University | Teen, college, and military sexual assault, school healthy dating, intimacy, and bystander intervention resources brought to you by The Date Safe Project, Inc.

Western Rocks Rez Rally!!

Each year, the University of Western Ontario throws one of the best opening day for students. From 9am til late night, the day is packed – full of learning AND fun. I am honored to be a part of this annual celebration/learning event called the REZ RALLY! Becca Carroll and her entire team do a FANTASTIC job running O Week and at being incredible hosts to guests on their campus such as myself.

Each college on campus at Western competes for spirit and cheering at every event. Thus creating an amazing energy everywhere you go…all while creating a bond and feeling of FAMILY. Below is a video FROM EACH PRESENTATION of the “Can I Kiss You?” Show from today. You will see 2 audiences of near 2000 STUDENTS each and then one audience of several hundred.

Thanks, Western, for another spectacular REZ RALLY!!!

2000 Students CREATE A CHEER FOR ASKING FIRST

HBK OPENS DOORS

CAN WESTERN KISS YOU? 2000 students ask

We just received the following pictures from Becca Carroll who does a fantastic job of putting REZ RALLY together and being a wonderful host:

Click on the pictures to see full view.

[Show as slideshow]

Written by Mike Domitrz on September 7, 2010

Southern Utah University ROCKED THE ARENA

Southern Utah University, its past 10 O’Clock now. You rocked the arena today. Sitting through 2 consecutive presentations in the middle of a warm afternoon is tough for anyone. You were a blast share with. I look forward to hearing what you’ve done SINCE our time together. Remember to share in our forums and you can LEAVE A COMMENT below. I will personally respond to each comment.

ENJOY YOUR VIDEO BELOW:

Remember to share your comments and thoughts below!

Written by Mike Domitrz on August 21, 2010

Go For It in College & In Life

Are you ever amazed how many people give college students advice like, “Don’t do anything stupid while you are in college!” Are you kidding me? What kind of life are you living if you never look stupid once in a while.

As my Godson goes off to college, I was thinking of what I learned along the journey. Here is a little of what I shared with him (of course the rest is confidential):

College is an awesome time, especially when you truly go after your dreams (and not make the mistake many students make of going after a steady job). In the movie “Up in the Air,” George Clooney’s character ask a guy, “How much did they pay you to give up on your dreams?” He was referring to the guy settling for a “Good Job” over doing what he loved. GREAT LINE!

In college and in life, use your education to put your passion into action! You will have newfound independence. You will make some mistakes – that never stops happening in life and so learn from them and then move on. Live with your eyes forward so you can see where you are going (looking backyards sends you backwards). Be sure to find a way to have a laugh each day. :-)

Oh yea. When AMAZING opportunities present themselves to you, seize them. Study abroad. Get involved. Make a POSITIVE impact. There is an old cliche: As long as its legal, ethical, moral, and won’t hurt anyone (including yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or your health), go for it!!

What would YOU add?

Written by Mike Domitrz on August 20, 2010

Working with Students – Are They Difficult?

Have Students changed since we grew up and are they more difficult to to work with now?

Recently, I was interviewed by a newspaper reporter from the Waco Tribune to talk about working with students in schools. Are teenagers more difficult today than 20 years ago? Are they less respectful of authority? … and many similar questions. My answer to each question was “NO!”

Don’t get me wrong. Students of today are different. They do not and will not accept “because I said so.” Students want you to explain “why” and they are right in making that request of educators, activists, politicians, parents, and others. If you want people to make the tough and correct choice when faced with difficult decisions, you must give them the proper foundation of decision-making. Each teenager must understand, at their deepest core, why doing the “right thing” is so vitally important to being a good person. When you understand the “why” of your decisions, going against peer pressure is much easier.

