for only $697 ($1,050 Value)

25 May I Kiss You? Paperback Books for classes.

1 Instructor’s Guide to May I Kiss You? Book.

Set of 17 “Do You Ask?” Posters. Post throughout school.

12 White “Can I Kiss You?” T-shirts to promote lessons through students.

200 “Can I Kiss You?” Tattoos to handout throughout the year.

1 Voices of Courage E-book for a fantastic resource for students who are survivors.

1 Voices of Courage Audio CD Set which is perfect for playing chapters to your classes.

1 Lessons from the Road Paperback Book to help further cultivate student leadership.

GET TODAY (click here)

BUY for only $697 ($1,050 Value)

Written by Mike Domitrz on January 13, 2010

Students & Their Teachers are CHEERING

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About Watch the Video “Train the Trainer”

Student Feedback Reserve a Date Downloads

Do you want a speaker, author, and expert who is going to have your students rolling in the aisles from laughter and then just minutes later have everyone completely mesmerized in silence as he shares the personal story of his sister’s rape?

As a leading authority on consent, healthy dating, and sexual assault awareness, Mike Domitrz understands that students want to be entertained and that schools want an expert who will make a positive and long lasting difference in the lives of their students. Everyone in a school assembly program wants a compelling and powerful presentation that each person can relate to in a meaningful manner. For this reason, Mike takes you and your students on a journey from hilarious laughter to hard-hitting questions. Then, he provides the answers every student will immediately want to use in his or her own life.

From 6th grade through Seniors in High School, males and females from all cultures, backgrounds, sexual orientations, and diverse populations appreciate Mike’s sincerity and honesty. While he presents one of the “cleanest” programs in schools today, he holds nothing back.

Through his role-playing with audience members and his portrayal of intriguing characters on stage, Mike turns what is often labeled as a “silent” issue into an engaging and thought-provoking event for you and your students. While most people simply “make their move” on a date, you’ll discover how and why “asking first” makes all the difference! Students are given the precise words and skills to insure both partner’s boundaries are respected at all times. Plus, you and your students discover how to appropriately intervene in potentially dangerous situations, including with their friends (alcohol, parties, etc…). In addition, everyone learns how to “Open the Door” to properly support all survivors of sexual assault. Through it all, each person gains a greater level of admiration and respect for survivors of sexual assault.

Throughout your event, Mike will reveal a new and fun approach towards respect that will change each student’s outlook on dating and intimacy. When your students leave the “Can I Kiss You?” program with Mike Domitrz, they will be telling their friends, “Wow! I never thought of that stuff before! I need to completely overhaul my approach to dating and respecting others.“

Call 800-329-9390 TODAY to get an available date!

Limited Dates are Available. With his sons in school, Mike limits his travel dates.

**To learn more about Mike Domitrz, click here or scroll over the Mike Domitrz section in the top bar of this website.

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” Program to your community. Call now to receive a special 20 page informational magazine and to find the best remaining dates available. Toll Free 800-329-9390 or click here to email us.

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About Watch the Video “Train the Trainer”

Student Feedback Reserve a Date Downloads