Tweens are dating while some parents and educators are often sleeping.
Many parents and educators make the mistake of thinking education on dating starts when a child turns 13 years of age. The reality is many males and females are engaging in sexual conversations and acts during their tween years (some even younger). What’s a tween? Typically people consider children 11 and 12 years old to be tweens. They are in middle school, but not teenagers yet.
The tweens say they are dating. When I am speaking in middle schools, students constantly share with me how they are dating and what "dating" means to them. What they call "dating" is what most parents refer to as "hooking up" — getting together to hang out and be intimate in some form (from kissing to more advanced sexual activity). Even going to the movies is frequently motivated by going "in the dark to make out." Students are not shy about discussing this viewpoint.
What is the problem? The tweens view dating as "hook-ups"; intimate moments; and/or sexual conquests. They consider sexual activity and dating to be the same thing. Some tweens believe oral sex and sexual intercourse are a must have for a relationship. Who can blame them? They have been exposed to such images over and over again through media, entertainment, and advertising.
Worst of all, many parents and educators do nothing to reverse that belief process. The good news is I know our readers do care. You are working hard to make a positive impact. Here my challenge for you this week:
Teach at least 3 tweens what dating really is. It’s not a license for sex. The definition of dating is:- an appointment to meet at a specified time; especially: a social engagement between two persons. The purpose of a date is to get to know someone better, what their interests are, and what you have in common. Ask tweens if they know what dating really means.
Be open minded and sincere in your question. If the tween sees you "trying to make point," they are likely to shut down or tell you what you want to hear. Instead, open the conversation with, "Can you help me out, please? It has been so long since I dated, what does that mean nowadays? What does it mean when your friends say they are dating or what does dating mean to you?" You may be surprised by the answer. If you are, make a "date" with your child, get to know them a little better and help them understand the purpose of a date.
Parents and Teens, Let’s Talk About Sex
What is the message parents are giving their children when it comes to sex education? For the most part, is seems to be nervousness. You can read examples in the following article:
Kids continually tell stories about how awkward their parents acted when giving them “the talk”. Is that the message parents should be sending; that sex and talking about sex is awkward and let’s get the conversation over with as soon as possible?
Parents need tools to help them talk. Here is a neat approach: Our bodies are the only thing we truly can call our own. As the owner, you decide how it’s treated, who touches it, what we feed it, and how we take care of it.
This is the message we should be sending our children when it comes to sex and teen violence. Discuss the emotions involved with sex. Talk about what love is; respect, open communication, consent, boundaries and what love isn’t; manipulation, intimidation, jealousy, control, violence.
Remember, your child is your biggest mirror. The attitudes and behavior regarding sex or any aspect of your life will mimic itself in your child. Check your attitudes and behaviors and readjust if necessary.