In addition to knowing the “why,” you must teach the TRUTH and be willing to hear the TRUTH yourself! Be open and honest with students. If you go to give a presentation on sexual assault, be prepared for all attitudes and answers that may come your way. Open yourself up to all challenges with a friendly face. If you become defensive towards a student’s comments during your program, you will turn many of the students “off” and thus, diminish your entire reason for speaking — to open their minds to a better approach and understanding. No matter how offensive the student’s comment may be, you must remain calm and address the negative comments with a positive approach. Time and time again, students tell us that our program is so successful because of the manner is which we relate to the students. The students love that we are willing to hear “their side of the story.”

For example, many people teach students that “No Always Means No.” However, in each crowd of 30 students, you will have AT LEAST one female who will believe that you are wrong in telling students that “No Always Means No.” In this one female’s mind, she will be thinking “that is not true. I have said ‘no’ as part of a game I play with the guys I’m with.” How do you address this issue? If you simply say “NO always means NO”, you are going to lose credibility after you leave the room. Why? At least one female student (if not more) will talk about how they personally break that rule which makes you wrong because you said, “Always.” Once a student can prove you wrong, the other student’s will believe their peer and not you. After you lose your credibility, all the lessons you were teaching will be lost by the majority of the students.

Then how do you address to students the issue that “No Always means No?” Change the wording in your presentation to “Always respect the word ‘No’ as meaning ‘No!’ Then, you are showing the utmost respect for your partner.” By changing this wording, no one individual student’s argument can prove you wrong because you didn’t say what they were thinking (which you can’t absolutely know). Instead of trying to prove what they were thinking, you showed all the students the “right way” to respect another person.

With any decisions you make on your approach with students, you must explain your approach in a way that you feel comfortable and believe in If I gave you my speech, it wouldn’t work for you. Why? I fully understand my approach and believe in it 100%. My personal passion is the catalyst to my presentations. Your passion will be unique to you. If you try to copy another person’s program, students will know. Teenagers have a gift of being able to detect a “fake” and can tell when you are NOT passionate about what you are saying.

When a student does make a rude or insensitive comment, is it easy to remain objective and calm? No, but you are the professional and your goal should be to make a difference. Therefore, you must learn how to use this skill of “not attacking.” If you have spoke to students in the past and never heard arguments against your point of view, you are probably not provoking the students enough to hear what they are really thinking. Provoking must be done in a fashion that makes the students comfortable with you. You CANNOT lecture teenagers and make them feel comfortable. They hate lectures. Talk WITH them and listen to them. Then teach each of them what is the “right thing to do.”

Students of today are an awesome group of individuals who love to be challenged. Challenge them and open doors of change that they never expected to experience. By doing so, you will make an amazing difference!

- written by Mike Domitrz, Executive Director of The Date Safe Project and Producer of HELP! My Teen Is Dating. Realistic Solutions to Tough Conversations. Each year, Mike speaks around the world in over 80 educational and military installations sharing the important messages of respect, consent, bystander intervention and supporting survivors.
To obtain permission to reprint any or all portions of this article, E-mail Mike here

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on February 4, 2010

Sexual assault, alcohol & supporting survivors @ Wake Forest

WOW! Wake Forest University knows how to promote an educational event addressing sexual assault, intimacy, dating, and alcohol. Better yet, they know how to get RESULTS! Last night, over 1100 students (over 25% of their student body) attended the “Can I Kiss You?” program in Wait Chapel. The team on campus who was responsible for bringing me to speak was a DYNAMITE combination of talent, expertise, and passion. They worked diligently with several organizations and groups (Athletics, Greek Life, and the Student Center — all which showed up in big numbers).

As you scroll down through this blog posting, you will see video footage from the event. Join the Wake Forest students in making a commitment by signing the “Pledge for Action” here.

Did you attend the program at Wake Forest University?
If so, share your thoughts and feedback! Let us HEAR your voice by using our Audio Testimonial Program (click here). Another option is to share in our online forums.

Remember to INVITE all your family and friends to watch you in the below video!!

