Yes, I deserve a choice in sexual activity.

At the end of speaking to several hundred high school students yesterday, a student stood up and said, “I now know I have a CHOICE. I have the CHOICE to say, ‘Yes’ or ‘No.’” What a powerful moment for everyone in the room.

The word consent was being understood by some teenagers yesterday for the first time in their life. All genders overwhelmingly agreed that the more consent is properly taught, the more likely they are to abstain because they will recognize they are typically not ready. AND if they are not the legal age of consent, they learned important reasons for waiting.

sexual assault, consent, asking first, students, rape

No one, whether a teen or an adult, EVER owes a partner sexual activity of any kind. Engaging in sexual activity is not a “role you serve” when in a relationship. Intimacy should be wanted willingly by all partners and without any influence (emotional pressure, alcohol/drugs, etc…).

What are you doing to help the people in your life know they have a choice? Do YOU realize you have a choice? If you have sons or daughters, what choices do they feel they should always have in a relationship?

Have you ever sat down with your partner and asked, “What choices do you wish you had in our relationship that you feel are currently missing?

When you ask this question, remember you ASKED and so it is your responsibility to listen and hear the person’s response with respect. Treating someone with respect does not mean agreeing with or accepting their comment to be true for you. Respect can mean being caring and thoughtful in your response.

In the COMMENTS section below, share the greatest discoveries you’ve had in your life about having “choices.” I will personally respond to each and every comment!

  • http://www.e-dispute-resolution.com Ildiko

    I can look back on my life and see several times when I felt I didn't have a choice, but later I realized I did. But my unresolved issues clouded my thinking at the time. The last big one was dating my soon-to-be-ex-husband, who pushed really fast to have sex and get married. I went along with it, for a variety of the wrong reasons. It only took days after we got married that he turned emotionally abusive. I figured we can work through the issues, so I was being patient with him, trying to respond to his manipulations in a mature way. Then one night he raped me. I asked him to leave my house the next day. I still thought this was something we can work through, until he started saying that it was all my fault. I filed for divorce and looked up his criminal record (which I should have done when we started dating). I wish I was a regular visitor to your website before I got to know him! It would have saved me lots of heartache and trouble. Thank you for what you do! Even though your main audience is teenagers and their parents, I have lots to learn from you myself.

    • http://www.DateSafeProject.org Mike Domitrz

      Thank you for sharing your strength!

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