Written by Mike Domitrz on January 27, 2010

College Students RAVE about “Can I Kiss You?” Show

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About Watch the Video “Train the Trainer”

Reviews from Students

College Tour Schedule

Huge Attendance

Continuing Impact Reserve a Date Downloads

“All I can say is WOW!! I attended one of his sessions for the Peer-Ed people and his “Can I Kiss You?” program too and both were amazing. I truly enjoyed everything…and everything he had to say was so true. Guys and Girls all have a lot to learn about communication, and this is a great way to get people started talking. Along with this, I thought his approach to talking about sexual assault was very enlightening, and I have pledged to support survivors. The whole program really makes you think, about everything you’ve done or haven’t done in a relationship. So I just want to say THANK YOU MIKE! For sharing your time with us, sharing your message, and hopefully opening the eyes of those around you.”
– Mary, a student from Hastings College

“I tried asking and it was amazingly easier to do. I would definitely ask again because it was like a load was lifted off my shoulders — the guessing game of ‘Do you really like me?’ was gone. I was asked the day after the presentation at my school. I actually told him I’d have to think about it, and the next day I said yes. I’ve been dating him for over a month now, and I’m amazed that he asks before everything. And I can’t be more appreciative.”
– Nicole, a student from Christopher Newport University

“I attended your seminar at Iowa State University in April. At the time, I was only in town for orientation, and the catchy title of your seminar got my attention. I went with my best friend who had been a victim of sexual assault, and afterward I was finally able to respond to her better, and she was able to express herself more clearly and realize it wasn’t her fault. The incident had happened over a year ago and now the healing can finally begin. Thank you for your passion and dedication – I know we weren’t the only ones who were affected.”
– Stephanie, a student from Iowa State University

“I know you won’t remember me. But I will never forget your words and your compassion!!”
– A student from a campus in NY

“I have used the ‘asking first‘ approach with my boyfriend and he has used it with me. It has really helped us to have great communication with each other, and we have a very healthy and happy relationship. Asking helps to make the relationship more open and comfortable. If you ask first or are asked there is a lot more trust in the relationship and the trust is maintained far more easily. I want to thank you so much. Your program has helped me to move forward past some issues I have had with men and relationships. I am now in a very happy relationship with my boyfriend who also attended your program. On our second date he used the ‘asking first” approach. It really does work, and it is so wonderful for our relationship. Again I want to thank you so much for your program ‘Can I Kiss You?‘.”
– A student from the University of Dayton in OH

“There was a guy on campus to ask me out and it was just after your talk so the words were fresh in my head (the poster hangs on my dorm door) so at the end of the date I asked him if I could kiss him. He seemed surprised that I would ask, but because of that we’ve become closer. We respect each other and that has become the bases for our relationship, not physical pleasure. My mum was a victim of rape and has been very worried about the same thing happening to me. I never really got it until after I heard your talk. It really made me realize things that we take for granted. I hadn’t wanted to go when I heard the title of your talk, but I will never regret going to hear you speak. Your words changed my life and how I view myself and my mum. Thank you.”
– A student from Barton College in NC

“I have always been that girl who had a boyfriend, but I am currently in one of the most successful relationships I’ve ever had. We’ve been dating for a really long time and haven’t lost that spark—and we’re doing the long distance thing. One thing that my boyfriend does that no one else has done is ask to do things when we’re being intimate. Even after dating for several months (approaching a year) he still asks if, and how, he can please me. He *always* asks, adding that he wants to do exactly what I want. It makes it my choice. It’s so attractive and sexy that it’s impossible to say no, but I know that if I didn’t want to do something, I could tell him. Knowing that makes our relationship so much stronger. I just wanted to reiterate your point–asking can be really sexy, and doesn’t have to ruin the moment at all. In fact, it can make the moment more amazing than it already was! Thanks for coming to our school and letting everyone know how good asking can be! (and feel free to share this story with other people!)”
– Leslie, a student from Bucknell in Pennsylvania

“In the fall of 2003, you visited Luther College to give your presentation, which as a first year student I was strongly urged to attend. At the time, I thought the ‘Can I kiss you?’ idea made sense, but that it wasn’t necessarily practical. Either way, I wasn’t in a situation where a romantic relationship was a possibility, so I put it to the back of my mind and didn’t really think about it.

This summer, I met a guy who was interested in me. We decided to get together, and one night we were cuddling on a bench. I could tell that he wanted to kiss me, and I realized that I wasn’t ready for it, but I didn’t have the courage to flat-out refuse him. He wasn’t picking up on my nonverbal signals, and I was starting to get really uncomfortable. Finally, unable to think of anything else to do, I started telling him about your program. About how you’d shown us how nonverbal signals rarely work, and the importance of asking first. Wonder of wonders, he got it! He asked if he could kiss me, and I was able to tell him no (I was still nervous/embarrassed by it, but it was manageable).

That by itself is perhaps a small thing, but I think that it shaped the way the physical parts of our relationship went from that point on. He always asked before we did anything that might make me uncomfortable, and I was always comfortable with telling him to stop if I needed to. I really think that having seen your program and sharing that with him helped to make ours into a healthier relationship. So thank you, Mike, for everything you do. It really does make a difference!”
– Gretchen, a student from Luther College in Iowa

“I know several rape or sexual assault survivors. I don’t know why I know so many but knowing them makes my life a better life. I would never go back and say I wish I hadn’t met any of them. To support them when they are nervous or just need a reassurance is magical. It’s hard to get used to the fact that someone you truly love has been raped, you are angry and frustrated. However, being calm and just a listener is all a survivor needs most of the time, and the bond that has grown between some of my friends and I will never be broken. The things Mike said were useful to anyone. It’s true that all you have to say is “Thank you for telling me, That means a lot. I want you to know that if you need me for anything, I will always support you.” That may very well be one of the most influential statements that can be made. Thanks again, Mike!”
– Gary, a student from Bucknell in Pennsylvania

“My sister and I were both raped in the past year. She was assaulted on a Friday and by Monday, I had heard things about it around our high school. I also knew because I had acted the same way after being assaulted. I opened the door and told her that if something happened, she could tell me and I would listen. She told us what happened that night. At the police station they asked her if she said no. I agree that they should ask if he asked. It was great that Mike brought light to that situation (in the “Can I Kiss You?” program). Society does seem to focus on what the survivor does and as a survivor, I know the difference. Thank you again!!! IT (the ‘Can I Kiss You?’ program) WAS AMAZING!!”
– A student at St. Cloud State University in MN

“A couple weeks ago, you spoke here at Gettysburg College. Just 2 days later, I accompanied a female friend of mine to her former boyfriend’s (who had raped her) house where she confronted and said goodbye to him. She had been afraid to do so for 7 months, and she said that it was my simple supportive accompaniment that enabled her to at long last do it. So your presentation was absolutely correct, in that the thing a survivor of sexual assault needs most is just to know that people support her (or so it seems from my experience). Thus I desired to thank you for your presentation here, and I hope that other people can benefit also from it–whether they are the survivor, or the supportive friend as I was.”
– Joe, a student from Gettysburg College in PA

“Hi Mike, I am an athlete on our campus who attended your seminar on Wednesday. I just wanted to let you know how much you put things into perspective. It had never really occurred to me that the simple action of asking for permission could really be that powerful. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half, and we always used to joke about how me met and how the first time we ever kissed he asked me if he could. I would always laugh and say how cute it was, and of course all of his buddies would make fun of him and call him feminine names. But after listening to what you had to say, I realized that my boyfriend never really stopped asking me for my permission, even after being with me for so long. He truly respects me and my body, and for the first time, I am recognizing it. Nothing ever flagged my brain when he would say something that asked for my consent, so I never really noticed the fact that he wasn’t just doing things because HE felt like it. He wanted to make sure it was something both of us wanted. So basically, I just wanted to thank you for opening my eyes to what I have been oblivious to! I really hope your message touches everyone who hears you because I know there are good people out there who can make a difference. Thank you so much for your stories! You truly have a good heart!”
– Student at CSU at Sacramento

“The day after seeing this program, I ran into a friend of mine who had also been at the presentation as well. Jokingly, I said to him, “Can I kiss you?” At this point, I should mention that Fred is INCREDIBLY gay, and that I am a female. And he said, “Okay!” So, completely randomly, Fred and I shared a kiss, right there, in the middle of the English department building. It was completely unexpected and beautiful and it’ll probably never happen again. . . it absolutely made my day.“
– Mariah, a student at Skidmore College

“My boyfriend asked me if he could kiss me on our first date, and I thought it was sweet, mature and above all, respectful. We’ve been together for 6 months, and I think there is a definite possibility that he is the man i might marry. And I will always remember our first kiss being perfect. I think asking is a great way to begin an open and honest relationship.”
– Jess, a student at University of Delaware

“My boyfriend and I are both Greeks on our campus. The first time he went to kiss me, he pulled back. I was a little disappointed because I really wanted to kiss him too, but then he looked me straight in the eyes, and asked if he could kiss me. It melted my heart. When it’s truly sincere, that first kiss means so much more. So I just wanted to let all those disbelievers out there know, that it really does work. If a guy were to ask me to kiss him, it would mean so much more and I would have so much more respect for that person, especially now that I’ve attended your seminar. I’ve never tried the asking first, because I was one of those girls who used to believe that ‘it’s the man’s job,’ but now I’ve realized that it’s my body.“
– Meredith at Eastern Washington University

SHARE YOUR COMMENTS by going to the top of this page and clicking on “Leave a Comment”

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” Program to your community. Call now to receive a special 20 page informational magazine and to find the best remaining dates available. Toll Free 800-329-9390 or click here to email us.

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About Watch the Video “Train the Trainer”

Reviews from Students

College Tour Schedule

Huge Attendance

Continuing Impact Reserve a Date Downloads

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on August 24, 2009

More with “Train the Trainers”

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About Watch the Video “Train the Trainer”

Reviews from Students

College Tour Schedule

Huge Attendance

Continuing Impact Reserve a Date Downloads

When you bring Mike Domitrz and the “Can I Kiss You?” program to your college or university, you get multiple presentations (time permitting). Have Mike present a keynote speech or convocation for the entire campus AND have Mike conduct his customized “Train the Trainers” sessions and presentations for select audiences (Residence Life, Peer Educators, Athletes, Greek Life, Student Government, Staff & Administration, and others).

In Train the Trainers with Mike Domitrz, you will discover a refreshing and powerful format to teaching leaders how to facilitate thought-provoking conversations, programs, and presentations on peer education, healthy intimacy, and/or sexual assault. A welcoming and positive atmosphere is fostered where each trainee discovers how to take a simple approach to tough questions from college students.

Throughout this customized workshop, you will discover how to handle difficult situations with male and female students – including how to discuss “both sides” of students’ concerns. You will learn the secret to creating a balance of careful and effective use of humor verses hard-hitting questions. Attendees will be challenged as to “how far” you should go to intervene in the day-to-day situations that can occur.

Throughout the seminar, everyone is encouraged to ask questions and debate the concepts being discussed. At the end of this incredibly interactive 45 minute session, your leaders will leave excited and equipped with the tools to make a powerful impact on your campus and in your community. Each person will be excited to speak out using their own new found approach to presenting difficult subject matter.

Which leaders on campus should you include for this special opportunity? Everyone! Staff, faculty, administrators, student leaders, peer educators, student government, Residence Life, and many more. Remember you get up to 2 “Train the Trainer” sessions included. Have one session for staff and faculty and then immediately follow with another session just for a specific group of student leaders. You choose.

Plus, your campus can receive Mike Domitrz’s May I Kiss You? book for everyone at the session for the incredibly low price of only $8 per book (when 100 books or more are ordered). Students and leaders can utilize the over 20 interactive exercises found throughout this critically-acclaimed book. Mike Domitrz is the only expert who gives campuses such an amazing package of programs, expertise, and educational resources!!

Bring the “Can I Kiss You?” Program to your community. Call now to receive a special 20 page informational magazine and to find the best remaining dates available. Toll Free 800-329-9390 or click here to email us.

More for You. Please click on the following links for more info on the “Can I Kiss You?:”

About Watch the Video “Train the Trainer”

Reviews from Students

College Tour Schedule

Huge Attendance

Continuing Impact Reserve a Date Downloads

Written by The Date Safe Project Inc on August 22, 2009

University of Dayton Shows Up Big

Yesterday afternoon, I spoke at the University of Dayton. Each year, they bring me to speak to their incoming students. This year was special because it was my 4th year in a row on their campus. The 4 consecutive years is cool because you know that almost every student on that campus has had the chance to hear the message we believe so strongly in (from the students who are just coming to school all the way through to the seniors).

For the seniors who came up to me today and told me how much they remembered my speech from their Freshman Orientation, "Thank You! You made my day." Our focus is to leave an impact that lasts over time. I only make one request of you. Continue to pass it on to others in your life.

The people at the University of Dayton who have a history of making sure all my visits to the University of Dayton become special are Jolly Jansen and Andy Fulton. The two of them do a great job of running all the days events for the new students and their parents at the University of Dayton. Plus, they have put together an excellent group of student leaders to guide the way. Throughout the day today, their student leaders took pictures of the multiple "Can I Kiss You?" programs given. The students came out in great numbers and showed terrific support for this message.

Written by Mike Domitrz on August 20, 2007

Do you really want my opinion? Do you take it in or simply let it be said?

When someone provides you feedback, how do you absorb their words? Do you open your mind with a positive energy of "How can I make that work?" or do you respond with "I like your ideas, BUT . . ." and immediately share why you cannot or will not utilize their idea(s)?

Recently, I was sharing on a college e-mail listserve how schools can utilize our "Pledge for Action" during Sexual Assault Awareness Month in April. At the time, the pledge was called the "Pledge to Protect." We have been utilizing this pledge for over a 1.5 years. Through this e-mail exchange on the listserve, one of the members shared how she did not like the word "Protect" in the pledge’s title because of the Patriarchal meanings and connotations of that specific word. No one was questioning the content of the pledge — just the name.

We had a choice. We could say to ourselves, "It is one person and this pledge has been extremely effective. If we make this change, we would have to get new websites, change all the current information we send out, and make lots of other updates." The other option we had was to ask the entire listserve, "What if we change the name to ‘Pledge for Action’ which requires signers to commit to taking real action? What do you all think of this idea?"

We chose to open this question to the entire listserve and the feedback was OVERWHELMING — we kept hearing "WE LOVE THE CHANGE to Pledge for Action!!" (www.pledge4action.org).

From that change, another colleague of mine suggested, "Mike, with this new name, I can envision a pin people can wear year-round that says, ‘Pledge for Action’ and it would be a die-cast pin (like a National Honor Society pin in high school) so it would be sharp looking." The "Pledge for Action" pins have now been ordered. We have a pin designed in the shape of the logo used on the pledge with the wording "Pledge for Action" across the front. Plus, we have a new t-shirt coming out which is designed specifically for the pledge!

All of this change happened because one person shared their opinion with us. If we had discarded their e-mail, we would have lost out on improving an already successful educational campaign. The new changes are going to help us get this campaign out to many more populations, especially with schools, communities, and organizations being able to use the pins and the shirts in conjunction with the signing of the pledge.

The surprising part of this experience were the amount of e-mails saying, "Thanks, Mike, for being willing to listen to change. Most people would not have opened up this conversation about their own work." To me, it seems like the only choice. How can you ask students and communities to open their minds — while you keep yours closed to helpful feedback?

Who will you ask for their ideas today? What positive changes will you make? Join us in our newest change and sign the pledge at www.pledge4action.org.

Written by Mike Domitrz on February 22, 2007

Update on John Petroski, writer of “Rape Only Hurts If You Fight It”

After communicating with John Petroski via e-mail over the past few days, I wish I could tell you the following happened:

1) He replied gracefully to each e-mail sent to him from the readers of this blog, especially to the survivors of sexual assault who opened up to him.

2) He e-mailed to tell us that he finished reading Voices of Courage: Inspiration from Survivors of Sexual Assault and then shared the insight he gained from the book. **To help raise his awareness, we sent him the e-book during the first evening of e-mail communications with him.

Unfortunately, neither of those results occurred. In fact, John Petroski did not respond to any of the e-mails forwarded to him by readers of this blog. When we e-mailed him to see if he was going to respond, he told us he didn’t know what to say. We recommended he thank each person for their words. Instead, he simply hasn’t replied — until this morning. This morning, we received the following e-mail exchange from John Petroski

First e-mail from John Petroski (he is referring to an e-mail forwarded to him from a reader of this blog):

"You know what? There is absolutely nothing nice I can say about people who honestly feel my article ‘glorif[ied] rape.’ So I won’t. CNN already pretty much laid it out for me, anyway."

Mike Domitrz’s response:
John:

Then I will share your response on the blog. Since you have not responded to any of the e-mails yet, I will also stop forwarding these e-mails to you.

John Petroski’s next e-mail response:
Please keep forwarding them. I made a promise to read them all and I will. I don’t believe I promised to reply to every last one, however.

But you know, while I am sorry about hurting people, I can’t be sorry about people not getting that I wasn’t serious, because I made the article so over the top ridiculous that everyone should be able to tell that I don’t seriously condone rape, and if they can’t tell that, that’s not my fault.

I’m willing to be hear and listen to people who realize I was not seriously condoning rape and who are still hurt regardless.

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable here.

Thanks,

John Petroski

Mike Domitrz’s next response:
John:

On my blog, I will let your e-mails speak for themselves. I will not summarize to take the risk of misquoting you. I will share your exact words.

I do think you are being unreasonable. If soooo many people read YOUR words and did not realize you were not being serious, than YOUR WORDS were poorly written by you. Accountability means you look in the mirror and see the results of your choices (both the intended results and the unintended results). You seem to be saying, "I can’t control how people react to my words." Yes, you can have great impact on your words. How? By the words you choose. If you did an article sharing the prevalence of sexual assault on college campuses, the reaction would have been completely different. You chose to write the piece you did — KNOWING it would cause controversy. You have said that your article proved the point you were TRYING to make.

If you are sorry for the hurt you caused, why are you "unable" to say something "nice" to the PEOPLE you hurt? Yes, some of their e-mails may sound harsh to you. They are hurt, John. Your words stirred that emotion and pain. Your words.

John Petroski’s next response:
This whole experience has taught me many important lessons about people, and they don’t all reflect poorly on me.

End of e-mails.

If you would like to forward an e-mail to John Petroski, you can still do so by e-mailing us at The Date Safe Project at info@thedatesafeproject.org. We encourage you to post your comments here on the blog. Why? The words you share on this blog will not be wasted. In fact, your words shared here may inspire more people to help create change in their communities. The readers of this blog have shown a history of caring and possessing great passion for helping others.

Many people have asked me, "What suggestions are people sharing with him? How much emotion are people sharing with him?" Without their permission, we will not post any of the e-mails of our readers. The e-mails have included both reasonable and helpful suggestions for John Petroski to increase his understanding of sexual assault. In addition, e-mails have shared hard-hitting emotions felt by the reader.

The educational process and creating positive change is always an ongoing effort. Please take this opportunity to post any comments or suggestions you have for actions that can be taken for the future (such as the comments posted on this blog in Juliette Grimmett’s "Comment" which suggested to have campus newspaper staffs receive training on sexual violence, stalking, and relationship violence). What else can each of us do in our communities?

Written by Mike Domitrz on February 16, 2007